bumblebees in the fall - thelizbian - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1: want me

Chapter Text

and it's so typical of me to get so easily obsessed

but in my head we're in my bedroom and you're getting undressed

“Oh my God,” Marlene comments suddenly, raising a hand to her mouth in shock.

“Hmm?” Sirius replies noncommittally from the other side of the couch, tapping her feet gently with his own.

“I–James, you remember Dorcas?” she asks in hurried words.

“Meadowes?” To her enthusiastic nod he continues, “Crush girl, right? From soccer?”

Another giddy nod. Marlene can barely contain her emotions.

“Explain?” Sirius prompts.

“Okay,” she sits up, straightening her back. “So. Little me, right? I think I was 12, maybe 13 years old. I was like, decent at soccer, so I went about half an hour away to play at a good club.”

Marlene can barely breathe as she waves goodbye to her dad, clutching the straps of her backpack as she bravely enters the lion’s den: a circle of ten teenage girls.

“Hey,” she says quietly, setting down her backpack and taking her shoes out, going through the steps slowly so as not to be left sitting there awkwardly when she’s finished.

“Hi!” one of the girls replies enthusiastically. “I’m Emma, you must be new, yeah?”

Marlene nods her head. “Marlene.”

“Cool!” the girl–Emma smiles. “Well, we’re just getting ready, but I think we’re going to stretch soon, so you can meet everyone then!”

Marlene graces her with a small smile, and Emma goes back to talking with her friends. The knot of anxiety in her stomach tightens.

“Anyway. Enter Dorcas Meadowes. She was the best player I had ever fucking seen. Like seriously, amazing.” Marlene talks quickly, gesturing excitedly as she speaks.

“Get with a passing partner!” Emma instructs, smiling too brightly. “And remember, don’t leave anyone out. If you’ve been here before, partner with someone new!”

She turns to the girl she’s been talking with for fifteen minutes now, giggling and smiling as they lazily pass the ball. Hypocrite.

“Wanna pass?” The girl standing in front of her has an interesting voice–one Marlene could listen to for hours. She has deep brown skin, only a few shades lighter than her hair, which is pulled into a neat ponytail on top of her head. Marlene immediately wants to be friends with her.

“And she was nice to me too, even though she was pretty quiet and sort of intimidating, and she was really closer with other people on the team.” She can feel the corners of her mouth tilting upwards as she remembers.

“Nice feet, Kin,” Dorcas calls as Marlene cuts around a defender, passing the ball to Rory, who sits just outside the box, hand in the air.

As soon as the ball leaves her feet, she allows herself to feel that jump of pride at the compliment. The one that seems to be unique to Dorcas.

She tries to go up to Dorcas at halftime, wanting to say something–anything really, but chickens out at the last minute.

Later, she watches from the bench as the taller girl takes a perfect free kick, scoring an upper ninety goal as if it’s nothing.

She’s sort of amazing.

Marlene doesn’t know how to feel.

“ I only played with her for a year because she’s technically a year younger, and she moved up to the academy team, but anyways. She was like my first real crush, even if I didn’t realize it at the time, so I’ve kind of always liked her, at least a little bit. Oh–let me show you a picture.”

Marlene turns her phone back on, tapping Dorcas’s username at the bottom of the post that her screen still rests on, another hint of glee jumping through her body at the image. She scrolls down slightly, then chooses a picture where the girl stands with her body turned away from the camera, face tilted to give the viewer a smirk that seems to simply light Marlene’s body on fire.

She turns the phone towards Sirius, who leans in with a squint, then a nod of approval. “Okay, yeah, she’s cute.”

“Lemme see,” James is sitting on the floor, and he leans his head back against the couch to get an angle. Marlene acquiesces.

“Yeah, yep, so what about her?” he asks, urging Marlene onwards.

“Oh! Yes, right. She’s coming here. To Hogwarts. She–I guess she signed a verbal agreement or whatever, but she’s going to play on the soccer team here. Holy shit, this is, like, surreal.”

Her brain is moving too fast for her to articulate her feelings, adrenaline shooting through every muscle, until she sets her phone down and clenches her fists, letting the tension leave through her palms.

“Ooh, so are you going to comment on her post or something?” Sirius asks teasingly.

“Oh, fuck no. No way am I being that forward.”

“That’s not forward, Marls,” James sighs. “That’s just nice.”

“I’m not doing it, though. Okay?” She feels the sting of anxiety running through her at even the thought.

“Okay, okay,” he lifts his hands in a gesture of surrender. “We’re going to go to some of their games next year though, right?”

“Yeah. Yes. Definitely.”

“Oh shit, our soccer team was ranked fifth in the country last year,” Sirius sounds impressed. “She must be really good.”

“She is. Dude, it’s so hot, like I can’t even explain.”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me,” James snorts, “you know me. Athletic girls, nerdy guys, everything in between.” He kisses his fingers, raising them in a dramatic chef’s kiss.

“Oh my God, this is wild,” Marlene continues, barely able to contain herself. “You know, I never thought I’d see her again, and I was fine with it, I guess, because she’s not even gay or anything, but I just–I don’t know. This feels like–like a chance I guess, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do know. That’s really good, babe,” Sirius smiles at her affectionately, a single drop of sadness in his eyes.

“So, what about that girl you were talking to at the Halloween thing last week?” James teases, poking her in the arm. “Or, I guess, maybe talking isn’t the right word, huh?”

“What about her?” Marlene shrugs, averting her eyes playfully.

“You absolute slut,” he replies, his face deadpan, but his eyes sparkling, giving away his lightheartedness.

“You’re one to talk,” Sirius snorts, leading to a loud gasp of offense from James, who immediately starts pummeling the other boy with a pillow.

Marlene leans away with a shriek, before grabbing her own weapon (one of James’s many Squishmallows), and coming valiantly to Sirius’s defense.

They end up–as they so often do–piled on the couch in a tangle of limbs, Marlene’s and Sirius’s arms stretched around James, squishing him in a pile of love. Marlene’s free hand grabs the remote to James’s TV, clicking it on to play a show they’ve seen a thousand times before.

James turns his head into her shoulder as the upbeat theme plays softly in the background. “‘M proud of you, Leeny,” he mumbles, his words muffled in the fabric of her sweatshirt.

“You–what?” Sometimes James just says things–nice things–almost without thinking, as if these incredibly kind, thoughtful words just come totally naturally to him. Marlene never knows quite how to react, no words encompassing how she feels.

“I just–you’ve come so far since high school, you know? Coming out and everything. I don’t know. I just see it sometimes–when you talk about crushes like this so openly? And just, the way you hold yourself. I’ve been meaning to tell you, for a while now. It’s–it’s just really good, you know?”

She cuddles closer into him, trying to convey what words can’t say. “Yeah. Yeah, I do know.”

Chapter 2: twin size mattress

Chapter Text

you stopped by my house the night you escaped

with tears in my eyes, i begged you to stay

Sirius opens the door to his apartment, half-empty coffee cup in hand. He’s not sure what he was doing, where he was going. For a second he’s barely sure who he is, because no. This simply can’t be.

The coffee cup isn’t in his hand anymore, he notices, his brain focusing in on the small puddle that spreads across the floor, ever so slowly covering the linoleum in a lake of iced caramel latte.

There’s a boy outside his door. Tear-stained cheeks and puffy lips aside, Sirius recognizes him like he would his own reflection.

“Reggie?” His voice cracks as he says it, a hand coming up to tentatively brush against the boy’s cheek, coming back damp and real. He’s real.

Sirius’s touches his brother’s bruised cheek, ever so softly, even the tiniest brush making the younger boy flinch. “What did they do to you?” he asks in horror.

“Nothing I didn’t deserve,” Regulus responds automatically, turning away in shame.

“You– how? ” Sirius vaguely realizes that he’s crying now, too, salty tears tracking their way to the corners of his lips.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” he says, his voice even despite his emotion, deeper than it had been… last time.

“You’re leaving?” Regulus asks pitifully, “You’re really leaving me?”

“I’m leaving them,” Sirius replies simply, cracks forming in his fast-beating heart. “You can come, you know. You can leave them too.”

“No,” the younger boy says softly, “no I can’t.”

“But you can, don’t you see? You can come with me. We can both leave right now, and never see them ever again.”

Regulus’s face twists into a grimace as he shuts the door, the last image Sirius will have of him for years to come.

“Oh.” Sirius pauses, the gears in his brain seemingly stopping, the boy in front of the door a pebble between two teeth, a cascade of failures, until all Sirius can think about is the coffee. “I need to clean this up,” he says, feeling his brows furrow as he looks at the ground. “I need to–” He cuts himself off with an accusing look at the boy.

“Oh, just–” he pushes past Sirius, inviting himself into the small apartment, lifting his bags over the puddle as he steps inside.

“Regulus–what–what the fuck are you doing? How are you–” Sirius begins to feel emotions again–because he wasn’t feeling them before, he realizes now, an old trick that he still struggles to turn off, even now, years later.

He breathes in deeply, exhaling decidedly as he steps back inside, ignoring his brother (who is standing rather awkwardly in the middle of his kitchen) and snatching a roll of paper towels.

The cleaning helps. He’s not sure why, but it always has, the simple act of fixing, of cleaning. It’s repetitive and mundane, but it makes his thoughts slow down, even as he scrubs mercilessly (and rather unnecessarily) at the floor.

He stalks back into the kitchen once again, pitching the used paper towels into the trash and practically slamming the rest of the roll onto the counter.

“Should I leave?” Regulus’s voice is small, but his eyes are darting around Sirius’s home, taking everything in analytically.

“No. Sit,” Sirius orders, pointing at the stools lining the counter opposite him.

Putting something in between them might be for the best.

Regulus does so, warily, his eyes never leaving Sirius’s as he crosses the room.

“Explain yourself.” Sirius is trying to withhold judgment, he really is but– “You fucking refuse to come with me– insisting on staying with–with them! And now what? You just show up here after five fucking years, out of the blue? You can’t do that, Reggie, you–you just can’t.” He’s crying by the end, really and truly, sobs that shake his whole body and leave him breathless. “You can’t,” he whispers finally.

Regulus sits stiffly in front of him, his face fighting to stay straight, even as his lips can’t help but turn down. “I should leave.”

“No. No, you can’t fucking do that, Regulus,” Sirius is pacing back and forth, shaking his hands at his hips as if his anger needs a physical release. “Just–why?”

Even with the poor articulation, Regulus seems to understand. “Because you’re my brother.”

“Oh.”

Regulus shrugs. “Do you–could I have some water maybe?”

As if sparked into action mode, Sirius immediately spins, deftly opening a cabinet and grabbing a glass to fill with water from the tap. As he begins to hand it to the other boy, he pauses. “You–you always went along with it–with… what they said. You don’t really… believe that shit? Right?”

“No,” Regulus whispers. “No, I don’t. I–I think at one point I did. But–but not anymore. Not for a while, now. ”

“Then why– why didn’t you do anything? Why didn’t you leave with me, or at least tell me, so I could help you? I–I would have helped you, you know.”

He fidgets with his glass, spinning it slowly on the countertop, taking his time before he speaks. “I didn’t think that I could.”

“You were wrong.”

“I was a kid, Sirius. I thought that what they said was absolute, and–and I thought I was fucking broken under their ideals.”

“I don’t–”

“Oh don’t be so naive, brother. I needed their money. I didn’t have Uncle Alphard like you. I needed to get through school, so I did what I had to do. And I don’t regret it, not for a second, but–I didn’t do it right. I still–I need you, Sirius. I–I wish I didn’t, but I do, and more than that I miss you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” His mouth twists as if he tastes something bitter, as if the very words he speaks cause a physical sort of pain.

“I miss you too. You–stay here, okay? As long as you need.”

Regulus shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “You should know something else. And look, if you don’t want me to stay after this, that’s okay, I understand.” He pauses for a long second

Sirius sighs. “Reggie, just tell me. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fine.”

“I’m gay,” he says simply, after a long pause.

“Oh you dramatic little shit,” Sirius shakes his head with a grin. “As if that would bother me.”

“Well, I don’t know, it might. It’s been a long time,” he whines, and everything feels alright again.

“How should I put this–it would be a bit hypocritical of me to have an issue with it.”

Regulus snorts. “Fair. Oh, also, I got an academic scholarship to Hogwarts, and I’m going in the fall. Don’t be mad?” His tone is light compared to the last words, but the worry on his face is visible, as much as he tries to hide it. Sirius can still read him like a book, even after all of these years.

Sirius feels a jolt in his heart. “Well shit, I won’t be rid of you anytime soon huh?”

“I hope not,” Regulus replies softly, “I really hope not."

Chapter 3: comfort crowd

Chapter Text

we mess around

and laugh too loud

and make the sounds

we try to hide when people are around

“Effie!” Marlene squeals as she runs out to meet the Potters.

The older woman smothers her in a warm hug. “Oh, how are you my dear? How’s the apartment?”

“Well, I just got here yesterday,” Marlene explains, grabbing Euphemia’s hand to lead her inside, “so I haven’t really unpacked everything, but so far it’s really good. My dad says to say hi to you guys, by the way. I think he misses you almost as much as I do. Oh, and Sirius has been here for like a week, because he was dropping his brother off for orientation–his brother’s living with him now–he told you that? So he’s got his room all figured out and fancy, but we all know that’s gonna go to shit in about a week–”

“Marlene! Mia, hon, wait up, let me grab some stuff before we go in,” Monty calls, digging in the trunk of the car for something or other.

“Yes, okay,” Effie rolls her eyes fondly.

“Where’s James?”

“He’s behind us with the car, should be here in an hour or so.”

“Good, good, it’s been so weird now that you guys have moved. I missed it this summer.”

“Oh, we missed you too. It’s simply not the same without you barging in a few times a week and stealing all our food.”

“You liked it.”

Euphemia grins, youthful despite her wrinkled face. “Of course I did.”

“Are you trying to steal my wife again?” Monty shakes his head as he comes up beside them, a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Yes sir,” Marlene smiles teasingly, to which the older man simply shakes his head with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Shall we?” he asks, gesturing towards the building.

“Oh! Yes, let's.”

They’re lucky enough to have found a building with apartments more similar in style to townhouses–with doors leading directly outside from their room. It’s a three-bedroom, with an open floor plan, and it truly is beautiful–for a group of college students–three bedrooms, two bathrooms, an open plan living space, and a kitchen which James is going to absolutely love.

“Here it is,” she gestures around the space, although, from the entryway, it doesn’t look like much, a closet off to their right, a laundry room to their left, and a short hall that leads to the rest of the apartment in front of them.

“Wonderful,” Effie smiles, immediately stepping forward to purvey the space.

Marlene helps them unpack the car, various suitcases and IKEA boxes that begin to pile in the living room. The car is about halfway empty when Sirius comes home, jogging around the building with his arms wide and the grin on his face wider. Effie meets him with a sweeping hug, actually lifting his feet a few inches off the ground as he practically launches himself at her.

Sirius had immediately connected with Effie, since day one of being James’s roommate, latching onto her like a magnet. Marlene was lucky enough to watch it all unfold, as Effie insisted on her and Sirius joining them whenever they came down to visit their son. After only meeting each other twice, Effie had learned that he lived alone when not at college, and insisted on him visiting for winter break.

“Now, when are you going to let us meet that brother of yours, Sirius?” Effie is asking, drawing back to look him in the eyes as she speaks.

Sirius shrugs awkwardly. “Not this time, I don’t think. He’s still–I don’t know, maybe once he’s settled in a bit more?”

“Good,” Effie nods, seemingly satisfied with this answer, not pushing any further. “Now, we didn’t want to snoop too much, so why don’t you show us your room, yes?”

Sirius nods excitedly, looking like a little kid as he drags the older woman back into the apartment yet again, as Marlene and Monty look at each other with annoyance tempered by amusement as they look at the duo and back at the next round of boxes to bring inside.

Monty snorts. “No one does anything around here.”

“Ridiculous,” Marlene agrees with a smirk as they both grab boxes without any real complaint.

Sirius does eventually help (although minimally), and another 15 minutes later the car is empty.

“Anyone want to help me put some of this furniture together?” Monty asks, sitting on the floor amidst the mess.

Marlene volunteers, joining him as he begins to sort through the various screws and parts.

“Stools,” he mutters in a brief explanation, “shouldn’t take too long.”

“Yes, do hurry up,” Effie urges them, “Sirius and I would like to sit.”

“Oh, is that how it is?” Monty raises his eyebrows, “Because you can put these together if you want. I don’t have to do it.”

Her nose wrinkles playfully in response. “No, no, you can do it.”

It’s no matter, because in the end they all sit on the floor, Monty grumpily instructing them not to sit on the boxes (this is directed at Sirius) and that no, he needs his space (this to Effie).

“I met someone,” Sirius blurts as soon as they are all relaxed, the words tumbling out of his mouth as if he can barely keep them in anymore.

“Like, between now and two hours ago?” Marlene asks doubtfully.

“Yes. Well no, I–” he pauses, scrunching up his face. “I guess I didn’t really meet them, but–at the coffee shop down in Hogsmeade. They’re a barista, and–I usually get my coffee to go, but–” he sighs, leaning into Marlene’s shoulder. “Oh, I just froze, and, and, he asked ‘for here or to go’, you know and I said for here, and then I just sat there and watched him when I drank my coffee, and oh, babe, they’re so pretty.”

“Wow,” Marlene smirks at him. “You’re fucking smitten.”

“I’m not–well, I’m not not– it’s just a crush, is what I mean to say. He just happens to be the most attractive person I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, is that all?” Effie asks, humor evident in her tone. “Do you even know this pretty barista’s name?”

Sirius looks rather embarrassed. “So, the thing is, they didn’t have a nametag and I was too scared to ask for their name.”

“Oh, Sirius,” Marlene scolds affectionately, “you’re going to go bankrupt buying coffee, aren’t you?”

“Oh, I am,” he moans, burying his face in her shoulder pathetically.

“Oh, baby, it’ll be alright,” she pats him on the head, even as she shakes her head at the older couple with a smile.

Monty smiles at the dark haired boy affectionately. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, Sirius. And if it’s not, that’s okay too, even if it’s hard. I’m always available to give advice about how to deal with being head over heels in love with a beautiful person.” He smiles lovingly at his wife with the last words.

“Ugh,” Sirius rolls his eyes, tossing his head back. “I’m just being dramatic and I know it.”

“Oh my God, he’s self aware,” Marlene teases.

“Oh, fuck off.”

She grins, nudging him gently with her shoulder.

They’re drawn away from the bare beginnings of putting furniture together by the sound of the door flinging open, a small crash, and a mutter of “oh shit.”

“James?” Effie calls amusedly, her brow knitted in a semblance of concern.

Sirius is already up, tumbling towards the door with a manic grin.

“Oh dear,” Marlene sighs, “I fear I may have made a terrible mistake choosing to live with these children.”

Monty snorts. “I warned you, you know.”

“That you did,” she feels the corners of her lips quirk up. “That you did.”

“James is here!” a gleeful cry comes from the entryway.

Marlene supposes that she’s given them enough time for an appropriate reunion, and pulls herself up with little effort, meeting James in a hug halfway into the kitchen. He smells good–as always–oranges and something spicy filling the air as she buries her face in his shoulder. He chuckles, leaning back so that her toes just lift off the ground.

“Missed you, ‘Lene,” he speaks through a mouthful of her hair.

“You brought your car, yeah?” she teases, poking him as he releases her.

“Oh you–yes, I brought the fucking car,” he shakes his head, punching her lightly on the arm.

“I missed you too,” she relents, a soft smile gracing her face despite herself. “Oh James, come on, look at the kitchen, isn’t it beautiful? Sirius and I have already agreed that you’ll be cooking five days a week, so… something to look forward to?”
“I’ve changed my mind,” he says deadpan. “I didn’t miss you.”

“Oh, don’t say that,” Sirius berates him, wrinkling his nose.

Effie sighs from behind them. “Ah, these kids’ll be fine, won’t they?”

Monty grins. “I suspect they will.”

“You’re staying for dinner, right?” Marlene questions.

“Yes, of course, my dear,” Effie assures, “We’re staying in a hotel tonight, and then we’ll see you in the morning before we go.”

“Good,” she replies with finality, happy to get a chance to spend time with the couple who’s practically her second set of parents.

————

“We’re having a party tonight,” James decides, nodding decisively as he looks around the apartment, which, despite their best efforts, is still not clean, almost 24 hours after the Potters left.

“And how is that going to happen?” Sirius raises an eyebrow, looking around at the mess that he has had very little part in helping to clean.

“Well first of all, you’re no help at all right now,” James complains. “That’s going to have to change.”

“Will it.” Sirius replies lazily.

“Perhaps,” Marlene sings, “you should go grab us some coffee?”
“Ooh,” James agrees conspiratorially, “I agree on that one. See your barista again, yeah? Maybe even talk to him?”

“Oh, fuck off, they’re probably not even working,” Sirius, who had his legs hung over the arm of his chair mere seconds ago is now sitting suspiciously tall in his seat, back held straight as a rod.

“You could see…” Marlene offers.

“I should, shouldn’t I,” he agrees, nodding as if he has been thoroughly convinced by their weak arguments.

“Definitely,” James nods, equally seriously.

“Right, okay. I’ll do that. Yeah.”

He immediately walks with purpose towards the door, obviously feeling very confident.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” James encourages, likely ruining any and all of that confidence.

“Hell, yeah, we believe in ya, champ!” Marlene adds.

Sirius peeks around the corner, grins and flips them off, then turns and walks away, the sound of the door closing coming only moments later, leaving Marlene and James snorting at the boy’s antics.

“Alright, alright,” she settles down after a minute, “so really, a party? Is that really a good idea?”

“Oh, come on, just us, Mary and Pete? It’ll be fun,” he tries out a winning smile.

“You know that doesn’t work on me,” she rolls her eyes. “But, yes, fine, that sounds good.”

“Good. You can change your mind, too, if you want,” he offers kindly.

“No, no, it really does sound good. I just–well, you know how I can be with big parties sometimes.”

His face softens. “Yeah, duh. So we should make Sirius get the stuff so we can actually clean this up, right?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Marlene agrees. “He is just useless today, isn’t he?”

“Aw, poor lovelorn idiot,” James smirks.

“How much you wanna bet he doesn’t even ask the guy’s name,” she offers.

“Oh, hey now, what do you take me for? No way in hell am I taking that bet.”

“Fair, fair,” she chuckles, shaking her head. Oh, Sirius. She knows she can hardly talk, considering how absolutely pathetic she gets when she has a real crush, but that boy. He’s absolutely ridiculous.

“They were there,” Sirius announces when he gets back, ten minutes later. “Oh, James, Marlene, oh they were there.”

“Yeah?” Marlene grins, plucking her latte out of the cupholder in Sirius’s hands, pleased to see that he got her her usual without so much as a request.

“Oh yeah,” Sirius says, and shit, that boy could not look any more like a puppy if he tried.

“And?” James prods, taking his own drink from Sirius.

“And nothing,” he whines. “Jamessss. He’s so fucking pretty, man. I can’t.” He flops dramatically back onto his chair, somehow managing to keep his coffee upright.

“Is that so,” the other boy is rather distracted with cutting open one of the few boxes left in the room.

“He–okay, okay, full attention, boys,” Sirius commands. Marlene raises an eyebrow. “Gender neutral, gender neutral,” he assures, waving her off dismissively.

She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t protest further, knowing that as ridiculous as it sounds, he really does mean it.

“Okay, so.”

“So…” James prompts.

“Still no nametag.”

“Sirius,” Marlene scolds.

“I know, I know, okay,” he raises his hands in helplessness. “I was just–I don’t know, nervous.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” James encourages.

“Right, so. Getting off topic here. They didn’t have a nametag, but they did have a pronoun pin–he/they right? And then he–he also drew this little moon on my cup–look!”

Surely enough, in a scrawled handwriting, a small half-moon sits next to his name, complete with lightly drawn craters and surrounded by a few minimal stars.

“Oh, that’s adorable, Sirius,” James smiles sappily.

“ Isn’t it?”

“He didn’t draw one on mine,” Marlene notes, reaching out to spin James’s cup in his hand, until it faces Sirius to confirm that only his has the moon on it.

“Tell me it’s a coincidence,” the boy’s face is dead serious. “Tell me it’s a coincidence or I swear to God I’ll scream.”

“It’s a coincidence!” Marlene and James exclaim in union, a bright intonation that practically just begs Sirius not to be loud.

“Okay, but it isn’t though, right? He’s–urgh,” Sirius groans, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

“I mean, probably not?” James warrants a guess. “It seems like they might like you, in my opinion, but don’t take that too seriously.”

“Everything’s Sirius to me,” he replies, but the grin that seems to absolutely stretch his cheeks is impossible to ignore.

“Oh, babe,” Marlene shakes her head at him, “you are so fucked.”

“It’s an issue,” he agrees, on the border of laughter.

“That’s one way to put it,” James pushes them over the edge into light giggles at Sirius’s expense.

————

“Guess how many girls Peter’s fucked since we moved in here,” are Mary’s first words as she steps into the apartment, entering without so much as knocking.

“Well, hello to you too,” James replies with a grin, as Marlene goes in to hug her friend.

“It’s only one, okay? Just multiple times,” Peter punches Mary in the arm, rolling his eyes.

“F–you’ve been here for a week and a half, Pete!” Sirius’s eyebrows look like they might leap off his forehead. Despite all the dirty comments that the boy makes, he very rarely follows through with them.

“What can I say,” Peter winks, “I’m an engineering major and I shower. I’ve got it all.”

“That you do, that you do,” James can’t help but agree.

“So what do we have here,” Peter asks, rubbing his hands together as he walks into the kitchen, slinging an arm around James as he goes.

“Uh, let’s see,” James points at the table. “Sirius went to the store so we’ve got some vodka, some mixers, um, I think there’s beer and hard cider in the fridge.”

“Lovely, lovely.”

“You guys will be able to get home okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, no we’ll just walk, it’s only like half a mile anyways. You guys will see it at some point, nowhere near as nice as this, though.”

“Shall we start off with some shots?” Sirius suggests, his grin dangerous.

Mary smiles back, tossing a casual arm around his shoulders. “I like the way you think.”

It takes less than half an hour for all of them to be tipsy, sitting in a circle on the floor despite the significant effort that she and James had put into setting up the furniture. With her head in Mary’s lap, poking at Sirius with her feet, she doesn’t mind so much. She doesn’t mind much at all.

“Pour me some more of that cranberry juice?” Mary requests holding out her purple solo cup. (James had refused to get red, insisting on bringing more ‘pizzazz’ into their lives, whatever that meant).

Sirius obliges, wiggling his eyebrows. “Pandora coming to visit soon?”

“Oh, haha, Sirius. Oh, I fucking wish though, I miss them,” she pouts.

“How are they, anyways?” Marlene asks, tipping her head back to peer at Mary’s lips as she speaks.

They curve up at the thought of her girlfriend. “They’re good, yeah, really good. They’re loving culinary school, it’s just–well, you know, it’s hard being apart. They’ll drive up one of these weekends though.”

“Well, we’ll have to do something,” James declares. “After you guys have your personal time of course.” He moves his eyebrows much like Sirius did only seconds before.

Those boys are made of the same stone.

“Yeah, actually, that would be good,” Mary says, more seriously, “they love you guys, you know. Find you ‘interesting’ whatever that means.”

Marlene snorts. “I think we all know what that means.”

“Hey,” Sirius complains, tossing a pillow at her, “you’re at least supposed to pretend that you don’t.”

She shrieks, lifting her cup up and away with a giggle. “Oh, don’t do that, I have so much ammunition I could use against you.”

He tilts his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Marlene clears her throat, sitting up. “Well I don’t think Mary and Peter have heard about your little obsession, now, have they?”

He turns pink in the cheeks, more than just the alcohol bringing out the color. “It’s not an obsession, okay? I’m just horribly, deeply in love,” he sighs.

“Explain?” Peter leans in, ever the romantic for quite literally everyone besides himself.

Sirius groans.

“Okay, okay, I’ll explain,” James offers, saving his friend from further humiliation. “You guys know The Hogsmeade Brew, right? That coffee place down the street? Well, apparently like the hottest person ever works there–I have yet to meet him–and Sirius has fallen rather madly in love. But also he hasn’t talked to them past ordering his coffee. But they drew a little moon on his cup the most recent time he went.”

“Oh, you’re fucked, aren’t you,” Peter claps Sirius on the back amiably.

“Yes,” he responds dejectedly.

“Oh, no don’t do that,” James says sadly, reaching over to snuggle into Sirius in comfort.

“You’re fine,” Peter encourages, “you’re an absolute catch, and you know it.”

“Come on now,” Mary urges, “repeat after me. I’m hot shit.”

“I’m hot shit,” Sirius repeats in a forlorn tone, sticking out his bottom lip as he speaks.

They’re all too drunk to contain themselves, and they burst into laughter, the boys poking at Sirius’s sides to encourage him to giggle too.

“Anyways,” he says as the chuckles slow to a stop, “you can’t even talk, Marls.”

Well shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Wanna share something with the class?” Peter teases.

She groans internally. “Pete, you remember Dorcas Meadowes?”

He nods, quirking his head in question.

“Mary, to catch you up, she was my first crush, blah, blah, blah, whatever. She’s coming here, is the point. To Hogwarts. And she’s probably not even gay, Sirius, but whatever. It’s just dumb.”

Marlene doesn’t think it’s dumb. Not at all, but if she pretends it is…well that’s less embarrassing, isn’t it?

But James. Oh, lovely dear James. “It’s not dumb,” he wrinkles his nose. “I get crushes like that too–head over heels, you know? It’s not dumb.”

“Well,” Peter smirks. “I can’t relate, but, hey, happy for you guys, I guess.”

Mary smacks him, right on his arm, leaving him pouting and rubbing it tenderly.

“Awww, you need a kiss?” Sirius asks in honeyed tones.

Peter nods. “From you? Anytime, babe.”

Sirius snorts, but all the same, reaches for his arm and smacks a loud kiss right onto his skin.

“Hold on now,” Mary interjects, “I still want to hear more about Dorcas.”

“Not much else to hear,” Marlene mutters. “Really, that’s about it.”

“No, nope. Come on, at least show what she looks like,” Mary begs, opening her deep brown eyes wide in request.

“Just look at her insta, it’s public,” she sighs, resting her head on the other girl’s shoulder, moving her curls out of the way to see her phone. “The at is just her name, Dorcas Meadowes. Meadowes with an E.”

“Oh damn,” Mary says, her voice sounding impressed.

“I knowwwww,” Marlene groans.

“Are you sure she’s not gay? I’m getting vibes.”

“I don’t knowwwww.”

“Hmm,” Mary hums, and Marlene can practically hear her thoughts.

Apparently Sirius can too. “I’m on it,” he says, pulling out his phone.

“Sorry, what the fuck’s going on?” Peter looks as confused as James.

“They’re going to stalk her,” Marlene sighs.

“Lightly stalk,” Mary corrects lazily.

“Senior year, hoco post with a guy,” Sirius announces. “Looks fruity, page is private, can’t confirm.”

“Jesus, they’re going all fucking FBI,” Peter’s concern is evident on his face.

James nods. “I’ll get us some beers, yeah?”

“Doesn’t have too many posts,” Mary mutters, “can’t really determine too much from that.”

“Following?” Sirius and Mary barely need words to communicate.

“Taylor Swift, could go either way,” Mary points out.

“Megan Rapinoe, but the soccer thing means that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“Maya Hawke. Now that’s interesting.”

“Hmm. Harry Styles.”

“Florence Pugh.”

“Timothee Chalamet.”

“Zendaya.”

“Ooh, ooh,” Sirius’s face lights up. “Clairo.”

“Mmm,” Marlene’s interested now. “She could just like her music, though.”

“True,” Mary allows, “but I don’t know, I think that could mean something.”

Sirius sets down his phone with a sigh. “That’s pretty much it, unfortunately. Doesn’t follow that many people.”

“Well, it looks like you might have a chance!” James is ever optimistic.

“With that ?” Marlene gestures at the phone. “I don’t fucking think so, man. I’m confident, but not that confident. Besides, her following Clairo means basically nothing, okay? Just–don’t get my hopes up, please.”

“Okay, okay,” James pulls back, raising his hands in surrender. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

“Yes please,” Marlene says softly, comforted by her friend’s understanding.

“Right,” Peter says with finality. “Mary and I were saying earlier that we were craving literally anything cooked by James. So… when will that be happening?”

“That’s a good question,” Sirius raises his eyebrows, looking over at the other boy.

“Hmm, yeah, you guys will have to come over sometime soon for dinner,” he says thoughtfully. “Maybe next week, after classes start. Tuesday maybe?”

Mary makes a face. “So, the first soccer game is Tuesday. Not to bring the conversation back or anything, but–”

“Yeah, we’re going to that,” Marlene butts in. “Of course we’re going to that.”

“Good,” Mary says, satisfied. “Maybe on the weekend then?”

“That’s too far away,” Peter moans, flopping his head onto James's lap. “I want it now.”

“Alright, bud,” James’s lips twist as if of their own accord. “I’ll make some cookies and drop them off at yours, yeah?”

“Really?” Peter looks up at him soulfully.

“Yes, really,” James chuckles. “I never joke about cookies.”

“Thank you,” Pete’s eyes brighten, and he tosses an arm around James’s midsection so he’s at the same time laying across his lap and hugging him. It looks a little bit ridiculous, especially when James simply pats him on the head in response, smirking at Mary across the room in shared mirth. Marlene sighs, letting out a hiccuping giggle at their antics before once again laying her head in Mary’s lap.

————

James exhales, a punched out sound, then leans toward Marlene to speak softly in her ear. “Is it weird that I want number 11 to crush my head between her thighs?”

“Not any weirder than the fact that I want number 20 to do the same to me,” she whispers back, not taking her eyes off of Dorcas who doesn’t even have the ball at the moment but still looks fucking godly in her uniform, long braids pulled back into a high ponytail that sways when she runs.

The game is only about five minutes in, still tied at nil-nil, neither team with a strong advantage. They’re playing Durmstrang, a rival school who is for the most part their equal, a sequence of wins and losses making the fans pack the stands of this game, a turnout that must be in the thousands. It’s loud, which isn’t Marlene’s favorite thing in the world, but James and Mary’s steady presence on either of her sides certainly help, along with their promises that leaving is always an option.

See, the thing is, though, that looking at Meadowes somehow seems to drown out all the sound, a fact that Marlene sort of despises, out of principle, but also relishes in, practically drinking in the sight.

The slight sheen of sweat on Dorcas’s skin makes Marlene almost giggle out loud at a glancing middle school school memory.

“I just don’t get it,” she shrugs, leaning into Peter’s shoulder. He is supposedly doing homework, but his eyes seem to be far more on the boys’ cross country team running past than the book in his lap.

“What don’t you get,” he asks distractedly.

“I don’t know, the whole sweat thing. It’s just kind of gross, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so,” Peter mumbles. “I get it.”

“It’s just–boys smell so bad when they’re sweaty,” Marlene is disgusted just thinking about it.

Peter simply hums noncommittally, finally returning to his book.

Marlene really should have realized a lot of things about herself far earlier, not to mention how oblivious she was to Peter’s very obvious attraction to practically anyone and everyone.

She’s certainly realized it now though, Dorcas’s skin is like midnight satin, shiny and dark against her deep maroon jersey drawing Marlene in like a moth to the light.

The sounds around her manage to draw her out of her trance, glancing at James then quickly tracing his eyes to where Durmstrang has the ball in Hogwarts’s corner, one of their girls shielding the ball then passing it back to another player down the sideline, who sends in a lofting cross, narrowly cleared with a header by Hogwarts’s number 11.

James sighs. “I think I’m in love with her.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Marlene mutters, her words trailing off as Dorcas tracks back to receive the ball, cushioning it easily before she turns to dribble up the field, passing it wide after only a second and a half, shouting at her teammates to step up with the play.

“Me?” James asks, incredulously. “I’m the ridiculous one here?”

“Oh, shut it,” Mary rolls her eyes. “You’re both ridiculous and that’s that.”

“You shut it, you with your stupid loving girlfriend so–happy and–stupid,” James retorts eloquently.

“Oh, wow,” Mary’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “You got me there bud.”

“Hmph.”

Marlene snorts, leaning into the other girl’s shoulder.

“You good?” Mary whispers.

Marlene hums. “Bit loud.” The weight and warmth of her friend helps, grounding her as the sound seems to try and pick and pull at her brain.

“Bathroom?”

“No, I’m okay for now.”

Mary slips an arm around her waist, an invitation of comfort that Marlene takes easily. A group of boys behind them jeers as the other team steals the ball back, on the counterattack. James glares at them, his face morphing into one of harshness that Marlene rarely sees.

She elbows him in the side. “Damn, scary James, huh?”

“They’re getting on my nerves,” he grunts, “clearly only here because it’s the first game.”

Marlene hums, hooking her arm through the boy’s in solidarity.

The game progresses through the first half with little excitement, the teams evenly matched, with few chances on either side, but a rather impressive save from the Hogwarts keeper, Alice Fortescue. The relative quiet at halftime is enough for Marlene to feel like her senses have reset, bringing her back down on the scale that heightens towards a shutdown in the worst cases.

The second half begins with a Durmstrang kickoff, an easy pass back through the midfield to their right wingback.

“WRONG WAY,” one of the boys behind them shouts. James squeezes her arm in frustration.

“‘S okay,” she murmurs back.

“I know,” he mutters, his annoyance clear and understandable.

“At least Evans is closer this half,” Marlene tries to lighten the mood by referring to the aforementioned number 11 that James had found on Instagram during halftime.

James exhales through his nose, a halfway laugh that Marlene supposes is enough for now. She understands his frustration, more than she would like to, having had dealt with idiots like the ones behind them for her entire career in highschool soccer–nothing more than a bored group of boys with nothing better to do than harass some girls who can barely do anything about it without retribution from a coach or ref. The problem, though, is that she’s learned, more than James has ever had to, that most of the time ignoring it is best. Until it’s not.

“Hey, eleven, wanna give me your number?” one of them calls, another whistling as Evans picks up the ball for a throw-in. She flips them off with a patronizing smile.

James squeezes Marlene’s arm again, harder this time than before.

Unfortunately–but predictably–it only gets worse from there, the boys catcalling the other team, while continuing to harass Evans even more after her reaction.

“Shut the fuck up,” James turns and snaps at them after a particularly lewd comment. “Some of us are trying to enjoy the fucking game, so–and I could not be more serious about this–fuck off or leave.”

They go quiet after that.

“Good job,” Marlene whispers in his ear as he turns back around, his face red with annoyance.

“I–Marlene, I fucking–I can’t deal with these people anymore.”

Sometimes James’s moral compass is far too strong for his own good, causing him more pain than it does benefit him or others.

“I know, I know, hon, just–do you want to stay? We can leave, if you want.”

“No, no. They can’t win,” James shakes his head. “Just 20 minutes left anyway.”

“Kay, if you’re sure,” she murmurs back, even as her brows knit in concern, James’s hand still clenched around her arm, flexing every so often distractedly.

————

“I just can’t wrap my head around it,” James is fuming as they walk, “how can people be so fucking–so awful?”

“I don’t know,” Marlene replies softly, dealing with her anxiety about the issue quietly, in her head. It genuinely just doesn’t compute, for her–and she thinks for James too–how people can be so willfully ignorant to the effect that they have on the people around them. It’s like–she would never do something like that, ever, because it’s rude and annoying and it hurts people. It’s that fucking simple, and somehow, some way, people still seem to do and think these things that just don’t make sense. Now, Marlene is more logical than most. She knows that, she really does. But her issue is that it doesn’t take much thought–if any at all–to realize that some things are wrong.

Mary sighs from James’s other side, touching his back lightly as she moves in between them, looping an elbow with each of theirs. “Now,” she says brightly, at odds with their muted spirits, “what do we say?”

“Hmm?” James just looks confused.

“Come on now, we can’t control what other people do, just our own actions.”
They repeat after her in muttered tones, but the words do some good as they can’t help but to chuckle at their unison.

“There we are,” Mary squeezes Marlene’s arm gently, pulling her in closer so that their shoulders bump. “I know it’s annoying, but we can’t spend our time worrying about other people’s lives, or we won’t ever get to live our own.”

“Why do you have to be so wise again?” Marlene grumbles good naturedly.

“Someone’s got to be,” she replies cheerily, shaking her head so that her curls bounce over her shoulder.

“Hey.” James is giving his best puppy dog eyes.

Rather predictably, though, Mary isn’t moved. “Don’t give me that look James Fleamont Potter. I will not have it.”

“Ooh, now you made her mad,” Marlene leans over, whispering loudly to James. She forgets to account for the fact that Mary’s arm is still linked through hers, and she gets a sharp elbow in the ribs as retribution, causing her to yelp, even as Mary collapses against James in giggles.

“You two,” James shakes his head, lips twitching. “Ridiculous.”

The thing about James is, that even if his own sad eyes don’t work well, he is all too susceptible to others’, a fact which Marlene and Mary instantly take advantage of.

“Oh, no, don’t,” James actually sounds apologetic now. “I didn’t mean it.”

They laugh with him, bumping into each other like silly children for almost a full block until they reach home again, the door unlocked as they step inside.

“WE’RE HOOOOME,” James calls out, far more loudly than is strictly necessary, given the size of their apartment.

“In here,” Sirius replies from the kitchen.

James smirks as they walk into the room. “Got coffee Sirius, huh?”

“How is Moony,” Marlene pries, adopting the nickname that Sirius let slip after about the third time of seeing the boy, a not-so-subtle reference to his small moon sketches.

“Not there,” Sirius sighs, sounding far more distraught than he should.

“Oh, poor baby,” Mary teases, although she does walk over and plant a kiss on his head as she helps herself to a glass of water.

“I really am.”

“So are you figuring out his schedule,” James asks nonchalantly, although Marlene has known him long enough to realize that the question is anything but casual.

Sirius blushes deeply. “I might be.”

“Oh, honey, be careful,” Mary warns, walking behind him to rub his shoulder as he talks. “I don’t want you getting hurt now. None of us do. I’m not saying stop, because I see you really like them, but just–careful, yeah? I don’t want to deal with sad Sirius.”

“I know,” Sirius smiles at her sappily. “I don’t want to deal with sad Sirius either.”

“Well, go on, tell us then,” James sits on the stool across the counter from Sirius, propping his head on his chin in a way that–from anyone else–might look patronizing, but since it’s James, only looks sweet.

“Well, I saw him first on a Thursday afternoon,” Sirius looks thoughtful. “But today’s Thursday, so maybe they don’t work this late? And then, Friday morning, last week–that was when he drew my first moon–so maybe I’ll see if he’s there tomorrow?” The hopeful look on his face would be adorable if Marlene wasn’t so worried about him getting his heart broken. “And then on Monday they remembered my order when I came in, and drew me another moon, I think that was a little before noon.” He counts off on his fingers as he speaks, tapping his index to each pad repeatedly as he recounts each event.

“And you still haven’t talked to them?”

“I commented on the weather,” Sirius says tentatively, cringing at himself.

“I’m coming with you next time,” Marlene decides. “Moral support. If that’s okay, I mean.”

“Yes. Please, Marls, I need it.”

“Well lucky for you I don’t have class tomorrow,” she winks. “It’s decided then. I’ll just force you to talk to him.”

Sirius sighs long sufferingly. “If you insist.”

If Marlene is being completely honest, part of her just wants to see this Moony person who has stolen Sirius’s heart. Her curiosity was piqued when Sirius came back with a miniature moon sketched onto his coffee cup and hearts in his eyes, and now she’s decided that she’s gone long enough without meeting Moony.

————

“They’re here,” Sirius breathes, looking through the glass door into the shop.

Marlene leans in from behind him to whisper in his ear. “Are we going to go inside?”

“Yes. I think so–yes.”

Marlene butts around him to hold the door and usher him inside. He goes, straightening his shoulders and assuming an air of confidence. She can’t help but stifle a laugh at how much stake he’s putting in this–although really that shows her how absolutely fucked he is over this boy, a fact that really might be a cause of concern, at this point.

Sirius twists the ring on his index finger over and over as they wait in line, just one person in front of them, but Marlene can see with a glance that to Sirius it feels far longer than the minute it actually is.

In this time, she observes Moony. He’s tall, with brown curls and freckled skin, a bored look on his face as he explains to a customer the types of tea they have. Oh, and they’re absolutely gorgeous. Marlene may be a lesbian, but she sure as hell isn’t blind, and Moony’s soft jaw and tousled hair… well, she won’t say they don’t catch her eye. They certainly draw Sirius’s attention, that much is even more obvious in person, as he watches them with shy eyes and upturned lips.

“The usual?” Moony asks, with a quirked smile as the other guest steps out of their way, the change in his demeanor obvious when he speaks to Sirius.

Sirius clears his throat. “Um, yeah, yep. Iced caramel latte with oat milk and whipped cream.”

“Yes, I remember,” they smile again, mouth closed as if they’re trying to hide away their grin.

That’s flirty as fuck, Marlene thinks, pursing her lips slightly as she watches the interaction.

“And are you two together today?”

“Oh, us?” Sirius appears incredulous. “Together? No, we’re not–no, she’s–that is–” he clears his throat. “I’m um, we’re just–”

“I believe what he’s trying to say is that we’re both gay,” Marlene interrupts drily. “And I believe what the other one is asking,” she gestures towards Moony, “is if we’re paying separately or together.”

Sirius turns crimson, although he tries to play it off. “Right, I knew that. I just… wanted them to know, you know?”

Bold.

Moony is leaning in towards them slightly, propping his elbows on the counter as he peers across at the duo, looking nothing short of intrigued. “Is that so?”

Sirius clams up, mouth shut and eyes wide. Marlene waits for a second before coming to his rescue. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot to answer your question before,” she effuses. “He’s paying for me, and I’ll do the iced lemon mint tea, please.”

Moony hums, standing up straight again to punch the order into the register. “Size?”

“Large.”

“Alright, that’ll be $10.42, go ahead and tap your card whenever you’re ready.” Moony’s voice undulates teasingly, their eyes barely leaving Sirius even while they speak to Marlene.

“Right, yeah, thanks.”

Marlene ushers Sirius over to a booth, tutting to him as they sit down both on one side. “Flirt.”

“Oh, Marls, I fucked that up so bad,” he drops his head into his hands, looking genuinely embarrassed.

“You’re kidding, right? Sirius, they were totally flirting back.”

He lifts his head, eyes hopeful. “Was he really?”

“Yes,” Marlene rolls her eyes with exasperation at his adorable obliviousness. “Look, he even switched off the register to make your drink.”

“No. No, no, no,” Sirius shakes his head adamantly. “Don’t you go getting my hopes up now. There could be a hundred reasons that he switched. Don’t–no.” He very obviously makes an effort to sound strict, but fails badly, still flustered from their encounter with Moony, his cheeks reddening slightly as he stutters.

“Sure, sure,” Marlene laughs, raising her hands in surrender.

Sirius switches the topic, rambling about his classes as Marlene half-listens, sort of just content to exist in the crisp air conditioning of the cafe, the smell of coffee and sugar wrapping around her in a soft hug.

“For Sirius,” Moony calls out, grinning crookedly at them as they push the drinks forward across the counter, loitering a few seconds too long to wait for them to walk over.

“There you go,” he says, handing Sirius’s drink directly to him.

“Thanks,” Sirius seems to have collected himself, merely offering a slight smile as he takes the cup, his fingers just barely brushing Moony’s.

Marlene nods cooly at Moony as she takes her drink, observing them and trying to discern their thoughts through the expression in their half-lidded eyes.

“Enjoy,” is all he says, smiling once more, coy as can be.

“Have a nice day,” Sirius waves.

“You too,” their gaze is fixed to Sirius’s rings, a fact that the latter seems absolutely oblivious to as he turns away, sipping his coffee as he leaves, a bounce in his step that will certainly only get worse with the caffeine. Right, Marlene’s looking forward to dealing with that for the rest of the day.

Marlene follows, turning once to look back at Moony, raising her eyebrows as she sees them still watching Sirius. They simply wink, leaving a grin on her face as she leaves, shaking her head at Sirius’s ridiculousness.

“You,” she bumps him with her shoulder as soon as they’re walking home.

He groans dramatically. “I know, but come on , Marlene, he’s fucking gorgeous.”

“I suppose.”

Sirius glares at her before bursting into genuine giggles, shaking his head, presumably at himself. “Oh my God, I’m hopeless, aren’t I?”

“You really are,” she can’t help but agree. “You really are.”

Chapter 4: girls

Chapter Text

they're so pretty, it hurts

i'm not talking 'bout boys, i'm talking 'bout girls

“Remus,” Lily’s friend introduces himself, smiling awkwardly at Dorcas as Lily rushes around the room collecting her things. He holds a cane in one of his hands, his fingers fidgeting around the handle.

“Shit, shit, Dorcas have you seen my–” Lily pinches the air as if trying to mime what she’s talking about “–the green water bottle–oh, here it is, nevermind.”

Remus laughs at her affectionately, coming fully into the room to sit on top of Lily’s desk. “Have you gotten used to all this yet?” he asks Dorcas, waving a hand at Lily.

“Oh yeah,” Dorcas grins, watching her roommate fill up her water, tapping her foot impatiently as she waits.

“You guys have been here, what, three days now?” Remus asks, fiddling with a pencil.

“Yeah,” Dorcas affirms, “how about you?”

“I spent the summer here,” he nods, “I have an apartment right down the road.”

“Lucky bastard,” Lily rolls her eyes, “No offense, Meadowes, I just wish I could afford my own place this year.”

“Oh poor you, having to room with a freshman,” Dorcas replies, smirking at her.

“Oh stop it, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

Remus snorts at the both of them, drawing their attention back to him.

“Right,” Lily says, “you’ll probably be seeing a lot of Remus, they’re my best friend, so they’ll be over a lot.”

They.

“Cool, uh, looking forward to it,” Dorcas smiles, as if she isn’t adding this to the list of evidence that Lily wouldn’t hypothetically hate crime her if she hypothetically came out to the older girl.

“Alright, alright,” Lily sighs, grabbing her backpack. “We’ll be off, but I’ll see you later, yeah Meadowes?”

“Seeya Evans,” Dorcas replies, offering her a lazy two-fingered salute to which Lily responds by blowing her a kiss.

————

Dorcas flicks her eyes up from her laptop to see a dark-haired boy standing in front of her. He doesn’t move, even as she raises her eyebrows in question. She takes an earbud out, gesturing for him to go ahead.

“Is this seat taken?” he asks, gesturing to the chair across the table from her.

She shakes her head. “Go ahead.”

“Alright,” the TA directs their attention to the front of the room. “Welcome to Physics 170, I’m your TA. We’re going to start the recitation by getting to know each other a bit–I know, I know,” she replies to the groans that spread across the room. “The tables you’re at are going to be your groups for lab as well, so you’re going to need to be able to work together. Start by introducing yourselves, pronouns, where you’re from and your major!” She waves her hands, urging them to begin.

Dorcas looks at the boy across from her with a dead stare. They’re alone at this table, and it’s 8:30 in the morning, so quite frankly, she doesn’t want to do this.

He sighs, appearing to feel the same as her. “Okay, I’ll start. I’m Regulus, uh, he him, I’m from–well, I was born in California, but I lived in France for a while and–and over the summer I moved to New York. Um, and I’m majoring in creative writing, I think.”

“Cool,” Dorcas comments, perking up slightly. “I’m Dorcas, I’m from Wisconsin, basically in Madison, I use she her, and I’m majoring in computer science.”

Regulus nods politely. “Sorry, I’m a bit tired this morning.”

“Me too,” Dorcas is glad he brought up something to talk about. “8:30 on a Monday is objectively too early.”

“I guess we’ll get used to it,” he shrugs lazily. “This is your first class this year, I take it?”

“Yep. First college class ever, really, I’m a freshman.”

“Same here.”

They’re cut off once again by the TA. “Alright! Now that you’ve gotten to know your group, we’re going to get started going over the syllabus. Yes, I know, our favorite thing. Get used to it, that’ll be all you do this week!”

“She’s too happy,” Regulus whispers to her, wrinkling his nose in annoyance.

Dorcas stifles a laugh.

The two of them talk briefly between instructions, and Dorcas comes to find that she quite likes the other boy. He’s sarcastic, and a little judgy, but he’s also sharp, and has a quick-witted sense of humor that Dorcas can’t help but to appreciate.

At the end of the class, as they pack up, Regulus hesitates. “I was thinking of grabbing coffee or something right now. Would you like to come with me, by any chance?”

Dorcas feels her heart beat faster in her chest. “Yeah, no definitely. That sounds nice. You–not to be weird, but you’re not asking me out or anything, right?”

“Oh, God no,” he laughs, then immediately looks apologetic. “Not that–no offense, but–”

“No, I–good, is what I mean to say,” Dorcas reassures him, laughing awkwardly. “Know where you want to go for coffee?”

“No idea, honestly,” Regulus says slightly abashedly. “Do you know anywhere good?”

“Yeah, actually,” Dorcas tries to run back in her head where Remus had said that he worked. “It’s–shoot, it’s either the Hogwarts Brew or Hogsmeade Brew, my roommate’s best friend works there.”

“Sounds good to me,” Regulus shrugs, leading the way out of the classroom.

“So how did you end up in that physics class, anyways, if you’re majoring in English?” Dorcas asks curiously.

“I like to make things hard for myself,” Regulus grimaces slightly. “I needed to take a science course, and I’ve always been good at physics, so…”

Dorcas hums in acknowledgement. “So what kind of stuff do you write about?” She finds herself leading the conversation, although she doesn’t really mind, as it seems like Regulus is just withdrawn, not abrasive.

Regulus exhales. “Well, I do some poetry, but what I really want to write is historical fiction. It’s just fascinating to me, placing characters into real events and conjecturing on how that might have worked.”

“Huh,” she muses. “I only like to read a little, but that sounds–very cool. I can say I know you when you become some famous author, huh?”

This seems to please Regulus, his lips tilting upwards as if of their own regard. “I suppose so. What about you? Why’d you want to do computer science?”

“I think computers are cool, mostly,” she shrugs. “It’ll be a good paying job, and it shouldn’t be too hard to get hired if I do end up playing soccer for a while longer.”

“You play soccer?” Regulus tilts his head, looking curious.

“Yeah,” Dorcas chuckles a little, “yeah, I’m on the school team.”

“Interesting,” Regulus nods politely. It’s rather evident that he has no idea that this is quite an accomplishment, but as much as Dorcas wants to let him know, she doesn’t, simply leaving it at that for now.

They reach the coffee shop after several more minutes of light chatting, nothing more than surface level things, comments on their schedules and how they like the school so far.

The Hogsmeade Brew (for that is in fact what the cafe is called) is busy, most of the tables filled with students, working and talking in equal parts. Remus is working the register, giving them a quick nod of his head as they walk in, before going back to taking the next person’s order.

“How’s it going Meadowes,” he greets her when they make it to the front of the line.

“Good, good,” she replies. “Early morning. Hoping some coffee will help.”

They nod sympathetically. “Trust me, I get it, I’ve been here for a few hours now. What can I get for you?”

“Um, I will do a medium cold brew please,” she says after perusing the menu for a few seconds.

“Alright,” Remus replies. “Hey, I’m about to get off my shift, mind if I sit down with you in a minute here?”

Dorcas glances back at Regulus, who nods briefly. “Yeah, of course,” she grins, slightly glad to have a third person to make the conversation flow more easily.

Regulus orders a chai latte, and the two of them claim a recently vacated table.

“This place is nice,” he comments distractedly, looking around, appearing to take it all in analytically.

“It is,” Dorcas agrees, glancing at the various paintings on the wall and the plants that line the windowsill. “You don’t mind if Remus sits with us, right? I didn’t mean to put you on the spot there.”

He smiles wryly. “I wouldn’t have said yes if the answer was no.”

Dorcas can respect that. She can really fucking respect that. “Good,” is all she says though, granting the boy a small grin.

Their drinks are ready soon after, Remus just a few minutes behind, carrying his own coffee with one hand and leaning on his cane with the other.

“How are you guys doing?” they ask, sitting down next to Dorcas.

“Good,” the two freshmen reply in unison, not elaborating any further.

Remus opens their eyes wide. “Fun,” they drawl, looking back and forth between the duo.

“We’re tired,” Dorcas explains once again.

“Right, so you guys want to hear about an awful customer I had this morning?”

“Yes,” Regulus offers, the first time he’s truly spoken to Remus.

“Okay, so this fucker comes in, right? Looked about 30, 40 maybe. He orders his drink, says for here, gets his coffee, whatever. Then he comes back up to me and starts yelling at me for letting him say ‘for here’ when there weren’t any available tables. Like–that’s not my fault? You have eyes too?” Remus shakes his head in exasperation. “Worst part is I just have to stand there and take it.”

“Damn,” Regulus makes a face. “I may not always be a particularly nice person, but I’m not rude . Especially not to people who are just trying their best. That’s just–that sucks.”

“You’re telling me,” Remus shakes their head. “Another guy, came in, got all the way up to the front of the line, then looked at my face, at my pin, then at my face again, and then just fucking left.”

Dorcas can’t help but to laugh at that a little. “Oh, God, I’m sorry but that’s just–I mean, wow. Just wow.”

Regulus snorts too, covering his mouth slightly. “Imagine walking into a coffee shop, waiting in line, and then leaving because the person at the register has a pronoun pin. That’s just sad. ”

“It is, isn’t it,” Remus exclaims, sounding very validated by their agreements. “Some people.”

“Some people is right,” Dorcas shakes her head in lingering amusement.

“So how are you guys liking it here so far?” Remus asks, sounding genuinely curious, unlike some of the soccer girls who have asked her out of what seems like pure obligation.

“It’s good,” Regulus comments appreciatively. “Like, really good, I’m loving having more independence.”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Dorcas sympathizes. “I love my parents, mostly, but the distance is just so nice, you know?”

Remus nods. “When I left for my freshman year, I just never permanently went back. I got a job here right away, and started saving up money ever since. I’ve visited home a few times, and they’ve visited me here, but it’s just better for me to be alone, you know?”

“That doesn’t sound sad at all,” she grimaces.

“You know what I mean–”

“Yes, yes, I know,” she teases. She does. Remus has Lily, and honestly it sounds like he lives a pretty great life here, parents or not.

“I get that,” Regulus says. “My parents–well, I’m not going back there.”

“You have… you’ll be good though, right?” Remus asks, furrowing his brow in an almost brotherly manner.

“Yes, oh yes,” Regulus assures. “That wasn’t some grab for pity or anything. I live with my brother now, when we’re not at school.”

“Good,” Remus is seemingly satisfied with this response, relaxing slightly as they continue to sip their coffee.

It’s silent for a bit, after those comments. It feels necessary, like they need a second to recover, or let it soak in, or something. Dorcas feels a bit awkward, if she’s being totally honest, like she’s intruding on some moment of confessions that she shouldn’t be a part of.

It doesn’t last though, Regulus changing the subject soon after to reading, which he and Remus avidly discuss, while Dorcas is content to listen, adding in a comment here or there, asking questions about the things she doesn’t understand. This turns out to be rather a lot, but Remus patiently explains to her in a way that never has her feeling like a burden.

“Okay, wait, so were Achilles and Patroclus in love or not?” she interjects, cutting into their almost heated discussion.

“No!” Remus exclaims.

“Absolutely,” Regulus says at the same time. “They were ,” he insists.

“Okay, which one of us is studying Greek literature?” Remus asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Alright, yes fair,” Regulus allows. “But come on . They were totally gay for each other.”

“It’s–romantic love wasn’t quite the same back then. Brotherly love or friendship was considered much stronger. And that’s what those two have, it’s–as much as I want them to be gay, historically speaking they probably weren’t.”

“I refuse to believe it,” Regulus disagrees good-naturedly.

Remus sighs. “I do love The Song of Achilles , though.”

Regulus laughs. “In your favor, that book is a good part of why I think they were together.”

Dorcas chuckles, watching their pseudointellectual conversation with affection.

“Dorcas, you have good taste in people,” Remus smiles at her, a glimmer in his eyes.

She rolls her eyes at them. “Thanks, I’m fairly certain it’s because I hate most people.”

“Fair, fair,” they snort, shaking their head at her.

“Hey, I have to get going for my next class soon,” Regulus notes, checking his phone. “But could I get your numbers by any chance? This was… really nice.”

“Yeah, yeah absolutely,” Dorcas nods, pulling her own phone out of her pocket. “You wanna just take both of ours and then pop us in a group chat so we all have each other’s?”

They do as much, Regulus sending a quick “hello” text in the group.

“Perfect,” Remus comments after checking to see that he received it. “I had better be going too, but Dorcas, I’m sure I’ll see you later, and Regulus, we’ll figure something out, yeah?”

The younger boy nods with enthusiasm, a motion that Dorcas copies.

————

Dorcas does in fact see a lot more of Remus in the next week alone, a fact that Lily occasionally apologizes for, but Dorcas doesn’t mind him at all. She’s learned that they’re on their way to becoming a professor, which she finds quite fitting, given her interactions with them so far. He lives in an apartment less than a ten minute walk from Dorcas and Lily’s, which he promises to show her at some point. They like guys–at the very least–a fact that they’re fairly open about–although Dorcas isn’t sure whether or not to add this to her “Will Lily Hate Crime Me” list, considering how different some straight girls can be with gay guys and lesbians.

“He just can’t take a hint,” Remus is explaining to her with a chuckle. “It would be adorable if it wasn’t so frustrating.”

“Can’t you just ask him out?” Dorcas asks, squinting at them.

“No, that’s the worst part of it,” he groans. “It’s against fucking company policy, which wouldn’t be a big deal except they’re sort of strict about it, and I need this job.”
She hums sympathetically. “That’s tough.”

“Yup. And I can tell he likes me, too, because he gets all adorable and blushy–which is very distracting, by the way–but he just doesn’t seem to see that I like him back.”

“Are you sure you’re being obvious enough?” Dorcas ventures cautiously.

“Okay, you tell me,” they say. “Here, pretend that you’re him and you’re about to place an order.”

She snorts. “This is ridiculous, but fine, I’ll do it. Hi, can I get–”

“The usual?” Remus asks, looking at her intensely.

“Oh, you remembered?” she says, trying to imagine how this Sirius boy would respond.

“Of course I did,” they lean towards her with a smirk.

“Okay, yeah, he’s a fucking idiot,” Dorcas laughs, shaking her head.

“Right? I just wish I wasn’t so fucking attracted to it,” Remus rolls his eyes, laughing at himself good-naturedly.

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” she assures, “It’s only been what? A week?”

“And a half,” Remus confirms, “but he’s been around like four times already.”

“Oh, dear, I don’t think you have to worry, in that case.”

“Perhaps not,” they chuckle.

“Hey, oh! Hi Remus, I didn’t know you’d be over this early, sorry guys,” Lily enters the room, slipping her backpack off her shoulders to drop it on the floor.

“This one entertained me,” they assure her, waving a hand at Dorcas.

“This one?” Lily raises an eyebrow, scolding him with a harsh look.

“Sorry,” he rolls his eyes. “Your lovely roommate Dorcas was entertaining me.”

“Better,” Lily nods curtly.

Dorcas grins. “They were just telling me about Sirius.”

“Oh, God, not this again,” Lily rolls her eyes affectionately.

“Yes, this again, don’t be a cunt,” Remus says, the words somehow gentle.

“Remus, don’t say that word,” Lily scolds, cuffing him on the head.

Dorcas snorts. “I think cunt is a lovely word.”

“See?” Remus exclaims. “It’s not that bad.”

“Well, you aren’t a woman,” Dorcas reasons. “So, maybe don’t be calling people that.”

“Okay, fair,” they agree, nodding. “I can see how that’s bad, I guess.”

“You guess?” Lily is staring them down with hands on her hips. “And really, you only listen when Dorcas tells you?”

“Okay, okay, you’re right. She’s scary though,” Remus shrugs, as Dorcas tries to hold in a laugh at their bickering.

“She is not–Remus, apologize.”

“Nah,” Dorcas waves her hand dismissively. “I like that. If I’m intimidating, people won’t talk to me. It’s a win-win, really.”

“See?!” Remus seems quite smug that Dorcas is on his side. “Dorcas is my kind of person. People need to just fuck off, mind their own business, and leave me alone! It’s just not that difficult,” he shakes his head, as if disappointed that the world doesn’t know any better.

“I’m with you there,” Dorcas nods, “people kind of suck.”

“Jesus, you two,” Lily palms her forehead, even as Remus and Dorcas grin at each other, a sort of ridiculous solidarity found in their general dislike of other people.

“You know,” Remus says thoughtfully. “We should celebrate being done with the first week of the year. You guys wanna come over tomorrow and get fucking hammered?”

“We are athletes , Remus,” Lily scolds. “My body is a temple, blah, blah blah. I am however down to get slightly tipsy.”

“When she says that, she means absolutely hammered,” Remus tells Dorcas conspiratorially.

Dorcas grins. “I don’t really drink, but I’m in.”

“Awesome,” Remus looks genuinely quite excited that she’s agreed. “No pressure or anything, of course. If you want to stay sober that’s totally fine, just to be clear.”

“Yes, thank you for that, I am able to glean that for myself thank you very much,” she comments amusedly, although secretly rather grateful for the disclaimer.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck off,” Remus shakes their head, flipping her off casually.

“Oy,” Lily smiles in affectionate exasperation. “Dorcas, you’re stealing my best friend, and Remus you’re stealing my roommate. This is entirely unfair.”

“Aw, poor you,” Remus gets up from his perch on Lily’s futon to poke her in the sides, making her shriek and push him away.

Dorcas simply laughs, enjoying their unbridled show of affection, content to watch and soak in the energy in the room.

“Oh, we should invite Regulus too, right?” Remus exclaims, as the two friends settle down, Remus having clearly got uncomfortable being on his feet without support, a fact that Lily, upon noticing, had solved by simply shoving him back to the couch with little mercy.

“I wasn’t going to suggest it, since it’s your apartment,” Dorcas smirks. “But yes, definitely.”

“Perfect,” they grin. “Lily, you’re going to like him, he’s sarcastic and mean.”

“Hey–oh, I can’t even be offended, can I?” she laughs, punching him in the shoulder.

“‘M afraid you can’t,” Dorcas chuckles in agreement.

Lily sighs, looking back and forth at the two of them with affection. “Yeah, alright, I trust your judgment on him, go ahead and invite him. I suppose Dorcas needs more young friends, huh?”

“You’re less than a year older than me,” Dorcas is indignant, despite her awareness that Lily is just teasing.

“Oh, come on now, don’t tease her, Lily,” Remus comes to her defense. “She’s just a kid.”

“Fuck off ,” Dorcas complains, crossing her arms grumpily, causing the other two to burst into laughter, which she reluctantly joins, despite herself.

Lily sighs, finally, letting out one more giggle before she calms. “Remus, should we bring anything?”

He shrugs. “Snacks, I guess?”

“Right, we’ll do that tonight then, yeah Meadowes?” Lily looks over at her.

Dorcas nods in agreement.

While Lily doesn’t have her own apartment, she does happen to have a car, a beat up old Honda Civic, but a car all the same. Just a few hours later, Dorcas and Lily are sitting in said Honda Civic (her name is Molly–it’s unclear why), in the parking lot of a Target, as Lily absolutely blasts Taylor Swift’s “Paper Rings”, singing along loudly, while Dorcas laughs in the passenger seat.

I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings, uh-huh. That’s right–

“Darlin’,” Dorcas joins in Lily’s off-tune singing, “you’re the one I want.”

“YES!” Lily screeches. “Yes, Dorcas, come on, to be in this car you must like Taylor Swift.”

“Okay, damn,” Dorcas raises her hands, giggling at the older girl’s dramatics.

At the end of the song, Lily promptly turns the car off. “Okay, we can go shop now.”

“Alright,” Dorcas barely conceals her amusement.

Lily is sitting in the cart within five minutes of being in the store, scrolling through her phone while she sips from her water bottle.

“Lily, what the actual fuck are you doing?” Dorcas asks, hiding a smirk as she comes around the corner to the sight.

“Sitting in the cart,” she replies, her eyes wide and innocent.

Dorcas rolls her eyes, tossing the bag of chocolate chips that she holds at the other girl, who shrieks, dropping her phone to catch it, not without a distinct glare.

“You really expect me to push you around in this?”

“You really expect me to drive you around in my car?”

“Fuck.”

“That’s what I thought,” Lily grins with satisfaction as Dorcas pushes the cart down the aisle.

“You’re the worst.”

“Ooh, wait, get me some pita chips,” Lily reaches towards the shelf with grabby hands, ignoring Dorcas’s previous words.

Dorcas cocks an eyebrow, but does it all the same, once again simply tossing the bag at Lily.

“Alright, what else do we need?” she asks.

Lily looks at her phone. “Board games.”

“That’s most certainly not on the list.”

“Yes it is.”

“Show me.”

Lily flashes her phone around, with barely enough time for Dorcas to even see that the screen is lit. “See?” she says, acting as if it’s some kind of gotcha.

Dorcas sighs. “Fine.”

“Okay, okay, look, sorry, we can stick to the list,” Lily apologizes, looking sincere and a tad guilty.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Dorcas grins. “I’m just being grumpy, I don’t actually mind.”

“Good,” the older girl smiles. “To the board games.”

“To the board games,” Dorcas agrees, an affectionate smile on her face.

They spend far too long in the store for the amount of things that they need to get, mostly due to Lily, a usually very organized person, acting like a five year old. Dorcas is absolutely planning on asking Remus about this phenomenon, fully expecting to make fun of her together for it.

“I’ll start the car up, you want to put the cart back?” Lily asks, once they make it back to the parking lot, Molly’s trunk filled with groceries and various other necessities, along with quite a few things that are distinctly not necessities.

“Sure,” Dorcas agrees. The air is crisp, the night chasing away the August heat with a light breeze and bright stars. She inhales, feeling her lungs stretch, a feeling of calm washing over her–

BEEP

Dorcas jumps, turning to see a grinning redhead behind her, head and shoulders out the window as she smirks.

“LILY!” Dorcas shrieks. “Oh, my God, I’m going to kill you !”

Lily laughs maniacally. “Come on, get in.”

She shakes her head, but is unable to hide the joy that shoots through her at the pure ridiculousness of it all, jogging around the car to hop in the passenger seat, rolling down the window and opening the sunroof to let the fresh night air in.

Lily turns up the music, Clairo’s “Pretty Girl” blasting out into the night, perhaps not exactly the best song to sing along to, but they manage it all the same, shouting the lyrics, grinning and pointing at each other wildly as they do so.

Dorcas adds it to her list.

————

“We come bearing snacks!” Lily announces to Remus as he steps out of the elevator into the lobby of his apartment building.

“Wonderful,” he replies drily. “Come on now, this way.”

“This is a nice building,” Dorcas comments offhandedly once in the elevator. “We’ve been to a few girls' apartments from the soccer team, but none of them have elevators.”

Remus’s lips pull into a flat line. “Yeah, well–” they gesture to their cane.

Oh, shit. “Shit,” she apologizes. “I’m so sorry, I–fuck, I totally forgot.”

He snorts at her, shaking his head. “It’s fine, really. I need a cane, it’s not something you have to ignore.”

“Still,” Dorcas says decidedly. “It was a bit of a dumb comment.”

“Yeah, well,” Remus shrugs. “Can’t deny that.”

“Wow, I don’t even feel apologetic anymore,” she snipes back. “Would you look at that?”

“You guys are intolerable,” Lily smirks, tossing her arms around their shoulders. She’s shorter than both of them, so this is no small feat, especially considering the fact that she still holds the grocery bags of snacks in her hand, which hit their chests with a smack.

“Shit, Lily,” Remus smacks her hand away. “That fucking hurt.”

“Oops,” she looks only slightly apologetic.

They step off the elevator at the fifth floor, Remus welcoming them into his apartment. It’s small, but nice, well furnished and cozy, with plants lining the windowsill.

“This is nice,” Dorcas comments, politely.

“Ooh, you guys got hummus?” Remus is apparently not paying attention, instead digging through the bags of snacks that Lily has placed at the kitchen table.

“Lily insisted.”

“Aw, well thank you,” they smile softly at Lily, who simply hums in response.

“Question,” Dorcas joins them at the table. “When you go shopping. Does Lily always sit–”

“In the cart?” Remus finishes for her.

“Yes! What the hell is that? It’s like she suddenly became a child the second we stepped into the store.”

“I honestly have no clue why she does it, but you had better get used to it,” Remus shakes their head in amusement. “It’s every fucking time, since we were like 16–and I don’t know how she does it, either! I’ll turn around for a second, and bam! She’s sitting in the cart, and I won’t even hear her do it. It’s amazing really.”

Lily grins deviously, looking quite satisfied with their confusion.

“Oh, Regulus is here,” Remus looks down at their phone. “Shit, I’m going to go get him, you guys will–yeah, you’ll be fine.”

“Yes, I do think we’ll be able to handle ourselves,” Lily shakes her head.

Remus flips her off as he walks out the door.

By the time that he gets back with Regulus, the two of them have arranged the food on the kitchen table, and Lily has opened a bottle of wine, sipping it from a glass in between bites of food.

“Lily, Regulus, Regulus, Lily,” Remus introduces.

“Hey,” Regulus smiles tightly.

“Hi,” Lily nods back.

“Oh, God, you both are so uptight,” Remus complains, breaking the tension. “Here, let’s sit down and pour everyone some drinks.”

Regulus sits down next to Dorcas, slightly stiff as his gaze sweeps around the apartment.

“Alright, now, what does everyone want?” Remus asks, opening their fridge.

“I’m good for now,” Dorcas offers when no one else speaks.

“Right. Regulus?”

“I’ll just start off with some wine,” he replies, gesturing awkwardly to Lily.

“Perfect,” Remus nods, grabbing three more glasses out of their cabinet, filling one for Regulus and leaving the other two empty.

“So how are you liking it at Hogwarts?” Lily asks, curious eyes darting towards Regulus.

“It’s great,” he smiles, small but real. “Like I said before to Remus, it’s so great to have a bit more freedom.”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Lily sympathizes. “When I’m at home it’s all about my fucking sister. She’s not even–she’s a year younger, and she’s going to college on the east coast, so my parents don’t see her that much and it’s always ‘Lily, be nice to your sister’ or ‘Lily did you hear about what Petunia did?”. It’s awful, because she didn’t even get accepted here, but they think that I already know how great I am so they need to make up for it with her. It sucks.”

“Sounds like it,” Regulus nods.

“So what are you escaping from at home?” Lily asks, tilting her head to the side.

“I’m going to need to be a little more drunk to talk about that,” Regulus shakes his head wryly.

“Okay,” Lily changes the subject quickly. “Anyway, apparently when you get to sophomore year, sylly week gets significantly less syllabus-y and a lot more let’s jump right in-y.”

“Looking forward to that, I guess,” Dorcas says drily.

“Oh, it’s not all bad,” Remus assures, “stuff gets a lot more interesting once you get past your first year.”

Lily hums in agreement.

“I have a question,” Regulus announces.

“Yes?” Dorcas asks, slightly amused.

“So I remembered that you’re on the soccer team, right? And shit, I had no idea how good that was until I actually looked it up. So–should I go to your games?” He knits his brows together as if the ask is somehow heavy.

Dorcas laughs, surprised by the question. “If you want to, you can. It’s really not that big of a deal though.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Lily grins. “Regulus, it is a very big deal, this one is a starter her freshman year–and I don’t even start my second year on the team. Come if you want, but–very much a big deal.”

“I suspected as much,” Regulus grins, clearly starting to relax. “Remus, if I go, will you come with me?”

“If I must,” Remus sighs, as if this would be some sort of terrible struggle from him.

“Oy, not this again,” Lily complains. “They have such a weird thing with the games, constantly complaining, but they still came to like three or four last year.”

“Yeah, cause I fucking care about you, sor ry ,” Remus rolls their eyes good naturedly.

She flips him off, narrowing her eyes at him dramatically.

Dorcas can’t help but to laugh, shaking her head at their antics.

“Well in that case, I will be there,” Regulus announces decidedly.

“You don’t have to,” Dorcas protests.

“I want to,” Regulus assures with a small grin.

“Good, then,” Remus smiles. “More wine, anyone? I’m going to pour myself a glass.”

“I’ll take some,” Dorcas lifts a finger. She feels comfortable enough around these people now that one glass sounds like quite a nice idea.

Lily and Regulus both hold up their glasses for more, having finished their first round rather quickly.

“I love drinking wine,” Lily comments. “Makes me feel so fancy.”

“Ah yes,” Remus replies drily as he pours them each a glass. “The fifteen dollar bottle of wine. So elegant.”

Regulus snorts. “God, if my parents could see me now.”

Dorcas knits her brow, debating on whether or not to ask a question, but ultimately deciding against it.

“I want to sit on the floor,” Lily announces. Dorcas suspects she’s slightly tipsy.

“Alright,” Remus acquiesces with amusement. “We may sit on the floor.”

Lily precariously grabs the bowl of potato chips in one hand, glass still in the other, and plops down on Remus’s floor. Definitely tipsy.

“If you spill you’re paying for it,” they warn, pointing a finger at Lily.

“Yes, yes, okay,” she lifts her hands in surrender, one of them holding the glass of red wine, making her argument feel rather insincere.

“Looks like we’re moving to the ground then,” Dorcas grabs her own glass, sitting down next to Lily and watching as Remus and Regulus do the same.

“How do you know each other?” Regulus asks Lily bluntly.

“Well,” she starts, and Dorcas can already tell that she’s about to share a dramatized version of a fairly bland story. “In middle school, Remus and I both had a crush on the same guy. We were also in all of the honors classes, so we knew each other pretty well at that point. We were classic middle school nerds: smart when it came to school, idiots when it came to just about everything else. So we did absolutely nothing about our crushes besides watching this guy constantly, which seemed to always put us in the same spot. We actually had a little bit of a rivalry there, I think.”

“We certainly did not,” Remus snorts. “Maybe you did, but I always thought you were nice.”

“Well, maybe I was just a bitch,” Lily waves a hand dismissively. “Anyway, after a while, the dude got a girlfriend–and she was most definitely a bitch–so Remus and I would snark about her to each other. The guy who we were crushing on ended up being kind of a dick too, and we just sort of became friends.”

“Hmm,” Regulus nods, satisfied with this explanation. “Let me guess, everyone thought you two were dating after that.”

“Fucking always, ” Lily complains, and oh, she is definitely past tipsy now. “The heteronormativity man–” that’s going on the list “–so annoying.”

Remus laughs at her before taking a swig from his glass. “It was kind of funny how often we had people ask if we were together.”

“Yeah funny for you,” Lily retorts. “Cause they always just wanted to get with you.”

“Not always,” Remus disagrees, in a way that makes it very clear that this is in fact what happened most of the time.

“Oh please, the amount of people who tried to get close to me to get close to you in high school was honestly sad.”

“Mostly because it never worked,” Remus laughs.

Regulus and Dorcas smirk at each other, enjoying the bickering.

Dorcas can feel the effects of the wine now, just slightly, her legs tingling and everything feeling just a little bit funnier.

“It worked once or twice,” Lily is saying, shaking her head.

“With who?”

“Emerson? Ben?”

“Okay, well, with Em, she genuinely did want to be your friend too. Ben–well, Ben sucked, and we learned that the hard way.”

Guys and girls then.

“True, true,” Lily agrees.

“And besides, there were definitely people who did the opposite,” Remus points out.

“Really.”

Remus simply raises their eyebrows at her.

Interesting. Dorcas is curious now. “Oh, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Lily appears to sober up. “Nothing, nothing.”

“Right,” Remus clearly senses that it’s time for a subject change. “How about you guys? Like high school?”

“God no,” Regulus’s lips turn down slightly at the corners. “I was very pressured to be smart, as well as very gay and very closeted, with very shitty family.”

“Oh!” Lily says brightly, raising her glass. “Isn’t that fun!”

“Nope!” Regulus replies, with an equally bright voice, clinking his glass together with hers.

They both down their respective drinks, as Dorcas looks on with a sad smile.

Remus gets up, coming back with a second bottle of wine. “How about you, Dorcas? How was your high school experience?”

Gay, closeted, high pressure–pretty much like Regulus’s.

“It was alright,” she shrugs. “Could have been better, could have been worse.”

“Cheers to that,” Lily replies, knocking their glasses together but this time only sipping her drink, as Dorcas does the same, pursing her lips at the acidity of the wine.

“Well let’s hope it’s better now that you guys are in college,” Remus offers, granting them a kind smile.

“Already is,” Regulus confirms.

Dorcas nods, half agreeing, which Lily notices.

“Dorcas?”

“I don’t know. You know, I love rooming with you, Lil, but–the rest of the team is not always great.”

“Don’t I know it,” Lily twists her lips in sympathy. “Whenever I happen to bring Remus around any of them there’s an equal chance that they try to get with him, or that they get me to date him.”

“Once again, heteronormativity at its finest,” Remus shakes their head bitterly.

“Are you both gay?” Regulus asks bluntly, gesturing to the two friends.

They look at each other apprehensively.

“Well, I’m bi, not gay,” Remus corrects. “Umbrella term gay, yes, specific term, no.”

Lily clears her throat nervously. “Yeah. Me–uh, me too.”

Her eyes meet Dorcas’s, the fear in them evident, but all Dorcas can feel is relief as she purges that stupid fucking list from her mind.

“Put your glass down,” she tells Lily.

The fear flashes again, but Lily does as she says.

Dorcas tackles her in a hug.

“Oh fuck,” Lily sighs into her braids. “You fucking scared me Meadowes.”

She can feel a singular tear drip onto her neck, and tightens her grip on Lily in comfort.

“Oh, thank fucking God,” she sighs as she pulls away. “I–fuck, I am a raging lesbian, I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that.”

Lily is still wiping her eyes, but a soft smile makes its way onto her face. “Well, fuck. I guess all my nerves have been for nothing.”

Remus shakes their head affectionately. “Dorcas, you have no idea how much she’s been stressing, I’m–I’m very glad for both of you.”

Dorcas grins, pure elation running through her veins. “Me too. Me too.”

“The, um” Lily starts. “The rest of the team is–well, I’m sure you’ve noticed. They’re not great, all of them. I’m not out, as you might have guessed–except to Alice, but Alice is like, amazing.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Dorcas sighs, disappointed but not surprised. “My high school team was awful–actually, and this is kind of ridiculous–but you guys are the only people I’ve ever–you’re the first.”

“Shit,” Remus grins. “Well, in that case, I’m honored.”

Regulus simply bumps his shoulder to hers, and Lily meets her eyes from across the circle with a welcoming smile.

Chapter 5: good old-fashioned lover boy

Chapter Text

i'd like for you and i to go romancing

say the word, your wish is my command

“Sirius, just give me his number, come on,” James pleads.

“James, bud, Reggie won’t even respond to me, what makes you think he’ll talk to you?”

“I’m charming,” James pouts.

“You– no, James, you will not flirt with my baby brother,” Sirius scolds, wagging a finger in James’s face.

“I’m not gonna–fuck off.”

“Oh please,” Marlene rolls her eyes. “That boy will flirt with anything that breathes.”

“Except my brother.”

“Except your brother,” James raises his hands in defense.

“Look, just give me his number,” Marlene sighs. “I’ll make it clear how annoying I find you, we’ll bond, and I’ll invite him over on–whenever you want,” she waves a hand at Sirius.

“Would you really?” Sirius looks at her with large eyes.

“Jesus, you act like I’m doing you some huge favor. I want to meet him as much as you want us to meet him, okay?”

“Okay, here, I’ll send you his contact,” Sirius offers, looking at her expectantly.

“Oh, like, right now, I should text him?”

“I mean, if you want to,” his tone makes it very clear that this is what he wants to happen.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll text him.”

She creates the contact in her phone, changing ‘Reggie’ to ‘Baby Black’, which James finds quite hilarious.

New Message: Baby Black

10:42 AM

Hey, Sirius’s roommate here

______________________________

Sirius peers over her shoulder as she types, squinting at the message suspiciously.

“Okay, Sirius, stop hovering.”

“I’m not hovering.”

“You’re hovering,” James and Marlene inform him in sync.

“Fuck off,” he grumbles, although he does move away.

“Right, just, I’ll tell you when he texts back, okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius acquiesces, the grumble in his voice making his feelings clear.

It’s hours before Regulus texts back, and Sirius is out at the library doing homework, so she does not in fact let him know.

Baby Black

3:12 PM

Potter?

3:28 PM

God no

Marlene

The less annoying one

3:40 PM

And why are you texting me, Marlene?

You’re fun

Sirius would like you to come over on Friday

But apparently you aren’t texting him back

He’s being very annoying

Sounds about right.

Yup

So…

Fine.

You’ll come?

Yes.

Awesome! I look forward to meeting you!

______________________________

The last text is left unresponded to, but from what Marlene has heard about Regulus, his agreement to come is a win in itself.

gays on gryffindor street

4:06 PM

He said yes

SOB

youre joking

I am not

Jamesie

That’s awesome!

When?

Friday

I didn’t say a time

SOB

what a bitch

he says youre annoying

Lovely

Jamesie

He didn’t actually say that.

Sirius is just bitter that Reggie won’t text him back.

Bitch

SOB

youre the bitch

Are you being sexist rn?

SOB

yes

</3

______________________________

Marlene shakes her head at the similarities she can already see between the two Black brothers. She has a strong feeling, however, that neither of them would appreciate this observation.

————

Friday night comes quickly, the second week of school going by more smoothly than the first, as it tends to do. James and Sirius are both in a tizzy over Regulus coming over, a fact which would be funny if it weren’t for the palpable stress in the air.

“No, no, absolutely not, Reggie will not be drinking,” Sirius is telling James.

“Okay, I didn’t say he would be,” James retorts, his voice calm as if he’s talking to a reactive animal. “You need to relax a bit, I’m just putting some beers in the fridge.”

“I know, I just,” the other boy’s voice lowers to a whisper. “I want him to like you guys. And I want you to like him.”

“Oh, babe, don’t even worry about that,” Marlene snakes an arm around his shoulders. “Of course we’re going to like him. And we’ll do our best to impress him too.”

“Yeah?” Sirius chews his lip. “Okay, I’m sorry, I–I’m not trying to stress you guys out.”

“No,” James says firmly. “No, you’re not, okay? We’ll make sure everything’s good here, and you–you just stress as much as you need to, okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius drops his head onto Marlene’s shoulder for a second before lifting it with an inhale. “Okay, I’m fine, I think I’ll sit down for a bit, if that’s okay?”

“Yep, you go to the couch,” James shoos him away. “And Leeny, can you keep an eye on the cookies, please? They should be done in just a few.”

“Yep.”

“Okay, okay, and then the pizza will be here in an hour, and–um, we’ll set out a deck of cards, and maybe Uno or something?”

“Yeah, yeah, you wanna do that while I watch the cookies?”

“Yes, Sirius, they’re coming at six, right?”

“Yeah, he says he’s leaving his dorm at 5:45, but then he’s meeting up with his friend so that they can walk over together.”

“Okay,” James exhales. “Okay, so ten minutes then. I think we should be all ready.”

“Jesus, you two are acting like this is a first date or something,” Marlene rolls her eyes affectionately. “It’ll be fine, okay? I promise.”

“Okay,” the boys breathe out together.

She can’t help but to laugh a little at that. “Ooh, these cookies are looking good, James, I think I’ll take them out now.”

Marlene, for all her pretense of stability, is honestly a bit stressed by the boys’ aura, as if their very anxiety is seeping into her pores, making her heart beat faster too. Therefore, she jumps at the knock on the door, knocking her wrist into the hot pan, making her hiss and leap towards the sink to run cold water over it, the icy flow soothing her angry skin.

“Here, I’ll grab the cookies,” James offers.

“You all good?” Sirius has come up beside her as well, peering at her arm with concern.

“Yeah, yeah, go get the door.”

“It’s fine, I just texted him and told him to just come in.”

The sound of the door creaking open draws her attention. “Right, let’s be good hosts then.”

As she comes into view of their guests she halts, forcing Sirius to walk around her.

“Moony?”

“Sirius?”

“What the fuck?” The third voice comes from a boy who looks much like Sirius, but also… not. He’s all sharp angles whereas Sirius is softer, a thin mouth to Sirius’s expressive one, short curly hair to Sirius’s long wavy locks.

“Moony?” Moony asks, incredulously, eyes only for Sirius. “Wait, no, fuck–are you two fucking brothers?”

“Shit–” Sirius appears put-out. “Um, yes, and uh, well, I didn’t know your name, but–you drew the moons and–Moony,” he finishes lamely, with a shrug.

“No,” Regulus announces. “Nope, no, Sirius you can’t steal Remus from me. No.”

“Remus,” Sirius breathes.

“I–just, come in, guys, would you?” Marlene offers, ushering them inside.

James has watched this all occur from the kitchen, his view of their guests obscured by the corner of the kitchen wall. “Oh, hello,” he says as they walk into his line of sight, a small smirk rising onto his face.

“No. No.” Sirius sounds like he’s scolding a dog, actually wagging his finger at James as he speaks. “No!”

James giggles, raising his hands and backing away from the angry boy.

“I am so sorry for this,” Marlene apologizes to Regulus and Moo–Remus, but not without a small smirk of her own. “I’d love to say they aren’t usually like this, but…”

This draws small exhales of laughter from the two, and they appear to relax, at least a little bit.

“Here, why don’t you sit down over here,” she gestures to the couch, “and I’ll put some of those cookies on a plate for us, yeah?”
“They smell delicious,” Regulus comments, the compliment just a bit more than simple politeness.

Marlene stalks back into the kitchen, where Sirius and James are bickering in low tones. “You two, get yourselves together,” she hisses at them sternly. “James, cookies. No flirting. With either one of them. Sirius, you come with me, you’re going to talk to Moony. Remus, whatever. Come on, let’s go.”

“Right,” Sirius says through clenched teeth, straightening his back.

Remus and Regulus are leaning together, discussing something or other, but they draw apart quickly as Marlene and Sirius approach.

“Can I talk to you?” Sirius blurts.

“Which one?” Moony asks with a cocked eyebrow.

Sirius looks rather dumbfounded, despite the simple question. “You.”

“I suppose we could arrange that,” they smile, lifting themself off the couch with the help of their cane–which Marlene didn’t know they used until approximately three minutes ago.

Regulus looks very obviously upset with this. “You can’t–you’re both leaving me?” he hisses, eyes wide in a sort of social panic.

“Yup,” Sirius flashes him an obnoxious grin. “You’ll be fine, Reggie.”

“Regulus,” the younger boy mutters, rolling his eyes as Sirius and Remus excuse themselves to–oh, yes Sirius has grabbed Remus’s hand and led him directly into his room, shutting the door behind them.

“Well,” Marlene plasters on a too-bright smile. “I’m… not going to think about whatever’s going on in there–”

“Cookies,” James blurts, interrupting her. “I mean, here, have some cookies.”

Regulus looks up at the taller boy with curiosity, their eyes locked as he slides a gooey chocolate chip cookie off of the plate.

“Right,” Marlene feels distinctly uncomfortable. “Shall we–let’s–Uno?”

“Yeah, yes,” James looks as if he’s been shocked out of a trance. “Uno sounds great.”

They look at Regulus with expectation. “Sound good to you, Baby Black?” James asks with a smirk.

Regulus’s face sours immediately. “Regulus. To you. And yes, but, I don’t” he winces. “Teach me how to play?”

“Sirius never taught you?” James asks with indignation, tactfully avoiding the subject of their parents. “Jesus, that boy is a failure of an older brother.” His tone is lighthearted and teasing, but Marlene sees that it hits a spot with Regulus.

“He’s not,” the boy says curtly.

“Okay,” the tension in the room is palpable, and James appears to be at an absolute loss on how to fix it.

“Here,” Marlene gently slides the deck of cards from his hand. “It’s easy, we just go around in a circle placing cards in the middle pile. It just has to be either the same number, color, or both. Why don’t we do a practice round, just to show you?”

“That would be great,” Regulus looks at her with gratitude, while from the chair next to her, James does the same.

Once Regulus picks it up, he’s ruthless, stacking plus twos and hoarding wilds to win two out of three rounds.

“Beginner’s luck,” James insists.

“Are you saying I’m not skilled?” Regulus asks with a phony pout.

“I–no,” James stutters.

“Oh my God, the two of you are dreadful. Both of you know this game is like 90% luck, so don’t do this whole bickering thing,” Marlene rolls her eyes.

The tension between the two is undeniable, although it’s rather ambiguous how Regulus feels about the older boy. James however, is obviously into him, which Marlene knows the signs of all too well, having known him for too long now. No matter the other details, she’s fairly certain that Sirius would absolutely not appreciate James’s little crush.

Speaking of Sirius, he comes out of his room, leading Remus by the wrist with a goofy grin on his face. “We’re going to go on a date,” he announces proudly, and even Regulus’s lips twist up slightly, despite his previous annoyance.

“Good for you, man,” James nods with a proud smile.

“You guys were in there for a while,” Marlene raises her brow, suspicious, but mostly just wanting to stir the pot.

Sirius blushes a deep red, the color embarrassingly evident on the pale skin of his face. “We didn’t–” he protests. “It’s–nothing happened.”

Marlene turns her gaze to Remus who shakes their head in amusement. “As much as I would like to say otherwise, no, nothing happened.”

Sirius’s face gets impossibly more red.

“Okay, no,” Regulus says decisively. “I don’t want to see this,” he waves his hand at the two. “Just–no making your stupid heart eyes at each other or I swear to God I’m going to murder one or both of you. And then probably myself.”

James looks maddeningly charmed by this.

“I like him,” Marlene announces with a smile. Sirius glares at the both of them, while Remus, still attached to Sirius by the wrist, simply laughs at their antics.

“Okay, okay,” James wipes his hands on his jeans awkwardly. “The pizza will be here in a bit, but for now, how about we play a card game?” At Regulus’s pointed look he adds, “With Remus and Sirius separated, yes.”

“Fine,” Sirius sighs, finally letting go of Remus’s hand to sit on an ottoman next to Marlene, whereas Remus lounges on the couch next to Regulus. “Regulus cheats, though.”

“I do not cheat,” the younger boy protests. “Card counting is a totally fair practice.”

“Damn, you can count cards?” James looks wildly impressed.

“Yes,” Regulus replies flatly.

“Alright, alright,” Marlene once again feels like a bit of a mediator. “What game should we play? BS?”

There are various sounds of agreement.

“Right, I can shuffle,” Remus offers, holding his hand out for Marlene to drop the box of cards into his palm. He pours the cards out into his hand, then cuts them smoothly, leafing the cards with ease into a bridge, which he does several times, the snap of the cards satisfying and crisp.

“For fuck’s sake,” Regulus mutters, startling Marlene into looking up from the cards and following the boy’s gaze to Sirius, who watches Remus’s hands with a slack jaw.

“Just–deal the cards, Moony–Remus” she sighs. “What should I call you, anyway?”

“Whichever,” they reply, at the same time that Sirius says “Remus.”

She looks back and forth between the two. “Remus,” Sirius repeats. “I’ve decided that only I can call them Moony.”

“You’re so–you know what? Fine,” Marlene sighs, mildly irritated. “Remus it is then.”

Remus chuckles, and begins dealing out cards to the group, five neat stacks that smoothly fall into place in front of them. “Ace of spades starts,” they say as the pile disappears, picking up their own hand of cards.

James finds the card in his hand and begins, the circle wrapping clockwise once, then twice, before Marlene places down a spare jack with the claim “one ten.”

Sirius narrows his eyes at her. “BS.”

“Fuck,” she reaches her arms in to drag the cards towards her. “This game is stupid.”

“You can’t say that just because you’re losing,” Sirius retorts.

“Oh, because you don’t do the same,” Regulus joins the conversation, rolling his eyes.

Sirius simply flips his brother off, and then James continues by placing a jack face down in the center of the table.

The game continues around the circle twice more without any callouts, the stack getting progressively more intimidating with each turn.

“BS,” Regulus claims finally as Remus places down a card. The two of them make intense eye contact before Remus swears and picks up the cards.

“I lied twice that round,” James announces gleefully, bouncing a bit in his chair.

“You know that’s–oh never mind,” Regulus shakes his head, a wry smile on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, tell me,” James pesters.

“I just–you’re making the game easier for me when you tell me that,” Regulus explains.

“Oh. Oh well then,” the older boy shrugs, inexplicably happy despite this information.

Sirius lets out a long groan, one which Marlene echoes internally. She’s not usually one to find couples annoying (or perhaps couples isn’t quite the right word), but–when she doesn't have anyone to spoil herself, it makes it a hell of a lot more difficult to appreciate others being happy. Especially Remus and Sirius and their stupid happy, horny selves. Disgusting.

The pizza comes at a rather fortunate time, as Sirius and Regulus have begun to bicker yet again . Marlene straightens immediately at the sound of the doorbell. “I got it!”

“Here,” James hands her his wallet.

“Thank you,” she plucks it from his fingers with a grin.

“Oh, hello,” she says upon answering the door. The girl holding the pizza looks unfairly cute in her uniform, her blonde hair contrasting with the bright red fabric.

She shoves the pizzas towards Marlene. “That’ll be 42.33 please,” she drawls in a bored voice.

“Right, yes,” Marlene grabs 50 from James’s wallet. “Here, keep the change.”

“Thanks,” the girl blinks slowly. “Have a good one, I guess.”

Alright then. Well she was rather abrupt. Marlene returns the cordiality, shaking her head as she closes the door.

“She was kinda rude,” she announces as she sets the pizzas on the table. “Cute, but rude.”

“I mean, food service does suck,” Remus points out.

“I know that,” she responds, slightly offended. “I’m not,” she waves at the other boys, “rich or anything. I’ve done my fair share of shitty work. I was a hell of a lot nicer than that though.”

“Fair, fair,” Remus allows. “So what do we have here?” They rub their hands together in anticipation for the pizza.

Marlene simply looks with question at James. “Right,” he seems startled. “Um, so there’s veggie, cheese, and pepperoni, I wasn’t sure what everyone would want.”

“You could have asked,” Regulus squints at James.

“I… could have,” he admits, wincing slightly.

“Well, this is what we have, and you’ll fucking appreciate it,” Sirius exclaims with a bright smile.

“I wasn’t saying I wouldn’t,” Regulus grumbles.

The rest of the night passes smoothly (or at least as smooth as it could be, given the company). As the clock nears ten, Regulus becomes more and more quiet, a fact that somehow James and Sirius don’t notice.

“Do you guys want to be home by a certain time tonight?” she interrupts James and Remus’s conversation about something psychology related.

“I was thinking 11,” Regulus says quickly, sending a grateful glance towards her, even as he directs his words at Sirius.

Remus looks mildly disappointed, but nods. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Or we could walk Regulus back if you wanted to stay for a bit longer,” Marlene offers.

Glances are exchanged between all parties before they seem to reach a similar consensus.

“That would be great, if you don’t mind,” Regulus acquiesces, Remus and Sirius nodding in agreement.

“Right, we’ll leave in five then?” James asks.

Regulus and Marlene nod in agreement.

“Perfect,” James’s lips turn upwards in satisfaction. “I’ll just clean up a bit before we go, okay?”

“Of course,” Regulus smiles politely.

James has an extra bounce in his step as he walks towards the kitchen with empty pizza boxes in his hand, even as Sirius glares after him.

That look quickly abates though, as Remus leans across the table to place a calming hand on Sirius’s knee. The frown absolutely melts, his face turning a dusty pink with the touch.

Marlene rolls her eyes, catching in the corner of her eye that Regulus is doing the same. She smiles softly at him, a gesture which he returns. She rather likes Regulus, despite his apparent grumpiness. He seems to be kind when it counts, and if Remus and Sirius know and like him, that’s enough for her.

“Okay, let’s get going, yes?” James asks after a few minutes of clattering and the soft sounds of running water.

“Sure.”

Sirius gets up along with the rest of them. “Hey, James,” he nudges the taller boy. “Can I grab your keys, I don’t want to walk them all the way back.”

“That’s right,” James flushes slightly. “I–do you want us to just drive you back, Reg?”

Regulus glances back and forth between Sirius and Remus with a sigh. “No, no, I’m fine with walking if the two of you are.”

“Yeah,” James and Marlene nod in unison.

“So, should we…” Regulus tilts his head when neither of them actually make a move to leave.

“Yep, yes, yeah,” Marlene cracks her knuckles and walks to the door.

Regulus pauses before following her. “It’s Regulus, by the way,” he tells James. “Not Reg.”

“Damn.”

Even without looking, Marlene can practically see the rueful smile on James’s face.

“Come on, let’s go,” she says, rather impatiently, opening the door and letting the cool night air waft into the room. The faint smell of weed makes her crinkle up her nose as she steps fully out, lifting her arms out to feel enveloped in the night.

Regulus and James step out behind her, the latter inhaling deeply, then letting it out with a sigh.

“Which dorm are you?” James asks, walking towards the main road.

“Salazar,” Regulus mutters.

“Ah, the snakes, right. We were in Godric North, Sirius and I, and Marlene was in South. Those old buildings are tough with no air conditioning, huh?”

Regulus shrugs. “It hasn’t been too bad so far, but I suppose there will be worse days.”

“Well, you’re always welcome at ours,” Marlene offers. “No matter the reason, really.”

The younger boy seems to consider this for a second. “Thank you, Marlene.”

She nods. “Actually, while we’re on the topic, we should make plans again sometime. Maybe another game night?”

Marlene likes Regulus, she truly does, but the offer, in its essence, is for James and Sirius. Sirius who needs his little brother but is terrified of pushing him away. James, who clearly has a crush, but will always put Sirius first, and will never make a move without some sort of push.

Regulus seems to mull it over for a minute, truly taking his time to answer her. “I think I would like that,” he says finally, granting her the smallest of smiles.

She returns it, far wider, feeling her cheeks stretch with the grin. “Perfect, how does next Friday work for you?”

“Terribly, I’m afraid,” he shakes his head, deadpan. “Fridays are when I party, obviously.”

James, somehow, doesn’t catch on to the sarcasm. “You party?” he asks, sounding sincere, if a bit judgemental.

“Sarcasm, dear,” Regulus’s voice drips with it.

James’s dark skin is framed by a street lamp, the blush on his cheeks painfully evident. “Right, yes. I knew that, of course.”

“Of course,” the younger returns, rolling his eyes for what must be the hundredth time.

“You two,” Marlene snorts, quickly schooling her expression back into one of disinterest as both of the boys glare at her.

The rest of the walk is quiet, other than the occasional comment by James, met with a mutter response by one of the other two.

“This is me,” Regulus says finally, gesturing to the large stone building that looms in front of them.

“No, we’ll walk you in,” James insists.

The younger boy tries his best not to accept the offer, while James continues to push back, until finally Marlene is fed up. “He’s not changing his mind,” she blurts. “We literally could have been inside by now.”

Both boys have the decency to look embarrassed as Marlene claps them on the backs, turning them in the direction of the entrance.

James, ever the gentleman, holds the door for the both of them as they step into the lobby, Marlene thanking him, while Regulus simply ignores it.

“Good night,” the older boy says brightly, looking hesitant to leave.

Regulus steps into the elevator, waving goodbye to them. “Text me when you get back safe,” he says to Marlene with a slight blush as the doors close, leaving James with a half grin lingering on his face.

“Come on, idiot,” Marlene grumbles, as James makes no move to go, physically turning the boy around towards the doors.

“Right,” James clears his throat. “Yes, right, I’m coming.”

“So are we going to talk about that?” she asks as they step back into the cool night air, the stars glittering above them, making Marlene think fleetingly of Sirius.

“Talk about–oh who am I kidding,” James sighs. “I don’t know, Lene, he’s–cute, and funny, and–is it weird that I like when he’s mean to me?”

“Yeah, a little bit,” Marlene says, not unkindly. “Look, just–Sirius and him, they’re still figuring shit out, just–be careful.”

“I know,” James nods emphatically. “I’m not going to do anything, it’s just–harmless flirting, you know?”

“I do,” Marlene says softly. “Don’t get hurt, James.”

“I’ll try my best,” he sighs with a rueful grin, slinging an arm around her shoulder.

She sighs, but leans into the warmth, swaying with the taller boy as they walk.

————

Not so shockingly, almost a week later, James is still attracted to Regulus, Sirius is halfway in love with Remus, and Marlene is… studying. Her phone vibrates on the table, a welcome escape from the blank document in front of her that is supposed to be somehow forming itself into an essay.

Incoming Call: Jamesie

She sighs and picks up the phone. “Hello.”

The sound of another person joining the call rings in her ear.

“What’s up, James?” Sirius’s voice is slightly tinny over the speaker.

“Oh, hey Sirius,” Marlene greets the other boy.

“Hey. What’s going on?”

“Guys,” James says, sounding oddly guilty.

“Oh, fuck, what did you do,” Marlene hisses, trying not to let her voice travel.

“Don’t be mad,” he whines.

“James,” Sirius interjects. “What?”

“So you know how there are always those signs on the lampposts–”

“Get to the point,” Marlene interrupts. “No stalling.”

“We have a dog now,” James blurts.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she rubs her forehead with her spare hand. “Okay, tell the story.”

James makes a weak sound on the other end of the phone. “So, there was this ad. For puppies, Lene. And they were adoptable, and they–oh, it was so sad, they were surrendered because their owner couldn’t take care of them and–so I went to the shelter because it was on my way–okay, it wasn’t on my way but it also wasn’t far, and I said I wanted to meet them and–and. This little one just climbed right into my lap, and she’s two months old, guys, but she’s really skinny, because she wasn’t getting enough food, and it was so sad . I had to take her.”

“Jesus fucking Christ James,” Marlene can practically hear the affectionate grin on Sirius’s face.

“I know , but–I already signed all the paperwork, and–if you guys say no, I’ll take her back but–don’t make me take her back, please?”

Marlene sighs. “You don’t have to take her back.”

“We have a puppy!” Sirius exclaims. “Oh, fuck, I mean–yes, sorry, Minnie–Mrs. McGonagall, yes, my bad.”

“Are you at the library again?” James asks.

“How’d you know?” Sirius drawls. “Apparently I was being too loud.”

“Shocking,” Marlene comments dryly. “So, we have a dog now?”

“Yes.” James responds with finality. “Oh, I can’t wait for you guys to meet her, she’s the sweetest little thing.”

“Alright James,” she can’t help but to smile. “I have class in 20 minutes, so I’ll be home in an hour and a half, I’ll see you then.”

“Okay, love you, bye!”

“Love you too, bye.”

Marlene has an extra skip in her step as she walks home, a small grin finding its way onto her face unwillingly more than once. In fact, she barely notices when a cute girl catches said smile and smirks back at her.

No matter though, as she steps in the door of their apartment, excited to meet the new addition to their family.

“Hello,” she calls softly.

“In here,” James replies from his room, the sound muffled slightly.

Marlene slips her shoes off quickly, tossing her backpack on the floor and padding softly over to James’s door. “Can I come in?” she asks, her stomach buzzing with excitement.

“You may,” James says, his voice high pitched like he’s talking to a baby.

She steps into the room slowly to see a tiny bundle of black and white fur curled up in James’s lap. She feels her face melt immediately.

“Oh, my–oh look at you,” her voice almost instinctively goes soft as she talks to the puppy.

“She’s sleeping,” James whispers, pointing out the rather obvious.

“Okay,” Marlene whispers back.

“Here, sit down,” he pats the floor next to him. “She’s pretty nervous, so be quiet, okay?”

She lowers herself to the ground gently, reaching out to brush the puppy’s cotton-soft fur with the tips of her fingers. “Oh, she’s so soft .”

“I know,” James rubs behind her ears. “Do you want to hold her?”

Marlene nods excitedly, and James gently scoops the dog up, lowering her into Marlene’s lap. She makes a small mewling noise, looking up at Marlene with large brown eyes, then turns to settle into her, resting her head against Marlene’s stomach.

“Oh,” she sighs, stroking the dog’s back. “Oh, she’s like a little furnace–yes, you are, aren’t you?”

“It’s the puppy heat,” James whispers, his eyes sparkling.

“Does she have a name?” Marlene doesn’t even draw her eyes from her lap for a second as she speaks.

“Not yet. The shelter called her Hope, but I don’t think that fits.”

Marlene shakes her head. “We can think of something better, can’t we? Yes we can.” She’s honestly not sure if she’s talking to James or to the dog at this point.

“Isn’t she sweet,” James’s face is pure affection.

“She is. Yes, you are.” Marlene continues to gently stroke her back, the puppy fur soft and warm.

“Can you watch her while I get some stuff for her from the store?”

“Yes. James, can you afford all this stuff?” Marlene starts to think about the actuality of having a pet in college. “I mean, like vet bills, supplies, food. Shit, does this apartment even allow pets?”

“Yes,” he replies with a sense of finality. “To all of those things. My–” he blushes a little, “my parents will pay for it–if we need.”

“Okay. Good. And–she’s going to need walks, and to go out in the middle of the night, and–it’s going to be a lot of work. Are you sure you can handle it? Because if you can’t, now’s the time.”

“I can,” James promises. “I did think about this, past my excitement. If you and Sirius can take her on a walk a few times a week, then I can handle the rest of it. Promise.”

“Okay,” Marlene coos, “good. I wouldn’t want to have to get rid of this little sweetie, now would I? No, no I wouldn’t. Oh, you’re going to be the most spoiled puppy in the whole world, little one.”

James looks on fondly. “She is, isn’t she?”

He proves himself right when he comes back from the store with what must be hundreds of dollars worth of absolutely everything the puppy could possibly need (and certainly some things she never will need), from a leash and a bed to a pair of pajamas and a stuffed giraffe that’s practically twice her size. He has to ask Marlene’s help to bring it all inside, as the puppy sleeps on Sirius now, who came home shortly after James had left.

“James,” Marlene scolds, upon looking at the full trunk of the car.

He looks incredibly guilty. “I know, I just–there were so many things, I couldn’t–I couldn’t!”

She can’t help but to laugh. “Honey, where are we going to fit all this stuff?”

“I–I’ll keep it in my room, okay? I promise I won’t let it make a mess of the apartment.”

“No–James, I’m just messing with you, okay? It’s fine, she’s all of ours, we’ll make it work, yeah?”

“Okay,” he seems calmed by this, wrapping his arms around her in a quick hug.

Sirius insists that he is quite unable to move with the puppy in his lap, and so she and James are left to deal with the veritable pile of supplies.

“We need a name for her,” Sirius announces once everything has been moved inside.

“Wow, Sirius, that’s really helpful. Look at you pulling your weight around here,” Marlene’s voice drips with sarcasm.

He looks slightly guilty, but with just a quick glance at the bundle of joy in his lap, his face turns sappy again.

James hums. “How about Mittens? Because of her paws?”

“Sirius!” Marlene exclaims.

“Would you like to figure that out just the two of us?” he asks, voice equally bright.

“You know, I think I would,” Marlene grins, sending a soft pout to James.

After fifteen minutes, they have a list, and James has put together the dog’s crate, complete with her own blankets and pajamas.

“Okay, James,” Marlene looks up at him for input. “Here's what we have: Ellie, Millie, Bea, Sunny, or Lucy.”

James thinks for a second before speaking, running his hand through his messy hair. “Okay, I like Bea and Lucy best I think, but Ellie is good too.”

“I told you,” Marlene turns to Sirius. “Millie’s a weird name for a dog. Also, James, I agree that Bea and Ellie are my favorites, and Sirius liked Bea and Sunny.”

“So Bea then?” James asks, his lips turning up softly at the corners as he peers down at the puppy, still fast asleep in Sirius’s lap.

“Bea it is,” Marlene returns the smile. “I think we should take her outside for a bit, so she doesn’t wake you up too much tonight.”

“Yes,” James scrambles into action. “So, I got a leash,” he holds it up, “and a collar that’s a bit better than the one that the shelter had her in, and some toys,” he rummages in a basket for a second before coming up triumphantly with a purple rope toy.

“Shall we, then?” Marlene gives the boys a grin before getting to her feet quickly, gesturing towards the door.

Sirius gets up (far more cautiously), still holding Bea in his arms. “I don’t want her to have an accident on the floor,” he explains.

They walk her across the parking lot to a 100 foot square of grass and a few trees, bordered by the quiet road to their apartment complex, the parking lot, and a chain link fence. Sirius gingerly sets Bea down, lifting his hand for James to hand him the collar, which he buckles around her neck, removing the old one.

“Doesn’t she look just beautiful,” he says softly, all three of them watching as she takes a small step into the grass, sniffing the air with her little black nose.

“Oh, she’s sniffing,” James whispers excitedly, ever the one to overreact at the tiniest things.

Marlene walks in front of the puppy, taking big steps backwards until she’s five yards away. “Come here,” she speaks in a high-pitched voice, crouching down to get on her level. “Bea! Little one, come here! Yes, come on, oh what a good girl,” she exclaims as the dog comes tumbling towards her, her ears flapping as she runs. “Oh, hello,” Bea puts her tiny paws on Marlene’s chest, licking her chin as she runs her hands over the soft fur of her back.

“Oh, she’s going to knock me over,” she shrieks with laughter as she falls onto her butt.

“Bea, come here,” James calls, squatting down himself to call her over.

She uses Marlene’s chest to push off, padding slowly over to James, allowing Marlene to get up. James doesn’t get much time with the puppy, however, before Sirius starts to run down towards the end of the field, apparently enticing Bea to follow him, her steps uneven as she chases him down. Eventually, he slows, and pulls one of the new toys out of his pocket.

“Bea, can you–go get it!” he exclaims as he tosses it a few yards in front of him.

She looks up at him, then at the toy, before taking off towards it, lowering her hips to pounce on it dramatically once she’s close, a sight which makes the three of them coo over her with laughter. The laughter only heightens as she tumbles over the toy in an accidental somersault, Sirius in particular absolutely melting over her clumsiness.

At the end of the day all four beings are exhausted from the commotion, and they end up piled on the couch, Sirius, then James (with Bea on his lap), and Marlene squished on the end, all of them wanting to be as close as possible. Heartstopper plays softly on the TV, a backdrop to their conversation.

“I want to tell you about my date,” Sirius announces.

He had been with Remus the day before, but upon Marlene and James’s questioning at the time, he had simply smiled, saying that he wanted it to be just his for a while.

“You sure?” Marlene murmurs, reaching her arm over James’s back to run her fingers through Sirius’s hair. “I want to hear, of course, but only if you want to tell.”

Sirius hums in response. “No, I do. It’s like–before, when I got back, I wanted to savor it, and keep it inside, but now… it’s like it’s going to burst out of me if I don’t tell you.”

“Alright, alright, tell us then,” Marlene chuckles at his dramatics.

“Well,” he starts, with a deep inhale, “when I got to the restaurant, he had already gotten us a table–a booth, and it was a little slow at first, you know, but then, we were just talking and then they were looking at one of my rings, and,” he pauses, sighing, “they just kind of, didn’t let go of my hand? And we just–we talked for at least two hours, and–we were already planning the next date while we were on our first–he wants to show me a shop down in Hogsmeade that has some cool jewelry, I guess, and–I really like him.”

Marlene grins, unable to ward off the infectious enthusiasm that Sirius always seems to exude, but now more than ever.

“That’s great, Sirius,” James says, the smile evident in his voice. “I’m happy for you, really.”

“I didn’t kiss him, though,” he makes a troubled sound. “I wanted to, at the end, but–I didn’t, and–what if he thinks I didn’t want to?”

“You’ll just have to kiss him next time,” James says, simply.

“What if I–what if I don’t?”

“Then you don’t. They like you, Sirius, you’re not going to mess this up. I don’t think you can.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius asks, barely a whisper.

“Of course,” James assures, and somehow Marlene believes it.

Chapter 6: people watching

Chapter Text

someday, i'll be falling without caution

but for now, i'm only people watching

“Ooh, should we get a puzzle?” Marlene steers the cart towards the board game section.

“Yes, definitely,” James nods. “I bet Remus and Reg would love that.”

“You mean Regulus. Not Reg, right?”

“Yes. Right. Regulus.”

“Right, so we have cards and Uno, but should we get anything else?” Marlene asks, perusing the shelf of games.

James thinks for a second. “Well–how many people–so the three of us, plus Remus, Reg, and Remus’s friend, so that’s six,” he frowns. “So whatever it is should be for plenty of people.”

Marlene smirks. “Would Cards Against Humanity be a bad idea?”

“Oh, almost definitely,” James places the game in the cart, sparking a giggle from Marlene.

“Oh, God,” she sighs. “Remember when we played that at Lucy’s Christmas party when we were juniors and you accidentally came out to everyone?”

James blushes slightly, but smiles at the memory. “I thought they knew!” he says indignantly.

“To be fair, they were idiots to not,” Marlene shakes her head at the memory. “Okay, back on track. Puzzle.”

“Yes,” James replies decisively. “Oh, shit they have 2,000 piece ones. Pretty sure we can’t do that in one night.” He squints, rubbing the bridge of his nose under his glasses.

“Here,” Marlene grabs a 1,000 piece gardenscape. “The colors on this are pretty varied, so I think this would be good? Not too hard.”

“Sure,” James smiles warmly. “Our coffee table should be big enough for that. Also. That’s what she said.”

“Okay, okay, now snacks,” Marlene rolls her eyes, crossing ‘board games’ off of the list on her phone.

“I like snacks,” he responds, taking the lead to walk towards the opposite end of the Target.

“Okay,” she sighs, following him slowly.

“Marlene,” James stops suddenly halfway there.

“James.”

“They have dog toys.”

“They do.”

“They do.”

“Just get the fucking toy, James,” Marlene sighs in affectionate exasperation.

“Okay,” he grins, grabbing the neon pink rope toy he had his eye on. “We can keep going now.”

She can’t help but laugh. “Can we?”

“We can,” he confirms, a twinkle in his eye.

“You’re ridiculous,” Marlene shakes her head, maneuvering the cart to follow him once again.

“You love it.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

She lets out a huff of laughter. “I do.”

————

James had run out at the last minute to the store, because despite having planned to make his chai spice cookies for a full week now, he had absentmindedly forgotten to check for the ingredients. In fact, he had gotten as far as making the dough, then realized that they had run out of cinnamon, the genius. Sirius was on a walk with Bea, hoping to tire her out before their guests came over. This leaves Marlene with the wonderful task of preparing the apartment for company.

She sets out the puzzle and their games, pouring chips into bowls and putting cans of soda and hard cider into the fridge.

She sighs, looking around the room. “What else, what else,” she mutters under her breath, shaking her hands out to try to remember.

Right, music.

James had decided with finality that game nights would be a tradition and had insisted on making a playlist designed specifically for these events, even making Sirius ask Regulus and Remus what kind of music they liked.

Marlene turns on their TV, clicking on Spotify and choosing the playlist ‘ Game Night Gays’ , hitting shuffle and pausing it so that it would be ready for when everyone came over.

She collapses onto the couch with a grunt, relaxing for a minute while she waits for literally anyone to arrive at the house. She checks her phone. 6:19. Sirius had invited everyone over for 6:30, but it seems like she might be the only one home when they come over, which makes her feel rather irritated, the feeling only worsened by the mild anxiety that seems to course through her veins.

There’s a knock on the door, sharp and neat, which lets Marlene know that it’s certainly not either of her boys. The anxiety surges, but she gets up with a deep breath and puts on her best hostess smile.

“Hi, how is everyone?” she opens the door to greet them.

Regulus appears to be the one who knocked, Remus standing behind him, next to… Lily Evans?

Marlene barely catches herself from squinting at the odd group, instead gesturing for them to come inside.

“Here,” Remus holds out a bottle of wine.

“Oh!” Marlene exclaims in surprise. “Thank you.” She isn’t sure what to do with it, but as the guests take their shoes off, she sets it on the island in their kitchen.

“I thought I should bring something, but I wasn’t sure what,” Remus says, looking rather awkward. Oddly enough, this makes her feel more at ease.

“Well, come in,” she gestures, “ make yourselves comfortable.”

“Right,” Remus blinks, “Marlene, this is Lily, my best friend, and Lily, this is Marlene, she’s Sirius’s roommate.”

“Hi,” Marlene smiles at the redhead, offering an awkward wave. “You’re on the soccer team, right? James and I went to your first game. That–James is our other roommate”.

Lily blinks, looking a bit surprised at the recognition. “Yeah, yeah, I am, nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Marlene nods politely. “Oh, by the way, Sirius is out walking our dog, and James went to the store, cause he’s making cookies, but he forgot some stuff but–they should be back soon, is what I’m trying to say.” She flaps her hands around a bit wildly as she talks, her nervous energy trying to escape.

Regulus, at least, makes things a bit easier, beelining for the couch and looking with curiosity at the stack of boxes on their table. “Okay, two questions. One, you did not have a dog last time I was here, did you? And two, puzzle. That’s not a question–what I mean to say is: can we do this puzzle tonight?”

“To answer your second question first, yes, I thought that might be fun, and as for the first thing–well, yeah, James got us a dog… two days ago now? I thought Sirius would have mentioned it–none of you guys have allergies, right?”

“No, no allergies,” Remus says with amusement. “Sirius did mention something about–is it Bea? To me at least.”

He grimaces slightly at the last words, realizing his slight faux pas. Regulus’s face sours for a second too, before his gaze is drawn back to the puzzle, his eyes lighting up slightly.

“Right,” Marlene feels responsible for diffusing the tension. “Well, he should be home soon, but for now–do you guys want anything to drink, or something? I can open that bottle of wine…”

“I’ll just do some water, thanks Marlene,” Remus says with a grateful smile.

“Wine sounds great,” Lily asks politely, clearly still rather stiff in the unfamiliar environment.

“Reggie?” Marlene looks at the younger boy. “I mean–Regulus, sorry.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’ll have a glass of wine too.”

Marlene walks towards the kitchen before turning around abruptly. “Right, so I think Sirius might kill me if I give you alcohol.”

Remus snorts. “I’ve given him–actually, you know what, I’m not going to admit to shit.”

“I’m an adult,” Regulus says bitterly. “I can decide this for myself. Actually, you know what,” he gets up, “I’ll just get it for myself. Then he can’t blame you.”

Marlene shrugs. “Fine with me.”

She grabs a bottle opener from a drawer and collects the glasses from the cabinet above the sink. “Sorry about that,” she apologizes softly to Regulus. “It’s not–I don’t know, just, sorry, I guess.”

“It’s okay,” he says, rather stiffly, before taking a deep breath and relaxing slightly. “No, it really is okay, though, I get it. Sirius and I have our stuff, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it.”

Marlene feels the urge to defend Sirius, but the thing is–Regulus is right. Whatever goes on between the brothers, they shouldn’t bring her into it. It just doesn’t involve her. Maybe the realization should bother her, but it does quite the opposite, and she offers the bottle opener to Regulus with a grin. “Be my guest,” she smiles.

Sirius picks a wonderful time to come home, opening the door just as Regulus has taken his first sip of wine. “We’re home,” the older boy calls from the entryway.

Marlene gets up, walking so that she can see into the hallway. “Hello Bea,” she crouches down to allow the puppy to come prancing over. “Oh, did you go on a walk sweetie? I’m so proud of you,” she coos, laughing as Bea wags her entire body in excitement.

Remus gets up too, leaving their friends sitting in the living room to greet Sirius. “How are you?” they ask, their tone flirty as ever as they step around Marlene to give Sirius a hug, whispering something in the other boy’s ear that makes him blush bright red over Remus’s shoulder.

Marlene clears her throat. “Sirius, there are other people here besides your boyfriend.”

“Bo–” Sirius starts, then gives up. “Right, want to introduce me to your friend?” he links his arm with Remus’s and they walk into the living room.

Marlene fawns over Bea for a few seconds longer before filling up her water bowl and letting her drink as Sirius talks to Lily. She scoops the puppy up once she’s done, bringing her back into the living room

“You guys want to say hi?” she asks. Bea curls into her a bit, nervous. “Um, how about we sit down so it’s not overwhelming.”

Marlene sits on the couch, Regulus on one side, Lily on the other, while Remus and Sirius have gone back to the kitchen, chatting softly, the issue of Regulus’s drinking apparently resolved.

“There you are Bea,” Marlene whispers as the puppy gingerly lifts up her head, peering up at Regulus.

He reaches out a hand, and she sniffs it, before retracting back slightly. “Shy?” he says softly, barely a breath.

Bea tilts her head, then leans forward again to sniff Regulus, licking his hand softly. He grants her a rare smile.

“Oh, she likes you,” Marlene grins.

Bea slowly stands up, swaying on Marlene’s legs as she tries to step towards Regulus. Marlene laughs, scooping her up in her arms and setting her down in his lap. The boy looks comically dumbfounded as she snuggles up into him, her head resting on his arm with a breathy sigh.

Marlene’s phone vibrates in the back pocket of her jeans, and she adjusts to take it out and check it.

Jamesie

6:42 PM

Can you help me with these bags please?

Yeah one sec

Everyone’s here already

Okie dokie

Nerd

______________________________

She shakes her head, setting her phone on the coffee table. “Alright, I’m going to help James bring some stuff inside, Reggie are you fine with Bea?”

The younger boy doesn’t even correct her on his name as he nods absentmindedly, softly stroking the sleeping puppy’s head.

“Right,” Marlene smirks. “I’ll be back in a few.”

James has, predictably, gotten more than he needs from the store once again: in addition to the spices he needs, he also holds a large spice rack, and a bag filled with other bottles of herbs and seasonings.

“Just–it’ll–for my cooking,” he explains, at her scolding look.

“Whatever you say,” she shrugs, picking up the bags left in the car. “By the way, you’re never going to guess who Remus’s friend is.”

“Who?” he asks, holding the door for Marlene as they step back inside.

She simply raises her eyebrows, nodding to where Lily sits on the couch. James follows her gaze, then his eyes practically bulge out of his head. “Oh. Is that–it is, isn’t it?”

“Yup,” Marlene says smugly. “Let’s get this stuff put away and introduce you.”

He places the bags on the table slowly, knitting his brow as he stares at Regulus and Lily. He doesn’t move, but no matter, as Lily gets up, walking into the kitchen and pausing when she sees James.

“Hi,” she speaks hesitantly, sticking out her hand in greeting. “I’m Lily.”

James shakes her hand, blinking as if to physically clear his head. “James. I–nice to meet you.”

Lily squints at him slightly. “Do I know you from somewhere? You look weirdly familiar.”

James flushes, visible even against his dark skin. “I–I mean, Tiktok, maybe? Um, Sirius and I had a few things get a couple views last year.”

She tilts her head at him. “Maybe,” she says slowly, “what’s the account?”

James blushes even more deeply, if that’s possible at all. “You don’t–I mean–”

Marlene cuts him off. “Padfootandprongs. All one word.”

“Marlene,” James hisses, glaring at her. She simply shrugs in response.

“Right,” Lily’s face sours. “You–yeah, I think I’ve seen this.”

“What?” James looks panicked. “Did I–what is it?”

Lily sighs. “No, it’s just–I remember seeing this one video and being annoyed because it seemed like you might be homophobic and no one was pointing it out in the comments–but it’s not a big deal, I–”

James rears his head back. “I–me? No, I’m–I’m pan, I’m not homophobic I promise. What was–shit, should I delete the video?”

Marlene leans her head in towards Lily’s phone. “Oh. It’s that video the two of you made with the hot tub, and the socks, when you were like calculating what would make you gay. You know, the six feet apart–whatever.” She can’t help but to let out a breath of laughter. The video was sort of hilarious, more so considering that Sirius and James were in fact both gay.

“Oh,” James thinks for a second. “Oh shit. Yeah, I can see how that could come off that way. I–I promise I’m not though, it was just a dumb video.”

Lily appears to muse it over. “Okay. I guess I was being judgemental. I suppose I also wasn’t a fan of how the girls on the soccer team were obsessed with one of your thirst traps for a while,” she rolls her eyes.

Marlene snorts. “Oh, God. Those–” she shakes her head, trying to purge the image from her brain.

Lily clears her throat. “It’s–nice to meet you for real, I guess.”

James still appears perturbed by her perception of him. “You too. I–I hope you don’t see me like that.”

The girl nods with a tight smile, making her way back into the living room.

“Shit,” James swears, rubbing his forehead. “Shit, I really–I like her, I don’t want her to–”

“I know,” Marlene rubs his back comfortingly. “It’s alright, just–be yourself, she’ll realize that you’re not like that.”

“Okay,” he breathes. “Okay.”

“Hey, why don’t you just make your cookies, and I’ll entertain them for a bit while you do that. Does that sound good?”

“Yes,” he exhales, blinking slowly. “Yes, that’ll–I think that’ll be good. Thanks Lene.”

“Course,” she gives his shoulder a quick squeeze. “Do you want me to stay here, or go?”

“I’m good now,” he says, with finality. “You go, start the puzzle or something. I’ll join you guys in a few.”

Marlene returns once more to the living room, where Sirius and Remus have now joined the two others, unnecessarily squished together on a single armchair. Bea is still snuggled up on Regulus’s lap, and–if at all possible–it seems that he has melted more, making adorable faces at her between bits of conversation.

She sits down next to him, clasping her hands together. “You guys want to start this puzzle? Or are we feeling like a board game tonight?”

“Puzzle,” Regulus and Remus say in unison.

Marlene raises her eyebrows. “Puzzle it is.”

Sirius reluctantly moves away from Remus, sitting on the floor so that he can open the box. “I’ll start sorting these,” he offers, oddly gleeful.

Remus tilts his head at the boy, an affectionate, but puzzled grin making its way onto his face. “That’s like, the worst part, Sirius. You don’t have to do that.”

“I like it,” Sirius hums, already taking a handful of pieces out to lay them on the table, carefully flipping them rightside up and moving edge pieces to the side.

“He’s weird like that,” Regulus says, the words distinctly less malicious than they might have been without Bea on his lap. “Always has been, with the repetitive tasks.”

Remus smiles down at Sirius, disgustingly sappy. Sirius doesn’t even notice, too focused on the task at hand.

“You make me want to commit a hate crime,” Marlene wrinkles her nose at Remus, who snorts in surprise at the comment, covering his grin.

“Rude,” Sirius says, without looking up.

“She says she’s going to commit a hate crime against your boyfriend, and your reply is ‘rude’?” Regulus comments wryly. “You’re so fucking odd.”

“Fuck off, Reggie.”

“You fuck off,” he mutters halfheartedly.

“I will never understand siblings,” Remus shakes their head, looking at Marlene. She simply shrugs.

“I think we’re letting Sirius get too far ahead here,” Lily comments, sliding off of the couch onto the floor to join the boy in sorting pieces. He looks at her with a brief smile before his face knits back into concentration.

Regulus clears his throat. “I would move, but…” he gestures helplessly to Bea in his lap.

Marlene smirks. “Yeah, you can’t move now.”

He makes a sound of displeasure, but the corners of his lips turn up, giving him away.

“Oh, music!” Marlene exclaims suddenly, having forgotten to press play on their playlist. She does so, the starting notes to “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees playing softly from the TV.

It only takes the group around 15 minutes to sort out all of the edge pieces, Lily starting to put the perimeter together before they’ve even finished.

James walks over, clearing his throat as he passes the couch. “Alright, cookies are in the oven, how is this–oh, hi Bea,” his gaze absolutely melts as he looks at the puppy and the boy holding her.

Regulus very obviously has to fight to keep his face straight. “Hello, James,” he says flatly.

“Hey, Reg…ulus. Regulus. I didn’t–what?” James cringes at himself, a rather warranted reaction to that absolute fiasco of a sentence.

Bea wakes up at the arrival of James, wagging her tail adorably at the sound of his voice. “Well look who’s awake,” he coos, bringing both of his large hands to cup her face and kiss her gently on the nose.

Marlene can’t help but to notice Lily tilting her head at the sight.

Bea crawls out of Regulus’s lap, the boy making a sad sound of disappointment, which he rather badly tries to cover with a cough.

James seems oblivious, however, holding his arms out to pick the puppy up, bringing her into his lap on the floor, grinning at Lily as he does so. Within a few seconds of adjustment, Marlene is on the floor next to Regulus, who sits next to James, who in turn is next to Lily. Well that won’t end badly at all.

Remus clears his throat, clearly noticing this little disaster waiting to happen. “So, James, how has it been, having a new addition around the house?”

James immediately launches into a long-winded explanation of Bea’s sleeping, walking and eating habits, directing about half of it to Remus, and the other half to the two people on either side of him in equal measure.

“James,” Lily interrupts, “we’re missing an edge piece, can you help look?”

It’s rather funny, Marlene thinks, how upon knowing James for all of twenty minutes, she already appears to feel entirely comfortable ordering him around.

“Yes. Yes, yeah of course,” James immediately turns back to the table, perusing the piles of pieces.

Regulus’s lips turn down slightly at the edges. Marlene bumps him slightly with her shoulder in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.

“Those cookies are smelling good,” Remus comments, turning slightly towards the kitchen.

James snaps, pointing at Remus in a gesture that startles at least half of the group. “Yes, thank you for that reminder, I need to check those in a few.”

“Lily,” Regulus says softly. “Here’s the piece.”

She smiles at him across James. “Nice Reg. Want to help me with these flowers here? It appears that James is rather incompetent.”

Lily is mean. Marlene kind of loves it.

Regulus smirks at that. “Seems like an astute observation. I would love to.”

Inexplicably, James seems quite pleased by this interaction, despite the several insults that have been directed at him.

Sirius seems to observe the same. “Raise your hand if you think James has a degradation kink,” he grins, raising his eyebrows at the other boy as he lifts his hand in the air.

Marlene’s hand shoots up too. “Oh, definitely, I mean, look at him.”

James opens his mouth in false offense as Remus raises their hand too, rather apologetically. He looks back and forth at Lily and Regulus, his mouth opening wider as both of them slowly lift their hands, eyes on each other as they do so.

“I… am going to check those cookies,” he says, a large pout on his face. He sighs then, and raises his own hand. “Okay, fuck, you guys might be right,” he blushes.

The rest of the group doesn’t react right away, instead looking at the others’ bewildered faces before falling into laughter.

James shakes his head, humor evident on his face. “I really do need to check those cookies though, sorry Bea,” he lifts the puppy off of his lap with an apology in his eyes.

She stretches, yawning with a loud squeak and shaking her head as if to get the sleepiness out of her.

“Ohhh,” comes a unified sigh.

“She’s adorable,” Lily looks down at her with a grin.

James hasn’t actually moved, still standing in the spot that he once sat, but as he does, Bea follows him, padding behind him like a duckling behind its mother. Regulus and Lily look after them with similar expressions, before catching themselves at the same time and looking back at each other, only to realize what they were both doing. It’s humorous, despite their faces bordering on horror as they stare at each other without blinking.

Remus coughs politely, jolting them out of their trance. “Lil, pass that funny shaped piece to your left, would you?”

She does as much, wordlessly, still looking vaguely uncomfortable.

Marlene hums along to the music in the background, starting to make a pile of purple pieces that look like they might belong to a lilac bush in the background.

“Ooh, look, Marls, a bee,” Sirius grins at her, holding up a piece.

She looks up suddenly. “What kind?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know, that’s your thing.”

She reaches out, taking the piece. “Hmm, it’s not very anatomically accurate, but I think it’s an eastern bumblebee. Cool!”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Regulus asks, looking at her with something between awe and disdain, an odd expression that she can’t quite decipher.

She shrugs. “I don’t know, I’ve always liked bees. It’s a weird thing, I guess, but when I was little I had a bit of an obsession with learning everything there was to know about them. Just ask James.”

“Oh, did you two grow up together?” Lily asks, tilting her head.

“Yeah, we were neighbors for our whole lives, basically,” Marlene grins. “My parents got divorced when I was like three, so my dad and I moved across from the Potters. James and I have been best friends pretty much ever since.”

“That’s sweet,” Lily smiles, “Remus and I haven’t been friends for quite that long, but it was definitely nice having someone to depend on when we moved here.”

Marlene nods. “I honestly have no clue what I would have done without James.”

Lily’s face softens. “He seems… sweet.”

“He is,” Marlene nods, “he really is.”

“Speak of the devil,” Regulus comments wryly as James appears, holding a plate of cookies.

He grins, seemingly delighted with this. “You were talking about me? Eh, of course you were.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “We were just wondering about something actually.”

James, if possible, looks even more excited by this. “Go on.”

“Do you have to get your glasses custom made to fit your big head?” she asks, tilting her head in false curiosity.

“You’re mean,” he breathes, eyes lighting up.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, James,” Sirius snaps his fingers at the other boy. “Give me a cookie.”

This seems to snap him out of his trance, and Lily and Marlene share a smirk behind his back.

Marlene likes her. “Oh, Lily, James and I went to your first soccer game, by the way.” She pauses. “I don’t know where I was going with that honestly, but it was fun. You were really good, especially that header save you made.”

Lily grins. “Yeah? Thank you. That was definitely one of my better games,” she laughs, slightly bashful.

“You were great,” James says earnestly, now sat on the floor next to Marlene, leaving Lily and Regulus next to each other on the other side of her.

“Thanks,” Lily is definitely blushing now. “The fans were,” she makes a face, “the turnout was great, but some of those people kind of sucked.”

James sneers. “Tell me about it. There were these guys standing behind us who catcalled you at one point.”

Lily frowns. “Yeah, that’s one of those things that–you know, we should never have to get used to shit like that–but we have to be.”

Marlene nods in sympathy. “I played in high school, and it’s–as much as guys try to understand it, they never will.”

Regulus looks vaguely uncomfortable as Lily responds to her across him. “Oh, I know. Some guy yelled at the assholes, but they were just back the next game, and worse. It was like–I appreciated the gesture, but then it looks like I can’t defend myself.”

Marlene can’t help but to glance at James, whose face has blanched. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Lily waves a hand at him. “It’s fine, it’s not like you could have done anything about it.”

“No,” James seems to feel a need to be honest, “it was me,” he sighs, miserably. “I–the guy who yelled at them–I swear, I never would have done it if I knew, okay, I just–I wanted to help.”

“Hey, hey,” Lily cuts off his rambling, although her lips turn down in a small frown. “It’s alright, you were trying to help. It just–it just didn’t.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he says in a small voice, clearly disturbed that his efforts to help hadn't made the impact that he thought they would.

“Okay, change of topic,” Sirius announces. “Lily, Moons, you guys need to help me convince Reggie to get Instagram. He refuses, it’s so annoying.”

“Have you been fucking planning on saying that?” Regulus retorts.

“You really had that ready to go,” Marlene agrees with a grin.

“Why won’t you?” Lily asks, turning her body slightly to speak directly to Regulus.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t have anything to post.”

“You don’t need to,” Remus comments, his voice kind. “I mean, I do post, but it’s mostly just random pictures, rarely with me actually in them.

Regulus shrugs. “I guess.”

“Oh come on, just for fun,” Lily urges him. “You can always delete it.”
He still looks vaguely unsure, so Marlene gestures for him and Lily to lean in to her. “James posts shirtless pictures sometimes,” she whispers.

They blush, pulling back abruptly. “What?” Sirius asks, looking back and forth between them. “What did you–did you convince him?”

“Jesus, fine, I’ll do it,” Regulus grumbles. “Not because of that,” he waves a hand vaguely at Marlene, refusing to make eye contact with her. She can’t help but to laugh slightly at his embarrassment, which is somehow reminiscent of Sirius’s. For all their differences, it’s rather obvious that they’re brothers. She isn’t sure how Remus managed to miss it.

It’s rather quiet as he pulls out his phone, just slight murmurs as they continue putting together the puzzle and eating James’s addicting cookies.

“Okay, I did it,” Regulus says finally, shrugging. “It’s just my name.”

The group pulls out their phones, rather comically in sync. Marlene searches his name and quickly becomes his third follower.

“Follow us back,” she urges. “And follow some more people, don’t be lame.”

“Who?” Regulus asks, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t really like people.”

Marlene snorts. “How? People are so… interesting! Like, just the way everyone interacts, it’s fascinating, and confusing, and I love it.”

He pulls a face. “Fine, I’ll find some people.”

Marlene decides to hold him to this, refreshing his following page to see who he follows. The first people to show up are everyone in the room, then someone named Evan. She follows Lily and Remus, deciding to lightly stalk their accounts later.

“Rosier?” Sirius asks, apparently doing the same as her. “Why does that sound familiar?”
“Because,” Regulus looks at him incredulously. “We knew them as kids, dumbass.”

Understanding washes over Sirius’s face, followed by more confusion. “Did they have another kid? I thought they only had a daughter, Ev–”

“Evan,” Regulus interrupts.

“Ah,” Sirius nods. “Right, Evan then.”

“My roommate,” Regulus explains to the others. Then, “How do you know Dorcas, Marlene?”

Marlene coughs. “Sorry, what? I–you know Meadowes–how? I–yeah, we know each other from back home. Or, I know her. I don’t know if she remembers me, but yeah I follow her.” She frowns, cringing at herself.

James snorts. “She was Marlene’s very first crush,” he smirks.

A pang of anxiety shoots through Marlene’s stomach. “Why would you say that?” she hisses.

“Oh,” the poor boy looks genuinely confused, as well as apologetic. “I didn’t think, sorry.”

“Well,” Regulus says dryly, watching the interaction take place. “That would be because she’s Lily’s roommate. That’s actually how we met, through Lily.”

Marlene inhales sharply, her stomach turning. “You can’t–please don’t say anything,” she begs Lily. “I can’t–I can’t, okay?”

“Yeah, hey, look we won’t say anything,” Lily reassures her, placing a calming hand on her knee. “Look, I know how serious it is, promise. It’s–I mean, I won’t out you. I–” she pauses, taking a breath. “I know what a big deal that is.”

Marlene may or may not feel a tear drip down her face. She scrubs it away. “Thank you,” her voice breaks. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so dramatic, it’s just–it’s weird with people I used to know, you know? So many acquaintances never knew that I was gay, and–it’s harder for me to tell them than it is random people.”

Lily looks at her with sympathy. With empathy. “I get it, I really do,” she smiles sadly. “I was totally closeted in high school, still am to most people now, and–it feels like you’ve been lying to everyone, even though you haven’t.”

“Exactly,” Marlene feels infinitely better. “It’s–thank you.”

“I didn’t mean to–” James apologizes, his eyes wide. “You know I didn’t–right?”

“I know,” Marlene assures him. It’s mostly true anyway, despite her annoyance, James never means any harm.

The room is quiet for a moment, before Sirius snorts. “This is a very L-G-B-T-Q room we’re in, huh?”

This prompts rumbles of laughter. Sirius only furthers this by counting out on his fingers. “Okay, so we’ve got B,” he points to Remus.

“Also B,” Lily raises her hand, a glimmer of a smile crossing her face.

“Right, so two B’s,” Sirius smirks. “Q,” he points to himself. “P,” he points to James. “But I guess that would fall under B or Q, depending–and L,” he gestures at Marlene. “And G!” Regulus performs a small bow as Sirius waves a hand at him.

Chuckles spread across the room, shocking Bea up from James’s lap to look around at them excitedly, wagging her tail as if she wants to join in. This only makes the laughter grow, wrapping around them like a soft warm blanket.

————

Marlene would like to say that she doesn’t think about Dorcas very much. It would be a lie though. Her stupid brain just can’t help itself, which is how she ends up walking Bea through the university nature preserve, one earbud in, ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” playing softly, thinking of that goddamn girl. The song really shouldn’t have prompted these thoughts. “Young and sweet” aren’t exactly the words that Marlene would use to describe Dorcas. (She’d probably go for “divine” or “mystifying” or something equally as obnoxious).

It’s due to all of this that she lets Bea pull her towards a tree, which the puppy sniffs at, as Marlene distractedly looks off at the trees in the distance. The park is beautiful this time of the year, the leafy trees letting through dappled green sunlight. She closes her eyes, breathing in the fresh air, letting the breeze blow over her.

It’s a Monday morning, which means Sirius is “getting coffee'' (staring at Remus while they make his coffee), and James is at class, so it’s Marlene’s turn to walk Bea, the second or third time she’s done so now.

She gives the leash a tug, but Bea ignores her, so she fishes in her pocket for a treat. “Bea, come on. Treat. Yes, there we go, come on my little bumble-Bea.”

They set off walking again, Bea pulling at the leash as Marlene tries to tuck the bag of treats back into the pocket of her shorts. Just as she manages to do as much, Bea gives an extra hard tug, managing to slip the leash out of her hand and taking off in a prancing run, rounding the corner of the path.

“Fuck,” Marlene swears, jogging to catch up with the puppy. She’s lucky that Bea still has short legs, so she doesn’t get far. Unluckily, however, Bea has run directly into someone, who is now bent down, dark braids covering their face as they pet her. Her tail wags as she licks the person’s face.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry,” Marlene apologizes. “She escaped me–Bea come he–” her voice is cut off as the person lifts their face and stands and holy fuck, it’s Dorcas.

“No worries,” her voice is slightly raspy, deeper than Marlene remembers, in a way that sends butterflies right through Marlene’s stomach.

“Dorcas?” she says, without thinking.

Dorcas squints at her, taken aback, then her eyes open in recognition. “Kin, right? I mean, McKinnon? Was that it–soccer right? We played for ACFC together way back?”

She remembers, she remembers, she remembers.

Marlene tries her best to be nonchalant. “Yeah, yeah, McKinnon. Marlene. That’s me.” She laughs awkwardly, cringing internally at herself. “I–oh, I can take Bea back, I’m so sorry, again.”

Dorcas laughs, a soft chuckle that makes Marlene feel fucking electric. “It’s really fine. This one’s a cutie, aren’t you,” she smiles down at Bea.

“She’s my roommate’s,” Marlene says with a grin as she reaches out for the leash. Their fingers just barely brush as she takes it. Dorcas’s fingers are hot, or maybe Marlene is just cold, or maybe… maybe she’s just insane, because the spot where they touch seems to remain hot even as she pulls away jerkily.

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” Dorcas says politely, brushing the dirt off of her knees. Marlene suddenly feels very inadequate in her athletic shorts and oversized Queen T-shirt next to Dorcas with her cut-off jean shorts and sinfully tight orange cropped tee.

Why are her clothes so fucking little?

Marlene cannot handle it. “I like your bandana,” she blurts, gesturing to the bandana that perfectly matches her shirt, pulling half of her hair back out of her face, a few braids left out to frame her face.

“Thank you,” Dorcas smiles.

“I–it was nice seeing you too, I’ll let you… get on with your day,” Marlene waves awkwardly at her, cursing herself for her social inadequacy.

“Alright, I’ll see you around,” Dorcas wiggles her fingers in a casual wave and Marlene wants those fingers all types of places that she definitely should not be thinking about right now. Fuck.

Her eyes grow wide as she walks away, her face absolutely giving away her total and complete gay panic. “Shit,” she whispers under her breath as soon as she’s out of earshot, resisting the urge to look back at the girl. “Shit.”

Bea stays completely unaware of her owner’s dilemma, continuing to attempt to chase after squirrels that she’ll never catch in the balmy summer air.

Chapter 7: heather

Chapter Text

you gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester

but you like her better

“You know who I ran into yesterday?” Dorcas asks, placing down a plus two card.

“Fuck you,” Lily swears. “And no, who?”

“This girl I used to play soccer with,” Dorcas’s lips tilt up slightly. “I hadn’t thought about her in forever–I had actually totally forgotten she goes here.”

Lily looks up, making brief eye contact with Regulus, sitting on the opposite side of the table. “Oh, that’s cool,” she says nonchalantly.

“Yeah, she was walking her dog–well her roommate’s dog–in the park where I was taking a walk,” she hums.

Regulus catches Lily’s eye once again, raising his eyebrows in a barely noticeable question. She tilts her chin in response.

“Bea, right?” he smirks, the grin growing as Dorcas looks up in surprise.

“How did you know that…” she squints at him suspiciously.

Lily takes over now. “On Friday, when we went over to Sirius’s place–Marlene is his roommate, and this other guy, who Bea belongs to.”

“Isn’t she cute?” Regulus elbows Dorcas slightly, his gaze flashing to Lily in a sort of signal.

“Yeah,” she replies distractedly, focused on their game of Uno.

“You think Marlene is cute?” Lily takes Regulus’s prompt easily, tilting her head at Dorcas.

Once again, this causes the other girl to look up in surprise. “Oh. I–” she pauses. “I mean, yes? Like she is cute, I guess, but I was talking about Bea.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Lily shakes her head. “I just–” she shrugs, pretending she misunderstood Dorcas.

“Hmm,” is all the other girl says, even as Lily and Regulus make intense eye contact.

Lily tilts her head. Interesting, right?

Regulus grins, giving her a half nod.

She tilts her head, glancing down the hall to her and Dorcas’s room, then flitting her eyes in quick succession to her watch and then to Dorcas. When she leaves, we’ll talk. In my room?

He clears his throat, looking back at the pile of cards in front of them, in an answer that seems to be a yes.

It is, apparently as Dorcas excuses herself after the game to go to class. As soon as she steps onto the elevator, he turns decisively back towards their room, leaving Lily to shrug and follow him.

He sits down on their couch casually, as if it's his own home instead of a room he’s visited a total of three times. She plops down next to him, bringing one knee up to her chest while her other leg is haphazardly stretched onto their coffee table.

“So there’s clearly something there,” Regulus begins.

“Oh yeah,” Lily agrees. “I’ve actually decided that they’re meant to be. I’m thinking a spring wedding.”

He smirks. “Really though, we should get them to meet again, at the very least.”

“Definitely,” Lily nods genuinely. “They’d be cute together.”

“Right,” Regulus nods, suddenly looking fairly awkward.

“What,” she asks drily. He says nothing. “Oy,” she raises her eyebrows at him, “what’s going on.”

“What do you think about James?” he asks, cringing at himself slightly.

She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t know. I mean–no, I really don’t. He’s so–” she groans, unable to articulate how she feels.

“So,” Regulus agrees with a slight chuckle. “Why is he so?”
Lily laughs, the sound tempered by a groan. “I don’t even–you like him, don’t you?”

Regulus bites his lip in frustration. “I like being mean to him.”

Her heart drops slightly, despite herself. “Right, well, good.”

“I don’t want to–” he hesitates. “I don’t know if I like him. I’m just–confused, I guess. He confuses me.”

He seems to shrink into himself as he speaks, tapping two fingers together in anxiety.

Lily waits, letting him take a breath before he speaks again.

“I’m going to say something stupid, and you can’t laugh,” he says finally, looking at her rather indignantly.

If Lily is totally honest, that statement in itself makes her want to laugh.

“Promise,” she says simply, seeing the nerves flash across his face despite his obvious attempts to not show emotion.

Regulus’s face twists, rather bitterly. “You’re more important than he is.”

Oh. “Reg, why would I laugh at that?”

He chuckles himself, little mirth in the sound. “Because it’s embarrassing.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re my friend. Besides, I agree. I don’t want James–Potter, let’s just call him Potter–to ruin our friendship.”

“Okay. Agreed then,” Regulus nods. “If you–whatever happens, we’ll–” he pauses, wrinkling his nose. “I’m going to say more embarrassing things.”

Lily laughs, despite herself. “Your version of embarrassing seems to be simply showing emotion.”

He glares at her. “Shut–fuck, it is, isn’t it.”

“Emotion isn’t anything to be ashamed of,” she reminds him gently.

“Okay, then you tell me something embarrassing,” he rebuts, raising his eyebrows at her in a challenge.

She bites her lip, screwing up her face. “You’ve made your point.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “Now I want to be even, come on now.”

Lily can feel a shiver of anxiety course through her. “Fine. I… am 19 years old, and I haven’t had my first kiss yet.” It’s genuinely something she finds embarrassing, and she isn’t sure why she’s sharing it with Regulus, of all people.

“Oh,” he says. “Is that–bad? I mean, I’m 18 and I haven’t. There’s barely a difference.”

“Well,” she says bitterly, “I’m bi, I’m supposed to have double the opportunities.”

He snorts at that. “Okay, well that’s just dumb and you know it.”

She laughs, because, well, fair. “Right, it’s just–I don’t know, sometimes it feels like I’m behind everyone my age–I mean there’s Remus, who has Sirius, and then all of his roommates, and it’s just–when is it my turn, you know?”

“I’ve decided to let you have James,” Regulus announces magnanimously.

“Oh, fuck off,” she waves a hand at him. “That’s–I don’t even know if I like him, and he–well, I think he’s just a flirt.” Her stomach drops as she admits that–her sneaking suspicion that James doesn’t even like her, and she’ll just get her stupid heart broken for liking someone who doesn’t even give two shits about her. Again.

“Well, he doesn’t deserve you,” Regulus says, as if his word is now law. “But if you want him–” he tilts his head, “I think you deserve to be selfish more than I do. I think–it’s my turn to–”

“No,” she shakes her head. “No, we–you deserve to be as selfish as you want to be. Besides, this is just a dumb hypothetical. It’s not as if–we can’t choose which one of us he likes, if either.”

“Right,” Regulus agrees. “I’m–sorry to make this a whole–” he waves a hand as if trying to encompass the idea, “thing.”

“You didn’t,” Lily reassures him simply.

“Okay,” he says, his voice wavering slightly.

She narrows her eyes at the younger boy. “Can I give you a hug?”

Regulus blinks, obviously surprised by the question. “Oh–I–I guess.”

“You can say no,” she reassures him, slightly amused.

“No, I–yes,” he repeats. “I just don’t–hugs aren’t really my thing, with most people.”

She smirks. “So I’m not most people, then?”

“Fuck off,” he hits her on the arm gently.

Lily simply opens her arms, readjusting so that it’s his choice. His mouth opens slightly, but he moves slowly, tucking himself into her arms stiffly, wrapping his hands cautiously around her back.

It’s awkward at first, as she tightens her arms around him, but then he absolutely melts into her.

“Oh,” he says softly. “I’m realizing that maybe the reason I don’t like hugs is because I’ve never really hugged someone I’ve actually liked before.”

“You like me?” Lily jokes, trying to lighten the mood and contrast his vulnerability.

“Ew, not like that,” she can feel him screw up his face against his shoulder, “I’m still very gay.”

She laughs, feeling her belly move with her breaths. “Oh God no. This is not me trying to–no,” she chuckles. “I’m just messing with you.”

He still lays against her, his weight settling over her as he relaxes, neither of them releasing the other. She certainly isn’t going to be the first, not after his admission.

“I think I could just fall asleep here,” he murmurs. “Girls are soft.”

“Girls are–Reg are you calling me fat?” Lily exclaims, laughing at him.

“No,” he pulls away, his eyes widening until he catches her face and realizes that she’s teasing him. “Oh, fuck you, Lily, I thought you were–fuck off.”

She laughs deep in her stomach, tossing her head back at his expression of annoyance. “You know, it’s so weird that we’ve only known each other for like two weeks. It feels longer.”

He frowns. “Is it really only that?”

“Yes!” she exclaims. “It’s so weird, isn’t it! Dorcas too, I feel like I’ve known the two of you forever–I mean, I have known Dorcas for a little bit longer, but still.”

“I guess it’s just a college thing,” he shrugs.

“I guess so,” she replies softly, although she feels like it’s more than that. It’s as if these are the people she’s meant to be with, like they knew each other in a different life. If she believed in any of that, she’d be positive that there were some sort of cosmic strings attaching them all, her and Remus and Dorcas and Regulus, pulling them all together beautifully and inevitably.

————

“They say they’ll just be a minute,” Reg says from the passenger seat, glancing down at his phone.

“Okay, well he’d better hurry,” Lily complains, pulling into a parking spot and turning off the car. “Oh, and he’s definitely going to complain about you being in the front seat.”

“Are you saying I should move?” Regulus raises an eyebrow.

She pauses, thinking about the question. “No, I’m just warning you.”

Lily pulls around to the front of the building once Remus texts that they’re on the way down, and just as she expected, he glares daggers at Regulus as he steps around the car to open the door to the backseat.

“Hey Lily,” he smiles as he buckles his seatbelt, very obviously ignoring Regulus.

She snorts, turning around as she backs up the car. “Hello Remus.”

“Sirius has informed me that we’re playing Codenames tonight, so I’m claiming you for my team.”

“Oh sick,” Lily says excitedly, “I love that game. We’ll have to crush everyone else,” she looks with apology at Reg, but the other boy just rolls his eyes.”
“I already told you that you don’t have to drive me home tonight,” he continues. “Right?”

“Yes, you did,” Lily sighs.

“Right cause I’m going to be fucking your brother ,” Remus leans towards the front seat to talk directly into Regulus’s ear.

“Okay, okay, fuck!” Regulus raises his hands in surrender, even as Lily is laughing so hard that it probably isn’t safe for her to be driving. “God damn it, do you want me to switch with you? I’ll climb over the seat right now if you stop talking about Sirius. Fucking hell.”
Lily catches a glimpse of Remus’s satisfied smile in the rearview mirror, rolling her eyes at their pettiness. “No, no,” he laughs, brushing the other boy off. “I’m just messing with you. I mean, those are my plans for the night but–”

“Shut up, Remus,” Regulus whines, which prompts Lily to cackle again.

Several minutes and more than several explicit comments later, they have arrived at Sirius’s place. Lily pulls into a spot next to what she now recognizes as James’s car.

“Alright, well that’s the end of that,” Lily chuckles, gesturing for the boys to get out of the car.

“Unfortunate,” Remus comments wryly, giving Regulus a too-bright grin as they step out.

The shorter boy rolls his eyes in disgust, flipping Remus off around the car, which only makes them laugh.

Apparently by now Remus feels comfortable simply stepping into his boyfriend’s apartment, because he does as much, holding the door open for the others as he calls into the home. “We’re here!”

The sound of claws on wood floors is the first sound they hear, Bea coming to greet them before any of the apartment’s human residents. Regulus bends down on one knee to pet her, Lily looking down on them fondly.

Sirius comes around the corner soon after, looking slightly frazzled, but grinning at the sight of Remus. “Hi,” he says softly, planting a kiss on Remus’s lips.

“Hello,” they smirk in response. “I was just telling these two about our plans for tonight.”

Sirius’s eyes grow wide, his face turning red. “Oh, you didn’t,” he groans, a goofy grin making its way onto his face despite his clear embarrassment.

“Oh they did,” Regulus says harshly, punching Sirius in the arm. “Control your boyfriend, Sirius.” With that, he scoops Bea into his arms and walks into the apartment as if he owns the place, beelining for the living room.

His brother lets out a bark of laughter, looking up at Remus with amazement, who simply shrugs, giving him a sappy smile.

“Ugh,” Lily groans. “Where’s Marlene?”

“Oh, she’s in the kitchen,” Sirius gestures, seemingly remembering that Lily is still there.

She pushes around the two, rolling her eyes. “Marlene, hey!”

“Oh hi!” Marlene is standing at the counter, watching a stand mixer go around and around. “How’s it going? Sorry that we’re not totally ready–James is in his room by the way–”

“It’s fine,” Lily interrupts her softly, giving her an apologetic smile. “Has Sirius been–um, how should I put this tastefully–is he excited about Remus staying over?”

“Oh my God you have no idea,” Marlene opens her eyes wide. “It’s all ‘Remus this’ ‘Remus that’. He’s insufferable, I swear.”

“Oh I have some idea,” Lily says wryly. “Reg made the mistake of sitting in the front seat of my car on the way here and Remus decided that the perfect way to get back at him was–well,” she makes a face. “I have heard too much tonight.”

“Oh no, in front of his brother?” Marlene laughs, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Yup,” Lily smirks.

“Jesus, those two,” the other girl shakes her head. “Oh, sorry, I’m–” she gestures behind her, “James insisted on making cookies, and then at the last minute he decided to change his outfit so,” she shrugs.

“Oh, yeah no, you’re good,” Lily assures her. “Hey, by the way, Dorcas mentioned that she saw you the other day?” She can’t help but to give the other girl a knowing smile.

Marlene immediately blushes, scrunching her nose up in embarrassment. “Oh God, no what did she say?”

“Don’t worry,” Lily laughs, feeling rather affectionate towards the other girl. “She just mentioned that she ran into you, and that Bea was cute.”

Marlene rubs her forehead, exhaling. “Oh Lily, I was so awkward it was embarrassing.”

“She didn’t seem to think so,” Lily says gently, patting her on the shoulder.

“Really?” Marlene looks hopeful, but the look is quickly and literally rubbed off her face as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Ah, it doesn’t matter anyways. Never mind all that, how have you been doing?”

“Honest answer or polite answer?”

“Honest,” Marlene says, drawing her eyebrows together as if it’s obvious. She lifts herself to sit on the kitchen counter, gesturing for Lily to do the same on the island across from her.

Lily lifts herself up fairly easily. “Well, ugh, you played soccer in highschool, right?”

Marlene nods. “Since I was five, I’ve played.”

“Right, so then you know that as gay as the sport is, everyone is borderline homophobic anyways.”

She frowns. “All too well.”

“Yeah, so,” Lily bites her lip, unsure if she wants to unload on Marlene like this. Even though she’s only met the girl a few times now, they’ve clicked fast, and while her loyalties lie more with Dorcas, it’s quite easy with Marlene as well. “Do you mind, if I complain?”

“Not at all,” Marlene shakes her head, once again looking at her once again as if any other answer would be crazy.

“So we were on the bus going down to Penn State last Sunday and–on the bus it’s honestly a lot of boy talk, which is fine–I don’t always want to hear it, but it’s fine, you know? But the part that really fucking irritated me was that these two girls were looking at this guys Insta and–whatever, they found a bad picture of him and started saying that he looked like a lesbian, and–my point is to say, one girl was like ‘oh my God, he looks like a dyke, ew,’ and it was–ugh,” she groans, unable to articulate her frustration. “They just–it’s a fucking slur, you know? Even I don’t like to say it, and they just–toss it out there! Like it’s nothing but–it’s not nothing.”

Marlene’s lips turn down in the corners. “It’s really not. I–I’m sorry, that you have to deal with that, and–I know we aren’t that close or anything, but–I’m always here,” she shrugs, with a slight–albeit nervous–smile.

“That means more than you know,” Lily thanks her.

The other girl sighs, turning the mixer off finally. “I’ll even listen to you thirst over James, if I must.”

“I do not–” Lily starts indignantly, but James fucking Potter has terrible timing, and chooses that very moment to step out of his room, clad in gray sweatpants and a white tee, looking unfairly attractive, honestly, his dark skin showing through the shirt in a way that makes Lily have thoughts that she certainly should not be having, especially when Reg deserves to–

“Sure you don’t,” Marlene’s smile is all too evident in her voice as she sets the mixing bowl on the kitchen island next to Lily.

“Fuck off,” Lily mutters, no malignance in her voice.

“How are you, Lily?” James asks, walking up to her with a charming grin.

“Fine, Potter,” she replies icily, not entirely sure why she’s being so cold.

It only makes his smile wider, for whatever reason. “Why only fine?”

She wants to be mean. Oh, she wants so badly to be mean to him, for reasons that she refuses to look into. “Because you’re here, talking to me,” she tilts her head, smiling to soften the blow a little bit (but not too much).

“Oh, is that so?”

“It is.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Marlene interrupts. “James, help me with these cookies, Lily, go over by Reggie and relax.”

“Oh Regulus is here?” James perks up, even as Lily’s heart drops.

“In the living room,” she says flatly, pointing to where the other boy sits on the couch with his brother and Remus. James looks over her shoulder at them, his gaze softening slightly.

“You good?” Marlene checks in, nudging her slightly with her shoulder.

“Yes, yes, no, I’m fine,” Lily shakes her head, plastering on a smile once again.

“James is an idiot, if that helps at all,” the other girl offers, smiling.

“It does.” It doesn’t.

Whether or not Marlene sees through her lie, the other girl just goes back to scooping cookie dough, a pattern slowly forming on the pan in front of her.

“Here, I can handle this,” James offers, “you guys get a game started and I’ll be over in a minute.”

“Sure?” Marlene questions, tilting her head at him.

“Go on,” he grins, shooing her away with a towel, which he then tosses over his shoulder. Lily had no idea that that was a real thing that real people did until, well, now. She’s also going to ignore how attractive she finds it. Fuck her life.

They join the boys in the living room, who are laughing over something or other, Sirius draped in Remus’s lap on an armchair, chuckling at something or other, while Regulus and Bea snuggle on the couch. Marlene takes the other chair, while Lily sits down next to Regulus, cooing at Bea as she settles in.

“What’re you guys laughing at?” Marlene asks, sounding more curious than bitter.

Sirius snorts. “James wears slut glasses.”

Marlene puts her fingers over her lips, doing absolutely nothing to contain her grin. “Oh my God, he does. He totally does.”

Lily can’t help but join in their laughter as she glances over at James, shaking her head at the truthfulness of the claim.

“What?” James scrunches up his brow as he looks at them from the kitchen.

“You’re a slut!” Marlene explains, before falling once again into helpless giggles.

James looks even more bewildered. “I–what?”

“Are you claiming you’re not a slut?” Regulus asks, his deadpan truly admirable as he too looks back at James.

His mouth drops open, looking back and forth between Regulus and Lily. “I don’t know what to say,” he says finally, pouting slightly at them.

Remus chuckles. “Just–keep doing the cookies, James,” they wave him off gently.

“I really want to make a joke about a man’s job being in the kitchen, but I can’t quite grasp it,” Marlene’s lips turn up slightly.

“Oy vey, you people,” Lily shakes her head, laughing despite herself.

Marlene tilts her head. “Are you Jewish?”

“Uh, yeah,” Marlene seems to have a penchant for ignoring social boundaries in a way that Lily finds both charming and vaguely unsettling. “I mean–culturally, yes, but I’m not really religious.”

“Oh, cool,” the other girl nods, then blinks as if resetting her brain. “How are we feeling about Cards Against Humanity?” The switch startles Lily slightly, but she shrugs, bobbing her head.

“Sure,” Regulus nods, the others murmuring various other sounds of agreement.

“Okay, I’ll deal!” Marlene says cheerily. “JAMES!”

“What? You don’t have to shout, I’m right here,” he groans, once again walking up to the back of the couch, resting his hands on the cushions as he speaks.

“You playing?”

“Give me a second, and then yes.”

“Okay. Shoo now,” she waves him off. He rolls his eyes but walks back to the kitchen with a shrug.

“Where he belongs,” Sirius says wisely, nodding his head.

Marlene snaps, pointing at him. “Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking, thank you Sirius.”

He smirks. “You are very welcome.”

She deals out piles of cards to each of them, giving Remus and Sirius just one to share, then places the rest of the cards in the middle of the table with finality. “Who wants to start?”

“We can,” Remus says with a sigh.

They play a few rounds before James joins in, bearing a plate of chocolate chip cookies that get quickly devoured. Lily isn’t sure how he does it, but they might be the most delicious thing she’s ever put into her mouth.

“These are fucking dangerous, James,” she tells him, covering her mouth as she chews. “Like, seriously, I need to stay in shape for soccer and these just might ruin me.”

The blush on his face is evident despite his dark skin. “I–oh, I mean, I can cook healthy stuff too! Actually, you know, you guys should all come over for an actual meal sometime,” he offers. “Maybe breakfast one of these days before class.”

“He really does cook great meals,” Marlene confirms with a serious nod.

“True,” Sirius adds.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Lily nods, Regulus echoing the sentiment next to her.

“I’m down,” Remus agrees mildly, looking the epitome of blissful with Sirius sprawled out in his lap.

“Right, that–I’ll do that then,” James appears pleased, a soft grin on his face as he looks around at them.

“Shall we play now?” Lily asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Oh–yes, sorry,” James apologizes, pulling a card from the top of the stack. “It’s raining ‘blank’ and ‘blank’”.

The night proceeds into veritable chaos, and when Lily makes it home, she can’t help but to tell Dorcas about it.

“I swear, I’m not usually one for gray sweatpants,” she’s saying, “but those were sinful, honestly.”
Dorcas laughs at her mercilessly. “Hey, to each their own,” she shrugs.

“Hmm, yeah. You really do need to meet them, though, you’d like them.”

“I don’t know,” Dorcas shrugs. “From what you’ve said they seem… a bit annoying, honestly.”

Lily opens her mouth to deny it, then pauses. “Okay, yeah, they are, a bit, but in a fun way. Like, Sirius and Remus were teasing Reg all night about how Remus was going to stay the night, which was hilarious. And James is–well he’s an awful flirt, but he’s also really nice, like when it counts. And Marlene–you’ve met her, of course, but she just has absolutely no filter, it’s–refreshing, I guess is the right word.”

Dorcas hums, raising her eyebrows. “They certainly sound interesting.”

“I mean, I still like you and Remus and Reg best,” Lily notes, “But they’re not bad either. I think–it seems like this board game night thing is going to be a bit of a tradition, so maybe you can come next time?”

Dorcas bites her lip. “You know what? Yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll think about it, okay?”

Lily feels her face split into a grin. “Good. Okay, I’m going to go brush my teeth cause I’m kind of exhausted so… yeah.”

“Okay,” Dorcas says affectionately, watching her leave with a smile.

As she washes her face, Lily’s stomach twists in an odd combination of giddiness and loss. She can’t help but feel excited at James’s flirting, butterflies tickling her belly with feather-soft wings. The issue, however, is that for every butterfly there seems to be a needle stabbing its body into a corkboard and ending its flight.

Perhaps that’s too dark. Lily doesn’t particularly care. That’s truly what it feels like, as for every moment that James flirted with her, there was a point when he did the same with Regulus, every time that he looked at her like she was special, the next second she was reminded that she wasn’t.

Maybe she’s overanalyzing it. It certainly didn’t feel so awful in the moment, when he was flirting with the both of them. Quite the opposite, really. It was like it tied them together in a way, in secret glances of excitement or annoyance. But now, at midnight, as she stands in the bathroom, looking at her tired face in the mirror, she can’t help but to see every flaw in her own skin.

Lily breathes in deeply, trying to remember all the good of the night. It was good, at its core, a feeling that she tries to hold onto despite her own thoughts. It was good. Sirius and Remus were the epitome of a blissful couple, still in that honeymoon phase full of blushes and softness. She and Regulus had teased James, the latter absolutely delighted with it. Marlene–well if Lily was being honest, half the time she looked at Marlene, all she could think about was how cute she would be with Dorcas–but Marlene just got on with all of them, making Lily feel extraordinarily welcome in her home.

She isn’t quite sure how to go about pushing Dorcas and Marlene together–although she is quite sure that she wants to do so. Marlene has strictly forbidden her from telling Dorcas about her crush, and Lily isn’t sure if that promise extends into telling Dorcas that Marlene’s a lesbian. Dorcas–well, perhaps that’s where she needs to place her focus.

But then, Dorcas is closeted, and Lily’s fairly certain that she wouldn’t want Marlene knowing that she’s gay as well.

She rubs her eyes, sighing as she walks back into the room, Dorcas already sitting on her lofted bed as Lily places her things back onto her desk.

Once she’s changed into pajamas and she’s climbed up onto her own bed, she looks over at Dorcas, bathed in the soft light of her bedside lamp.

“Can I ask a weird question?” she asks softly, propping herself up on an elbow.

“What’s up?” Dorcas sounds sleepy.

“Okay–and like I said, this is kind of out of the blue, but–I know you’re mostly closeted, but… is that just to the soccer team and them, or is it like everybody?”

Dorcas turns to face her. “I don’t really know. I mean, yes, the soccer team, and everyone from high school, I don’t want them to know right now, but maybe not everyone everyone? Is there a reason?”

Lily scrunches up her face. Well there goes any chance of telling Marlene. “I don’t know, I just–I mean, James and I are–I don’t fucking know, but we’re getting closer, I think, and he knows that I’m bi, and–”

Dorcas chuckles slightly, the sound soft in the dark room. “You can tell James all about your lesbian roommate, how’s that? As long as he promises not to tell anyone else, yeah?”

Okay, she can work with that.

“Okay. Good night, Dorcas.”

“Night, Lily.”

————

James ushers Regulus and Lily inside the house, his hair sticking in all directions and a smudge of flour on his cheek. “Marlene says sorry, but she had to meet with her group for a last minute thing, so it’s just you guys, yeah, come in, come in.”

“That’s alright,” Lily says with amusement. Just her, James, and Reg. Lovely.

“You have a–” Regulus points to the flour on James’s cheek with a poorly concealed smile.

“Oh, thank you,” James replies, eyes wide in embarrassment as he scrubs at the wrong cheek.

“No–that’s–” Regulus sighs, bringing a thumb up to James’s cheek and wiping away the flour.

James’s pupils go wide as he stares down at the younger boy in bewilderment.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Lily rolls her eyes, perhaps a bit too harshly.

“Oh, yes, sit down, sit down,” James points to the stools lined up at the kitchen island. “I’m sorry, it’ll only be a second, I just have to finish these pancakes–you guys don’t have classes this morning at all, right?”

Lily exchanges an amused look with Regulus. “No, both of us have our first classes at one.”

“Good, good,” James says, clearly distracted with cooking. “You guys can–there’s some scrambled eggs with bacon, onions, and cheese in the pan over there if you want some of that, and–the first batch of pancakes is right here, just grab whatever you want, the plates are in the cupboard over there.”

They grab food, settling in, James joining them a minute later, with a plate of pancakes loaded with chocolate chips.

“What?” he says defensively at Lily’s raised eyebrows, “they’re good.”

“I’m sure,” she grins, taking another bite of her own pancakes. James had really outdone himself with them, the texture light and smooth, the sweetness melting on her tongue.

“This is delicious James,” Regulus says appreciatively, echoing her thoughts.

James blushes. “I mean, it’s not much, it’s just breakfast, I could do–”

“James,” Lily interrupts firmly. “It’s really good, don’t undersell yourself.”

If possible, the boy blushes even deeper, ducking his head abashedly.

“Remus said that you made dinner the other night when he was over too?” Lily prompts. “He was raving about it yesterday when we were together.”

“I mean, it was just tikka masala,” James brushes her off. “I feel like you guys make a bigger deal out of my cooking than it really is.”

“We don’t,” Regulus insists.

“Okay, fine, I’m a great cook and everyone should bow down to me,” James raises his hands in surrender.

“There’s the Potter we know and occasionally tolerate,” Regulus smirks, raising his glass of water in a toast.

“Occasionally–oh, fuck you, Reg.”

“You wish.”

James actually chokes, his eyes bulging out of his head as Lily collapses with laughter, even Regulus chuckling a bit.

“Oh my God you should see your face,” Lily cackles. “Oh, that was too good, Reg.”

“You,” James points at both of them in turn, shaking his head. “You guys are mean,” he pouts, and yet somehow it is very obvious to Lily that he is rather happy behind the expression.

“Oh, boohoo,” Lily grins at him. “You should meet Dorcas. Worst RBF I’ve ever seen.”

James raises his eyebrows. “Trust me, I’ve heard all about her–apparently very attractive face–from Marlene.”

“Yeah?” Lily smiles widely, because this… this could actually go somewhere. “So she’s still crushing on her?”

The other boy hesitates, as if he isn’t sure how much he’s allowed to say. “Yeah, it’s only gotten worse since they ran into each other that time a few weeks ago. She’s a classic lesbian–when she falls, she falls.”

“Well,” Lily bites her tongue in excitement, “I have some information that–well, first you just have to promise not to tell anyone what I’m about to say.”

James tilts his head. “I–yeah, okay, what is it?”

She looks at Regulus, who appears equally as curious. “Okay, I got permission to say this, for the record: Dorcas is a lesbian.”

James’s mouth drops open. “Oh my–oh my God. We–they–this could actually?”

“This could actually,” Regulus confirms, giving Lily a conspiratorial smile.

“Oh, we have to–” James looks ecstatic. “Okay, so we can’t tell Marlene, but–can we set them up, somehow? Please?”

His face grows soft, giving the other two a gentle pout which does not work. A glance at Regulus shows Lily that he feels the same.

“That was exactly my proposition,” Lily nods, her stomach twisting in delightful knots.

“Can we really?”

“Yes,” Lily shakes her head with amusement. “I wouldn’t have–oh never mind, yes we can.”

“Any ideas?” Regulus asks wryly, looking back and forth between the two.

She hums. “Well, I sort of suggested she come to a game night, but she was kind of hesitant.”

“What about a party?” James interrupts. “There wouldn’t be so many people so no pressure or anything–and we could make sure she meets up with Lene at some point.”

Regulus wrinkles his nose in distaste. “A party, really? I feel like that’s not Dorcas’s thing.”

James sighs, looking defeated. “Okay, what else then?”

“No, no,” Lily stops him, “I think she would, actually. As long as it’s not too many people or anything, that would work, I think.”

Regulus looks doubtful. “Really? I don’t think anything would happen in that sort of setting.”

She shakes her head. “No, nothing has to happen. As long as she meets everyone, we can invite her to game night, she’ll say yes, and then that’s when they’ll really get to know each other.”

James snaps, pointing at her with elation. “Yes. Yes! That’s perfect, hold on, let me make a list, we can figure out who to invite.”

Regulus and Lily exchange a look of shared amusement as James rushes to a drawer, then turns around sheepishly. “Right, I can just use my phone.”

“James,” Lily stops his wandering, “How about we clean up from brunch a bit first, and then we can sit down and do that.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to help,” James insists, “I’m the host, that’s my job.”

“You just cooked us a full meal–and a good one at that,” Regulus points out. “We’re happy to help.”

“Are you sure?” James furrows his brow, clearly unsure whether or not to allow them to help him.

Lily rolls her eyes, taking initiative herself and picking up her and Regulus’s plates, sliding past James to place them in the sink. “Here, compromise, we’ll put everything in the sink, you force Sirius to wash it later.”

“That…” James pauses, “sounds like a very good idea, let’s do that.”

Regulus lets out a huff of laughter. “I still don’t understand why he likes cleaning so much. It’s weird.”

James looks at him sincerely across the table. “Well, I’d imagine it has something to do with your upbringing, and starting to do stuff his own way. It gives him control, you know?”

Regulus looks comically disgusted. “It’s far too early to be that existential, James, let’s just say he’s weird.”

“Right, he’s very odd, Sirius,” James agrees amicably.

In around ten minutes they’ve cleaned up from their meal and are seated in the living room, Lily and Reg on either side of James on the couch, squished unnecessarily close together.

“Right, so it’ll be the three of us, Marlene, Sirius, Remus, and Dorcas, so that’s seven, and who else?”

“I could bring my roommate maybe?” Regulus offers. “Evan. If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Not at all,” James has already typed the boy’s name into his phone. “Let’s just say it can’t exceed 20 people, but other than that, if you trust them, I trust them.”

“I’ll ask Alice, from the soccer team,” Lily thinks out loud. “And her boyfriend, Frank. James, you’ll like him, I think.”

“So that’s 10. And then… let’s see, our friends Peter and Mary–Lily you’ll love Mary.” James hums, tapping a finger to his lips. “Okay, Sirius has some older friends, Gideon and Fabian… that should be good, but feel free to bring anyone else.”

“Alright,” Lily smiles. “I think… this could be good.”

“Me too!” James exclaims, looking back and forth between Regulus and Lily. “Should–” he hesitates, “should we meet up again, after the party? To… regroup, figure out our next plan?”

“You can just ask us to hang out with you, you know,” Regulus points out, a soft smirk on his face.

“I know that,” James retorts, offended.

“So…” Lily prompts.

He huffs. “Fine. Would you guys like to come over after the party and… spend some time together? I can cook again, maybe, or we could watch a movie.”

“That sounds very nice,” Lily says softly, her fingers playing gently with her hair.

“I suppose,” Regulus adds drily.

“Oh my God, you’re always so–” James rolls his eyes, poking Regulus in the arm.

“Hey,” the younger boy says strictly. “Do that, and the answer’s a no.”

James pouts, but pulls away, laughing.

It’s odd, but Lily feels like the three of them just make sense together.

Chapter 8: c'est la vie

Chapter Text

i don't know euphoria

would like to meet her someday

c'est la vie

Right foot, left foot, breathe in, right, left, breathe out.

Dorcas repeats her mantra, glancing down at her watch. Shit. 2.8 miles, 8:05 minute pace. She’s aiming for under eight minutes at three miles, which means she needs to step the fuck up. After she hits three, she’ll slow to a ten minute pace and run an additional mile before walking home.

Right, left, in, right, left, out.

Her watch vibrates. “Three miles. Average pace eight minutes and two seconds,” the mechanical voice says in her earbuds. Fuck. So close.

She slows her pace, turning into the park. The scenery is beautiful this time of year, ripening wild raspberries intermingled with the greenery on the side of the path, still enough leaves above to provide a much-needed relief from the early September sun.

Dorcas wipes the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, wishing–not for the first time–that she had worn a shirt instead of the Nike sports bra that clings to her body in the heat. She passes an older woman walking the opposite direction, who gives her a judgemental look. She ignores it.

Right, left, in, right, left, out.

She rounds another corner, the trail opening into a clearing, green meadow stretching to her left, trees on her right, and more fucking trail in front of her. She’s at the point of her run where she’s bitter that she decided to go this far. Four miles. Why?

She knows full well why. This is how she gets to the top. The top of the Hogwarts team, the top of the NCAA, the top of the United States, the top of the fucking world. Screw modesty, she’s the best of the Hogwarts team already. It’s just one step after another from here.

Right, left, in, right, left, out.

A figure appears around yet another corner, short and feminine, face pointed towards the phone in their hand. As they glance up, Dorcas realizes that it’s Kin. Marlene that is. McKinnon.

As Dorcas gets closer, the other girl seems to recognize her, her hand dropping to her side and her pace hitching.

Dorcas’s body slows to a walk. No. Why? She didn’t tell it to do that.

Too late now. She taps her watch, stopping the workout. “McKinnon. Hi.”

The other girl blinks, looking rather flustered–or perhaps it’s simply the hot sun. “Hi. I–um, sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your run.”

She didn’t mean to interrupt her run either, but here they are.

“Oh, no, welcome distraction,” Dorcas grins. “I was close to the end anyway. How are you? Lily told me–that’s my roommate, she said that… you’re roommates with Regulus’s brother? Remus’s boyfriend too, yeah?”

That prompts a smile. “Oh, yeah, Reggie and Remus are great. Lily too. Speaking of, James and I–that’s my other roommate–were going to join those two to come to one of your games.”

Reggie, huh? They must be even closer than Dorcas had realized.

“Oh? Yeah, that’s cool. You–remind me, we played together for just one year, right?”

“Yeah, just the first year that I joined,” Marlene rambles. “And then we had enough people to split the teams, and you guys got promoted to an academy team, and all that. Honestly, I was surprised you recognized me when we first bumped into each other–I mostly remembered you because of how good you were. Are–I mean, I went to your first game, actually, and you–you were amazing,” she gushes, before clamping her mouth shut. “Sorry,” she cringes, “I get carried away talking sometimes, that–yeah.”

If Dorcas is being completely honest, she finds the rambling rather adorable.

“No, no,” she brushes the other girl off. “That’s fine, and of course I recognized you–we still follow each other on Insta, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I think we do,” Marlene nods in recognition. “Look, I won’t keep you any longer, but–” she looks like she’s going to say something, then pauses. “Say hi to Lily for me, yeah?”

“Sure thing,” Dorcas nods. “I’ll see you around.”

“See you,” Marlene lifts a hand awkwardly.

Dorcas returns the gesture, then raises her wrist to look at her watch once again. 3.5. Oh well, there’s no way she’s running more now.

She sighs. It’s still about a mile back to the dorm, and stopping to talk has absolutely ruined any motivation to keep her pace up.

The walk is a nice cool down though, and by the time she’s back home the post-run serotonin has begun to kick in.

“Marlene says hi,” Dorcas tells Lily as she walks in the door to their room.

The other girl drops her phone. “I–what?”

Dorcas snorts, taking a long draw from her water bottle. “I ran into her on my run. She told me to say hello to you.”

“Oh,” Lily nods, the movement oddly jerky. “Right, yeah, I–cool.”

“You’re being weird,” Dorcas squints at her.

“No, I–I’m not,” she protests. “How was your run? Besides that?”

“Three miles, just about an eight minute pace,” Dorcas sighs. “I was aiming for sub eight, but oh well.”

“Oh, shush,” Lily waves a hand at her. “That’s already impressive as fuck. No way I could do anything near that.”

“Well I’m a midfielder,” she rolls her eyes. “I need that, more than you.”

“Besides,” Lily continues, as if Dorcas hasn’t spoken, “we both know you could do sub eight, but that’s not healthy to do often. Also we had a tough practice yesterday. You aren’t going to be in perfect shape.”

“I know,” Dorcas admits. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Lily flips her off with a grin. “By the way, speaking of me being right–”

“Oh God,” Dorcas groans.

“You’re the worst, just let me finish.”

“Go ahead.”

“You know how you were saying that you don’t want to feel like an intruder on game nights–blah, blah, blah–anyway. James is having a party at his apartment tomorrow, and he said I should bring you.”

“A party?” Dorcas asks hesitantly. She’s not exactly a party person. Her idea of a fun Friday night involves pizza and Netflix, not loud music and alcohol.

“Just a small one,” Lily reassures. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” She pouts at Dorcas, tilting her head pathetically.

She sighs long-sufferingly. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Yes,” Lily pumps her fist. “Reg will be there too, and I think Remus–so you’ll know plenty of people. Oh, and I invited Alice and Frank too!”

“Alright, alright,” Dorcas looks at the other girl with amusement. “I already said yes, you don’t have to keep trying to convince me.”

“Okay, okay, sorry,” she grins. “I’m really excited for you to meet them.”

“I certainly want to meet this James I’ve heard so much about,” Dorcas smirks.

“I hate you.”

Dorcas simply blows her a kiss.

————

“Green or black?” Lily asks, holding up two shirts.

Dorcas tilts her head. “Green. Hurry up though, we’re supposed to leave in ten minutes.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s not important to be on time, it’s just a party.”

“Okay, okay,” Dorcas raises her hands in surrender, looking back at the mirror to finish her makeup. “Regulus loves punctuality, though.”

“Wait, if I do the green top, I should do the light jeans then, right?”

“Um, one second,” she says distractedly, slowly drawing on the wing of her eyeliner before turning back around. “Yes. But no changing after that.”

“Fine, just–what shoes?”

Dorcas groans. “I–just do the white Air Forces, they’ll be comfy for walking there.”

“Smart,” Lily points at her. “I’m sorry, you just have such good style.”

She can’t help but to grin at that. “What can I say, it’s the lesbian in me.”

“I’d like a lesbian in me.” The laughter in Lily’s voice is audible.

“Oh my God, you are ridiculous, Evans. Besides, what about James?”

“How many times do I have to tell you? James is nothing. He doesn’t even like me.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Dorcas sings, shoving her mascara wand back in the bottle. “Okay, how do I look?”

“Damn,” Lily swoons. “Hot. Very hot. Do a spin for me?”

Dorcas obliges with a smile. She’s wearing a skimpy white corset top that contrasts with her skin and baggy jeans over her platform Docs.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes,” Lily applauds. “The abs? The ass? The everything? Yes.”

Dorcas laughs. “Damn, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that I was the lesbian you wanted inside you.”

Lily cackles. “Oh God, I love you Meadowes, but no.”

“How will I go on?” Dorcas teases, bringing the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically.

“Oh, fuck,” Lily swears, distracted. “Reg texted me three minutes ago that he’s in the lobby. Can you grab him–I just need to–”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got it,” Dorcas assures her. “Here, toss me my wallet?”

Lily obliges, Dorcas catching it easily. She heads down the hall to the elevator, pressing the first floor and leaning against the back wall as it goes down slowly. As the doors open, she straightens, stepping out of the elevator only to bump into Regulus. He’s wearing black jeans and a flowy emerald shirt, half unbuttoned.

“Okay,” Dorcas says, impressed. “You clean up nice.”

“Thank you, thank you,” he offers her a rare smile, stepping into the elevator.

Dorcas scans her ID, pressing the button for the fourth floor. “So Lily’s still getting ready, but it should just be a few minutes, and then we’ll get going.”

Regulus simply hums in response, spinning a ring on his pointer finger with his thumb. That reminds Dorcas. Rings, that’s what she’s forgetting.

“I’m excited to meet James,” she probes teasingly, curious what response she’ll get.

Similarly to Lily, Regulus just rolls his eyes. “Don’t use that tone, James is just–my brother's friend.”

“Right, because that’s not a famous trope or anything,” Dorcas smirks. “Come on, Regulus, you’re the creative writing major, you should know this.”

He glares back at her. “Just leave it. Please.”

“Fine, fine,” Dorcas raises her hands in defense.

The elevator dings, and Regulus steps out first, turning towards the well-traversed path to their room. Dorcas follows, shaking her head at his grumpiness.

“Hurry up,” he says, deadpan, as he walks into their room.

“I am, Jesus,” Lily snipes back. “Give me a minute.”

“Fine.” Regulus walks over to Lily’s futon, plopping down onto it and leaning back as he watches her fix her hair in the mirror.

“So what’s the deal with Evan?” Lily asks, half distracted as she tugs a strand of fiery hair back with a bobby pin.

“He’s just coming later,” Regulus waves her off. “He’s bringing our neighbor, Barty.”

“Ah,” Lily nods.

“How many people are going to be at this thing, again?” Dorcas wrinkles her nose as she slides her rings on, flexing her fingers to admire the silver against her hands.

“Not that many,” Lily replies, at the same time as Regulus says “Too many.”

“Well that’s helpful.”

“Something like 20,” Lily clarifies, glaring at Regulus. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“ Finally,” Regulus snarks, lifting himself up. “Shall we?”

“Let’s,” Dorcas grins, holding the door open for her friends.

The walk over to the apartment is less than a mile, and in the cool September evening, it’s pleasant.

“Right, it’s just up here,” Lily points to the apartment complex down the road. “You guys feel good?”

“Just because we’re antisocial doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves every so often,” Dorcas teases. In all honesty, she does feel rather nervous, though. In the month and a half that she’s been here, the most socializing she’s done has been laid back nights with Lily, Regulus, and Remus. That, along with a few forced outings with soccer girls have been the only interaction she’s really had outside of school. So. Yes. She’s nervous.

“I, for one, plan on spending the night in a corner petting Bea,” Regulus announces. “As well as trying to drink without my brother noticing,” he scowls.

“Of course,” Lily smirks.

They’ve rounded the corner of the apartment building with their conversation, and the sounds of muffled music have begun to make their way to Dorcas’s ears.

“I suppose it’s this one?” she gestures.

“Yup,” Lily pops the ‘P’ sound, knocking on the door.

After a few seconds, it opens, the music getting distinctly louder, along with the sounds of bad singing and loud conversations. Remus stands in the doorway, his chin resting on the head of a boy–who Dorcas assumes is Sirius–with dark hair, wearing a tight translucent top and leather pants.

“Oh, hi guys!” Probably Sirius exclaims, sounding slightly drunk.

“Hello Sirius, Remus,” Regulus drawls, immediately pushing past the two to step inside.

“You must be Dorcas,” Sirius greets her, ignoring his brother. “Here, come in, come in.”

They step inside, Dorcas peeking around the boys to see through a narrow hallway into the living room, where groups of people dance and talk. She recognizes Alice, leaning against her boyfriend and chatting with a girl with curly hair.

“James is in his room with Bea,” Sirius informs them, “and Marlene is somewhere… if you guys want drinks most people brought their own, but we stashed some stuff in James’s room if you want–”

“Sirius,” Remus interrupts him softly. “They’re alright, just… relax a bit, okay?”

His boyfriend looks rather guilty, but leans back into him with a sigh. “Right, yeah, you guys will be good, yeah? If you need anything, I’ll be–” he waves a vague hand, “around.”

“Right,” Lily says crisply, pulling Dorcas further into the room by her wrist. “Here, do you want to meet James?”

“I believe Regulus is already on his way in there,” Dorcas replies wryly, pointing her chin to where the boy walks with purpose across the room towards a closed door.

“Reg!” Lily shouts at him over the music.

The boy turns around, still walking–backwards now–towards the door. He nods at them, seemingly an invitation to hurry up. They do, and Lily knocks on the door, opening it without waiting for a response and promptly walking inside.

“Oh–hello!” Dorcas assumes this must be James, lounging on a bed with a small dog curled up near against his stomach. Lily shuts the door behind them.

“James,” Regulus greets the boy. “Bea,” his tone softens as he says hello to the puppy.

James’s eyes slowly drag over Regulus’s body, clearly taking in the outfit, and the boy wearing it.

“Reg, Lily, and–Dorcas, right? I’ve heard so much about you.” James sits up, careful not to disturb Bea as he eases off the bed and walks over to them, smiling.

“Oh dear, that’s never good,” Dorcas smiles wryly, internally wondering what the fuck he’s heard and who told him.

“You’d be surprised,” he grins.

Well that doesn’t help her curiosity at all.

“What are you doing in here, anyway?” Regulus asks, destroying any opportunity she might have had to casually ask why the hell other people were perceiving her.

“Ah, Bea’s not a fan of the crowd,” James shakes his head ruefully. “I don’t want to leave her in her crate with all the noise and whatnot, so we’re taking shifts in here.”

“Right, I’ll take mine now,” Regulus says decisively, slipping his shoes off and promptly sitting down on the bed.

James’s mouth opens slightly, forming a small “o” shape as he watches the younger boy. “Oh, I–I meant just the people who live here, Reg, you don’t have to do that.”

“Regulus. And I want to. I like Bea better than any of the people out there. Or any of the people in here, to be quite frank.”

Lily grins. “I believe that that’s our cue to leave.”

James hesitates. “I–are you sure, Reg–ulus. Regulus.”

“Quite positive. Now leave me alone.”

The older boy shrugs, opening the door and ushering the girls out of the room. “Let me introduce you to everyone.”

Dorcas promptly forgets the names of almost everyone she says hello to. Although everyone seems quite nice, it’s just… a lot.

“And that’s everyone,” James announces with a grin, clasping his hands together with satisfaction. “Except for Marlene and Alice and her boyfriend, but you already know them, I take it?”

“Yeah, yeah of course,” Dorcas nods, thanking him briefly for the introductions.

He makes his excuses then, and leaves them to talk.

“Okay, so…” Lily starts, visibly cringing at herself.

“Oh God, what?” Dorcas rolls her eyes in playful frustration.

“I just–I was going to go talk to Remus, and–come with me, if you want, but maybe meet some people?” Lily wrinkles her nose, clearly not articulating what she wants to say well.

It’s fine. Dorcas gets it. She doesn’t like most people, and her social interactions are really just limited to their little group.

“Yeah, yeah no of course, you go ahead,” she agrees, ignoring the acceleration of her heartbeat at the offer.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going to–just find me, if you need.”

“Alright, alright,” Dorcas laughs, shooing her away.

Lily scampers off, heading into the kitchen where Sirius and Remus sway, dancing with each other intimately. She has a feeling they might not appreciate the interruption, although perhaps that’s exactly why Lily has chosen to bother them.

Dorcas leans back against a wall, surveying the room. Most people are holding drinks (Dorcas had declined James’s offer of a beer, one which Lily had taken), standing in groups of three or four. Two boys (Dorcas thinks one of them was named Benjy?) are dancing to Doja Cat’s “Need to Know”, bringing false microphones to their mouths as they lean towards each other laughing.

To her left, Alice leans against her boyfriend, chatting with Marlene, who… is matching with Sirius. As in, she wears leather fucking pants. Which is simply unfair.

Dorcas has decided that she cannot be behind said leather pants on said ass, because… leather pants. Need she say more?

“Hey, Alice, Frank,” she walks up to the group. “Kin, how’s it going?”

Marlene is rather pink, Dorcas assumes from whatever is in the purple solo cup gripped in her hand. “Hi–Dorcas, I–I’m good. Um, how are you?”

Dorcas can’t help but to smirk slightly at her stutter. “I’m good, yeah. I see you’ve met Alice? Al, I used to play with McKinnon here, way back when we were kids.”

“She was saying,” Alice grins, leaning more into Frank at her side.

“Oh,” Dorcas tilts her head at Marlene. The blush definitely deepens.

Frank clears his throat. “Dorcas, Alice was saying you won… what was it?”

“She was on the women’s soccer team of the week,” Alice announces proudly.

“Right, that, congratulations,” Frank smiles at her softly. “That’s really cool.”

“Oh,” now Dorcas is the one to blush. “It’s not–it doesn’t actually mean anything.” It kind of does, though, and she can’t help the feeling of elation that sparks through her at someone else bringing it up.

“What’s that?” Marlene tips her head, sipping her drink.

“It’s not a big deal,” Dorcas starts, before she’s cut off by Alice.

“Oh, stop, it definitely is,” she rolls her eyes, turning to Marlene. “Every week this, like–I don’t know how to explain, they’re an outside organization, but they basically take someone from every position and make a sort of dream team out of everyone in the NCAA based on their performance that week.”

“Well that sounds like a big deal,” Marlene looks impressed, her gaze pointed towards Dorcas’s face in something bordering on awe. Dorcas relishes it.

“Okay, fine, I won’t deny compliments,” she jokes, lifting her hands in surrender.

“You literally–oh, okay,” Alice shakes her head, laughing at her.

“Hey,” Dorcas nudges her with an elbow, making the other girl shriek slightly, leaning away with a giggle.

“Okay, Al, I think you’ve had enough to drink now,” Frank chuckles, pulling Alice’s beer out of her hand.

The girl pouts, but accepts her fate. “You’re such a killjoy.”

“You won’t be thinking that when you wake up tomorrow without a pounding headache, dear,” he teases.

“Ah, you’re right, as usual,” she sighs ruefully, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

“You guys are too adorable,” Marlene grins at them with wide eyes.

“Aren’t we?” Frank looks elated at the compliment.

“It gets old fast,” Dorcas tells Marlene conspiratorially. Alice shoots a fake glare her way before her expression melts once again into a sappy smile.

“Okay, love, I think it’s time we get going,” Frank shakes his head at his girlfriend’s drunkenness.

“Oh, yes I’ll walk you to the door,” Marlene offers, swaying slightly. “Meadowes, you stay here.” She points a warning finger at Dorcas, a strict look on her face.

Frank takes a step back as Alice follows Marlene. “Hey, maybe keep an eye on how much she drinks? I think she’s had a bit already.”

Dorcas lets out a huff of laughter. “Yeah, no problem. Get home safe.”

“Will do. I’ll see you later, Meadowes.”

She watches as the boy hurries to catch up with his girlfriend, holding out his elbow for Alice to lace her arm through as he walks next to her. Marlene opens the door for them, waving cheerfully as they leave, hesitating just a moment to peek out the door as they go.

Dorcas keeps watching as the girl stumbles over a pair of shoes littered by the door, looking around to see if anyone is watching her. She doesn’t catch Dorcas’s eye, but it still makes her chuckle. Marlene seems to forget where she’s going for a second, pausing before her eyes light up as she sees Dorcas, beelining towards her across the room past people dancing.

Dorcas leans back against the wall behind her, watching with a smile as the shorter girl weaves through people to reach her.

“Hello,” Marlene says as she reaches her, pink lips twitching into a secretive smile.

“Hello,” Dorcas returns amusedly.

“You’re tall,” Marlene tilts her head, looking up at Dorcas.

“I am. The Docs help, though.”

“Yes.” Marlene nods wisely, her eyes wide.

“Hey, Kin, do you think you could grab me some water? I’m a bit thirsty.”

“Yes,” Marlene nods again. “Here, hold this,” she thrusts out her cup, Dorcas taking it carefully.

Marlene walks off again, swaying slightly. Dorcas looks down into the cup that she now holds, sniffing it tentatively. Pineapple and coconut fill her nostrils, which seems… fitting for some reason. Very Marlene.

Speaking of the older girl, she has now filled up another solo cup (why are they purple?) with water, and is carrying it precariously over to Dorcas.

“Here!” Marlene looks very proud of herself as she hands over the cup, filled to the brim with water.

Dorcas takes it with a smile, passing Marlene’s drink back to her. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you,” she insists, looking oddly serious.

“Why’s that?”

“For this, of course,” Marlene blinks, holding up her drink.

“Kin, you had that before, you know that right?”

“Yes,” Marlene pouts. “I know.”

“You know what I think?” Dorcas asks her softly, leaning in slightly off of the wall, one foot behind her for support.

Marlene leans in too, her eyes wide. Her eyeliner is perfect, two sharp wings that accentuate the almond shapes of her eyes. “What?” she whispers back.

“I think you’ve had quite enough to drink, Kin,” Dorcas nods, trying her very best to keep a straight face.

“Can I tell you something?” the shorter girl asks. She has freckles, Dorcas notices, small constellations trailing across her cheeks, barely visible across her smooth skin.

“What’s that?”

“I think you’re right,” Marlene giggles, covering her mouth. “I think I should find James. James is–oh, he’s so good, Dorcas. Have you met our James?”

“I have. Should we go find him?”

“Yes,” Marlene nods, turning haphazardly around to purvey the room.

“Okay,” Dorcas laughs, putting a hand on the small of Marlene’s back to support her. “Come on then, he’s over there.”

Marlene gasps slightly at the touch, not moving until Dorcas does, guiding her towards where James sits on a counter in the kitchen, chatting with Lily across from him.

“Dorcas!” Lily exclaims as they draw near. “Tell James I could beat him arm wrestling.”

Dorcas snorts. “Oh, she definitely could. Also I have been told to deliver Marlene to you.”

“Right, come here Marlene,” James holds his arms out. Marlene tucks herself into him, standing between his legs where they dangle off of the counter, the back of her head resting on his chest.

Oh. Well then. Dorcas glances over at Lily, but the girl doesn’t look surprised, or even bothered by their closeness.

“I don’t know,” Marlene is saying, “James is pretty strong.”

“Yeah, take that Lil, I’m–” he lifts his hands to do air quotes, “ pretty strong.”

Lily rolls her eyes, then flexes her arms, her green tank top showing off her bare biceps.

“Oh. Shit,” James’s eyes go wide as he stares at Lily’s muscles. Dorcas doesn’t blame him, honestly. Lily doesn’t always look like much, but when she flexes… well, her lifting pays off. Dorcas will give her that.

“Yeah,” Lily smirks. “That’s what I fucking thought.”

Marlene reaches out to poke Lily’s arm with one finger. “Wow.”

Lily chuckles, relaxing. “Thank you, Marlene.”

“James,” Marlene tilts her head back so that she’s practically upside down, looking up at the boy.

“Yes, Lene?”

“Don’t you think Lily is so pretty?”

James coughs, clearly and hilariously surprised by the question. “Oh, um, well. Yes, I do. I think Lily is very pretty.”

Dorcas looks back and forth between them with a bright smile, but Lily doesn’t look quite so elated. “I think I’m going to go see how Reg is doing.”

James’s face drops rather suddenly. “Right. Yes, that’s a good idea, I’ll come with you.”

“No, no,” Lily brushes him off. “I think Marlene needs you.”

“I–oh no, I’m okay,” Marlene shakes her head adamantly. “Go on, James.”

He slides off the counter, looking the shorter girl in the eyes. “Sure you’re alright? Drink some water, yeah?”

“I got her,” Dorcas offers, waving him away with one hand. Lily glares at her. “You guys go on,” she smirks.

James shrugs, moving quickly to follow Lily, already on her way to his room as if she owns the place.

“Right, so let’s get you some water,” Dorcas instructs Marlene.

The older girl nods. “That’s a good idea.”

She gets it herself, luckily, because Dorcas has no idea where anything is in this kitchen.

“I want to sit down,” she insists then, pouting as she looks around the room.

“I–okay,” Dorcas agrees, shrugging.

Marlene beckons to follow her into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to a curly-haired girl who Dorcas can’t remember the name of.

“This’s Mary,” Marlene announces, sprawling out on the couch to rest her head in the girl’s lap.

“Yes, Marlene, we already met,” Mary smirks, looking down to stroke Marlene’s hair.

Dorcas smiles awkwardly, sitting down at an armchair across from them. “Right, hi.”
A boy–Peter, Dorcas thinks–groans, melting into the other chair across from her. “Oh, hey guys. What’s goin’ on?”

“Well,” Mary says wryly. “I believe Marlene is a bit drunk.”

“Hmph,” Peter grunts, leaning forward to look at the girl in Mary’s lap. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“So, what’s your major?” Mary asks Dorcas kindly.

“Ah, computer science,” she answers. “Yours?”

“Chem E,” Mary sighs. “Pete too.”

“Well don’t you seem excited about that?”

“It’s hard,” Mary groans, pouting.

“That’s what she said,” Peter snorts.

“Oh you–” Mary hisses, reaching out halfheartedly to swat at him, but not getting far as Marlene makes a weak noise of protest from her lap.

Peter laughs, tossing his head back with the sound. “Oh, come on, I had to.”

“He did,” Marlene agrees, her voice slightly muffled in Mary’s shirt.

“You two,” Mary shakes her head affectionately, giving Marlene a solid pat on the side of her head.

“Ow,” the other girl protests, wrinkling her nose in annoyance.

Dorcas clears her throat. “So how do you guys all know each other?”

Mary looks up. “Oh, well Peter knew James and Marlene as kids, and then I roomed with Marlene freshman year, and James roomed with Sirius. Pete and I live together now, cause we’re the same major, and Marlene–for whatever reason–decided to move in with these idiots.”

“Speaking of,” Peter looks around, a frown on his face. “Where are said idiots?”

“James is in his room with Lily and Regulus,” Dorcas offers.

“Interesting,” Peter smirks.

“ Isn’t it?” Dorcas smiles back, glad that she isn’t the only one who’s noticed the situation between those three.

“Where’s Sirius then,” Mary sighs. “I feel like at least one person who lives here should be supervising. And Marlene is too drunk to count.”

“No I’m not,” Marlene protests, her face still pressed into Mary’s stomach.

When nobody speaks up, she sighs again, more loudly now. “Right, I bet he snuck off with Remus, I’ll go check on that. Pete, you wanna–” she raises her eyebrows at him meaningfully.

“Fine, I’ll traumatize myself with you,” he grimaces, pulling himself up from his chair.

“Well, we’ll knock,” Mary rolls her eyes, gently lifting Marlene’s head off of her lap. “You gonna be good Marlene?”

“I’m fine,” she smiles, sitting up with more effort than it probably should take. “You guys go ahead.”

“Okay, love,” Mary taps her on the nose affectionately. “Nice to talk to you, Dorcas, we’ve heard a lot, but it’s nice to put a face to the name.”

Dorcas returns a polite smile, even as she wonders what the hell people are saying about her, not for the first time that night. As the two roommates leave, she moves to the couch, next to Marlene. The older girl looks slightly taken aback, scooching away as Dorcas sits down.

“Have you been talking about me a lot or something?” she asks, trying not to be too accusing with her tone. “People keep saying they’ve heard a lot about me, and I can’t figure out what.”

Marlene blushes, covering her face with one hand. “Oh, God, I may have a little bit.”

“What did you tell them about me?” Dorcas probes, unsure whether to be annoyed or simply amused.

“Not anything bad,” Marlene rushes to assure her. “Just that I knew you when we were younger and–I kind of bragged about you coming here for soccer a little bit,” she cringes.

“Oh, is that all? Here I was thinking you were blabbing about something I did as a kid or something like that,” Dorcas lets out a relieved huff of laughter. “Damn, Kin, you scared me a bit there.”

Marlene’s eyes grow wider still. “I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“No, that’s okay,” Dorcas assures her. “You’re all good.”

“You’re sure?” Marlene looks rather pitiful, but instead of feeling disdain, like Dorcas usually might, it’s just… sort of cute.

“I’m sure,” she grins. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nice that you’re so impressed by me.”

Marlene scoffs. “I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m impressed.”

“No?” Dorcas tilts her head.

“Okay, fine, maybe a little,” she admits, sighing. “I can’t help it though–you’re–you’re just impressive!”

Well Dorcas certainly doesn’t mind hearing that. “Alright, let’s get you some more water, why don’t we?”

“I’m not that drunk,” Marlene protests. “I’m just a bit of a lightweight,” she wrinkles her nose as she walks next to Dorcas to the kitchen. “And–you don’t remember, I know, but I’m a bit loud all the time, even when I’m not drunk.”

“That’s funny,” Dorcas muses, “I always thought you were a bit quiet back then.”
Marlene hums as she fills her cup with water once more. “Maybe a bit. I’ve definitely changed.” She snorts, shaking her head as if she’s thought of something horribly funny. Dorcas itches to know what.

“Yeah, well you weren’t blonde when we were kids,” Dorcas points out with a smile, gesturing at Marlene’s dyed hair.

The shorter girl lifts a hand to comb through the strands. “Yeah, I’ve actually been thinking about changing it up recently, but–I’ve changed in a lot of ways, you know. Not just that.” She seems to want to clarify this, for some reason.

“I have too,” Dorcas smiles. “Here, cheers.” she knocks their plastic cups of water together, taking a sip while Marlene takes a large swig, wincing theatrically.

“Oh, God, you’re ridiculous,” Dorcas can’t help but to laugh, shaking her head in amusement.

“I am, a bit,” Marlene admits.

“Not in a bad way, though.”

“I know what you meant,” the older girl nods. “I like that I’m ridiculous. I think that’s why it comes out a bit more when I drink.”

“Less anxiety to hold you back?”

“Exactly,” Marlene points at her. “No, that’s it! Maybe I’d always be so flirty and fun if I didn’t have that nagging voice in the back of my head second guessing me. Not that drinking takes that all away–because it doesn’t, but–it helps sometimes.”

Dorcas grins. “I don’t really drink, but I have to say, that makes it sound like not such a bad idea.”

“Oh it is,” Marlene bobs her head with a soft frown. “For all the anxiety that goes away, I think that there’s a lack of control that makes it worse, in some ways. I don’t even drink much, but at parties like this I do.”

Dorcas hums. “As long as you’re safe, I suppose.”

“You don’t approve,” Marlene looks suddenly and genuinely sad. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no,” Dorcas stops her. “It’s not that. I don’t–it’s fine, Marlene, if you want to drink, I’m not judging.”
“Promise?” Marlene jokes, except that in her eyes, Dorcas doesn’t think it’s really a joke.

“Sure,” she offers. “I promise.”

“You called me Marlene,” Marlene muses. “Why?’

“Oh. I don’t know,” Dorcas shrugs. “Should I not have?”

“I don’t know. I like when you call me Kin. It feels like–no, never mind. Whatever you want is fine.”

“No, what were you going to say?” Dorcas questions, looking at Marlene as if she’s trying to peer into the other girl’s mind by reading her expressions. It doesn't work, unfortunately.

“Nothing, nothing,” she shakes her head ruefully. “No, I like Kin, but Marlene is good too sometimes.”

“Okay, then, Kin,” Dorcas teases, enjoying the blush on Marlene’s face as she says it, the shorter girl bringing her cup in front of her face to hide it.

Chapter 9: me and my husband

Chapter Text

me and my husband

we’re sticking together

“James,” Marlene opens the door to her friend’s room without knocking.

“What, damn,” he grumbles, rolling over in bed. “I could have been naked!”

“But you aren’t, right,” she hesitates.

“No–no I’m not fucking naked!”

“Good. Did Bea already go out?”

“Yes,” he nods, “Sirius took care of her when he got up this morning”

“Good,” Marlene opens the puppy’s crate, scooping up her wiggly body and setting her on the bed next to James.

“Ooh–oh, good morning baby,” he coos as Bea licks his face, her entire body wiggling with her wagging tail.

Marlene crawls into bed next to James, snuggling under the covers with a grumble of satisfaction. Bea curls up in between them, her warm weight pressing against Marlene’s stomach. They’re quiet, then, just laying there as James strokes Bea’s belly.

“Is there a reason for this?” James asks finally, as he apparently realizes that Marlene isn’t going to talk first.

“I drank a little bit too much last night.”

“Oh,” James draws his brows together. “Are you hungover, do–do you need me to make you some food or something?”

“No, no,” Marlene bats his worrying hands away. “Not that much, just enough for me to act like–a complete idiot.”

“Right.”

“Yep.”

“Would you like to explain any more than that?”

Marlene sighs. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

The silence comes back again, slightly heavier this time. James doesn’t say anything, just waiting, letting her take her time.

“Was I flirting with Dorcas?”

He squints at her. “Um, I mean not that I noticed. You were, however, being a little pushy about me and Lily.”

“Oh, God, I was, wasn’t I? I’m… sorry? I don’t–how did it turn out?”

He shrugs, the best he can while laying on his side. “I can’t figure her out. Her and Regulus, they’re just–I don’t know, Lene. I can’t–I feel like I’m leading them both on, but I also can’t tell if either likes me–and… I don’t know. I feel like a bit of a shitty person, to be honest.”

Marlene’s heart sinks. “Oh, Jamesie. No, no, you are–you are absolutely not a shitty person. You’re–God, you’re the furthest thing from that. You’re the best fucking person I know, okay?”

He lets out a pained laugh. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“Well I do,” she insists. “You are good. I see it. Everyone sees it. Lily and Regulus see it. It’s okay to love them both, James.”

“Woah, woah, woah, who said anything about love?”

“Oh, come on, honey. I’m not blind. You like them more than I’ve seen you like anyone. And I’ve seen you like a lot of people.”

“I’ve known them for a month,” James whispers, shaking his head. “I don’t know how I feel, honestly.”

“That’s okay,” Marlene comforts him. “You don’t have to know. You just have to feel.”

“Ugh,” he wipes his eyes, where a few stray tears have gathered. “I was supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around.”

“I know,” she snorts. “You really fucked this up, man.”

“Shut up,” he pushes her shoulder half-heartedly.

“You know I don’t mind though, really. I like that you can talk to me.”

“I like that I can talk to you too,” he grins.

“Right, so tell me more about your miserable love life,” she wiggles deeper under the covers.

“Oh, stop it. But… do you really want to hear?”

“I most definitely do. And then I’ll tell you about mine,” she says decidedly.

“Okay, so here’s the deal,” he begins, propping himself up on one elbow. “I like them both, right? Lily is–oh, God, she’s gorgeous, and funny, and–I don’t know, she makes me smile when she teases me. And she’s strong. Her muscles last night? I just about fainted, Marlene, you have no idea. And then Reg, he’s so pretty, did you see his outfit last night? And he–he’s mean to me, but I like it, and he’s sweet, but he hides it, and Bea brings it out in him, which is just adorable. But he’s Sirius’s little brother. And I have no idea if either of them like me back. Sometimes I think they might, but then they go right ahead and ruin it five seconds later.”

“Right. I’m like, 90 percent sure they like you back, James. You don’t see how they look at you, but that shit is anything but platonic. And… I know that it’s complicated, what with Regulus being Sirius’s brother, but–don’t let that get in the way, alright? That’s not fair to… to either of you.”
A smile creeps over James’s face. “You really think they like me?”

“Yes! I don’t know how you don’t see it yourself, you ridiculous oblivious boy.”

He curls his lips inward in a poor effort to hide his giddy smile. “Oh, stop.” His face drops a bit. “Still, I can’t–I can’t choose, you know. Which means I’ll never make a move, and they’ll both end up getting over it and getting with other people,” he groans.

“My God,” Marlene cuffs his shoulder. “Look,” she tries to choose her words carefully, “who says you have to choose?”

“What do you mean?”

“James, it’s 2022. You can date multiple people, you know. It doesn’t make you a bad person, far from it, really.”

He frowns, mulling it over. “But–that would never be fair to them. I mean, it’s not about what I want, Lene, it’s about them too.”

“You’ll never know if you never ask,” she says softly.

“But what if… what if asking ruins it,” he whispers back.

“James. How should I put this? If you genuinely think leaving it is going to be the best thing for everyone, then that’s what you should do. I just–I don’t really believe that you think that. I don’t know. What matters most to me is that you’re happy.”

“I know. I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s okay. I don’t either, like 99 percent of the time.”

“Well that much I know,” he chuckles.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Hey, hey, come on now, you still have to tell me all about your dismal failure of a love life to make me feel better.”

“You fucking bitch. I pull, I will have you know,” Marlene laughs.

“Right, but… not the person you want to pull the most.”

“Right,” Marlene finds it difficult to swallow, all of a sudden. “I don’t know, James. I get… weirdly flirty when I drink–”

“Oh, I hadn’t noticed.”

“Thanks for that. Seriously though, I probably wouldn’t have had that much if I knew she was going to be there. I was–I think I came on a bit strong. It was obvious to anyone with two working eyes that I was flirting.”

“Yeah, speaking of, I can barely see your face,” James squints, even though their faces are less than two feet apart. “Grab my glasses? They’re on the nightstand.”

She does so, placing them gently on his face. He blinks dramatically a few times. “Oh, that is so much better. You–your eyeliner is smudged.”

“Oh thank you. For that. That’s so nice of you James.”

“Shut up, I’m just teasing,” he grumbles.

“I know, I know. Sirius did such a good job with it that I didn’t want to take it off last night.”

“So you went to bed with makeup on? Lene, that’s not good for your skin. I think.”

She snorts. “No, you’re right. It’s not. Speaking of eyeliner though…”

“Oh?”

“Dorcas’s was fucking perfect. I want–ugh, I want her to sit on me and do my makeup.”

“That’s kinda gay.”

“Yeah, no shit. Like your little crushes aren’t gay as fuck too.”

“I didn’t deny it,” he laughs. “So what did you do last night that was so damning?”

“Um,” she hesitates. “So, I didn’t black out, I mean. Obviously, I’d be in a bad way right now, if I was, but… I don’t super clearly remember everything. Like not like I usually would. I… I remember calling her tall. That was,” she wrinkles her nose, “embarrassing.”

James snorts. “Is that all? That’s not even bad.”

“I also said she was impressive. And told her I liked when she called me Kin. Which I do. So much. It makes me… oh, this is silly, don’t make fun of me.”

He nods with a small smile.

“It makes me feel special,” she shrugs. “Like, I don’t know, no one else calls me that, just her, and–ugh, she’s the only one I want to call me that.”

“Well that’s not silly, that’s just adorable,” James replies fondly. “You’re adorable.”

“Fuck off. I’m not adorable.”

James reaches out and ruffles her hair. “You’re adorable,” he whispers.

“You’re the worst.”

“Nah, that’s Sirius,” he grins.

“Eh, true,” she agrees, letting out a breath of laughter.

“So would you like to know my advice on your little Dorcas situation?”

“No. Yes.”

“Go for it. Ask her out.”

“No.”

“Then I’m not doing anything about my Regulus slash Lily thing.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“I guess it’s settled then,” she smirks. “Neither of us do anything about anyone, and we just lay in bed all day.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Me too,” Marlene repeats.

“We should get up, right?”

“Yup, most definitely.”

“I don’t want to disturb our little bumble-Bea, though.”

“That is a very good point,” James agrees.

“Isn’t it?!”

A knock comes on the door.

“Come in,” James calls.

The door opens to reveal Sirius, freshly showered, looking surprisingly ready for the day. “Oh, hey Marlene,” he greets, unphased by her presence.

“Morning,” she sings.

“It’s almost eleven,” Sirius snorts. “Come on, you guys should get up. I already cleaned up from the party.”

“Wait really?” James sits up in bed. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Sirius brushes him off. “Not a big deal. Remus has a shift right now, so we both got up at eight, and I had time.”

“Slept over again, huh?” James wiggles his eyebrows.

“Oh yes,” Sirius nods, smiling.

“And?” Marlene questions.

“And nothing,” Sirius sighs, although the soft smile remains on his face. “I don’t know, the first time he slept over, last week, I just–I thought I was ready. I wasn’t though, and we cuddled and–he’s a very good big spoon,” he nods seriously. “Anyway, we haven’t really done anything. Yet. I’m–can I tell you guys something?”

“Of course,” Marlene nods, James echoing the sentiment.

“Um. I think,” he pauses, chewing on his lip. “I think I’m on the ace spectrum? Like, I don’t know, I still–I want sex, I just… I don’t want it yet. I think–I don’t want to put a label on it, but–” he twists his hands together. “I’m maybe closer to being demisexual? I–yeah.” He frowns, avoiding eye contact.

“Sirius, come here,” James holds out his arms. Sirius dives into them immediately, burying his face in James’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling us that,” James says softly, rubbing Sirius’s scalp lightly.

“That’s wonderful,” Marlene grins. “Come on, my turn for a hug.”

Sirius extracts himself from James, moving to sit more fully on the bed. Bea stretches out from Marlene’s belly, her paws rubbing Sirius’s leg.

“Oh, apparently someone disagrees,” he coos, scooping up the puppy. She snuggles into him, licking at the side of his face and his ear. “Okay, okay,” he laughs. “That’s enough of that.”

He sets her down, leaning towards Marlene to wrap his arms around her.

“I’m very proud of you, Sirius,” James tells him.

“Don’t do that,” Sirius’s voice breaks slightly. “You know I have self esteem issues you can’t–” he waves a hand at James. “Be all nice like that.”

“I’m… sorry?” James says with an amused expression.

Marlene laughs at the two of them affectionately. “So, Sirius, if you don’t mind me asking. How do you feel about telling us that?”

“I feel…” he grins, and it’s like the brightest star in the sky shines from his mouth. “Really good. I’ve been thinking about it for a little bit, and Remus knows, now, but–very good.”

“We should celebrate!” James’s face lights up. “Oh, I can make a cake, can I make a cake?”

Sirius and Marlene look at each other in amusement. “You most certainly can,” Marlene gives him permission.

“Please do,” Sirius adds. “What, did you think we’d say no to that?”

“I d’know,” he mumbles, looking vaguely embarrassed. “But I will. Tonight, perhaps?”

Marlene and Sirius nod vigorously. “Tonight it is,” James smiles, humor evident in his voice.

————

6 People

3:03 PM

Jamesie

Hey, everyone! Hope you enjoyed the party last night!

I’m making dinner tonight, and cake!

If anyone wants to come over just let me know!

Sorry for the late notice!

3:16 PM

Baby Black

You text like a girl.

3:24 PM

Lily Evans

Sexist

Meadowes and I will be there though

Baby Black

Yes, I will too.

Remus

Me too.

______________________________

gays on gryffindor street

3:09 PM

YOU INVITED DORCAS OVER
YOU BITCH

3:25 PM

HELP AND SHES COMING

SOB

thats what she said

I ACTUALLY FUCKING HATE YOU

SOB

uh oh someones mad

Jamesie

Uh

:D

:(

Jamesie

Oopsies!

Whore

______________________________

Marlene sort of wants to strangle him. Lucky for her, he’s literally in the next room

“JAMES,” she shouts as she stalks into the living room.

“Oh, hello,” he says, eyes wide as he scooches backwards until his back hits the arm of the couch.

“You,” she points a finger at him threateningly, “had better be very, very careful. Keep one eye open, because I will get you when you least expect it.”

“O-okay,” his voice wavers, on the border of laughter and fear, probably. Marlene can’t tell, so she’ll assume the latter.

“If that cake isn’t the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten…” she warns, shaking her head.

“Okay okay,” he raises his hands in surrender. “Sor ry. ”

“You’re not sorry.”

“I’m so not,” he grins. “This is gonna be very entertaining for me.”
“Will it?” Marlene asks, tilting her head with a smirk.

“Oh, God.”

“Hmm,” she raises her eyebrows, walking backwards to her room, her eyes never leaving James’s face.

————

“SIRIUS, your boyfriend’s here!” Marlene shouts over her shoulder. “Hey, Remus.”

“Hello,” they smirk. “How are you?”

“Good, good, you’re early, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, Sirius told me to come early for, and I quote, ‘snuggly times’. Then he made me promise not to tell anyone he said that.”

“Which you broke immediately, nice,” Marlene nods.

“Yup,” he grins. “So where is Sirius, anyway?”

She rolls her eyes. “Doing his hair.”

“Shocking,” Remus replies dryly, hanging his cane on the hook by the door.

“Yup. Here, come on in, you can hang out with James and I while Sirius gets pretty.”

“How will I ever live?” Remus’s voice drips with sarcasm.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Be nice to James, by the way, he’s a bit stressed.”

“Oh, uh-oh, why’s that?”

“Just a lot of doing things. He made and decorated an entire cake earlier, and I think he wanted to start dinner earlier than he did.”

“A cake? Wow, what’s the occasion?” Remus slips their shoes off, stepping into the living room with Marlene.

“Sirius told us about maybe being asexual,” she says, rather distracted as she moves James’s laptop from its precarious position on the couch.

“Oh, that’s great!” Remus’s voice brightens.

“Oh, um, shit,” Marlene turns back towards him. “I believe this is the part where I tell you that if you ever pressure Sirius to do anything he doesn’t want to do I will beat the shit out of you. Or–I’ll get James to do it, because you are like a foot taller than me.”

Remus curls his lips inwards to hide his smile. “Right then, I will keep that in mind.”

“Good,” she wags a finger at them. “Oh, who am I kidding, I know you won’t. But if you do–well, really, James and I are on his side no matter what, even though we like you… more than we do him,” she winks.

“Noted. I am… I am not planning on hurting him, Marlene. Ever.”

“Ever? Is that the timeline we’re thinking about here?” Marlene widens her eyes. She knows that Sirius is quite infatuated with Remus, but to hear that they feel the same is… a relief, to be honest.

They blush. “I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t be talking to you about this, because you’re his friend first, but… I really like him. Honestly, that’s all I know right now, but–it’s going really well.”

Marlene can’t hide her smile. “Well, I’m happy to say that that matches up quite well with what I’ve heard from Sirius.”

“Oh, and speak of the devil,” he smirks as Sirius comes practically flying out of the bathroom.

“Hell–hi, hey, sorry to keep you waiting,” Sirius tries and fails to act casually.

“No worries,” Remus smiles softly, an expression that seems to be reserved solely for Sirius.

“Do you want–yeah, let’s go, to my room–away from Marlene before she corrupts you,” he grins.

“Too late,” Remus shakes their head morosely. “She’s already done it.”

“Oh no,” Sirius presses a hand to his mouth in feigned sadness. “Now I have no excuse to whisk you off to my room.”

Remus stands up straight. “I mean, all you had to say was ‘whisk you off,’ come on, let’s go.”

Marlene flips Sirius off as he leads his boyfriend away. He simply smirks in response, sticking his tongue out at her.

“Oh, that’s mature! Real mature,” she shouts after him, but she can’t help but to smile at the couple as they leave.

It’s almost an hour before there’s another knock at the door.

“You got that, Leeny?” James asks from the kitchen.

“Yup, yup,” she scrambles to her feet, taking a deep breath before walking to the door.

Outside stands Lily, Regulus, and Dorcas. “Hi, um hey, come in,” Marlene says brightly. “How are you guys?”

Dorcas looks gorgeous as ever, a red tank top and light wash jeans hugging her curves in all the right places. Marlene can barely look at her without feeling the sharp embarrassment of the night before.

“Good, good,” Lily grins at her. “Looking forward to this food.”

“Right, it should be ready in like a half hour or so, here, let’s just go into the living room, and–yeah.”

Regulus smirks knowingly. “Yes, let’s. Where’s Bea?”

“Jesus, you are obsessed with her,” Marlene rolls her eyes. “She’s just taking a nap in her crate right now, but you can go grab her.”

He hesitates. “James won’t mind if I go in his room?”

She snorts. “No, I think he’ll be okay with it.”

As he shrugs and walks off, Marlene ushers the two girls into the living room, gesturing them to sit down. “Do you guys want drinks, or…?”

“Water’s great, but I can grab it myself,” Lily says, rather boldly. “Meadowes, should I grab you something?”

“Oh, um, water’s fine.”

“Right, Marlene, sit down, I got it.”

“Okay,” Marlene raises her hands in surrender. “I won’t fight that.”

Lily hums as she walks to the kitchen, and Marlene can’t help but wonder if her insistence has anything to do with the tall dark haired boy cooking there.

Regulus comes back, carrying a sleepy Bea in his arms. He sits gingerly on the couch, taking extra care not to jostle the puppy.

“So,” Marlene starts awkwardly, “what do you guys want to do?”

Dorcas shrugs. Regulus copies the motion, half distracted by his phone.

“Right, um–”

Lily saves her, swooping in with Dorcas’s drink. “You guys up for some Uno?”

“I’ll grab the cards!” Marlene exclaims, before the other two even have a chance to answer.

The game takes away the need for anything more than small talk, a fact which Marlene is distinctly grateful for. Dorcas is just… she distracts Marlene by simply being, with her full lips that curl into the most adorable smirk when she finds something amusing. The chuckle that tends to follow, somehow raspy and smooth at the same time. Her hands. Marlene might be a bit obsessed with Dorcas’s hands. Her fingers are lithe, moving with elegance and precision. Rings adorn them, the silver glinting every so often and drawing Marlene’s gaze from her wrists down to her short unpainted nails.

“Marlene,” Lily draws her out of her thoughts. “Your turn.”

She can feel the blush rising on her cheeks as she places down a card, desperately hoping that no one notices the color.

Regulus wins the game, in the end, and before they can start another, James is calling them for dinner, the scents of food luring them in.

“Someone grab Remus and Sirius?” James requests politely, clasping his hands together.

“Not it,” the others say in unison, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“I’m definitely not doing it,” Regulus claims. “I’m playing the brother card.”

“You know what?” James tosses his hands in the air. “I’ll just do it, okay?”

Lily snorts as he stalks away.

“SIRIUS,” they hear from down the hall just a few seconds later. “DINNER’S READY!”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING YELL,” comes the response, also a shout.

“OKAY!” James says, even louder this time.

Marlene runs her tongue across her bottom teeth. “I have to live with this. Like all the time.”

“I am so sorry about that,” Regulus is truly deadpan as he apologizes, which only makes Lily burst out laughing.

“Oh, you try it,” Marlene retorts good-naturedly to the red-head.

“Fuck knows I couldn’t,” she shakes her head. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Not well, Lily. Not well,” Marlene confides, barely able to keep a straight face as she speaks.

James swaggers back into the kitchen with a grin. “What can I get for you today, ladies?”

“Really?” Regulus’s glare could murder.

“I mean–oh, fuck off, I’m tired, I just cooked a whole meal,” James complains. “Just–stop,” he groans pathetically.

“Someone’s feeling dramatic today,” Lily rolls her eyes. “James, you still haven’t told us what you’ve made, you realize that, right?”

“I do now,” he points at them. “Okay, so we have a tossed salad with a lime vinaigrette, some pasta, and then chicken with a tomato and prosciutto sauce, and the extra sauce can go on the noodles.”

“Damn,” Dorcas comments. “That sounds delicious.”

“Yes, yes, help yourselves,” he gestures. “Here, I’ll get plates for everyone.”

Remus and Sirius come out of the latter’s room after a few minutes, the rest of them already having served themselves food. Sirius’s hair looks… distinctly more messy than it did before they went in. Marlene raises her eyebrows at this, making brief eye contact with Remus, before he blushes and turns away.

“What was that, Remus?” she teases, tilting her head.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You fuck off,” she mutters half-heartedly, dipping a noodle in the sauce of her chicken, letting the tangy taste of white wine and garlic seep into it before she raises it to her mouth.

“This is delicious, James,” Lily comments before Marlene has a chance to.

“Thank you,” he blushes, scrunching up his nose in delight.

“Aw, look, you’re blushing,” Marlene comments, making him glare at her. She wasn’t lying when she said she was going to get payback on him.

“Fuck off. No I’m not.”

“I think you are. Regulus, don’t you think?” Marlene turns to the other boy, a glint in her eye.

He smirks. “I think so too.”

“You–I just made an entire fucking meal for all of you, you will be nice!” James points at them, trying and failing to look threatening.

“Yeah, be nice to Prongs,” Sirius echoes, ruffling James’s hair as he walks past with a full plate.

“I’m going to kill you,” James turns, lifting his hands in a strangling motion.

Remus sighs. “You people are exhausting to be around.”

“You love it,” James and Marlene say in sync, looking at each other with bright smiles at their unison.

“Eh,” Remus replies half-heartedly, sitting down next to Sirius at the table.

“You know what would make us hate each other even more?” Marlene suggests, taking a bite of her chicken.

“Oh, good, what’s that?” Regulus asks dryly.

“Mario Kart.”

“Oh, I will fucking murder you guys at Mario Kart,” Lily crows, a dangerous grin on her face.

“Oh, you’re on,” James’s eyes glint as he leans towards her across the table.

“Is it just me, or is there some sexual tension in this room?” Marlene jokes, laughing a bit too loudly.

James glares at her, while Lily just sits back with a tight smile. Okay, that does make Marlene feel a bit guilty.

“Sorry, a joke,” she apologizes, bumping her shoulder against Lily’s with a slight grimace.

“You’re good,” the other girl says softly. “Remus, pass the salad?”

Right, so she’s just going to have to target Regulus instead. Shouldn’t be too hard, what with James’s constant flirting.

“So Dorcas,” James says, and Marlene can already tell from his tone that she’s going to regret her teasing. “We’ve heard so much about you, you know, but–I thought it would be good to get to know you for real, you know? So, I don’t know, how’d you meet Remus and Reg?”

Again with that stupid “we’ve heard so much about you” line. Marlene despises it.

Dorcas, however, takes it with ease. “Regulus and I have physics together. And then Remus is just through Lily, who’s my roommate.”

“Ah, I see,” James smiles. “You know, we have a bit of a tradition here, we do a board game week every other Friday. You should join sometime!”

See, James miscalculated there, because Marlene would quite like that, she thinks.

“Um, yeah, yeah sure,” Dorcas nods, sort of awkward in the face of James’s almost aggressive extroversion.

“Don’t scare her off, James,” Regulus rolls his eyes.

“Well, I didn’t scare you off, did I?” James’s eyes immediately switch to Regulus, a soft look overtaking his face.

“My brother lives here. It’s a lot more about him than you, babe.”

The tone is clearly meant to be patronizing, but James… oh poor, sweet James. His eyes widen, poorly trying to conceal a grin. “Right. Yeah, right, of course it is. Babe.”

“No,” Regulus’s voice is ice cold.

“Right, nope, didn’t mean it,” James leans back in delight.

“This is pretty much what it’s always like,” Marlene tells Dorcas conspiratorially. “He just alternatively flirts with Lily and Reggie.”

James mutters a disagreement, unintelligible other than the sentiment.

“Ooh, ‘Reggie,’ that’s good,” Dorcas grins appreciatively.

“No. Only Marlene and Sirius can call me that,” Regulus says, stabbing his fork into his chicken.

“Awww, I have Reggie privileges,” Marlene coos, smiling affectionately, masking the warmth that she feels with sarcasm.

“Keep that up, and you won’t for much longer,” the younger boy grins, equally sarcastic.

“How do you guys practically have more of a sibling relationship than Reggie and me?” Sirius grumbles, looking down at his plate.

Marlene huffs out a breath of air. “Well, first of all, we don’t. Second of all, trauma.”

Regulus rolls his eyes, looking equally as perturbed as Marlene feels. “Fuck, I feel a long sibling talk coming up.” For all his complaining, he really doesn’t look that upset about it, sneaking an affectionate look at Sirius when he thinks no one is watching.

Sirius draws his lips together. “Yes, I believe you’d be correct. Not–oh, God, sorry, I don’t mean to bring everyone into this, I just–this isn’t a ruining the night thing, just a–I don’t know, siblings healing from parental trauma thing. Y’know.”

“Oh yeah,” James agrees. “Definitely. Very relatable, right?”

“For sure,” Marlene nods, playing along. “Happens to me all the time.”

Lily snorts. “Neither of them have siblings,” she tells Dorcas in a loud stage whisper.

Dorcas grins. “You guys are… exactly like Lily described you to me.”
“Oh no,” James shakes his head. “Do tell.”

“Well,” the girl smiles again, something devious in the grin that draws Marlene in with intrigue. “She said that you were a flirt.”

“Accurate.”

“Sirius, well, from Lily I heard that you were… chaotic, I suppose. From Remus I heard that you were–well at first oblivious, but more recently he just talks about how hot you are, which is–not something I want to hear.”

“Hey,” Sirius says, his voice filled with false offense. “How could you, everyone should want to hear about how hot I am!”

“Well,” Dorcas drawls. “Not me. I am very gay so–”

Marlene chokes on a mouthful of water. “You’re gay?!” she exclaims, without thinking.

Dorcas tilts her head, smiling. “And she said that you seem to lack a bit of a filter.”

Marlene can feel the blood rising to her skin. Fuck. Fuck. She’s gay. Okay, Marlene can handle this. (Marlene absolutely cannot handle this). She digs her nails into her thigh underneath the table because is this real? Dorcas. Meadowes.

There have always been reasons she can’t have Dorcas. The first on the list has always been the fact that she’s straight. Except… she isn’t. And oh shit, Marlene thinks she might be halfway in love, even though she’s so incredibly aware that Dorcas isn’t interested and…

“That’s an understatement,” James notes, his worried glance at Marlene the only indicator that the statement is intended to be a parachute to guide her safely to the ground.

It doesn’t work. Marlene just falls and falls and falls, until Lily reaches out and grabs her wrist gently, pulling her hand away from her leg. “You okay?” she whispers.

Marlene nods, still not quite able to speak, or look anywhere except directly across the table at James, crying for help with her eyes.

She feels… oh how she feels. It’s so much, all at once, the happiness, the fear, the hope.

Her brain is moving too fast, and yet too slow, and… she still can’t speak.

James helps, because of course he does. “Did I mention I made cake? Because I–yeah, I made a cake.”

“Oh, what’s the occasion?” Lily exclaims, the dear.

James glances at Sirius. “Just because. Are you going to complain about a cake without a reason?”

Lily gasps. “Never. How could you even suggest such a thing?”

“You’re right, you’re right. I beg your forgiveness,” he jokes.

Lily sniffs haughtily. “We’ll see. We’ll see.”

James lets out a loud bark of laughter at that, and Lily squeezes Marlene’s wrist gently before letting it go, a clear gesture that the conversation was for her benefit. Marlene looks back, hoping that her eyes show how grateful she is.

She doesn’t speak for the rest of dinner, simply nodding along and trying to hold up a smile. It gets easier as it goes along, and when Regulus mercilessly teases James about his messy hair, the smile that makes its way onto her face is entirely real.

“Alright, I think it’s time for Mario Kart,” James announces just a few minutes later. “Lily, Regulus, Marlene. You guys have been mean to me tonight. Are you ready to lose?”

“Fuck off, I am going to destroy you,” Lily snipes back with a devious smile.

“Well I for one am certainly ready to lose,” Marlene announces. “I suck at Mario Kart.”

James looks at her with a gaze nothing short of relieved as she speaks.

“Regulus also sucks,” Sirius volunteers. “We played over the summer and he is fucking awful.”

His younger brother rolls his eyes. “I grew up in a house without games or smiles or happiness. I’m sorry if I’m not as developed as you.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius punches him in the shoulder. “You didn’t even have a job this summer, you had plenty of time to learn, you just wasted it.”

“Oh yes,” he drawls. “I really should have been playing more video games.”
“Exactly, thank you for recognizing that,” Sirius bobs his head happily.

“I hate you,” Regulus announces, wrinkling his nose.

Sirius blows him a kiss. Regulus looks absolutely disgusted, but Marlene catches the soft smile that he tries to hide, a common theme with the two brothers.

“Oh dear,” James sighs at their bickering. “If you guys don’t mind, could you just take your plates to the sink, if everyone’s done?”

“I do mind actually,” Regulus picks up his plate. “You cooked the entire meal, it’s not that much work to clean up after us,” he places his dish in the sink and beelines for the couch.

James smiles gleefully.

“You two are intolerable,” Sirius grunts.

“Aw, you’ll get over it,” Remus wraps an arm around their boyfriend’s shoulder, using the other hand to pat him on the head.

“I call first on Mario Kart!” James says suddenly, running into the living room to sit on the couch next to Regulus.

“Nobody was fighting you on that,” Regulus places a palm to his forehead in frustration.

The taller boy pouts. “They might have been.”

“I’ll take you up on that,” Marlene plops down next to the two so that Regulus is sandwiched between them. “Actually, you know what, I’ll take the chair, Lily, you take this spot.”

“Jesus,” James mutters under his breath.

“You’re right, James, why don’t you sit between Regulus and Lily, I think that’s a good idea too!”

Regulus snorts, but obliges, switching spots with James while Lily sits on his other side.

“Aww,” Marlene grins. “Come on, you guys look so cute lemme get a picture.”

She grabs Sirius’s Polaroid from its shelf, pointing it towards the trio. “Okay, smile!”

They do not.

Marlene snorts, taking the film out of the camera and shaking it to develop it faster.

“Hell yeah, shake it like a Polaroid picture,” James cheers, holding his hands up with glee.

“That is entirely the wrong circumstance to–oh, never mind,” Lily sighs, settling into the couch better to bump James with her shoulder.

Marlene gets first row seats to the show of delight that is James’s face as Lily doesn’t move, simply leaning against him slightly as she watches the TV, her cheeks slightly pink. Marlene barely restrains herself from clapping.

The others join them in the living room, Remus and Sirius snuggling onto an armchair, leaving Dorcas standing in the middle of the room with Marlene, looking back and forth between the remaining chairs. “Which one should I take?”

“Aww, look at this picture,” Marlene shows her the developed film. “And whichever you want.”

“Oh, that’s so cute,” Dorcas coos over the image before she sits down.

“James, remote,” Marlene reaches out an arm as she does the same.

James tosses it towards her across Regulus, a poor throw that goes past Marlene’s outstretched hand. As she turns towards it, Dorcas’s hand reaches out to snatch it out of the air, handing it to Marlene with a grin.

“Ah, thank you,” Marlene flushes. “And James. Wow. That was a shit throw.”

“Sor ry,” he whines. “Lily’s trapping my shoulder–not that I’m complaining,” he assures her quickly.

“Okay, okay, just start the game,” Marlene rolls her eyes. “Winner keeps playing, the other three switch the remotes?”

Various agreements come from the others.

Lily wins the first round, Marlene losing rather embarrassingly. She passes her controller off to Dorcas, their fingers brushing as she does so, sending sparks up Marlene’s arm.

“Can’t do worse than me,” she says wryly.

Dorcas snorts. “Yeah… you set a nice low bar, huh?”

“Unfortunately.”

She proceeds to win, beating even Lily, who gets incredibly upset about this. Marlene watches her nimble fingers move across the controller the entire time and pretends that it doesn’t make her incredibly horny.

Another round. Dorcas wins again, but this time Marlene manages to not get last, just barely getting across the finish line before Regulus.

“Oh, fuck this,” he grumbles, handing his remote over to Lily and laying his head on James’s shoulder. The older boy freezes, his eyes bugging out of his head.

Marlene tucks her lips, trying to hide her amused smile. With a glance at Dorcas, the other girl is doing the same, and that’s when her grin escapes, as they shake their heads together at the ridiculousness of their friends.

Maybe she’ll be okay. With this whole Dorcas thing.

Just maybe.

Chapter 10: love story

Chapter Text

it's a love story, baby, just say, "yes"

James wipes the steam away from the mirror with his palm, poking at his hair as he squints at his reflection. Good enough, he supposes, wrapping his towel around his waist and grabbing his phone and foggy glasses from the counter.

He hums as he leaves the bathroom, attempting to rub his glasses off on his towel.

“JAMES!” Marlene’s shriek pierces his ears.

“Fuck, what?” James looks up, squinting at her and… shit, there are two other people sitting at his kitchen table. “Oh, shit.”
“YOU ABSOLUTE WHORE, James! Put some fucking clothes on.”

“I’m sorry, sorry,” James shoves his glasses on, droplets of water creating soft circles of blurriness in his field of vision. It is not, however, enough to prevent him from seeing that it’s Regulus and Lily who sit at the table, the former with his hand on his forehead, looking rather exasperated, but definitely peeking through his fingers, and the latter openly staring, her mouth ever so slightly open.

“Oh, God, shit, shit, I am so–oh no,” James ducks behind the wall, silently cursing his idiocy. But… it seemed that they were enjoying the show.

He shakes it off. Now is not the time to dwell on that. Even though… no. He walks into his room, closing the door behind himself with a sigh.

Lene Bean

8:04 PM

WHY ARE THEY HERE
HELP

I DONT KNOW

THEY SAY YOU INVITED THEM

Wait really?

I didn’t?

Right?

I’m confused

Okay apparently it was last week before the party

Oh

Right

Shit sorry

I did do that

James I gotta go

I have plans with Mary and Pete

Wait now

??

Uh

Bye!

I hate you

No I don’t that was mean

Love you

Have fun with Mary and Peter

Love you you idiot

______________________________

James runs a hand through his hair, wondering why the hell both of his crushes have showed up at his house unannounced. However… he certainly isn’t complaining. He quickly pulls on a pair of plaid pajama pants and a white tank top, squinting at himself in the mirror on his desk. Yeah, that works. That works quite well. James is very aware of the fact that he’s an attractive man, and this… well he looks good. He’ll leave it at that.

Taking a deep breath, he opens his door, stepping back into the kitchen with gusto.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose.

“What?” James grins. “Don’t like the outfit?”

“You have somehow managed to make yourself look like more of a whore than you did while half naked,” Lily sighs, barely concealing a smile.

“Yeah?” James smirks.

“That is not a compliment!” Regulus tosses his hands in the air helplessly.

“Oh, but I think it is.”

“It wasn’t,” Lily confirms.

“What are you guys doing here, anyway?” James asks after a brief silence. “You should have texted or something.”

Regulus and Lily exchange a meaningful glance. James itches to know what it means.

“Remember, we said we would come over after the party for a movie or something,” Regulus prompts. “It’s… after the party.”

“Right,” well James certainly isn’t going to make them leave. “A movie then. What were you guys thinking?”

Lily blinks, looking surprised that James has agreed so quickly. “Your choice. Come on, living room?”

“Ah, I wish I had a TV in my room right about now,” James sighs, biting his lip to hide his smile.

“Do you want us to leave?” Regulus asks. “Because we will. We will walk right out of here.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll back off,” James winks at him, feeling particularly bold tonight.

“Make popcorn to apologize?” Lily suggests.

“Really? You really think that’s going to work?” James rolls his eyes, reaching into a cabinet for the popcorn kernels. “Go on, pick something to watch, I’ll be over in a minute.”

“Are we supposed to ignore that there’s a show called Miraculous Ladybug in your little watch this again section?” Regulus calls as James is measuring out the oil.

“Yes you are,” James replies, scrunching up his face in embarrassment.

“Right, just checking,” the younger boy smirks, turning back to the TV.

When James comes over a few minutes later with a large bowl of buttered popcorn, the TV is paused on the title screen of Young Royals. “This is a show,” he points out, rather obviously.

“ Is it?” Lily asks. The two of them sit at either end of the couch, leaving a space in the middle where James happily takes his place.

“I believe it is,” James replies blithely, placing a piece of popcorn on his tongue.

“The next season comes out in about a month,” Regulus explains. “Lily hasn’t seen it, so I thought we’d watch it together.”

“Fine with me,” James grins. “Here, have some popcorn.”

As Regulus hits play on the show, James gets up briefly to grab a blanket, draping it over them as he sits back down. Lily scooches closer on his right, leaning in to steal a piece of popcorn. James’s arm tingles where she brushes it. Regulus reaches into the bowl too, his fingers brushing James’s, leaving behind a soft tickle of warmth.

Then the guilt sets in, because it’s not fair to either of them, is it, to be having these feelings for one when the other is sitting right there and vice versa.

He shrinks into himself slightly, trying not to touch either of them, but… oh, it’s so difficult. He feels so much that it hurts.

“You good?” Lily murmurs, her brow knitting with concern.

“Fine, fine,” he shakes his head. “Just a bit tired, you know.”

“Okay,” she says doubtfully, but tactfully leaves it at that.

“August seems like a dick,” Regulus wrinkles his nose. “He reminds me of like half of my relatives.”

James snorts. “You know, he kind of looks like he could be related to you.”

“I don’t know how to take that.”

“He’s cute. It’s a compliment.”

Regulus blushes. He fucking–he can’t be doing that, because James… James absolutely cannot handle that. The flirting is… it’s easy. Natural. It’s like if he says it out loud it doesn’t count. There’s no guilt there, because it’s all honesty. He isn’t hiding anything. The issue is when he feels. Half of him wants to just say fuck it and tell them, but the other half… the other half of him is stronger. That’s the part that says that they’ll hate him for it, the part that’s convinced that they already don’t like him. He hates that half. That stupid little voice in the back of his head. It takes so much effort to ignore it. And even when he does–he has no idea how to act in front of Reg and Lily. He’s either altogether too much with the flirting, or he falls apart in nerves, but… never in the middle.

“Oh, you know who Wille reminds me of?” Lily snaps her fingers.

“Who’s that.”

“Remus.”

James tilts his head. “Eh. I see it, I guess. Sort of.”

“You have to ignore the haircut,” Lily points, “but like the height and how he acts.”

“Hmm, I get it,” Regulus nods. “And the little scar on the side of his face. Remus has a little acne scar there.”

“Well someone’s looking closely at Remus,” James teases.

“Can you blame me,” Reg raises his eyebrows.

“Fair, fair,” James admits, because Remus really is gorgeous, and despite himself, James looks too sometimes.

“My God, everyone and Remus,” Lily grumbles, sounding genuinely slightly upset despite the lightness of her words.

“Aww,” James remarks. “Don’t worry, you’re even prettier than Remus.”

“Fuck off,” she laughs, but the color that rises to her cheeks tells a different story.

Yeah, James is fucked.

“Oh, oh look, the eye contact, ” Regulus exclaims, covering his lips as he watches the screen.

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” Lily jokes, peeking at the other boy across James.

“Who said I wasn’t?” Reg retorts.

“Well in that case,” James fakes a yawn, bringing both his arms up in a stretch before laying them on the back of the couch.

“Oh you–” Regulus starts.

“Really, this is… really?” Lily asks.

“Yes,” James replies petulantly, and then.

And then they snuggle into him. Just, just like that, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. James inhales sharply, sparking a soft laugh from Lily. Shit. They don’t even know what they’re doing to him.

Ever so carefully, he brings his arms down to wrap around them, his left hand dangling over Regulus’s shoulder, and his right tucked under Lily’s arm, resting on her side.

“This okay?” he asks, his voice husky.

“Mhm,” Lily murmurs softly.

“Yes,” Regulus breathes.

James could just about cry.

————

“And then nothing?” Marlene asks that Friday, as they set up for game night.

“ Nothing,” James says with frustration. “They just–they confuse me, Lene. Sometimes I think they must like me, but the next I’m convinced they’re just touchy people, and then there’s Reg and Sirius which just complicates it so much more and ugh,” he trails off with a groan.

“Well at least you have a chance,” Marlene bitches. “Meanwhile Dorcas is all high and mighty and gay. Why does she have to be gay, James? It was hard enough when she was straight.”

He snorts. “How dare she, honestly?”

“I know, right,” Marlene lets out a huff of laughter. “I should tell her to convert back.”

“Woah Marlene, that’s a bit dark.”

“Okay, okay, sorry, you’re right,” she admits, raising her hands in surrender.

There’s a knock at their door. “Speak of the devil,” James grins.

“You got it?”

“Yup.”

James opens the door, revealing Remus and Sirius. “Why’d you knock?” he asks, scrunching up his nose in confusion.

“It was locked,” Sirius says irately, pushing past him inside.

“Someone’s moody,” James snipes back. “Bad day?”

Sirius sighs. “Sorry, I don’t mean to–I had therapy this morning, you know how it is.”

James nods with sympathy. “Hmm. Just a tough session? Anything you want to talk about with us?”

Sirius shakes his head, filling a glass of water at the sink. “No, it’s–well,” he clears his throat awkwardly. “I invited Reg along, and it was… it was really good, but also really hard.”

“Ah,” well that explains it. “Need a hug?”
“Yes please,” Sirius says softly, wrapping himself around James, his hair tickling James’s chin as he does so.

“Oh, I know,” James whispers, running his fingers through the other boy’s hair gently. “Are you up for game night? You can always sit out if you want.”

Sirius extracts himself from the hug after a minute. “You know what, I think I might. People sound like a lot of work tonight.”

“Okay,” James can hear his concern in his own voice. “Take care of yourself.” He plants a kiss on Sirius's forehead, the shorter boy smiling goofily.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. “Come on, Moons, we’re going to my room.”

“Apparently I’m not people,” Remus grins, following their boyfriend. “I assume I will see you guys at some point tonight,” he directs the last words at Marlene and James with a wave of his fingers.

“We aren’t seeing them again, are we?” Marlene asks wryly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” James agrees.

The doorbell rings, and he offers once again to get it. This time it’s Dorcas.

“Hey, Marlene’s in the kitchen,” he points, ushering her in.

“Great, thanks,” the girl smiles politely at him, slipping her shoes off.

“‘Course,” he nods. The next knock comes just seconds later, and James can’t help but to beam as he answers the door.

“Hold this,” Regulus thrusts a bouquet of flowers at him, various shades of purple and white.

“Excuse me,” Lily slides past him with ease.

“Oh,” James stands there, dumbfounded. “I–okay.”

Lily snatches the flowers from him. “Where’s a vase?”

“In the kitchen–what are you–why’d you get flowers?”

“Because we’re nice, now where’s Bea?” Regulus asks, as Lily leaves towards the kitchen.

“In the living room, and what–I am so overwhelmed right now.”

Regulus turns back, slight concern on his face. “Are you, like… okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” James chuckles. “But what the fuck–why are you guys being weird?”

Regulus smiles very weirdly. “We’re not!”

“Okay,” he replies slowly. “I’ll just… help Lily with the flowers, yes?”

“Sounds good to me,” Regulus smirks, looking oddly happy with this statement.

“Right, okay then.” James shakes his head in befuddlement as he walks into the kitchen to see that Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas have already set the flowers in a vase of water, cooing over them.

“They got you flowers,” Marlene pouts, looking absolutely endeared by the gesture.

“Did they?” James asks. “I’m still very confused.”

“Are you ever not?” Lily smirks. “And yes, or no–we got all of you flowers, as like a host gift.”

Oh. Right. “That makes… far more sense. And here I was thinking you bought me flowers,” he grins at her.

“Is he always like this?” Dorcas asks, directing her question at Marlene.

“Unfortunately,” she nods seriously in response.

“Oh fuck you,” he brushes her off. “Come on, I want to beat you fuckers in Mario Kart. That is my goal for the night.”

Dorcas shakes her head. “Lofty goal you’ve got there Potter.”

Marlene looks absolutely enamored with the other girl’s cockiness.

“Let’s fucking go, Meadowes,” James grins, “come on.”

“Oh, I’m coming,” she smirks.

“That’s what she said!” Marlene blurts, almost as if on instinct, as she covers her mouth in embarrassment afterwards.

No need, because Dorcas lets out a laugh in surprise. “Oh, my God, Kin, you are ridiculous.”

“Stop flirting and let’s go,” Lily prompts, and oh. Very nice.

“I’m not–Lily, what was that for,” Dorcas squints at her in annoyance. Or perhaps not so nice.

“I know, I’m just teasing,” Lily saves it with an awkward laugh.

James plops onto the couch next to Regulus and Bea, snatching the Wii controllers on his way. “Alright, who’s first?”

Marlene, Dorcas, and Lily volunteer, while Reg seems happy to just relax and watch.

————

“James,” Lily says softly, around 11:00. “Reg and I want to talk to you for a bit, when you have a second.”

James’s heart races faster. “I–yeah, is everything okay?”

She sighs. “Yeah, yeah everything’s alright, just–you’ll see, okay?”

“Um. Okay, yeah.” He can’t help but to hope that this will be good, but… it’s the hope that kills, right?

He watches as Lily walks back into the living room, whispering something to Dorcas, who smirks, nodding. What…?

James taps his fingers against the kitchen counter, before taking a deep inhale and returning to the couch with his water in hand.

“I think I’m going to get going soon,” Dorcas says. “I have to get up at a decent hour to work out tomorrow, so…” she trails off.

“Marlene, you want to walk her home?” Sirius asks, “Remus is going to stay the night, so I’m not leaving them with you guys because… well, yeah, because.”

Marlene glances at James. “Uh, yeah! Yeah, of course I’ll do that. Just um… let me know when you’re ready!”

“Will do,” Dorcas grins, her voice deep and lazy.

“Are you going to be good walking home?” James asks Marlene, looking down at her over the back of the couch.

She doesn’t answer, her gaze fixed on Dorcas.

“Lene,” James snaps in her face.

She stands, moving to join him around the back of the couch. “Shit, yeah, what’s up?”
“I asked if you were fine walking back home alone,” he says amusedly, tweaking her nose.

“Yeah, we’re in Hogsmeade,” Marlene brushes him off. “It’s quite literally the safest campus in America, I think I’ll be good.”

His worries aren’t really eased.

“Look, I’ll text you when I get there and let you know when I’m back, yeah?” she says, appearing slightly exasperated.

“Okay,” he nods, tapping two fingers against his thigh, almost unconsciously.

“You alright?”

“Nervous,” he shrugs. “Lily wants to talk to me.”

“Oh,” Marlene raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, not that kind of talk,” James says ruefully. “It’s not a big deal though, you go ahead and take your girl home, yeah?”

“Oh, fuck you, James,” she says without malice, pushing his shoulder. “Meadowes, you ready?”

The two of them head out, James giving Marlene a knowing smirk as she glances back at him.

“Alright,” Sirius yawns. “I think Remus and I will get going to bed now.”

“Okay,” James wrinkles his brow. “You guys sure you don’t want to play another round of Mario?”

Sirius hesitates. “Ah, no, not tonight. Good night, everyone.”

“Good night, Sirius, I love you,” James calls to him as he leaves.

“I love you too James,” Sirius blows him a kiss before he closes the door behind himself and Remus.

“So,” James’s breath hitches. “What’s… you guys wanted to talk to me about something?”

Lily and Regulus exchange an ominous glance.

“Can we go in your room?” Lily asks gently.

James is terrified. “Yeah, of course,” he tries to hide it, fairly unsuccessfully.

“It’s okay,” Regulus tells him, too nice, he thinks. Something–he can’t, something must be wrong.

James’s hands shake at his sides as they walk into his room, first Lily, then him, then Reg, who closes the door behind him. It’s getting hard to breathe, and it’s all too much, and–

“Hey,” Lily places a tentative hand on his shoulder. “James? James, are you okay? Here, sit down.”

She ushers him to his bed, lowering him onto the blankets as he shakily tries to steady his breathing, unable to speak.

“James. I need you to look at me,” she says, kneeling in front of him.

He does. Her eyes are so green.

“Okay,” her voice is soothing and slow. “You don’t have to say anything, just–nod or shake your head, okay?”

He nods.

“Are you having a panic attack?”

He nods.

“Okay, good. Do you want me to get Sirius?”

He shakes his head.

“Can I touch you?”

He nods, reaching out a hand towards her. She takes it, sitting down next to him on the bed. Regulus steps closer, appearing unsure. James offers him a hand. He laces his fingers in between James’s, sitting on his other side.

James closes his eyes, feeling the love at his palms, inhaling and exhaling, his breath slowly evening out.

It’s a minute, maybe two, before he can speak again. “I–I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I didn’t–sorry,” the last word is a whisper, smothered by embarrassment and shame.

“No.” Regulus tells him decisively. “No.”

James lets out a strangled laugh at that. “No?”

“No,” the younger boy repeats.

“I didn’t mean to stress you out,” Lily chews her bottom lip. “I shouldn’t have–I didn’t think.”

“No,” Regulus repeats again.

“Okay, okay, no,” she laughs, and for some reason that’s the sound that really brings James back, launching him past the wall of fear that his brain has built up.

“Okay,” James says, more clearly this time. “I’m alright. I’m good.”

“Good,” Regulus says simply.

“You can talk to me now,” James nods. “I can take it.”

“Oh, God, no, it’s not that kind of talk,” Lily berates him. “Here, just–”

She gets up, James immediately missing her steady presence, and moves to the middle of his bed, sitting with her legs crossed there. Regulus moves to sit next to her, and at her gesture, James rests with his back against the pillows at the head of his bed.

“James,” Lily starts, inhaling deeply. “Look–no, I–shit.”

“Okay, okay,” Regulus stops her. “James, do you like us?”
Well that certainly wasn’t what he was expecting. “I–oh. Um–yes. Yes, I do.”

“Okay,” Lily says, furrowing her brow. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” James blurts morosely. “I–I tried not to, but I can’t–I can’t choose, I just–” he buries his face in his hands. “It’s too much.”

“You don’t have to choose,” Lily says authoritatively.

“What do you mean?” James looks at her in genuine confusion. Her lips twist, and Regulus’s fingers tap against each other. “Why do you look so nervous?”

They don’t get it. He can’t just choose. It would be like asking him to choose between air and water, sky and earth, moon and stars.

“We like you too, James,” Regulus tells him.

“I–I’m sorry, I don’t know–I just,” he takes a shaky breath. “I can’t date one of you. It’s–you don’t understand–”

“James,” Regulus interrupts, reaching out a hand and placing it gently on his knee.

James stares at the slender fingers. “What?”

“You. Don’t. Have. To. Choose.” He punctuates each word with a tap to James’s knee.

Oh. But no, he can’t mean… can he?

“Say it, please,” James asks, feeling terribly, horribly weak.

“Okay, Regulus and I have talked,” Lily starts. “A lot. We both–we really like you, James, and if you like us–if you like us, you can date us both.”

“That isn’t fair,” James whispers, even though it’s exactly what he wanted them to say. “I can’t make you guys–”

“James,” Regulus interrupts, yet again. “We want to.”

They want to. They want James, they want him together, he wants them .

The corners of his mouth turn up. James is fairly certain he didn’t tell them to do that. “You want to?”

“Yes,” Lily nods.

“Okay, but–” James’s brain is too far ahead of him now. “I don’t–okay. I don’t want you to date anyone else. And I don’t want anyone else either. But that’s–is that okay? If I get you both, and you–you don’t?”

“Yes,” Regulus says simply. “And Lily and I do have each other, just not in a romantic sense.”

“And–Sirius, oh shit Sirius is going to be so pissed,” James rubs a hand over his face in frustration.

“I talked to him,” Regulus assures. “He–he doesn’t like it, but… he’s getting used to the idea, and–I think he just wants us to be happy.” The last words are a barely audible whisper, tinged with fear and hope.

“And–rules, we need–”

“James,” this time it’s Lily who interrupts. “Take a second. Let yourself be happy.”

And he does. Because they like him. And he likes them. And he can have them both and they can have him, and maybe everything will be okay.

“Can I have a hug?” he asks, his voice shakier than he would like to admit.

“No,” Regulus replies as he leans towards James, eventually giving up tact and simply flopping his body onto the other boy’s, knocking James back so that he’s almost laying down, just supported by the pillows behind him.

James grunts, then oh how he settles into it, Reg a warm weight at his chest, and then. Oh, and then. He feels a soft breath against the left side of his neck, and Lily snuggles into his side, curled against him like it’s where she belongs. Her face nuzzles softly into the crook of his collarbone, soft and warm and right. His arms reach out as of their own accord, one wrapping around the small of Regulus’s back, and the other pulling Lily in close.

“I don’t know why I was so worried,” he murmurs, inhaling the eucalyptus scent of Reg’s hair.

“Because you’re a big soft idiot,” Regulus tells him.

“Oh, good, I was worried you wouldn’t be mean to me anymore,” James quips, grinning even though no one can see it.

“That’s never happening,” Lily pokes him gently in the side.

“Hey,” he pulls back instinctively, upsetting Regulus from his balanced position atop him. The boy essentially copies Lily, rolling onto the bed and settling into the crook of his arm on the other side, smaller than Lily, and yet, inexplicably–he feels even somehow, like a perfectly balanced scale.

“It isn’t going to be easy,” Lily says softly. “We’re going to need rules, and to talk, a lot, but–this is good, isn’t it?”

James grins. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Should we–I’m very comfortable right now, but should we figure out how this is going to work?” Regulus asks hesitantly.

“We don’t have to move,” James murmurs. “But yes, I think that’s a good idea.”

“Okay,” Lily readjusts so that she’s sitting up more, James copying her, while Reg stays cuddled by James’s hip. He never would have guessed that the younger boy would be so cuddly, but he can’t say that he minds. No, he doesn’t mind at all.

“No dating anyone else,” James starts. “Maybe that’s unfair, but–I want this to be just us. I don’t want to see other people, and–and I don’t want you guys to either.”

“We already told you that that’s okay,” Lily tells him. “But I think that’s a good first rule. Reg?”

“Yes, I agree,” Regulus whispers. “I’ll share, but only with Lily.”

James can’t help but to laugh at that. “Don’t you worry, neither of you–” he clears his throat, slightly embarrassed. “Neither of you will be getting half of me, it’s not–I don’t know, but it’s like I feel double, does that make sense?”

“Only because it’s you,” Lily says affectionately, her hand coming up to gently massage the back of his head. “This okay?” she asks lazily.

James groans at the touch, Lily’s nails scraping gently at his scalp, his heart beating ever so slightly faster at the touch. “More than okay,” he chuckles, leaning back into it.

“Jesus,” Regulus buries his face in the side of James’s thigh, his voice muffled by the fabric of James’s pajama pants. “You cannot be making those sounds. That’s my second rule.”

“I’d have to agree with that,” Lily’s voice is small.

“Oh, stop,” James laughs, although… he does that to them? That was–he feels warm and tingly all over, practically vibrating with happiness.

“Really though, the second rule is that we all get together at least once a week,” Lily says, more serious now. “Reg and I talked about it a bit, and–we’re going to need to communicate, all of us. I don’t– we don’t want it to be like you’re dating Reg and you’re dating me, but… you’re dating both of us, if that makes sense.”

James fucking giggles. “I’m dating both of you,” he grins, pleased beyond words.

“Remind me why we like you?” Regulus says, the words cynical, but the arm that wraps around James’s stomach saying otherwise.

“Because I’m the hottest person you’ve ever met,” James replies, because what else is he going to say, really?

“You’re the worst,” Lily grunts, her hand still gently tangled in James’s hair.

“But you guys like me,” James says gleefully, his shoulders wiggling happily, as if of their own volition.

Regulus sighs. “We do. God , that’s so embarrassing, isn’t it?”

“Horribly,” Lily agrees.

“Rules, though,” James reminds them, trying to stay on track. “So, one date a week with all of us. Anything else?”

“Do we want to tell people?” Lily asks.

“Our friends, yes,” James says decisively. “Everyone else… I don’t know.”

“Let’s keep it–not secret, but quiet, for now,” Regulus suggests.

“Yes, I like that,” Lily agrees. “As for one on one dates, we can keep those separate, yeah? It’ll be up to each pair, I suppose, although no reason to not bring it up with all of us. Just… no rules for those, as it pertains to all of us, just whatever we want.” She pauses, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t know if that made much sense.

“No, it did,” Regulus reassures her.

What about sex? James can’t help but to wonder, and yet he’s incredibly hesitant to bring it up.

“Well, may I suggest that our first date be a continuation of Young Royals?” James asks. “I very much enjoyed that, you know, but we only got through three episodes.”

“That sounds lovely,” Lily nods.

“Okay,” Regulus agrees, and somehow, despite the flat tone of his voice, James can simply sense his enthusiasm.

James inhales sharply. “Can I bring up something that’s… awkward?”

“Sex?” Lily asks, her voice tempered by a laugh.

James groans. “Yes.”

“Go ahead,” Regulus nods.

“Just, how is that going to work?” James asks. “If–I mean, I’m not–” he sighs. “How should I put this? I’m not trying to say that that’s an issue we’ll run into now, or even soon, but… I just want to bring it up while we’re talking about rules, you know?”

“Yes,” Lily nods.

“Eh, it might be a soon issue,” Regulus lets out a huff of laughter.

“Oh, is it now,” James asks, intrigued, to say the least.

Regulus laughs into his thigh, his breath warm, even through James’s pants. “Maybe.”

“Honestly, Reg, it’s up to you,” Lily offers. “I don’t–oh, this is so weird,” she laughs. “Not–just this conversation, I mean.”

“I know,” James agrees.

“But–okay, here’s what I’ll say,” she starts. “I am attracted to James. I don’t have a strong interest in interacting with Regulus, sexually, that is. However, I’m–open, I guess, is the best way to put it.”

Regulus pulls a face. “This is so awkward. I hate this.”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” James offers kindly. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s important,” Regulus brushes him off. “To me, too. I don’t–I’m gay. That isn’t changing. I do not like women, I want to make that clear. However, I–I don’t know, I think that with this situation, Lily and I might be–we’re more than friends, is what I think I’m trying to say. I don’t know what, but–more, is the only way I can think to put it.”

“Yes, I see that,” Lily agrees easily.

“That being said,” Regulus continues. “As of right now, I’d say–sexual interactions,” he cringes at his wording, “should be separate. Maybe in the future, once we’ve–been together longer, I guess–then we can talk again, renegotiate, because I–what I’m trying to say is that I could see the three of us interacting, with James being the… link, maybe. I don’t know how to put it.”

“We have a future,” James beams, ridiculously happy with the statement.

“Of course we do,” the younger boy says. “Sirius will murder us both if anything happens, we have no choice.”

“Is that the only reason?” James smirks down at Reg, ignoring the spark of anxiety Sirius’s name brings him.

“Yes,” he replies petulantly.

“Oy, don’t be like that,” Lily berates him gently.

“Is Sirius really okay with this?” James whispers.

“He has to be,” Regulus says, surprisingly calm at the mention of his brother. “You’ll have to talk to him, but yeah. We talked about it this morning at therapy, and he isn’t exactly happy about it, but he will be, eventually.”

“Okay,” James says, the worry dulling, abated by Regulus’s words, and by the weight of the people by his sides. “This–we’re going to be just fine, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” the happiness is glaringly obvious in Lily’s voice. “Yeah, I think we are.”

Regulus simply squeezes James tighter in reply.

Conversation flows easily, somehow, soft voices going softer, until they realize that Regulus is asleep, and then they’re content to just lay together, Lily scrolling through her phone, occasionally tilting it towards James to show him something with a huff of laughter.

And James–well, he sits there. He feels the boy on his right. The girl on his left. Both of them. Together.

Lily lets out gasp of laughter, covering her mouth as the sound escapes.

James leans closer to her, peeking at her screen only to see himself there, immediately cringing in embarrassment.

“You made a TikTok about us?” Lily asks in hushed tones.

“I mean–yes,” James admits, smiling abashedly.

“You’re so ridiculous,” she shakes her head. “Aw, and look how many people are thirsting over you.”

“They’d be so jealous of you,” James jokes.

“Oh, they would, wouldn’t they?”

There’s a knock at the door. Marlene, from the sound of it. James looks at Lily with question. She nods.

“James, I’m home, can I come in?” Marlene asks.

“Yep,” he answers, trying to find the balance of not too loud to wake up Reg but loud enough so that Marlene hears through the door.

As she walks in, her eyes grow wide at the sight of them, a hand lifting to cover her mouth. “Are you guys…?”

James nods, a smile bursting free onto his face.

“Oh my–” she squeals, her hands as excited as her rone. “Oh, you’re too cute, stop, I’m so–James, I’m so happy for you.”

“We’re pretty happy too,” Lily replies, and James thinks he’ll never tire of hearing that voice.

“I–can I take a picture–Sirius’s polaroid is right outside, can I please–” Marlene asks, her eyes growing wide as she begs.

“Go ahead,” James laughs softly, shaking his head at her enthusiasm.

“Oh, is Reggie asleep?” Marlene whispers, suddenly cautious.

“Either that or he’s faking it,” James grins.

“Okay, okay,” Marlene nods, tiptoeing out of the room.

She comes back to quickly take a picture, placing the camera along with the film on James’s nightstand. “Dorcas is going to be very happy about this,” she smiles, scrunching her nose in delight.

“I know she is,” Lily nods.

Oh. They’ve talked about him. About the three of them. James can’t help the fact that his lips turn up slightly at the thought.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you guys be now,” Marlene blows them a kiss as she walks out the door, shutting it softly behind her.

“Dorcas is rooting for us, huh?” James turns to Lily in amusement.

The girl blushes, the pink a strong contrast to her pale skin. “Maybe.”

“Interesting,” is all James has to say about that, smiling internally at her embarrassment. “It’s also interesting that Marlene knows about it.”

“No, I was thinking the same thing,” Lily exclaims. “It’s their turn to figure their shit out now.”

“Yes it is,” James nods, snuggling her in closer.

————

“Morning, James, my wonderful friend,” Sirius enters the kitchen shirtless, showing off the tattoos that wrap around his side with a large grin on his face.

“Well hello to you,” James smiles, looking up from his eggs.

“Guess what?”

“What’s that?”

Sirius looks almost bashful as he leans his elbows against the kitchen island to talk to James. “I… Remus and I–”

“You did?” James stands up abruptly, beaming at his friend.

“Yeah,” Sirius says brightly, actually jumping up and down.

James grabs the shorter boy’s shoulders, jumping with him, smiling at each other with glee.

“So?” he says, as Sirius settles down, almost a minute later.

“James,” Sirius says, so seriously, looking him in the eyes. “It was–I’m in love with him. I am so–oh, fuck, it’s bad, too.”

“Yeah?” Joy absolutely radiates off of Sirius, and James can fucking feel it in the air.

“It was so good,” he blushes. “I–they were so gentle and sweet, and–” he breaks off into a wide smile.

“Oh, Sirius,” James says gently, overcome with sappiness.

“I know . I’m so happy .”

“I can tell,” James could almost tear up. “You deserve it, you know.”
“I do, don’t I?” Sirius says in wonderment.

“Hell yeah, you do,” he grins. “Now get back in there, I’m sure they’re waiting for you.”

“Okay,” Sirius bites his lip to hide his smile. “Okay.”

“Wait,” the boy says, as he’s halfway back to his room. “Hold on, don’t think that you’re getting out of a conversation that we need to have here.”
James sighs internally. He knew this was coming, but he had hoped that Sirius had forgotten. “Yeah, no, of course.”

Sirius pauses, hand on his door frame. “Did you say–what did you say, though?”

James grins, unable to stop himself. “I said yes.”

“Yeah?” Sirius frowns, but it’s not an angry one, just thoughtful.

“Yeah,” James nods gently. “I really like them. Both of them, okay? I–I’m happy, Sirius.”

Sirius exhales, biting his lip. “I’m trying to be happy for you, James, but it’s hard for me right now. I’m sorry about that, but–” he breaks off, chewing on his lip again.

“Come here,” James gestures, and when Sirius comes back into the room, sitting on the stool in front of him hesitantly, James speaks. “It’s okay, Sirius. You’re allowed to be angry. Hell, you don’t need my permission. You don’t have to like it, okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius nods jerkily. “I love you, James. I love Reggie too. It’s–we’re working through stuff, you know? And–to be completely honest, this makes it harder.”

James’s lips twist at the words. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” Sirius laughs bitterly. “I–look, I’m going to therapy, and it’s been helping me a lot, and–yeah, I’m upset with this right now. The situation. But that doesn’t–I still love you. You’re my best friend. That’s not–you can’t change that. Just–be gentle with him. I worry. About both of you.”

James opens his arms in question, and Sirius nods with a half smile, wrapping himself in James’s embrace. “Thank you for trying,” James whispers.

“Thank you for understanding,” Sirius whispers back.

And James does. He understands. It takes effort sometimes, but with Sirius the effort is worth it. Every single time.

Chapter 11: feelings

Chapter Text

if i look in your eyes

i’ll want you to hold me

“Hey, Marlene’s in the kitchen,” Marlene hears James say from the door. She inhales deeply, running her fingers around the waistband of her sweatpants, ensuring that they’re folded correctly.

Dorcas steps out of the entryway wearing sweatshorts and a Hogwarts soccer tee, long sleeved, but tight enough to make Marlene’s mouth water. Unfair, honestly. Everything Dorcas does is so fucking unfair.

“Hey, Kin,” she greets lazily, the corners of her lips turning up slightly.

“Hi.”
“You ready to lose to me at Mario Kart again?” Dorcas smirks, sitting down at the kitchen island.

“So ready,” Marlene laughs, pleasantly surprised at the way that they ease into conversation. “Where’s Lily and Reggie?”

“They’ll be here in a minute,” Dorcas grins, a secretive sort of smile.

“What’s that for?” Marlene asks. “Is something–what?”

Dorcas bites her lip, and no–she can’t be doing that, because God the way that her perfect white teeth catch on the soft skin is just sinful, and Marlene can not be having those thoughts. “You’ll see,” is all the younger girl says, the tone not helping Marlene’s stupid horny brain.

“Okay,” is all she can manage to say in response, shrugging awkwardly.

There’s a knock at the door, and Dorcas’s eyes light up, meeting Marlene in a shared moment of anticipation.

There are some quiet sounds of conversation, and then Lily is walking into the kitchen, holding flowers, for some reason, baby’s breath and lavender and white lilies all combining into a starburst of color.

“What’s that for?” Marlene asks, looking back and forth between Lily and Dorcas.

“Just because,” Lily smiles sweetly. “Do you have a vase, by any chance?”

“Uh–yeah,” Marlene nods, reaching into the cabinet to pull out a vase, filling it with water as she helps Lily arrange the flowers. “Oh, is–God, I love butterfly bushes, they’re one of my favorites–my family had a huge one back home.” She smiles, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers.

“Well I’m glad you like them,” Lily says softly.

James and Regulus walk into the kitchen, the former shaking his head with a bemused look on his face.

“They got you flowers,” Marlene pouts at him, endeared, but fairly positive that this is going to send James over the edge with his Regulus and Lily infatuation.

“Did they?” James asks. “I’m still very confused.”

“Are you ever not?” Lily smirks. “And yes, or no–we got all of you flowers, as like a host gift.”

“That makes… far more sense. And here I was thinking you bought me flowers,” James grins at her, and when she rolls her eyes in response, it seems almost affectionate, and Marlene can’t help but to feel warmth towards the both of them.

“Is he always like this?” Dorcas asks her, tilting her head with curiosity.

“Unfortunately,” Marlene nods, a moment of shared amusement connecting them like a fragile thread.

“Oh fuck you,” James brushes her off, snipping the thread with a simple sentence. “Come on, I want to beat you fuckers in Mario Kart. That is my goal for the night.”

Dorcas shakes her head. “Lofty goal you’ve got there Potter.”

Why is Marlene so attracted to that? God, she’s so fucked, but that confidence–it’s almost too much to bear.

“Let’s fucking go, Meadowes,” James grins, “come on.”

“Oh, I’m coming,” she smirks.

“That’s what she said,” Marlene blurts, regretting it immediately and bringing a hand up to cover her mouth in embarrassment. Why does she say whatever comes to mind? One of these days it’s really going to kill her.

It isn’t today, though. “Oh, my God, Kin, you are ridiculous,” Dorcas shakes her head as she follows James into the living room.

“Stop flirting and let’s go,” Lily prompts.

Marlene thinks she might pass out. As much as she loves Lily, that was just uncalled for, and with the pounding of her heart, she can’t help but to feel bitterness towards the other girl.

“I’m not–Lily, what was that for,” Dorcas squints at her in annoyance.

Oh God, this is going to ruin everything isn’t it?

“I know, I’m just teasing,” Lily says with an awkward laugh.

Okay. Okay, it’s alright. Marlene isn’t going to explode. It’s… okay.

“Alright, who’s first?” James asks, waving the Wii remotes in the air.

Thank God for James.

“Me, of course,” Dorcas volunteers. “I am going to destroy you.”

“Not if I do first,” Lily raises a hand as well, catching the controller that James tosses to her (unnecessarily, really, they’re both sitting on the couch, only separated by Regulus).

“I’m certainly not going to win, but I’ll play anyway,” Marlene says ruefully, the previous incident seemingly forgotten by the others. She tries her best to do the same, but the sweat on her palms is a stark reminder.

“Okay, which map?” James rubs his hands together. “Reg, you pick?”

The younger boy groans. “I don’t know the options.”

James scrolls through the maps. “Choose a good one.”

“Jesus, fine. Um. The rainbow one.”

“Oh, fuck you, Reg,” Lily shakes her head. “Rainbow road? That’s the worst one.”

“Ah, ah, ah,” James berates her. “He picked. No changing it now.”

“Fine,” Lily elbows Regulus in retaliation.

“Hey, I didn’t know,” he protests.

“Hmph,” Lily grunts in response.

They’re too adorable, the three of them. Marlene hopes to God that one of them gets their shit together and confesses their feelings.

“Oh, I am so going to crush you, James,” Dorcas says, leaning forward as the view pans around the course, zooming in to the starting line.

James doesn’t respond, and when Marlene glances over at him, his face is the picture of focus, so much so that she can’t help but let out a snort of laughter.

Despite Dorcas’s trash talk, Lily ends up beating them all, crowing with victory as she crosses the finish line.

“Take that you fucking losers,” she laughs, lifting her arms in a cheer.

“Way to be a sore winner, Lils,” James shakes his head.

“Oh, as if you aren’t the exact same,” she retorts, ignoring the nickname.

“Well, I lost again, as was expected,” Marlene sighs dramatically. “Come on, can we play something else?”

“Just a few more rounds,” James gives her puppy eyes, and as much as she’d like to deny it, she melts under his pout.

“Fine,” she sighs. “I’m going to grab myself some water, though, so Reggie, you can play. Take over my place as the loser. I know you can do it. I believe in you.”
“Thanks for that,” the younger boy’s voice drips in sarcasm, but all the same he reaches out and takes the remote from her, careful not to upset Bea, who still lies sleeping on his lap.

Marlene steps away, taking a deep breath as she fills up her water. She makes the process slow and steady, so as to ground herself as she does the simple task, before returning to her chair to watch Lily win yet again, a fact which she makes very clear in her celebration.

Marlene curls her legs in close to her, opening her phone to absent-mindedly scroll through TikTok as she watches her friends play.

She comes across a video by James. The text across the top of the screen reads “do you like it when they’re mean to you?” and she watches as he shakes his head, mouthing along to the sound before turning to the side to reveal the Pinocchio nose filter. She can’t help but to snort, even more so as she opens the comments to see that the top few are all people shocked that he had said “they”, which James had responded to snarkily but honestly, saying that he liked everyone.

“What?” Dorcas asks, as their game finishes, James winning this round.

Marlene tilts the phone towards her, enjoying the smile that rises onto the girl’s face as she watches the video, her dark eyes flicking up between the three of their friends on the couch.

“Why are you looking at us like that?” Regulus glares at them, drawing his eyebrows together in annoyance.

“No reason,” Dorcas sings. “One more round, then we can do something else?”

The others mutter various agreements, and James clicks on one last course. “We should play poker next.”

“Oh yes, I will happily take all of your money,” Regulus nods seriously.

James grins. “Feel free.”

The younger boy groans. “It’s not as fun when you want it to happen.”

“Deal with it,” James says boldly, offering Regulus a bright smile.

Marlene offers to get their case of poker chips from Sirius as they play their last game.

She knocks on the boy's bedroom door. “It’s Marlene, can I come in?”

There’s a brief pause before Sirius responds. “Yeah, go ahead.”

She beams at the endearing sight of Sirius resting his head on Remus’s chest, the latter stroking the former’s hair lazily. “You guys are too cute, it’s disgusting,” she shakes her head.

“Yeah, yeah, what do you want?” Sirius asks, barely lifting his head to look at her.

“Be nice,” Remus berates him.

“Poker chips?” Marlene asks. “Are they in here?”

“Yeah, they should be in that drawer,” he gestures.

“You like poker?” Remus asks amusedly.

“Just for fun, yeah,” Sirius nods. “Effie got the chips for me for Christmas last year.”

“I found them!” Marlene says, holding up the case after a few minutes of searching. “You guys want to join?”

Remus looks down at their boyfriend for an answer. Sirius shakes his head.

“Maybe later,” Remus replies apologetically.

“Alright, I’ll see you guys then,” Marlene closes the door gently behind her.

James has won again, apparently, kneeling on the floor in front of the TV, pumping his fists dramatically in victory, as the others watch him with bored expressions.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Marlene cuffs him on the side of the head as she steps into the room. “Poker time!”

“Ow,” James complains, rubbing his forehead.

“Stop being a baby, you’re fine,” she brushes him off, used to his dramatics.

“Are we playing with real money?” Lily asks, rather hesitantly.

Marlene hums with thought. “I say we either do chips worth up to a dollar, or we just say that the winners are owed by the losers.”

“Ooh, let’s go with owing people,” James grins deviously.

“Okay new goal,” Marlene announces. “Make James owe all of us and punish him for it.”

“Agreed,” Lily nods, suddenly far more interested in this.

“Fuck, I’m going to regret this,” James shakes his head ruefully.

“Yes you are,” Regulus nods.

“Okay, okay,” Marlene cuts their bickering off. “Look, you guys are going to have to move to the floor because you can see each other’s cards. Also Remus and Sirius might join later, but they’re cuddling right now, the idiots.”
“They aren’t idiots for cuddling,” James defends his friends.

“Yes they are, now how many chips should we each start with?”

As they all adjust their seats, James helps Marlene deal out chips, forming small piles in front of each player.

Dorcas fidgets with the chips, lifting a stack and dropping them one by one, making a clacking noise as they fall. She’s wearing rings again, despite her casual outfit, her long fingers nimble and tantalizing.

James clears his throat. “Okay, we’ll let the dealer decide on the game to play–either a standard round or something fun, as long as we can incorporate the chips into it. I’ll start?”

They nod in response.

“Coolio,” James grins dorkily. “We shall play Shit on Your Neighbor, then.”
“Sorry, what?” Lily blinks at him.

Marlene snorts. “It’s a dumb game, it’s sort of a tradition to start off with it.”

James explains the rules to them then deals each of them a single card. “So, since I dealt, Marlene will start and we go clockwise from there. Remember, we’re playing one loss and you’re out, so be careful.”

She glances at the card in her hand. An eight. “I’m good,” she nods to Dorcas next to her.

“Me too,” the younger girl says, glancing to Lily.

“Swap,” the redhead slides her card to Regulus, who smirks as he looks at the card he has received.

“I’m good.”
James tilts his head in thought, before nodding as well. “I’m good, now we all flip.”

They reveal their cards, Lily shaking her head at the four in front of her. She slides her chip into the middle with a sigh.

Marlene collects everyone’s cards, shuffling the deck and dealing once again.

The game continues, James losing the round, and Regulus losing the next, so that it’s just Marlene and Dorcas left, the former dealing once again.

“Okay, go ahead,” Marlene snaps the deck down onto the table.

Dorcas leans in from the adjacent side of the table, looking into Marlene’s eyes dangerously. “What do you have, Kin?”

She meets Dorcas’s eyes head on. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Dorcas bites her lip–she really shouldn’t do that–and shakes her head. “I’m good.”

Marlene has a seven. She keeps it.

“Alright, I’m counting you off,” James announces. “One. Two. Three, and flip!”

Dorcas has a queen, meaning her whole swapping gambit was just that–a total bluff. She cackles as she plucks Marlene’s chip from in front of her, pulling the rest of the chips in the center of the table towards her. “Looks like you owe me,” she smirks, the tip of her tongue just showing between her teeth.

“Not so fast Meadowes,” Lily retorts. “We’ve got lots of rounds left here.”

“Yeah, rounds that I’m gonna win,” Dorcas tells her.

“Well someone’s competitive,” Regulus drawls, rolling his eyes at her.

“Yeah, that’s how you win, Baby Black,” she narrows her eyes at him.

Marlene is… incredibly attracted to that confidence.

“You–fuck you, you knew me before Sirius, don’t call me that,” Regulus brushes her off. “And now I’m going to crush you, just because of that.”

“Oh, you try your best,” Dorcas shakes her head dangerously at him.

“I have never seen a gay man and a lesbian have so much sexual tension,” Lily looks between them with wide eyes.

“Jesus, let’s just play the game,” Marlene interrupts with amusement.

She learns two things during the course of the game.

One: Dorcas has an amazing poker face.

Two: Marlene would gladly lose thousands to her just for the chance to witness said poker face.

————

“Where’s the fun in that?” Lily is protesting to Remus.

James had suggested that to keep the IOUs fair, they have a separate person moderate any requests.

“Yeah, no way am I going through Remus for this,” Dorcas complains.

Dorcas and Regulus had been the highest winners of the night, with Lily staying at a neutral balance, and James and Marlene losing rather badly.

“Okay, okay,” Lily attempts to calm everyone. “How about–to make this easier–we say that Jamees owes Reg, and Marlene owes Dorcas? Does that work?”

“Oh it most certainly does,” James smirks. Marlene can’t help but to agree, although she’s smart enough not to vocalize it.

“Fuck off, James,” Sirius messes with his friend’s hair.

“Oy, that’s enough,” Lily waves a hand at the two. “Do you guys trust them, or do you want a, uh, third party, I guess.”

“I trust him,” James says sincerely.

Marlene looks at Dorcas. She blinks back with wide innocent eyes.

Marlene bites her lip to avoid smiling, shaking her head at the other girl. “Yeah, I think we’ll be fine.”

James excuses himself, Lily following shortly after. Marlene looks after them with raised eyebrows.

Remus hums, sitting down on the couch, Sirius laying down with his head on their lap.

Regulus makes a sound of disgust.

“Oh, fuck off, Reggie,” Sirius narrows his eyes at his brother. “You want me to point it out every time you flirt with James?”

“I do not–” Regulus sounds ridiculously offended.

“Yeah, sure,” Sirius rolls his eyes, flopping back down onto Remus’s thighs.

Lily comes back with a smile, walking up behind Dorcas to whisper something in her ear. Dorcas’s eyes dart to James in the kitchen, smirking at the boy when she makes eye contact.

“What was–” Marlene asks, leaning in towards them with curiosity.

Dorcas appears hesitant, then her eyes flash to behind Marlene. “I think I’m going to get going soon,” she says, her voice louder than before. “I have to get up at a decent hour to work out tomorrow, so…” she trails off suggestively.

“Marlene, you want to walk her home?” Sirius asks, “Remus is going to stay the night, so I’m not leaving them with you guys because… well, yeah, because.”

Marlene most certainly does want to walk her home, and she also very much does not, because that sounds terrifying.

She glances at James, whose eyes seem to beg her to say yes. “Uh, yeah! Yeah, of course I’ll do that. Just um… let me know when you’re ready!”

Well shit. That was eloquent.

“Will do,” Dorcas nods, her voice smooth and lazy.

Marlene imagines that this is what her voice would sound like waking up in the morning. This is, naturally, not a good thought, because now she’s thinking about waking up next to Dorcas, hot skin against hot skin, lazy kisses–

“Lene,” James snaps in her face.

She stands, moving to join him around the back of the couch. “Shit, yeah, what’s up?”
“I asked if you were fine walking back home alone,” he says amusedly, tweaking her nose.

“Yeah, we’re in Hogsmeade,” Marlene brushes him off. “It’s quite literally the safest campus in America, I think I’ll be good.”

His worries don’t seem eased.

“Look, I’ll text you when I get there and let you know when I’m back, yeah?”

“Okay,” he nods, tapping two fingers against his thigh.

“You alright?”

“Nervous,” he shrugs. “Lily wants to talk to me.”

“Oh,” Marlene raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, not that kind of talk,” James says ruefully. “It’s not a big deal though, you go ahead and take your girl home, yeah?”

“Oh, fuck you, James,” she says without malice, pushing his shoulder. “Meadowes, you ready?”

The other girl has gathered her things, standing up and chatting with Lily as James and Marlene talk.

“Yeah, let’s go,” she nods.

They step outside into the cool night air. It’s suddenly easier to breathe, even though Marlene hadn’t noticed that it was getting stuffy inside.

Dorcas seems to think the same, inhaling deeply before letting it out in a loud sigh. “Oh, this feels nice, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Marlene agrees mildly. “Hey, so what was Lily telling you there?”

Dorcas smirks. “Ooh, this is good. Her and Regulus are finally going to talk to James.”

“Wait, really?! Oh, fucking finally. Are they both going to–I mean, what exactly are they going to tell him?”

“I–okay, I’m not exactly sure,” Dorcas admits. “All she said was that they were going to ask him out. I am hoping desperately that this means they’re both going to–”
“Yes!” Marlene crows, unable to help herself. “I’ve been telling him that he should just date both of them, but he’s too scared to do anything about it.”

“You’re going to have to tell me how it goes when you get back,” Dorcas tells her, smiling brightly.

“I definitely will,” Marlene nods.

“You have my number, right?”

Marlene knows she does. “Um, I think so? Yeah, I saved it from that group chat that James made.”

“Perfect.”

God, Marlene is addicted to Dorcas’s voice. She never knew a single word could be so fucking delicious before her.

“You know what I just realized?” the taller girl asks, humor in her voice.

“What’s that?”

“Well, if this all goes to plan, we’re going to be the only single ones left in this little group.”

Shit. She’s right.

Apparently she goes quiet for too long. “Not–sorry, was that a weird thing to say? I didn’t mean for it to be–”

“No–oh, no, not at all,” Marlene opens her eyes wide. “I know what you meant.”

“Good,” Dorcas says, too quickly for Marlene’s taste, to be honest.

“Yeah, yeah, no, of course,” Marlene bobs her head.

The conversation leaves a bitter silence between them, the only sound their shoes on the concrete.

“So just one more week before fall break,” Marlene comments, determined to break the quiet. “Are you doing anything?”

Dorcas shakes her head. “Nah, it’s not really worth it to go home, but it’ll be good to have a break from school.”

“Definitely,” she agrees. “James’s parents are coming up, but that’s it for me.”

“You’re close with his parents too?” Dorcas sounds vaguely amused.

“Yes. We were neighbors as kids, so they’re like second parents to me.”

“That must be nice,” she says wistfully.

“You’d probably like them,” Marlene offers. “I mean, I think anyone would honestly.”

“Yeah,” Dorcas trails off. “Oh well, it’ll be nice to have a break, that’s for sure.”

“And there’s always the next game night to look forward to.”

“Very true,” she nods. “It’s always fun to win.”

“Oh, is that so?” Marlene challenges her. “I think we just haven’t been playing the right games.”
“Really? We’ll have to test that out, huh?”

“Yes we will,” Marlene agrees.

“But for now, I still have to figure out how you owe me.”

“Ahh, yes, that,” Marlene’s heart skips a beat at the reminder.

“Aw, don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.”

“When are you going to cash that in, anyway?”

“When you least expect it,” Dorcas teases, leaning towards her slightly as she speaks.

“Oh,” Marlene draws the syllable out suggestively.

Dorcas laughs, tossing her head back slightly. She has lovely collarbones. Marlene wants to sink her teeth into them.

“Ah, no, I’ll probably just make you buy me coffee,” Dorcas brushes her off.

“I wonder what Reggie is going to make James do,” Marlene muses.

“I don’t want to think about it,” Dorcas shudders. “I’ve already heard enough about how hot James is, I don’t need to hear any more.”

“That is… entirely fair,” Marlene allows. “Men are disgusting. I don’t want anything to do with them.”

“Exactly,” Dorcas agrees. “And the fact that some of our best friends–and your roommates–are men is completely irrelevant, honestly.”

“See, you get it,” Marlene nods. “God, I have needed another lesbian friend for so long.”

Dorcas looks at her curiously. “Wait, you’re a lesbian? I didn’t even realize.”

“Really?” Marlene suddenly feels as if all of their conversations have been reframed. “I thought you knew, look at me!”

“I–okay, I have awful gaydar,” Dorcas laughs, raising her hands in defense. “I mean, I kind of figured you weren’t straight, I guess, but I just didn’t realize you were also a lesbian.”

“Well that’s a relief. If you had been perceiving me as straight this entire time, I might actually have to kill myself.”

Dorcas lets out a bark of surprised laughter. “Oh, God.”

“No, I’m kidding of course,” Marlene shakes her head. “Mostly.”

“Only mostly?”

Marlene shrugs. “I stand by it.”

“I’m right up here,” Dorcas changes the subject, pointing at a building about a block away.

“Oh, athletes get the nice dorms, huh?”

“Yeah,” she laughs ruefully. “Trust me, Regulus has complained to me plenty already.”

“I bet.”

“Hey, are you sure you’ll be good walking back alone” Dorcas asks rather suddenly. “Sorry, I wasn’t really thinking about it when they suggested you walk me, I just figured we should both leave them alone.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same,” Marlene snorts. “But, yeah I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?”

Marlene reaches into the pocket of her sweatpants for her key ring, holding it up and flicking open her pocket knife that resides on one of the loops. “I’m sure.”

“Damn, okay,” Dorcas sounds impressed.

She grins, closing it and placing the ring back in her pocket. “I’ll text you when I get back though.”

“Good,” the taller girl says decisively.

Her voice scratches some kind of particular spot in Marlene’s brain, making her feel warm and fuzzy all over. It’s awful. Except that it’s not. At all.

————

Dorcas Meadowes

12:04 AM

I’m back!

talk to James yet?

;)

I’m about to

I think Reggie and Lily are in his room though

Oooh

interesting

Very right

Okay I’m going in

______________________________

Marlene knocks tentatively on James’s door. “James, I’m home. Can I come in?”

“Yep,” his voice calls from inside.

Marlene is still careful as she opens the door. James beams at her from his bed, Lily sitting next to him with her head on his shoulder, and Regulus snuggled into his hip on the other side.

“Are you guys…?”

James nods, his smile as bright as she’s ever seen it.

“Oh my–” she squeals, grinning at them. “Oh, you’re too cute, stop, I’m so–James, I’m so happy for you.”

“We’re pretty happy too,” Lily bites her lip, eyes giving away the truth to her words.

“I–can I take a picture–Sirius’s polaroid is right outside, can I please–” Marlene asks, practically vibrating with happiness.

“Go ahead,” James says softly.

“Oh, is Reggie asleep?” Marlene whispers.

“Either that or he’s faking it,” James shakes his head affectionately.

“Okay, okay,” Marlene nods, creeping out of the room to grab the camera.

She snaps a quick shot of the three of them, then tiptoes towards Lily’s side of the bed, placing the film on James’s nightstand. “Dorcas is going to be very happy about this.”

“I know she is,” Lily shakes her head with an affectionate smile.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you guys be now,” Marlene blows them a kiss as she walks out the door.

She pulls out her phone, grinning as she pulls up her texts with Dorcas.

Dorcas Meadowes

12:15 AM

AKJDFDFKJAFL

THEY DID IT?

FINALLY??!!

YES THEYRE SO CUTE

I CANT

They were snuggling on James’s bed

And Reggie was asleep

That’s adorable

Yup

I can’t wait to tease Lily and Reg about this

Honestly same

Reggie’s gonna be so embarrassed

Help I know

12:32 AM

I’m literally still smiling cause of how cute they were

NO SAME

12:38 AM

Good night!

Night!

______________________________

Marlene grins at her phone as she brushes her teeth, scrolling up and down on their short string of messages, giddy despite the brief nature of their conversation.

————

“SIRIUS GET IN HERE,” Marlene shouts, fixing her earrings in the mirror

“STOP BEING SO LOUD,” James’s voice comes from somewhere else in the apartment.

“I WILL IF SIRIUS JUST GETS HIS ASS–” Marlene is cut off by the arrival of Sirius. “Oh, hello!”

“Jesus, what the fuck do you–” Sirius looks exasperated, to say the least.

Marlene cuts him off by handing him a tube of eyeliner. “You promised,” she reminds him.

“Fuck, yeah I did, okay, sit down,” he directs her.

“Do you like the outfit?” she asks, her face tilted upwards as Sirius concentrates.

He pauses to look her over. “Yes I do. Burn the bras, huh? Free the titty?”

“Fuck yeah,” she nods, grinning.

“Okay, all done,” he says finally, capping the eyeliner and handing it back to her.

With a brief glance in the mirror she nods. “Thank you Sirius,” she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek as she leaves her room.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he follows her with false grumpiness.

“What do we think?” she asks James, giving the boy a dramatic spin.

He looks up from where he eats breakfast at the kitchen island. “Very nice. Going with the Docs?”

“You know it,” she nods, smirking.

“Alright, you got this,” Sirius lifts his hands for a double high five. “Go seduce your girl.”

“I’m not gonna–” Marlene protests, but still meets his hands enthusiastically. “I don’t know, we’re just friends, for right now.”

“Okay,” James draws out the last syllable with skepticism.

She flips him off as she pulls her boots on. “Just because you’re dating two people doesn’t mean you’re the expert on romance.”

Sirius makes a sound of discomfort.

“Oh, get over it,” she rolls her eyes.

“I don’t feel like it,” he retorts. “Just let me wallow for a few more days, okay?”
“It’s been almost a week,” Marlene points out, grunting as she gets the second boot over her heel.

“It’s fine,” James interjects. “He has every right to be annoyed with us.”

“I’m not–” Sirius protests. “I’m not annoyed with you, I’m just a bit upset with the situation, okay?”

Marlene makes an indifferent sound. “Whatever, I’m going to go now. Bye!”

“Good luck!”

“Have fun!”

She really has the best friends, Marlene thinks as she walks down the street towards the Hogsmeade Brew. Well, she thinks that for about five minutes of the walk. Then her mind travels to other things.

Like Dorcas’s hands.

And her hair.

And her fucking thighs.

And her hands again.

And her voice.

“Hey, Kin.”

That voice.

Marlene turns to see Dorcas, looking as angelic as ever, speed walking to catch up with her.

“Oh, hi!” Marlene greets her, unable to hide her wide smile at the sight of the other girl. “I didn’t think about the fact that the Hogsmeade Brew is a lot farther for you.

“Eh, no,” Dorcas brushes her off. “It’s just about a mile, plus the weather’s perfect.”

“It really is,” Marlene stretches out her arms a bit, feeling the cool air on her bare skin. “Wanna sit at an outside table?”

“Definitely,” Dorcas agrees, nodding emphatically.

“Is Remus working today?” Marlene muses. “I should’ve asked Sirius.”

“I guess we’ll see,” Dorcas shrugs, stepping in front of her to hold open the door to the cafe.

“Well thank you,” Marlene grins, walking in.

Remus isn’t there, unfortunately, but she buys them both coffee anyway, and they sit at the patio outside, relaxing into the arm chairs that sit on the pavement.

“So,” Dorcas starts awkwardly.

“I–oh, you first,” Marlene shakes her head.

“Oh, I–I was just going to ask how all the James, Regulus, Lily stuff is going on your end.”

She smiles. “That’s actually exactly what I was going to bring up. So I don’t know how much you know, but after the night that they got together, they’ve been texting a lot, and last night they watched a show all together. Sirius… doesn’t love it, which has been a little tough on James, but they’re getting through it.”

Dorcas hums, nodding as Marlene speaks. “On Monday, James was waiting outside our physics class when it got out and he took Regulus to coffee.”

“I didn’t even know that.” Marlene says, rather petulantly. “That’s adorable, though.”

“I know, right, they’re just too cute,” Dorcas’s lips turn up at the corners with the words.

Marlene really hopes that her staring isn’t too obvious. She clears her throat. “Yeah, for sure. I had no idea Reg would be so cuddly ! It’s hilarious.”

Dorcas covers her mouth with ringed fingers. “James is going to ruin his stone cold reputation, huh?”

“Definitely,” Marlene grins. “Oh, I love it though, I took this cute picture of them last week–I’ll have to show it to you next time you come over.”

“Inviting me over, huh Kin?” Dorcas smirks dangerously, her eyes narrowing. “How presumptuous.”

Oh, Marlene is going to die. She’s going to keel over right on the spot, because that look? It might as well be sex personified, and her words? No, she absolutely cannot handle it.

“Just a joke,” Dorcas is quick to clarify at Marlene’s silence, startling her back into consciousness.

“Right, yeah,” Marlene shakes her head, trying to play it off. “Sorry.”

“You’re good,” Dorcas looks down at her coffee and Marlene curses her idiocy.

“Looking forward to fall break?” she asks, trying to change the subject completely.

“Mm, yes,” the younger girl nods emphatically. “I could use a break. I just have two classes this afternoon, and one tomorrow morning.”

“Nice, I was able to schedule my Fridays free this year, but I still have a bio lab later today.”

“Ooh, I wish,” Dorcas shakes her head enviously. “I have my dumb one credit women in tech class tomorrow. I wish I hadn’t taken it, honestly.”

“What’s so bad about it?” Marlene leans in to listen.

“Well,” Dorcas toys with a ring as she speaks, “to start with, every person who comes in to present is a white cishet woman who’s married with kids. Literally every single one. Actually–no, one of them didn’t have kids, but still talked about wanting them with her husband soon. And I mean–I’m obviously not white. And yeah, I’m a cis woman, but I will never marry a man or have children. Never . And because they’re all white, they don’t get that for some of us we can’t just make those career decisions that they do. And being black and a woman? A lot of companies either wouldn’t hire me, or I wouldn’t want to work for them. Not to mention the fact that so many of these women center their lives around their husband and children–which is fine, great even–but it’s just not what I am going to do with my life.” she pauses, fiddling with the straw in her coffee. “So. Yeah, it frustrates me a little.”

“That is… understandable,” Marlene nods with sympathy. “I–I mean I don’t exactly get it, but I took a women in science course last year and it was pretty much the same. And Asians are a lot more represented, I know that, but it’s definitely still there.”

“Yeah,” Dorcas shrugs. “It just sucks, you know?”

“Yeah, there really isn’t much else to say about it,” Marlene shifts in her seat. “But I don’t know, maybe one day one of us will be coming back here to talk, and we’ll tell a class all about what it’s like being a gay woman of color.”

“That’s… actually weirdly motivating,” Dorcas laughs.

“There you go then,” Marlene smiles, glad to have lifted the other girl’s mood. “And in the meantime, I’m always here if you want to complain.”

Dorcas bites her lip. “I might have to take you up on that.”

A comfortable silence is left, Marlene sipping her coffee, content to watch Dorcas do the same, looking away whenever the other girl lifts her head up.

“Mmm, by the way, I now have to hear Lily, Regulus, and Remus rave about men, and it is truly painful, so this is very nice,” Dorcas comments, rather out of the blue.

“Oh don’t even get me started,” Marlene sighs. “It’s even worse now that they’ve finally fucked.”

“That’s actually funny, because with Remus it’s better,” Dorcas chuckles. “I think he was rather sexually pent up before.”

Marlene snorts, unable to help herself. “See, for Sirius, he wasn’t really interested in it before, but as soon as it happened, he just started being horny all the time. It’s awful.”

“Oh no,” the younger girl laughs. “That really does sound bad.”

“Eh, he’s happy,” Marlene shakes her head affectionately. “I mean, I don’t love how much I have to hear about it, but I guess it’s a small price to pay.”

“You guess?”

“I suppose,” Marlene sighs long sufferingly, laughing at her own joke.

“Oh my God, at one point, Remus saw Sirius shirtless and saw all of his tattoos, and that was bad .”

Marlene tries not to smirk. “Um. Not all of ‘em, but, you know.”

“I did not need to know that,” Dorcas protests, screwing up her face in feigned disgust. “And I don’t want to know how you know that.”

“Ew, don’t be gross,” now it’s her turn to scrunch her nose. “He is very proud of them, he showed them to me. He’s actually done some himself, so I have to see those ones at least once a week, and without a compliment there’s like a 50% chance he’ll cry.”

“He does them on himself? That sounds painful,” Dorcas cringes.

“Only a few. He wants to do one of mine, but I’m not sure about it.”

“Do you have any tattoos now?”

“I do,” Marlene nods with a coy smile, feeling suddenly rather bold.

“Okay, give me more than that.”

She laughs. “Okay, okay, well one of them is right here,” she points to the side of her abdomen, right under her armpit. “It’s a little bee. And then I have a matching one with Sirius,” she shows the other girl the star on the side of her middle finger. “And a few various others.”

“Cool,” Dorcas smiles. “I’ve thought about getting some, but it kind of scares me, how permanent it is.”

Marlene shrugs. “I don’t know, for me I think it’s comforting, you know? No matter what happens, they’re always going to be there with me, through good and bad.”

“Hmm, very philosophical,” Dorcas nods wisely.

“Oh, fuck off,” Marlene laughs. “I like them, so that’s that.”

“I’m sure I’d like them if you showed me.”

“Yeah, well, for some of them I’d have to show you… quite a bit,” Marlene smirks. Although she’s certainly willing to show Dorcas whatever she wants to see.

They laugh together at that. It’s a lovely sound, Dorcas’s laugh. Deep like her voice, quiet, but no less filled with mirth for the volume.

Marlene wants to hear it again and again and again.

Chapter 12: don't delete the kisses

Chapter Text

what if it’s not meant for me?

love

Dorcas inhales deeply, letting the air out with a huff. She has one arm around Lily, the other around Alice, listening to Coach give their pregame speech.

“Look, you can win this,” she’s saying. “Defense, just don’t let their 11 get any chance to shoot. You know she’s got a cannon, but if you don’t let her through, then it’s just up to our offense, and we’ve got it there. Fortescue, you hold it down back there, yeah?”

Alice nods in the affirmative, tapping her glove rhythmically on Dorcas’s back.

“Right. Go get ‘em girls. Fortescue, you’re up.”

Alice grins. This is where she shines as a captain. “Okie doke. We know what to do, yeah? We’ve been doing great all year. Beauxbatons is just another school that we’re going to fucking destroy, got it?”

The players nod, murmuring to each other.

“Yeah, that’s it. Lots of people out there today. Let’s make ‘em fucking proud.”

That prompts cheers and claps, the sound of Alice’s gloves louder than any other.

Not ten minutes later they stand facing the fans in the bleachers as the announcer calls out their names. This might be Dorcas’s favorite part (other than playing, of course). The adrenaline courses through her, only exacerbated by the cheers of the crowd in front of them.

“Number 20, Doooorcas Meadoooowes!” the announcer crows.

Dorcas steps forward with a small smile, waving politely at the stands. The shouts seem to rush through her veins, pulling the corners of her lips wider.

She spots one particular group standing up, cheering louder than anyone else. James, Marlene, Remus, and Regulus, the former two looking far more enthusiastic than the latter. At the eye contact, they wave excitedly at her. She winks back, Marlene placing a dramatic hand to her forehead at the gesture.

Dorcas tries desperately to hide her smile as the announcer calls the names of the other team.

After one last pep talk, they’re on the field, Dorcas jumping to lift her knees to her palms, grinning as the ref sets the ball in the middle of the center circle.

Beauxbatons has the kickoff, and the game starts slowly, each team trying to figure the other out. Hogwarts is able to get a few attacks in, but they’re foiled easily by the Beauxbatons back line. Hogwarts on the other hand, seems to be barely holding on at defense, Alice their saving grace quite a few times.

“Yeah, here!” Dorcas calls out, receiving the ball easily from her center back and turning. “STEP UP, STEP UP,” she shouts at her teammates, looking around for a pass.

A Beauxbatons player sprints towards her, and with a grimace Dorcas plants her left foot and pulls back with her right, at the last second going around the ball and cutting it behind her leg. The other player continues the wrong way, the fans jeering at the move. Dorcas sends an easy pass to Dannock, one of her attacking mids, who sends it long to the corner.

After a brief struggle in the attacking third, Beauxbatons wins it back once again, and Dorcas is forced to sprint back onto defense despite being incredibly out of breath. The first half continues much the same, back and forth across the field, neither team able to score until the fortieth minute when a Hogwarts defender makes a rather idiotic tackle, giving up a penalty.

“Shit, shit, ” Dorcas swears under her breath as the ref points to the penalty spot, pulling a yellow card from his pocket and awarding it to Smith.

“It’s okay, you got this Al,” she encourages, lining herself up to crash on the penalty should the girl manage to deflect it.

Alice bends down low, clapping her gloves together. The Beauxbatons player backs up, cracking her neck before the ref blows his whistle and… into the back of the net easily.

No one faults Alice. It was a perfect penalty, on the ground, hard into the corner. Alice even guessed the right way. It just wasn’t enough.

The first half ends at 1-0, the cloud of pressure over their heads only growing heavier as their coach lectures them–Smith in particular–for the unfortunate goal, as well as the series of small mistakes that led to the penalty. She ends up subbing Lily in for her, not wanting to risk a second yellow.

Dorcas stretches out her quads after the speech is finished, groaning slightly at the tightness in her left leg.

“You all good, dear?” Poppy, their athletic trainer asks from behind her. The older woman is practically a mother to the entire team, but Dorcas likes to think Poppy has a soft spot for her.

“All good, Pops,” she nods gratefully. “Just keeping myself loose.”

“Right, you tell me if not,” Poppy wags a finger at her before moving on to worry over another girl.

The first half begins with Beauxbatons clearly itching for another goal–aggressive on the attack in a way that pummels the Hogwarts defense. The sort of silver lining to this, however, is that after about 15 minutes, Dorcas begins seeing the pattern.

When they attack, they play a high line, but their goalie stays far back, leaving too much open space.

Their left defender is starting to lag, tired after playing a full half plus some.

Ella Hall, the Hogwarts right wing, is fast as fuck and ready to run every time Dorcas gets the ball.

Ten minutes later, after yet another save from Alice, the keeper rolls it short to Lily, who turns, dribbling into the space in front of her.

Dorcas darts into a gap between two opposing players, receiving the ball without even having to ask. She takes it up, cutting around a defender. “HALL, THROUGH,” she shouts at her forward, making one more touch before playing a hard ball on the ground in the gap between their left defender and the center back.

Ella sprints down the line, just barely stopping the ball from going out. She cuts in towards the middle, the goalie stepping out slightly, appearing unsure what to do. They barely tested her in the first half, and it seems as if she’s not prepared for the breakaway.

She hesitates a second too long, and as she steps forward, Ella skillfully passes it around her into the corner of the net.

Fuck yeah.

Ella points at her, grinning, before they crash into a hug. “Yes, yes ,” Dorcas tells her. “We’re fucking in this.”

She claps the other girl on the back as they jog back to the center line, glancing over to the stands where she knows Marlene and her friends sit. At the eye contact they wave excitedly, Marlene jumping up and down in glee.

Dorcas blows her a kiss.

The last 20 minutes are scrappy, two yellows pulled on each team, as they each strive for a second goal. Neither gets it, the game ending in a hard earned tie.

After this game, Dorcas has eight assists across the 12 games they’ve played. The season record is 15. Career record is 42.

Dorcas likes these numbers. They give her a goal, something to strive towards.

She wants her name in the books.

————

Dorcas’s phone vibrates on her desk. She attempts to ignore it. She really does. But then it buzzes a second time, and then a third, so with a huff she picks it up.

Game Night Gays

1:08 PM

James Potter

Game night tomorrow!

I was thinking about inviting Peter and Mary

If that’s all right with everyone!

Fine with me

Remus

^^

Lily

^^

1:18 PM

Regulus

^^

James Potter

You guys are so lazy

Oh also:

M&M cookies?

Or sugar cookies?

Regulus

Both

James Potter

If you insist <3

Get a room

Or better yet

A private message

Brother Black

Thank you Dorcas

They’re disgusting

I hate it

Kin

Oh as if you aren’t as bad with Remus

Remus

Leave me out of this

Bro don’t even

I have heard far too much about Sirius’s tattoos for a lifetime

Remus

Did you really just call me bro?

Yes

Deal with it

Remus

You know how I’m going to deal with it?

By thirsting over my boyfriend in the group chat

Regulus

Please don’t

I’m begging

Remus

Just like your brother was last night

Regulus left the group

James Potter added Regulus to the group

James Potter

Okay that’s enough

ALL OF YOU

Brother Black

Boo

Whore

James Potter

I’m done

Regulus

Sometimes I question my life choices

Lily

Same tbh

Kin

Same

I live with these people

Why

Brother Black

Cause we’re hot

Duh

Kin

Yup

You got me there

that’s exactly why I decided to live with you

Remus

Okay wait

Speaking of hot people

I met the Potters over break and DAMN

Kin

YES REMUS YES

THANK YOU FINALLY

EFFIE IS THE LOML

Remus

I KNOW AND MONTY?!
HELLO?!

I need pictures

James Potter

No you don’t

No

Ew

No.

Kin

[tap to view image]

Sorry James

Your moms a milf

Lily if this is what you see in James

I get it.

Lily

Ok but

Low key yeah

I see where he gets it from

Brother Black

I want to kill myself

Kin

noooo dont youre too sexy

James Potter

Sirius can I join you

I feel like someone should stop this

Kin

Eh probably

Regulus

Ugh fine

Sirius we have therapy this weekend you can’t

James we haven’t even fucked yet

Brother Black

EW NO

THAT DIDNT HELP

James Potter

Idk Im good now

You guys are weird

Kin

Right

Again i’d like to remind everyone that I live with them

1:43 PM

Kin

WHJAT THE AFDCTUAK FYVK

SIRIUS JUST CAME INOT MY ROOM WIHTA

NERG GUN

NERF GUN

AND SHOT ME

WHAT THE FUCK

…

I’m not sure if I want to come over tmr anymore

James Potter

No don’t say that

But cookies!

Fine.

Only because of the cookies though

______________________________

Dorcas checks her phone sporadically as she walks home from class, grinning involuntarily at the texts. She sort of gets why Lily likes James. He’s charming, despite his idiocy. Sirius is the same way. They seem to simply make life more interesting.

Despite her complaints, Dorcas has to imagine that Marlene quite enjoys living with them. At the same time, she’s certain she could never do it. Dorcas needs a fair amount more peace and quiet every day than that apartment probably gets in a month.

Their biweekly game nights seem to be the perfect amount of chaos for her–just a simple taste of their lives, enough to look forward to, but not enough to tire her out.

Dorcas finds herself quite excited for tomorrow.

————

“Brownies!” Peter announces as he walks in, holding a container of… well, brownies.

“Pete, you shouldn’t have I made cookies,” James protests, even as he takes the container from his friend, setting it on the table.

“Right, but these are special brownies,” Peter winks, wiggling his eyebrows at James.

“Special brownies?” Marlene perks up at that.

“You know it,” the boy smirks at her.

“Regulus, you aren’t getting high,” Sirius tells his brother, drawing his eyebrows together as he practically scolds the younger boy.

“Yes I am,” Regulus says from next to Dorcas, leaning his elbows on the table.

“ No, you are not,” Sirius insists.

“I don’t even want any,” Regulus admits to her with a whisper, amusement evident in his voice.

“Ok ay let’s just play a game, yeah?” James attempts to defuse the tension.

“What’re we playing tonight?” Lily asks, clearly playing along with her boyfriend’s strategy.

“Something fun,” Mary nods intelligently.

“Oh, thanks for that Mare,” James smiles too widely.

“Anytime, babe,” Mary grins back, lifting her glass of wine as if in a toast.

“Okay, how about Codenames?” Marlene suggests. “We can just do big teams.”

“Okay, over to the living room,” James gestures to them, looking ever like a mother hen.

And like dutiful chicks, they follow him, sitting around the coffee table while Sirius grabs the game.

“What’re the teams?” Lily asks, leaning against James next to her, her other arm wrapped around Regulus on her other side.

“I claim you two,” James smiles lovingly, looking at his partners.

Sirius feigns a gag. “Disgusting.”

“Jesus, it has been too long,” Mary shakes her head. “I missed all of your bullshit, Sirius.”
“Well I didn’t miss you at all,” Sirius returns pettily.

“Hey,” James scolds him.

“Alright, alright, teams,” Lily reminds them, shaking her head.

“I want Mary,” Marlene announces. “She’s smarter than the rest of you combined.”

This sparks protests, which the girl takes in a stride, smirking at Mary in shared mirth. Dorcas almost feels jealous. Sometimes she forgets that she was the last addition to this little group, but other times it’s glaringly obvious.

“Let’s just have captains,” Peter suggests reasonably. “James and Lene?”

“Okay, I pick Mary,” Marlene announces, reaching a hand across the table to her friend.

“I’ll take Lily,” James says.

“Hmm, Dorcas.”

Dorcas feels a spark of joy at that, electricity running through her veins for just the barest second.

“Reg.”

“Uhhh. Remus.”

“Sirius.”

“D–uh, you’re splitting us up?” Sirius pouts at his boyfriend.

“You’ll live,” Marlene drawls, rolling her eyes.

“Will I?” Sirius asks, glaring at her. “Will I?”

“Yes,” she nods. “You will. And that means I get Pete, right?”

“Way to sound enthused,” Peter rolls his eyes.

“Aww, sorry, my darling Peter. Of course I want you on my team more than anyone else, love of my life.”

“That’s what I thought,” Peter says, his voice haughty, but his face melting quickly at her words.

James sets up the game and they rearrange themselves, Dorcas across from Marlene, with Peter and Mary on one side of her, Remus on the other, her head resting on his shoulder as they watch James lay out the cards.

“So blue starts, that’s us,” Marlene announces after a few minutes. “Y’all ready?”

Her team nods.

“Okay. Fly. Three.”

Mary leans in close to Dorcas. “I’m thinking bird and plane, but what else?” she whispers.

“Should we start with those?” Remus asks, having overheard.

Dorcas shrugs and taps the cards in front of them. Marlene smirks in triumph, placing the blue tiles on top of their chosen cards.

“Oh, pants maybe?” Remus suggests. “Like the fly on a pair of pants.”

The rest of the team nods in agreement, and Remus taps the card. Marlene grimaces, placing a red tile on top of the card.

“Damn,” Mary swears. “Okay, remember that for later.”

After each team takes a few more turns, Marlene’s team has three tiles left to place and James only has one after a few choice hints that apparently Lily and Regulus caught onto very quickly.

Marlene looks at her teammates, making eye contact with each one. “Okay I’m feeling that connection.”

Dorcas points two fingers at her own eyes before turning to point at Marlene. “Lesbian energy, yeah?”

That surprises a laugh out of Marlene. “Fuck yeah, lesbian energy. Alright, alright, the clue. Stick. Three.”

“Okay, right off the bat I’m thinking tree, right?” Peter suggests.

“Yeah,” Mary agrees thoughtfully. “And maybe grass? But that seems far.”

“Oh, glue,” Dorcas points out. “Like it’s sticky.”

“I think those are the best options,” Remus nods. “I don’t see anything else.”

Dorcas looks at her teammates, waiting for a protest. When none comes, she taps the cards in the order that they were spoken.

Smile growing each time, Marlene places blue tiles over each card.

“Fuck yeah,” she exclaims as she finishes, raising her hands to high five Dorcas.

Dorcas meets her hands with a loud smack, grinning just as brightly.

Another round and quite a few games of Mario Kart later, almost everyone seems to either be tipsy or slightly high. Dorcas is neither or those things, but quite honestly, she’s enjoying observing everyone else.

Regulus, who has had two glasses of wine, is sitting on James’s lap in an armchair, occasionally whispering something or other in James’s ear that makes him blush.

James–well, Dorcas honestly isn’t sure whether or not he’s sober, but he is very much enjoying the extra attention from Regulus and Lily.

Right, and Lily. She split one of Peter’s brownies with Marlene, as well as having a glass of wine, and sits at James’s feet with Bea on her lap, Regulus’s hand stroking gently through her hair. Every so often she taps Regulus’s arm to tell him something that he relays to James.

Sirius has also had a brownie (two?), and seems to be just high enough to completely ignore the public display of affection that is James and Regulus. He’s explaining how to conjugate French verbs to Peter and Mary (who look on in utter confusion and awe), although Dorcas suspects that everything he’s saying is rather nonsensical.

Remus on the other hand, is sober, in order to take care of Sirius, or so he claimed, holding their boyfriend’s hand as he jabbers away, looking on with affection. They really are adorable.

Marlene… where is Marlene?

Dorcas jumps slightly at a tap on her shoulder. Right. There she is.

“Do you wanna help me?” the shorter girl whispers in her ear, breath hot against Dorcas’s neck.

“Um. With what?” Dorcas chuckles.

Marlene blinks. “Just–come on, yeah?”

With that, she grabs Dorcas’s hand, pulling her up from her chair and around the back of the couch. Remus raises an eyebrow at them, but Dorcas just shrugs in response, and he goes back to gazing after his boyfriend.

Marlene opens a door and– “Isn’t this James’s room?” Dorcas asks, looking around the interior lit only by fairy lights around the corners of the room.

“Yup,” she replies cheerfully, dragging Dorcas over to the boy’s nightstand.

Marlene seems to realize, then, that they’re still holding hands, and quickly unlatches their fingers, her hand shaking slightly at the release. It seems like it’s almost more from the loss of touch than it is nerves. Interesting. Marlene is interesting, Dorcas thinks.

“I was just going to add this,” Marlene pulls a piece of crumpled paper from her sweatpants pocket. “To the pile for the wall.”
“The pile for the wall?”

“The pile for the wall.”
Dorcas chuckles. “Wanna explain that, Kin?”

Marlene blushes slightly, opening the drawer of the nightstand to reveal a stack of polaroid pictures and various scraps of post-it notes and paper. Dorcas thinks she sees a Target receipt somewhere in the mix. “Ah, the pile for the wall,” she nods, teasingly.

“It’s–we’ve been collecting various things to make a photo wall,” Marlene explains, looking slightly embarrassed. “So this,” she holds up the paper from her pocket, “is who won at Mario Kart tonight. We have a few other game night scoreboards in here too. One from poker I think and–oh, here’s what I was looking for!”

She passes Dorcas a photo. It depicts James, Regulus, and Lily, cuddled in this very room, looking perfectly at peace. “Oh, is this…?”

Marlene nods. “That was the day they got together. I told you I’d show it to you next time you were over.”

Dorcas smiles at that. She remembered. “This is such a cute idea,” she says, her fingers twitching as if they want to reach out and touch the memories held in the pile of paper. “I can’t wait to see it up.”
“Wanna get it a little closer?” Marlene asks, gesturing to the Polaroid camera.

“Oh, sure.”
Marlene picks up the camera, flipping it around so that it’s pointing at them. Dorcas leans in so that the sides of their heads lean together as Marlene snaps the photo.

They stay touching for just a moment too long, before Marlene pulls back, clearing her throat awkwardly.

Shit. Was that too…? No, it was just a casual touch.

Dorcas has a bit of a fear of making others uncomfortable with her lesbianism. It’s actually one of the things that she admires so much about Kin–that fear seems to hold no place in her brain, her actions taking place without any such anxiety.

Not for Dorcas. No, for her, every move must be calculated, every touch thought out, every word over analyzed.

She likes Marlene. That’s not exactly the problem here. To be completely honest with herself, how she feels about the other girl is somewhere in between platonic and romantic. There’s a line there, but Dorcas thinks her feelings fall right on top of it. She thinks Marlene might have feelings for her. That’s the real problem. Dorcas likes her, but not enough. Not enough to do anything, to make any sort of move, to jeopardize the beginnings of a friendship.

Besides, for Dorcas it’s complicated. She’s closeted. Honestly, she plans on staying that way, for a bit at least. There’s something political about what she’s trying to do. If her teammates don’t like her, then they won’t listen to her, then she wouldn’t be able to take charge, and it would jeopardize her career before it even started. Coming out would jeopardize her career before it even started.

So. That can’t happen.

“Should we go back?” Dorcas asks, trying to break the tension.

“Yeah, yeah for sure,” Marlene blinks. “Let me just–” she sets the film and the camera on James’s dresser. “Alright then.”

“Alright,” Dorcas repeats. “Let’s see if Sirius has murdered James yet, yeah?”
With Marlene’s laugh, any leftover worries disappear. “Oh God, I know, he was getting a bit touchy with Reggie there.”
They walk out of James’s room grinning at each other.

“Wanna play a game?” Mary asks them as they step out.

“It is game night,” Marlene nods with amusement.

“Right, but something dumb. I wanna do something dumb,” Mary announces, taking a sip of the wine in her hand.

“Dumb sounds good,” Marlene agrees.

“How about truth or dare?”

“Truth or dare, really?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Mary wheedles.

“We’re adults now, you know.”

“Yes, I am aware.”
Peter lets out a snort. “Marlene, remember when we played and you had to kiss James?”

“You kissed James?” Dorcas asks, wrinkling her nose with amusement.

“Don’t remind me,” Marlene groans. “But fine, yes I’ll play.”
“Okay, who’s in?” Mary asks excitedly.

Everyone eventually agrees to play (although Remus requires quite a bit of cajoling from Sirius, as well as some whispered promises that make the former blush and raise his eyebrows).

“Who’s starting this?” James asks lazily, looking around their poorly formed circle.

“I will!” Mary volunteers gleefully, sounding a bit dangerous, if Dorcas is being honest. “Hmm, Sirius! Truth or dare?”
“Uh. Truth, I guess.”

Mary hums under her breath before smirking as she clearly comes up with an idea. “I’ll go a bit easy on you here. If you had to pick someone in the room besides Remus to kiss, who would it be?”

Sirius makes a petulant face at that. “I–no one, I only want my Moony.”

That makes Remus laugh, tipping his head backwards with the sound. “Don’t worry, as long as you aren’t actually kissing anyone I’ll be alright,” they reassure Sirius.

“Fine, James,” Sirius says, after another moment of deliberation. “I mean, we have before, so it’s not a big deal, right?”

“Hell yeah, I’d kiss you too, bro,” James nods at him.

“Excuse–no,” Regulus shakes his head. “No, no, nope. That is–no. Ew. You are not kissing my boyfriend, Sirius.”

“I wasn’t going t–boyfriend, huh?” Sirius is indignant until he processes his brother’s words, looking distinctly happier with that whole situation than he had last time Dorcas had been updated.

“Fuck off,” Regulus flips his brother off, burying his face in James’s shoulder.

“Yeah, whatever,” Sirius shakes his head. “I believe it’s my turn now, yeah?”

The boy muses for a second. “How mad would everyone be if I dared Moony to take me to my room and fuck me?”

“EW,” Regulus groans, as Mary boos from the other side of the circle.

“Right, right,” Sirius laughs. “Marlene, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” the girl replies without hesitation.

“I dare you to…” he thinks for a second. “Take your shirt off.”

“Tame,” Marlene rolls her eyes, before reaching down to pull off her shirt, revealing a red lacy bra below. Dorcas barely catches a glimpse of her bee tattoo, before her arm comes down once again to cover it.

“God, how are you wearing that right now?” Lily asks her, sounding practically indignant. “It’s a lazy Friday night, I’m not even wearing a bra right now.”

Marlene shrugs lazily, grinning. “I don’t know, I look hot though, right?”

“Fuck yeah you do,” Lily agrees.

“You’re not wearing a bra, huh?” James smirks down at his girlfriend.

“I am not,” Lily says, rather seductively.

“Hey, keep it in the bedroom, you two,” Sirius berates them, looking vaguely disturbed by the display of affection.

“Back on track, I believe it’s my turn now,” Marlene reminds them. “Peter. Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” the boy replies after a moment of weighing his options.

“Have you or have you not had a crush on James Fleamont Potter?” she asks, clearly struggling to keep a straight face.

“I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE,” Peter shouts at her, any malice in his tone tempered by the way he smiles with amusement.

“You did?” James asks, looking rather in shock at the admission.

“Okay, it was a long time ago. Freshman year of high school,” Peter allows, shrugging.

“Eh, who can blame you?” James smiles, brushing it off lightly.

“Fuck, that was supposed to be more embarrassing for both of you,” Marlene shakes her head, although Dorcas privately thinks that the other girl had known exactly how that was going to go.

“Remus, truth or dare?” Peter changes the topic, a twinkle in his eye.

“I’ll go dare,” Remus nods, leaning forward slightly in his seat.

“Take a shot.”

Remus shrugs, grabbing the bottle of tequila and stealing Sirius’s cup to pour out a shot, downing it with a slight wince. The rest of the group cheers for them.

“Lily,” they turn their gaze over to their friend.

“Yes, Remus?”

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s go with truth. Nothing you don’t already know about me.”
“But so much that they don’t,” Remus smirks.

“Fuck.”

“Ah, don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. Mostly.”

“Just go ahead,” Lily sighs, resigned to whatever fate Remus chooses for her.

“How’d you decide to date James?”

Lily can’t hide her smile at the question. “That was sweet, this is actually something I don’t mind telling.” She clears her throat, leaning her head back to look at Regulus and James with a soft gaze. “So I had grabbed lunch with Reg, and we had basically been carefully avoiding talking about James–because we both knew that we both liked him, at that point. And then we got back to my dorm to hang out for a while, and Regulus just flopped onto the couch and went ‘so, James, huh?’ Then whatever, we started talking about the idiot and then–and I remember this so clearly. Reg said ‘I wish we could just split him in two and each take a half.’”

This earns a laugh from the group, although Regulus looks rather embarrassed, hiding in James’s shoulder once again, a fact that James is visibly not upset about.

“And I was like, ‘well why don’t we?’ He looked at me like I was crazy , which, fair, but then I asked him if he would ever share James. He said ‘only with you.’”

“Awww,” the group says in unison, melting at the story.

“Right?” Lily continues, “And then long story short we told James, and well. Here we are.”

“Here we are,” James agrees, smiling at his partners.

“Even I think that’s sort of cute,” Sirius admits, his tone bitter, but his face giving his true feelings away.

“Whatever, Sirius,” Lily shakes her head. “James, truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

“Send a snap to a person of my choosing.”

“Oh, that’s not even–wait, that’s too easy. Who?”

“Sophia.”

“Lilyyy,” he groans. “She’ll pester me for weeks, why?”

“Cause,” she grins. “It’s too fun to see her at practice telling everyone that she thinks you like her when in reality you’re my boyfriend.”

Dorcas snorts. “It is pretty entertaining.”

“Fine, for you,” James says, looking at Lily endearingly. “Can I get Reg in the picture too?”

“I suppose,” she allows.

James lifts his phone, snapping a selfie of him and his boyfriend before shaking his head reluctantly. “Alright, I sent it. Now, who shall I torture for my turn? Mary.”

The girl groans. “Dare, I guess.”

“Perform a dance and lip-sync to the song… hmm, ‘Primadonna’ by Marina.”

Mary makes a face, but her lips turn up slightly at the corners. “Go on, play the song.”

She hoists herself to her feet, posing dramatically, her back facing the group as James sets up the music, making Marlene and Peter titter with laughter.

She spins dramatically as the lyrics begin, tossing her hair as she mouths the words.

Primadonna girl, yeah

Mary bites her lip seductively, and proceeds to do what might be the best improvised dance routine Dorcas has ever seen. At the end, she flops back onto the sofa, gasping for air.

“Okay, whoever’s next, beware, I’m feeling mean after that,” she laughs. “Let’s see, let’s see.” Her eyes light up as they land on Dorcas. “Dorcas, truth or dare?”

She groans internally. “Um, yeah, truth.”

“You crushing on anyone right now?” Mary wiggles her eyebrows teasingly, but something tells Dorcas that the question is a bit more probing than meets the eye.

“Um. No, no I’m not.”

It’s mostly the truth, after all.

“Come on, give us more than that,” Mary cajoles.

“Oh, well I’m really focusing on soccer right now, I am in no place to date anyone, even if I wanted to,” she laughs awkwardly.

“I mean, would it really take that much effort to date someone?” Mary asks casually, picking at her nail polish.

Fuck this. “It’s not really that, it’s just that I’m a closeted lesbian, you know.” Her heart still beats faster when she says those words. “Dating someone would be too complicated for me and them. At the very least I’m not going to even look for anything freshman year, probably. Definitely, really.”

A silence hangs in the room at the end of her sentence, practically feeding Dorcas’s nerves.

“Yeah, right,” Mary blinks. “That makes sense, for sure. Sorry, I didn’t mean to grill you there,” she laughs, clearly trying to take the edge off of the sudden awkwardness.

“No that’s–” Dorcas waves a hand, trying to signify what she can’t quite put into words. “Anyway, Regulus, truth or dare?” She tries to change the subject quickly.

“Dare,” he says, almost petulantly, the response in itself showing that he’s tipsy.

“I… was not expecting you to say dare. Huh. Um, in that case, switch shirts with Lily.”

“Dude, I’m not wearing a bra,” Lily hisses at her.

Dorcas snorts. “Right, sorry, then put on Marlene’s shirt.”

Regulus groans. “A crop top, really, Dorcas?”

“Yup,” she smirks, reaching out a hand for Marlene to pass her the shirt, which she in turn hands to Regulus.

He grunts. “Fine, I’ll go change.”

He pulls himself out of James’s lap, the older boy making a face as he leaves, swaying slightly as he walks to the bathroom. Lily promptly takes his spot, clambering onto James, who wraps his arms around her more than willingly, although this leaves Bea rather bewildered, looking around for a lap to lie on. She chooses Sirius, cuddling up on his thighs with a soft groan.

Regulus comes out of the bathroom less than thirty seconds later, adorned in Marlene’s cropped black baby tee. He looks… surprisingly good, honestly, despite the way that he rolls his eyes.

James seems to agree, practically choking as he catches sight of the boy. “You look… yes. You look very yes.”

Lily chuckles, tossing her head back. “I’d have to agree with that. Very nice Reg.”

He blushes. “You took my spot.”

“And you’re not getting it back,” Lily retorts.

“Fine,” Regulus grunts as he takes the spot she previously occupied at James’s feet. “Ugh. That was everyone, right? Are we really going to keep playing this?”

“Eh,” James shrugs. “It’s getting late, anyways.”

“Yeah, speaking of, how are we all supposed to get home?” Remus asks, furrowing his brow. “I’m mostly sober, so I can walk people, if any of you want.”

“I can drive everyone,” James brushes him off. “I haven’t had anything tonight.”

“Oh, thank God,” Sirius sighs, looking up at his boyfriend. “I don’t want to leave you for a second.”

Marlene fakes a gag. “Disgusting.”

“Fuck off, you’re just single and jealous,” Sirius retorts as he pulls Remus away towards his room.

“ Obviously I’m just single and jealous,” she whines. “I can’t help it.”

“Right, you should be getting to bed too,” James instructs her fondly.

“Fine,” she pouts, making no move to leave.

“Shoot, so my car only fits four passengers,” he shakes his head. “How’re we going to do this?”

Regulus taps Lily, whispering something in her ear when she leans down. She then relays the message to James, who grins.

“Right then, it seems like I don’t have to. Pete, Mary, Dorcas, let’s get fucking moving so I can get back here sooner.”

“I hate romance,” Peter announces, sighing as he gets up.

“Me too,” Dorcas agrees, doing the same.

The rest of the group slowly begins to move, Lily getting off of James’s lap and Marlene yawning as she walks towards the kitchen.

Dorcas glances around, then moves towards Regulus and Lily. “Are you guys…?”

“Oh, no, we’re just going to stay the night. And cuddle,” Lily brushes her off.

“Probably,” Regulus agrees.

“Oy, stop it,” Lily berates him. “I’ll see you tomorrow though, Dorcas.”

“Probably,” Regulus says again.

“Was that a fucking threat?” Dorcas laughs incredulously, looking back and forth between her friends.

He shrugs. “Might’ve been.”

“Okay, I–nope, I’m leaving,” she chuckles. “Goodnight, you guys have fun snuggling with your James.”

“Night,” Lily blows her a kiss as she walks towards the door to put on her shoes.

Peter calls shotgun as they head out to the car, so Dorcas sits in the back with Mary, listening to James and Peter chat about nothing.

“Plans for Halloweekend next week, anyone?” Mary asks them when there’s a lull in conversation.

“I don’t know,” James shakes his head. “Probably something with Reg and Lils.”

“Of course,” Mary groans playfully. “Dorcas?”

“No, nothing.”

“Well, you should come with Peter and Marlene and I to this thing at our friends’ house. There’s going to be live music and stuff, all outside. It’ll be fun.”
“Who’s house?” James asks, before Dorcas even has a chance to answer.

Mary chuckles a bit. “The Prewetts’s.”

“Oh, damn, I might have to get in on that,” he muses. “Sorry, anyways.”

“I’ll think about it, yeah,” Dorcas nods.

“Just let me know–or Marlene, you have her number, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

They lull back into a comfortable quiet, the only sounds the engine and music playing softly over the speakers, until James stops in front of Peter and Mary’s apartment, letting them out.

“You know you can sit in the front now, right?” he asks amusedly, as he watches his friends walk inside their building, waving as they step in the door.

“Yes,” Dorcas nods.

“Okay, so move,” he says, gesturing exasperatedly.

She groans, but gets out, moving to the front seat. James pulls away as soon as she buckles her seatbelt (but not a second before).

“Mary can be a lot sometimes,” he offers casually after driving in silence for a few minutes.

“She’s alright,” Dorcas shrugs.

“You–” he sighs. “You know, you deserve to be able to–I don’t know, you just–” he exhales as if in pain. “You shouldn’t have to deal with the shit that you do, with soccer, and being a lesbian and all.”

Oh.

“Thank you, James,” she frowns. “I know. Or, I do most of the time, you know?”

“Well. I’m always here,” he shrugs awkwardly. “I mean, I know we aren’t super close or anything, but I’m dating your roommate and your best friend, so–but not just that–I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. Just, maybe I won’t get it, but I won’t tell anyone, and I’m good at listening, no matter how much I talk sometimes.”

“I suppose I get what they see in you,” she jokes. And then, more somberly, “Thank you, though. Really, it–it means a lot.”

“Anytime,” he nods, keeping his eyes on the road as he speaks.

It makes it easier, the fact that he isn’t looking at her. He can’t see the way her lips are drawn into a frown, or the way that she fidgets with one of her rings as she speaks. Just. Easier.

“So. Regulus and Lily are staying over,” she changes the subject, teasingly.

“Oh, yeah, well. You know,” he grins. “Okay, do I have permission to be totally sappy for a few minutes? Sirius is not quite ready for me to talk about them to him yet, and I think Marlene’s getting sick of it.”

She laughs. “Well, considering you just offered to listen to me whenever, I’d be a dick if I said no.”

James frowns. “No, you can say no, if you want.”

“No I–I mean, yes, my answer is yes, regardless,” she chuckles at his sweetness.

“Okay,” he drums on the wheel with his index fingers. “So they’ve both stayed over before right? It’s been what? Two weeks now since everything went down and they’ve each stayed over once, but never together. And nothing happened by the way. I’m not defiling your friends.”

“Yet?”

“Yet,” he amends with a grin. “But–I don’t know, there’s something special about both of them staying the night. Like, I’m dating both of them, not each of them. Do you get what I’m saying? Like there’s a difference, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, no I get what you mean,” Dorcas nods.

“But, yeah. I’m very excited. Stupidly excited, honestly.”

“Not stupid,” she waves a hand. “Of course you’re excited, you have two people you care about doing something intimate with you–even if it’s just sleeping. That’s exciting.”

“It is, isn’t it?” James says, his voice bordering on bewonderment.

“You really are a fucking simp,” Dorcas snorts.

“Oh, God, I am, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are. Not a bad thing though. I think they need someone like you.”

At that, the boy lights up like the sun. “Oh, stop it,” he says bashfully. “This is you, right?”

“Yeah, if you can just take me to the front there,” she points at the door. “Thanks for the ride. Have fun with Regulus and Lily.”

“Of course. Good night.”

“Night.”

————

Dorcas cracks her knuckles as she walks, glancing to her left and right every few seconds with mild paranoia. She checks her phone again, making sure she has the address to the Prewetts’s correct. The sounds of music tell her that she’s getting close, a song that sounds familiar, but she’s not quite able to make out.

There’s a sign at the front of the house that tells her in loud block letters to go around to the back. She can tell, now, that the music is “Tongue Tied” by Grouplove. She can’t help but to think that she would not want to be neighbors to these people.

There’s a bouncer at the gate, a dark haired guy, probably close to six and a half feet tall. He looks vaguely familiar. “Five bucks to get in,” he tells her, his voice deep.

“Hey, Benj,” a voice calls from behind him, the owner of said voice, a boy with dark auburn hair jogging over to clap “Benj” on the back. “I told you the pretty ones get in for free, come on now.”

The bouncer rolls his eyes. “Right, go ahead then.”

Dorcas offers him a tight smile, stepping past them into the crowded backyard.

“Hey, Dorcas, right?” The redhead asks. “I’m Gideon. I was just messing with you, sorry, Mare told me you’d be coming.”

“Oh, great, where–where is she? Or Marlene, if you know her?” Thank fucking God he wasn’t actually hitting on her.

“I… have no idea, but–” he checks his watch. “Okay, sorry one of the bands is starting right around nine, so they’re maybe in the crowd somewhere?”

She grimaces. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Hey, look,” he offers. “You probably aren’t going to find them easily, but… wanna come up onto the roof of the shed? Great view of the band, and the crowd. I can get us some beers, too.”

She bites her lip, hesitating. “You know what? Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Right this way, m’lady,” he actually fucking bows, gesturing for her to follow him.

She rolls her eyes, but obliges, pointedly ignoring the hand that he offers to lead her. “Sorry, I don’t touch men,” she apologizes, her voice dripping in sarcasm.

Gideon lets out a bark of laughter. “Oh, you’re funny, huh?”

“The funniest,” she replies dryly.

He’s led them around the crowd, to the back of the shed that the band is playing in front of.

“Okay, okay,” Gideon shakes his head, “here, you wanna go up the ladder first, or should I?”

“You go on,” she nods.

“Right, so I can help you up, got it,” he winks.

“Mmm, no,” she shakes her head, although she can’t help but grin at his back as he clambers up easily.

She follows, with only slightly more difficulty, pulling herself up onto the roof precariously.

“Okay, so the best place to watch is sitting on the edge right above the band,” he tells her. “But we have to go over the peak, so I am going to non-flirtingly offer you my hand here, it’s a bit tricky.”

Dorcas laughs genuinely. “I appreciate the offer, but I am good, I’ve got it.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs. “Follow me.”

She does, climbing carefully over the peak of the roof, only slightly nervous. She actually quite likes Gideon, despite his flirting. It seems… harmless is the best way she can think to describe it, like a kitten batting at you with its claws in.

Dorcas sits down next to Gideon, right above the center of the stage. There are spotlights directly below them, shining down on the band. It brings her a slight comfort that chances are, no one can make out her face against the glaring light.

“Alright,” one of the members of the band is saying into the microphone. “Here we go, our first song of the night is going to be a little number by Arctic Monkeys. Y’all ready?”

The crowd cheers, and the guitarist starts strumming.

“That’s my brother, on the drums,” Gideon points. Dorcas can just barely make out the back of the boy.

She simply hums in response.

I’m going back to 505

“So you play soccer, huh?”

“Yup.”

“I saw something on Instagram about you, the other day,” he opens two bottles of beer (she isn’t sure where he got them from) against the edge of the roof, offering her one. She takes it.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, from the Hogwarts soccer account. Seems like you’re pretty good.”

She nods. “I am.”
“And arrogant, to the boot,” he chuckles. “Aren’t you a charming one?”

“I don’t try to be charming.”

He nods.

Stop and wait a sec

When you look at me like that, my darlin’, what did you expect?

Dorcas lets her gaze wander across the crowd, taking a sip of the beer that Gideon has handed her, trying not to make a face at the bitter taste.

I’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck

Or I did last time I checked

Most people are wearing Halloween costumes, from a full-blown Batman to quite a few various slutty costumes that Dorcas is quite appreciating. It makes her feel slightly self conscious of her own outfit though, simply sneakers and jeans, a leather jacket thrown over a crop top.

Not shy of a spark

She catches sight of Peter, his arm slung around Mary. They’re swaying to the music, each holding a red solo cup in the hand not wrapped around the other. Marlene doesn’t seem to be anywhere around them.

The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark

She peruses the first row of the crowd. No Marlene. Neither is she in the second, third, or fourth.

After what must be almost five minutes of searching, she catches sight of the girl, leaning back against a fence near the house, laughing at something. She’s wearing a devil costume, basic but hot, a simple red corset and horns the only signifier that she’s dressed up. The band is playing something new now, the name she didn’t quite catch.

“Find ‘em?” Gideon asks, leaning closer to her as he speaks.

“Yeah,” Dorcas replies simply.

Gloria

No one said enough is enough

Marlene must be talking to someone, her lips moving. Dorcas itches to know what she’s saying. She tosses her head back with laughter once again, before she takes a step forward, reaching an arm out. Her conversation partner is revealed, a girl dressed as… Dorcas isn’t sure what, but she’s wearing a tie, and Marlene is using the tie to pull the girl towards her, and.

Oh.

They’re kissing.

Right.

Gloria

My hand was tied to yours

Gideon must see the expression on her face, following her eyes to Marlene. “You like her,” he says softly, his voice almost apologetic.

That makes Dorcas finally pull her gaze away from the girls with a jerk of her neck. “What–I–no, I was just–”

He cuts her off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine. I won’t tell anyone. I… get it.”

“Pretty sure you don’t,” Dorcas replies bitterly, watching as Marlene pulls away from the girl, grinning.

“Try me,” he shrugs, taking a swig of his beer.

“It’s complicated.”

Did you know me when I was younger then?

I could take the whole world with me

Gideon snorts. “You see Benjy over there?” He jerks his head towards the bouncer at the gate. “My roommate, freshman year. As sophomores we moved in with my brother and our friends Sam and Nick here. Now we’re juniors, and I am rather hopelessly in love with him. He has no idea. No one does.”

I would lie awake and pray you don’t lie awake for me

“Oh,” Dorcas turns towards the boy. His face is twisted as he watches the band below them.

“Yeah. It’s… it’s not easy being bisexual on the football team. My roommates all know that I’m bi but… they’re it, other than a few other close friends.”

“Okay, maybe you get it a little bit,” Dorcas allows. Marlene has disappeared from her sight now, and she can breathe just a bit easier.

Gloria

You crawled up on your cross

He laughs in response, tossing his head back. “You know, I would’ve thought it’d be easier being gay in women’s soccer. No?”

She cringes. “No. It should be easier when I go pro–or at least I hope so, but… not right now.”

Gloria

No one said enough is enough

“Shit,” he nods in understanding. “Well, if Marlene is smart–and she sometimes is, from what I know–she’ll come around. You’re hot.”

“Thank you, for that,” Dorcas replies dryly. “It’s not like I’ve even made a move though. Probably won’t ever. Wrong time, you know?”

“All too well,” he sighs. “All too well.”

Chapter 13: why am i like this

Chapter Text

i'll be there in the corner, thinking right over

every single word of the conversation we just had

Dorcas Meadowes

Oct 8 at 12:04 AM

I’m back!

talk to James yet?

;)

I’m about to

I think Reggie and Lily are in his room though

Oooh

interesting

Very, right

Okay I’m going in

12:15 AM

AKJDFDFKJAFL

THEY DID IT?

FINALLY??!!

YES THEYRE SO CUTE
I CANT
They were snuggling on James’s bed

And Reggie was asleep

That’s adorable

Yup

I can’t wait to tease Lily and Reg about this

Honestly same

Reggie’s gonna be so embarrassed

Help I know

12:32 AM

I’m literally still smiling cause of how cute they were

NO SAME

12:38 AM

Good night!

Night!

Oct 10 at 3:46 PM

[tap to view image]

I am 99 percent sure this is James and Sirius on an electric scooter

4:08 PM

Oh yeah

Definitely is

Why is it so homoerotic when guys do that?

The arms wrapped around the waist right?

yup

I love it though

Oct 11 at 10:06 AM

Heyyyy

When do you wanna get coffee?

And where?

Hows thursday?

And hogsmeade brew?

Yeah that’s great!

What time?

Like 9

?

Uh

Yeah I definitely won’t be awake by then

Hah

10 then?

Yes

See you then!

:)

Oct 15 at 7:09 PM

Good game!

You played really well

Lily too

10:04 PM

Thank youuuuu <3

Tie was a bit disappointing tho :(

Yeah I bet

You guys really put up a fight

And that assist? Amazing

Seriously

Stop youre gonna make me blush

Oct 17 at 11:29 AM

Remus Sirius and I are grabbing lunch at Huff

Around noon

If you want to join

Sure

See you there

THANK GOD

Did not want to be left alone with them

Can’t blame you tbh

I was like trying not to guilt you

But also very glad you said yes

Oct 22 at 1:06 AM

Hey can you send me the info for the Halloween thing?

Mary said you’d know what I was talking about

10:42 AM

You need to go to bed earlier

But ye, here’s the invite thing

[tap to view image]

We don’t have to pay tho cuz we know them

Cool

Oct 27 at 5:36 PM

[tap to view image]

They make me want to die

Are they just?

Having a picnic?

Casually?

Yup.

I hate them

James bought them flowers too

Those whores

We should conspire to kill them

I am so in

Literally how does that idiot have two whole people who like him

KIN

Thats so mean

YOU LITERALLY JUST AGREED TO MURDER THEM

STILL

Ugh

I don’t mean it

I’m happy for them

Just a teensy bit bitter

Only a little bit

Infinitesimal really

______________________________

Marlene must have read these messages over at least ten times, and she still can’t fucking figure Dorcas out. Half of the time she’s flirty, half of the time she seems completely disinterested, and then she goes and says that she doesn’t want to date anyone fucking ever!

Okay, she didn’t say not ever, but it certainly felt like she did.

“I don’t know what to do,” she groans, leaning her elbow on the kitchen island.

James sighs. “Plate.”

She holds it out, allowing him to place a healthy serving of spaghetti and meatballs onto her plate.

“Alright, Lene,” he says finally. “Look, you–I don’t think you can change her mind, right? That wouldn’t be a good idea for either of you. But–don’t get hung up on her. Maybe try dating someone else. Or just a hookup, something casual, like you did last year,” he shrugs.
Marlene sighs. “I don’t know. I feel like I was mostly just doing that shit because I was finally out and I could. Which was great then, but I’d like to think I’ve matured a bit.”

“I know, I know,” James raises his hands. “I’m just giving suggestions, alright?”

She offers him a half smile. “I know. Maybe I will do something, at the Halloween thing at the Prewetts. You never know who’ll be there.”

James points a spatula at her. “Very true. God, if I wasn’t so excited to have the place to myself with Lily and Reg, I’d be disappointed that I’m missing it.”

“I know,” Marlene grins. “Fabian’s band is playing.”

“Take some videos for me, yeah?”

“Ugh, you’re such a mom.”

“Fuck off,” James flips her off over his shoulder.

“I don’t know why Mary invited Dorcas to this thing anyway,” Marlene grumbles. “After she said all the dumb stuff about not wanting to date anyone.”

“Marlene,” James berates her. “It wasn’t dumb, it makes sense.”

“Then why does it have to suck so much,” she whines.

“I know,” his voice softens. “It does suck. It’s gonna suck, for a bit, but you’re going to be alright.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

“Fine,” she says petulantly, twirling her fork on her plate.

“Fine,” he replies.

“Fine,” and this time Marlene can’t help but to let out a snort of laughter. “You give good advice, you know.”

“I do, don’t I,” James sounds oddly proud of himself.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.”

“Fuck, I never should have complimented you in the first place,” she jokes.

“You never learn, do you?”

“Apparently not.”

————

Marlene really was just planning on having fun with her friends. Really. But then Dorcas texted that she was coming late, and a girl from her calculus class said hello and she remembered James’s advice, and so she flirts.

“It may be basic, but it’s hot,” girl from calc is saying, referencing Marlene’s devil costume.

“Well I won’t argue with that,” Marlene laughs. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“No?”

“Oh, not at all.”

Something in the girl’s eyes changes. “Do something about it,” she challenges.

“Oh, should I, now?” Marlene smirks, stepping towards her and wrapping a hand gently around her tie.

“Yeah, I think you should,” she nods, her eyes wide.

And so Marlene does, pulling her in to kiss her, wrapping her spare hand around the small of the girl’s back while a song she doesn’t recognize plays in the background.

“Wanna dance?” she asks as she pulls away, one hand still grabbing onto that tie. Marlene doesn’t even know what the costume’s supposed to be, isn’t sure if the girl’s name is Emma, or Emily, or something else entirely.

She tries to convince herself not to care.

“Yeah, sure,” the girl nods, and Marlene pulls her closer to the crowd by her tie.

And so they do, and they kiss some more, simple fun until Marlene checks her phone and oh. Shit.

“Hey, I’m sorry, my friend just texted, do you mind–” Marlene gestures towards the crowd apologetically.

“Yeah, of course,” the girl doesn’t even look slightly disappointed, and as Marlene moves into the crowd to find Dorcas, she looks back to see her already dancing with someone else.

She pushes through people, looking for familiar braids, but seeing nothing until she happens upon Mary and Peter.

“HEY,” she taps Mary on the shoulder, having to shout now that she’s practically directly in front of the speakers..

“OH HI!” Mary replies, grinning.

“HAVE YOU SEEN DORCAS? SHE TEXTED ME 15 MINUTES AGO.”

Mary pulls her to the side to talk, gesturing to Peter to save her spot. “Sorry, what?” she asks once it’s slightly quieter.

“Have you seen Dorcas? She got here a bit ago, but I didn’t see my phone.”

Mary shrugs apologetically. “I have no idea, sorry. Want me to help you look?”

“No, no,” Marlene brushes her off. “Go on back, have fun.”

“Okay, okay!” Mary pats her cheek before pushing back through the crowd towards Peter.

Marlene glances around again, but still can’t see Dorcas.

Dorcas Meadowes

9:24 PM

So sorry!

I didn’t check my phone

I feel horrible

Where are you?

______________________________

She pockets her phone again, pushing around people, hoping to catch a glimpse of the other girl, but still failing. The band plays a familiar song that she can’t quite put a finger on, a background to her searching.

“Ah, thank you, thank you guys,” one of them says over the microphone. “You guys have been a dope fucking crowd, dude. We’re going to take just a two minute break here cause I need water man. And then we’ll be back. Yeah,” he laughs, “thanks.”

Marlene glances over at them. They’re playing in front of a large shed, and she can barely make out the silhouettes of two people sitting on the edge, their features not clear behind the blinding spotlights directly below them.

Is one of them Dorcas? She can’t fucking tell, honestly.

She needs to–she pushes around the edge of the crowd, trying to get a better view of the figures.

And… yes, it is her, sitting next to… Gideon Prewett. Huh. Marlene waves at them, trying to catch their attention. Gideon sees her after a second, holding up a finger and pointing around to the back of the shed.

She follows his gesture, carefully stepping over a stray beer can littered on the ground. There’s a ladder leaned up against the back of the building, looking disturbingly rickety. Marlene eyes it suspiciously, but before she has the chance to do anything, Gideon’s legs pop over the side of the roof and he climbs down, jumping off when he reaches the middle, landing next to Marlene with a grin.

“Hello,” he grins brightly at her. “Perfect timing, I was just going to go help Sam with something, you need any assistance getting up there?”

Marlene looks at the ladder cautiously. “Um. Can you hold it still for me?”

He laughs, but nods all the same. “Go ahead.”

The ladder wobbles slightly as she climbs, but ultimately holds, and she offers Gideon a wave of thanks when she reaches the top, before climbing over the peak to sit down at Dorcas’s right.

“Hi,” she bumps the girl with her shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t see your text earlier.”

“That’s okay,” Dorcas replies quietly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I get it,” she nods, “you were having fun. Don’t worry about it, really.”

“Well, I’m glad I found you,” Marlene tells her. This, at least, prompts a grin from the other girl. “How’re you liking the band?”

“They’re awesome,” Dorcas nods enthusiastically.

“Right? So that’s Fabian on the drums–I’m guessing Gid told you, and then Nick’s the lead singer there, um Lee’s on the keyboard, and I don’t really know everyone else that well.”

“Right, Nick is one of their roommates, right?”

Marlene nods.

“Okay, okay, we’re back,” Nick says over the mic. “This next song is the bouncers favorite, so uh. Benjy, this is for you bud!”

“DON’T CALL ME BUD,” a shout can be heard lightly across the lawn, stirring laughter in the audience.

“The view’s nice, from up here,” Marlene murmurs to Dorcas.

“Yeah. Yeah it is, huh?” Dorcas looks at her with a soft smile. “I like your costume, by the way.”

The mirror’s image tells me it’s home time

But I’m not finished, ‘cause you’re not by my side

Marlene feels herself blush. “I don’t know, it’s kind of basic.”

“No, it’s cute.”

She tries to ignore the butterflies that rush through her stomach at the words. “Thanks.”

Dorcas nods, spinning a ring on her finger.

Now it’s three in the mornin’ and I’m tryin’ to change your mind

Left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply

“Why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

“Hi,” Dorcas sings, her voice soft and low. “Why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

She sways slightly with the words, her shoulder bumping Marlene’s in rhythm.

“Are you–drinking?” Marlene suddenly processes that Dorcas is holding a beer bottle in her hand. “Usually it’s me drinking and you sober.”

The taller girl makes a face. “Not really. Gideon got it for me, but it’s pretty gross, to be honest.”

Marlene laughs, holding a hand out. Dorcas shrugs, handing over the bottle.

It’s harder and harder to get you to listen

More I get through the gears

Incapable of making alright decisions, and having bad ideas

She struggles not to screw up her face as she takes a sip of the bitter drink. “Yeah, okay, that’s bad,” she can’t help but to chuckle, setting the bottle down next to her.

“Where is Gideon, anyway?” Dorcas asks, looking around. “He told me he was just helping you up.”

“Oh. He mentioned helping one of his roommates with something.’

“Huh.”

“Yeah–oh, look at Mary and Pete dancing, aren’t they cute? You can really see everything from up here.”

“I know, speaking of,” Dorcas nudges her suggestively. “Who was that girl you were uh talking to there?”

Marlene’s stomach drops. “Oh. Um, no, that was just a girl from one of my classes, it’s nothing.”

“Come on, give me more than that,” Dorcas prompts. “It’s me .”

“Right, but it’s you ,” she says, almost without thinking.

She hears Dorcas’s breath catching. “What?”

“I–sorry, nothing.”

They lapse into silence, just listening. Watching. Thinking.

You said you gotta be up in the mornin’

Gonna have an early night

And you’re startin’ to bore me baby

Why’d you only call me when you’re high?

Dorcas murmurs something that Marlene can’t quite make out.

“What?” she asks softly.

“I saw a bee yesterday,” Dorcas repeats. “It made me think of… your tattoo.”

For a second Marlene thought she was going to say something else. That it reminded Dorcas of her. Wishful thinking.

“Oh? A bumblebee, then?”

Dorcas nods in the affirmative.

Marlene isn’t sure whether she wants to laugh or cry at that.

“What?” Dorcas asks.

“What do you mean, what?”

“You made a face.”

“I–okay,” Marlene sighs. “Well, if you did in fact see a bumblebee–”

“I did,” Dorcas nods.

“Right, well either it was a queen, going underground for the winter, or–or it was dying.”

“ Oh, ” Dorcas replies, and her tone makes Marlene giggle, just a little bit. “So they all just… die?”

“Except for the queen. She goes underground, hibernating all winter until it’s warm. The rest of them–yeah, they don’t make it.”

“So the queens are just on their own then?”

“Yeah,” Marlene nods. “It’s up to them to rebuild the hive come spring.”

Dorcas goes quiet for a minute. “Oh.”

“Whoo!” Nick shouts, laughing as the song ends. “Okay, okay, we’re going to play an original now, um, we have not practiced this much so don’t judge us,” he chuckles. “Here we go.”

“How much you wanna bet he’s high right now?” Marlene asks Dorcas, leaning close to talk softly in her ear.

Dorcas snorts. “Please, like I’m taking that bet.”

She smells like cinnamon, sweet and spicy. Marlene finds herself leaning in closer to breathe in the air around her.

“You can see the stars,” Dorcas says softly, and when Marlene looks over, her head is tilted up to the sky. “You can never see the stars, back home. Too much light pollution. But here…”

“They’re so clear,” Marlene finishes. “It’s beautiful.” You’re beautiful.

Dorcas hums in response. They sit in silence for the rest of the song, simply watching the sky, letting the cool October breeze draw goosebumps on their skin.

“I think that was my favorite so far,” Dorcas says softly at the end as they clap for the band.

“Yeah? I liked 505 myself,” Marlene comments idly.

Nick informs them that this was their last song, and they begin to transition with a second band, chatting with the new members as they switch out equipment.

“You know,” Dorcas muses, “I’m a lesbian, but boys are so entertaining sometimes. Look at ‘em, running around like little ants down there, helping move all the instruments and stuff.”

Marlene chuckles, shivering slightly, wrapping her arms around her center. “Oddly enough, I know exactly what you mean.”

“Are you cold?” Dorcas asks gently.

“Oh, I–no, no I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Okay, maybe a little but not too much,” she waves the other girl off.

Too late, Dorcas is already taking off her jacket, and within a second, she’s wrapped it around Marlene.

“But then what about you?” Marlene protests, although she slips her arms into the leather jacket. It smells like Dorcas.

“I’ll be alright,” Dorcas laughs.

“Here, I’ll just,” Marlene boldly scoots closer to Dorcas across the rough tiles of the roof, wrapping one arm around the taller girl’s waist.

Dorcas freezes for a second, but then she relents, pulling Marlene in closer by her shoulder. Marlene’s heart skips a beat.

“Hello all, I’m Jude,” the singer of the next band steps up to the microphone. “And we are Dumblewhore! Yes, named after our one and only president of Hogwarts, and this is our first gig, believe it or not!”

This prompts cheers and laughter, Marlene and Dorcas no different.

“Right, okay, so uh–I’ll be honest, bit nervous here,” they laugh. “But our first song here’s gonna be ‘Drops of Jupiter’, so–yeah? We like that? Okay, then, I’ll just get going!”

“I love this song,” Dorcas murmurs, her breath hot in Marlene’s ear and–oh, she can’t breathe, because that’s just too much, enough to steal the breath from her lungs, the beat from her heart, the thoughts from her brain.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere

With drops of Jupiter in her hair

Dorcas hums along, swaying with the music, in turn making Marlene do the same. She feels… honestly she feels fucking safe. Like she might actually have a chance with Dorcas, the way that the younger girl is holding on to her. The night feels full of possibilities in the most wonderful way.

“Their voice is amazing,” Marlene tilts up her head slightly to speak to Dorcas. The other girl’s eyes are closed as she listens. It makes Marlene smile.

She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey

Marlene suddenly feels a pang of regret. Why the fuck did she kiss girl from calc class? That was–no, why? She doesn’t want other people, she wants Dorcas. It’s Dorcas, and only her.

Marlene thinks she might be more than halfway in love.

“But tell me, did you sail across the sun,” they sing together, Marlene entirely out of tune, Dorcas perfect as ever. “Did you make it to the Milky Way, to see the lights all faded.”

Marlene giggles as she looks at Dorcas, simply unable to stop the sound from escaping.

And that Heaven is overrated?

“And tell me? Did you fall for a shooting star,” they shout into each other’s faces, so close that if either of them leaned forward, they’d be kissing.

They don’t, though, and right now? That’s perfectly okay. Marlene is okay.

One without a permanent scar, and did you miss me?

While you were looking for yourself out there?

Dorcas’s T-shirt is just a bit too small, rucking up about her waist. Marlene’s hands slide naturally under the fabric, genuinely without even trying as Dorcas sways. Her skin is hot despite the cold air, but she shrieks as Marlene’s chilly hands touch her, pulling away slightly, only to come right back.

“Oh my God, Kin,” she complains, rolling her eyes.

“What?” Marlene smirks.

“I’ll take my jacket back.”

“No you won’t,” she shrinks into it.

“I will.”

“Won’t.”

Dorcas groans. “Oh, fine, you called my bluff. I won’t.”

“I knew it,” Marlene teases, speaking directly into Dorcas’s ear. She wonders if it gives the other girl the same butterflies it gives her. She suspects that it doesn’t. She really fucking hopes that she’s wrong.

She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo

Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey

“Oh, look, Peter’s dancing with a guy over there,” Marlene points out, laughing slightly.

Dorcas hums. “Is he gay? Or bi? Or what?”

“You interested?” Marlene teases, bumping her with a shoulder.

“Fuck off.”

“Hah. No, he’s queer and aromantic. He usually goes more for girls, but I guess not tonight.”

“Oh. So does he just fuck then?”

She snorts. “Um. Basically, yes? He’ll occasionally go on a few dates, but he has no interest in a long lasting relationship.”

“Huh,” Dorcas seems to think it over. “That’s interesting. I’m–not the opposite, exactly, but I don’t think I’d ever want that. I don’t even like to look for hookups.”

Marlene feels sudden and intense guilt. She shouldn’t, really. She has every right to kiss whoever she wants. “Yeah, I don’t know,” she shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t really–I mean, last year I did, but I don’t really want that, not anymore.”

She feels terribly vulnerable.

“And that girl?”

Marlene cringes. “I don’t know. I’d rather be up here, you know? With you.”

Her heart beats fast. Was that too much?

“Well. I’m glad you’re here, if it makes any difference,” Dorcas says casually.

God, she doesn’t even know what it does to Marlene.

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance

Five hour phone conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

“Eh, maybe a very small difference,” she tells Dorcas coyly, smirking up at the other girl.

“Oh, fucking–thanks, for that.”

“Hmm, anytime.”

They just sit there, then, as the song finishes, on the rough shingles of the roof, watching the band below them. Marlene feels warm, despite the chilled air, heat swirling in her stomach every time Dorcas so much as shifts, their skin brushing, lingering. She wonders if the other girl can feel her heartbeat, as loud and fast as it is, practically declaring her feelings to the entire fucking world. If she can, she doesn’t say anything.

The lead singer–Jude–grins at their drummer as the song ends, their giddy smile only visible to the recipient and Dorcas and Marlene. They look at each other with matching secretive “did you see that?” faces, a tiny shared moment that means so much more than it should to Marlene.

“I’d say that went pretty well, huh?” Jude laughs into the microphone, cheers from the crowd answering them. “So, fun little fact about us. Dumblewhore–yeah, I know, the name’s hilarious–but um. What–oh! We are all gays–of some sort, so here is a nice gay song for you!”

Marlene is pleasantly surprised by the volume of the applause that this prompts, and even more pleased by the look on Dorcas’s face, all innocent and happy.

Teacher says that I’ve been naughty

I must learn to concentrate

But the girls they pull my hair

And with the boys I can’t relate

“Oh, this was in Heartstopper,” she tells Dorcas excitedly.

“I thought I recognized it from somewhere,” she replies with a grin.

“Don’t you want to,” Marlene sings along, grinning maniacally at Dorcas as she does so. The other girl simply looks on, the expression on her face bordering on affection. No, it is affection.

“Don’t you want to be the one?” She pokes Dorcas slightly with the words, making the other girl giggle.

Don’t you want to?

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang

God, Dorcas looks heavenly, her dark skin practically glowing in the night, braids pulled back to show the sharpness of her cheekbones, clothes hugging her body in all the right ways.

It’s honestly scary how little control Marlene feels over herself right now.

“What?” Dorcas asks, interrupting her musing with a confused face.

Marlene tilts her head.

“You were looking at me weird.”

Fuck.

“What can I say, you’re looking good?” Marlene cringes internally, hoping that it comes off as a friendly joke.

Dorcas laughs. Thank fuck for that. “Yeah, yeah, you’re not so bad yourself, McKinnon.”

She could just lean in. Press their lips together. She could do it. Right now.

“Wow. Not so bad. That’s glowing, coming from you.”

Dorcas gasps in offense. “Hey. I’m nice.”

“Sure you are.”

“I am!”

Prove it.

“Whatever you say,” Marlene shrugs with a giggle.

Don’t you want to?

Don’t you want to hold the gun?

“Don’t you want to,” she sings, looking into Dorcas’s eyes, perhaps too deeply. “Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang?”

Dorcas blinks, biting her lip. Is this? Marlene thinks this might be it. She smiles softly at the other girl.

Dorcas sways closer, but not close enough. It’s never close enough. Marlene slowly, carefully brings a hand up to the other girl’s cheek, Dorcas inhaling slightly, swaying closer again. She doesn’t pull away.

Messages on the answerphone

But none will be returned

Marlene runs her thumb across those glorious cheekbones, waiting. Hoping. They’re not past the point of no return yet. This can be ignored. They can pretend it’s platonic.

It’s up to Dorcas to make the next move, to push them past that line.

And she does, leaning in slowly. Marlene closes her eyes, waiting. But then, nothing.

And then Dorcas is pulling away, her arm no longer over Marlene’s shoulders, the warmth of her thigh missing and missed.

“I–I’m so sorry,” she blurts out, lips twisting into an awful frown, and then she’s climbing back over the roof, leaving Marlene there, sitting in her leather jacket. Alone and lonely.

Don’t you want to?

Don’t you want to hold the gun?

Don’t you want to?

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang?

————

Lily, Regulus, and James are sitting on the couch when she walks in the door, hands shaking, brain racing.

“Hey, wanna watch a show with us?” James asks, more polite than anything else.

“No, that’s okay, I’m gonna shower then go to bed.”

“How was the concert?”

“It was good,” Marlene mumbles.

James doesn’t notice anything is wrong. Marlene doesn’t want to hate him for it. She does anyways. She hates herself for hating him.

She cries in the shower, tears mixing with hot water, choked sobs muffled by the patter of droplets on the floor.

Fuck. She really thought there was something there, but of course there wasn’t. Dorcas had literally told her that she didn’t want to date anyone not a week ago. Why couldn’t she just fucking listen?

But no, she had to go and ruin something good by wanting more. Why couldn’t she have just been happy with what it was? A friendship? Because it was a friendship, wasn’t it? But now…

It takes her too long to fall asleep, tears leaking from her eyes onto her pillow, her stomach roiling in a pathetic imitation of the ocean in a storm.

She’s heard stories of people forgetting everything for one glorious moment when they wake up, before it all comes crashing back down on them.

Marlene is not one of those people. She thinks she might have dreamt about Dorcas, some vague fleeting thought that she can’t quite remember. It’s all fresh, right there, ready to take over her mind again.

She drifts in and out of sleep.

James knocks on her door, she’s not sure how much later. He asks her if she’s okay.

She tells him she is.

He leaves.

She goes back to sleep.

When Marlene finally wakes up, it’s past noon, and even then, she can’t manage to get herself up, just grabbing her phone and scrolling through TikTok.

Sirius comes in, asking if she wants to get lunch with him.

She says no, refusing to face the door, knowing that her eyes are puffy from sleep and crying.

An hour goes by, then two, then three. Marlene doesn’t get up. She isn’t sure if she can.

Another knock.

“What?” Her voice cracks slightly from disuse.

“Can I come in?” James asks from the other side of the door.

She swipes her phone over to Snapchat, rubbing at her eyes slightly. “Yeah, go ahead.”

When he opens the door, Sirius is looking over his shoulder cautiously. They both look… worried.

“What’s up?” Marlene tries her very best to sound enthused. She fails.

“Marlene,” James says hesitantly, “have you eaten anything today?”

“No, but I’m fine, it’s only–shit, four. Um, I will in a bit, though.”

“Can we come all the way in?” Sirius asks, frowning.

“For fuck’s sake, it’s not like I’m going to bite,” she says, her tone harsher than she intended. “I mean–yes, sorry.”

“Lene, what–what’s going on?” James tentatively sits on the end of her bed.

She sits up, scooching her butt all the way back to her pillow. “Nothing, I’m just tired today.”

James sighs exasperatedly. “I have known you for–fuck more than 15 years. I know when you aren’t fine. And this is it.”

“Look,” Marlene scrubs at her cheeks, “I don’t want to–can you just leave me alone, James?”

He frowns, his lip quivering ever so slightly, and she feels immediately guilty. “I’m not going to do that. I won’t ask you about it, but–you need to eat something, get up and move, okay?”

“We can get takeout or something, watch a movie?” Sirius suggests softly.

“You guys don’t have to fucking coddle me,” Marlene laughs, except it comes out as something closer to a sob.

“Right, just tell me the restaurant, I’ll take care of the rest,” James announces authoritatively.

“I don’t–”

“Marlene,” Sirius says strictly. “You can be upset, sad, angry–fuck, be angry with us all you want! But you have to take care of yourself.”

She bites her lip. She thinks she might cry. “Sushi?”

“Sushi it is,” James nods, drawing his eyebrows together.

“Do–do you want a hug?” Sirius asks, ever so cautiously.

Marlene can’t talk. She simply can’t, and so she just opens her arms and buries her face in Sirius’s shoulder.

And when they leave to get the food, she takes a shower. She burns it all away with scalding water and vanilla scented soap. She washes her hair and she shaves her legs and then she puts on a pair of sweatpants and a sports bra and she eats sushi.

They watch almost an entire season of Brooklyn 99, even though James and Marlene have seen it so much that they can quote half the episodes.

Somewhere around ten, Sirius falls asleep on James’s shoulder and he pauses the show. It’s quiet–too quiet, and there’s a lump rising in Marlene’s throat, cutting off her air, and she can’t breathe, and then the tears come and she lets them.

James hugs her, even though it makes Sirius fall off of his shoulder, wrapping her in strong warm arms.

“It’s okay, that’s alright,” he murmurs, rubbing her back as she shakes, wracked with sobs.

“I’m so stupid,” is all she can manage to get out between gasping breaths.

“No–oh, Lene, you’re not stupid,” James calms her, his voice so gentle.

“I am,” she chokes out.

Sirius is awake now, and when Marlene opens her blurry eyes, she can see him over James’s shoulder, his mouth turned into a concerned frown.

“I don’t–” she pulls away from James, “I can’t–”

“You don’t have to,” he assures her. “It’s okay, just do your best to breathe, I know it’s hard.”

“That’s what she said,” Sirius whispers, and that’s what cuts her tears into a broken laugh.

James turns around and slaps his friend on the shoulder, which only makes her laugh more.

She can’t believe how lucky she is to have them.

It takes time, minutes not seconds, before Marlene can breathe again.

“She leaned in,” she says finally. “She leaned in and I closed my eyes and then she left.”

“I–what?” Sirius asks, his head tilted in confusion.

“We were on the roof,” Marlene hiccups, “watching the band. And she–” her voice breaks. “She–I touched her face, and she leaned in. And then–I closed my eyes, and she just–she fucking left, and she apologized, and I fucked it all up.” She sobs with the last words, physically unable to say them without tears.

“No you didn’t, babe,” Sirius shakes his head. “You–that’s–you didn’t fuck it up.”

“Yes I did,” she says tearfully, rubbing her forehead. “It was–shit, it was so good until I had to try and make it something more than it was.”

“Lene,” James tells her firmly, placing a calming hand on her shoulder, “it’s not your fault, okay? That’s–it–fine, it happened. It sucked. But–this isn’t on you. Dorcas is the one who made it seem like something it wasn’t, she–”

“No, no, no, no,” Marlene shakes her head. “It–it wasn’t her fault, I knew she didn’t want anything but–I had to go and ignore that.”

“Okay, okay, it’s–come here,” James offers his arms again, and again she falls into them. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“You don’t know that,” she whispers back. “You can’t know that.”

“Yes. I do, because you have us and we’re going to make sure of it,” he insists.

“Okay,” she sighs rather miserably. “I love you guys, you know.”

“We do,” Sirius nods, with that awful pitying half smile, half frown.

She feels a little bit better for it. Maybe better isn’t quite the best word. She feels less bad. The pain is dull, if she doesn’t think about it.

It’s easier not to think about it, with her boys there.

But they can’t always be there, no matter how much they try. Sirius even offers to sleep in her bed that night. She brushes him off with a laugh and a hug.

As Marlene lays there, fighting to fall asleep, she kind of wishes she said yes. Her stupid brain keeps on thinking of Dorcas. Marlene hates her. She thinks she might love her, too. It’s fucking confusing is what it is. She’s–she’s so fucking angry .

At Dorcas for leaving. For saying sorry. For leaning in. For being so damn perfect.

She’s angry at herself too. For closing her eyes. For crying. For everything.

Marlene thinks she might be in love with the other girl. She isn’t sure why it took until tonight to realize just how far gone she is. It fucking hurts, deep in her chest. It makes it hard to breathe. Hard to sleep. Shit, she just wants to go to sleep.

Dorcas’s lips, that’s what she keeps coming back to. They looked so–fuck, there are too many words. Soft. Enticing. Beautiful. They were curled up into the nicest smile. Before. And then they twisted into an ugly frown, so out of place on Dorcas’s gorgeous face.

And Marlene still wants to kiss her. She wants it so badly, fuck, half of her wishes she had just done it, last night. The more sane half is glad she didn’t.

She hates both halves.

A tear leaks onto her pillow. She rolls over, ignoring it.

She doesn’t know how to feel better. She wants to feel better, fucking needs to.

She’s pictured the night, a thousand different ways. There were so many ways it could have gone differently. Better, worse, who knows.

Marlene thinks she’d prefer anything other than what it was.

Maybe if she hadn’t kissed the girl from her calc class. Instead checked her phone right away, met with Dorcas, danced with her near Mary and Peter.

Or if she had brought a jacket.

Dorcas’s jacket.

The jacket that she still has. Fuck.

She sits up suddenly, flicking on the light next to her bed. Squinting at her clock she realizes that it’s barely past midnight.

There’s a pile of clothes on the floor in the corner of her room, forgotten until just now.

Marlene tosses her legs over the side of her bed, walking over to the heap of fabric.

Sitting on top is Dorcas’s leather jacket.

With a gentle hand, Marlene picks it up by the collar. She sits down cross legged on her bed, just fucking staring at this stupid article of clothing.

It smells like cinnamon.

A lone tear drips onto the leather, and she wipes it off with her thumb. Fuck, this is so stupid. Why does she have to feel so much all the time? Dorcas is probably peacefully asleep right now, having already brushed off the incident.

Either that or she despises her for it. Just the thought triggers her imagination, not for the first time that night.

“And then she tried to kiss me,” Dorcas tells Lily, making a face.

“ Why?” Lily asks, laughing.

“I don’t know. It was weird, though.”

“Well don’t worry,” Remus tells her. “We’re on your side, you know.”

“Yeah, thank God for that,” Dorcas says maliciously. “I don’t think I ever want to see her again.”

“I don’t blame you,” Regulus shakes his head. “I don’t understand how James can stand her.”

“He can just spend time with us instead,” Remus comforts him. “Sirius too.”

“Good,” Dorcas smiles.

Fuck. Fuck. She brushes her fingers over the supple leather in her hands, over a lump in one of the pockets.

It’s a pumpkin spice Burt’s Bees lip balm. For some reason that really pushes her over the edge, and she doubles over, her body shaking with her sobs.

Marlene wants– needs a person. She thinks she might just break apart if she’s alone, shattered into a million pieces on her bedroom floor.

With shaky legs, she paces across her room, back and forth, shaking her hands at her sides, before, with a huff, she walks out into the living room, tears still staining her face.

She weighs her options.

James will kick her in his sleep, a fact that she has learned all too well over the course of their friendship.

Sirius will probably barely wake up.

And so she winds up at the latter’s door, scrubbing her cheeks anxiously. She stands there for almost a full minute, debating on whether to go in, before she knocks lightly, stepping inside before she even hears a response.

Sirius sits up in bed, squinting blearily at her. “Marlene?” he slurs.

She lets out a shaky sob. “I–I’m okay, I just–”

“Yeah, yeah, come here,” he holds out a welcoming arm, his words softened by sleep.

Marlene closes the door behind her, tucking herself into the covers.

Sirius is so warm as he wraps an arm around her briefly, before turning around so their backs are pressed against each other, the simple reminder of life enough to calm her.

She falls asleep by timing her breaths with his.

Chapter 14: sofia

Chapter Text

sofia know that you and i

shouldn't feel like a crime

Dorcas feels a tap on her shoulder, and she turns around to see Lily behind her, arms crossed, a frown on her face. She tentatively takes out an earbud. “Um. What’s going on, I’m doing homework.”

Lily’s lips draw into a thin line. “When you’re finished, come back to the room please, I would like to talk to you,” she says, too politely.

“Okay,” Dorcas nods, stuffing her earbud back in and returning to her work. Shit. She’s managed to go two full days without mentioning the Halloween party, but now it seems that Lily knows something.

And if Lily knows something, that means James told her which means Marlene told him, which is… bad. Fuck, she doesn’t even want to know how that conversation went. Except that now she desperately needs to.

Dorcas sits there in the study area outside their room for a full five minutes before she can’t wait any longer, packing up her work and going back to the room.

Lily is sitting on her futon, her leg tapping, looking at something on her phone. Dorcas clears her throat, swinging her backpack onto her desk chair.

“What’s up?” Dorcas asks, already knowing where this is going.

Lily sighs. “Look I don’t know the whole story here, but James told me that you made Marlene really upset, and I should ask you what happened at the Halloween thing.”

Fuck. Dorcas is sorry. She’s so fucking sorry, but what was she supposed to do when Marlene had looked so tantalizing in her leather jacket, arm wrapped possessively around Dorcas’s waist. What was she supposed to do when Marlene had kissed another girl not an hour earlier, when Dorcas knew that she couldn’t get into a relationship right now.

Anything other than what she did, probably. But that didn’t happen.

She rubs a tired hand over her face. “Right, yeah. So–I almost kissed Marlene. But I didn’t and I–I ran off. I kind of fucked up, I know, so please don’t lecture me about it. I really don’t need that right now.

Lily frowns. “You ran off? Dorcas I–”

“I know,” she interrupts. “I know it was bad.”

“How did it even–Meadowes, why would you try to kiss her?”

Dorcas shrugs, the movement jerky and awkward. “I don’t know, okay? I just–I like her, but I can’t right now, you know that.”

“Dorcas,” Lily scolds her affectionately, “if you like her, figure something out. I did, with James and Reg.”

“It’s different,” Dorcas replies shortly.

The older girl purses her lips. “Well, yeah, but come on, you can’t let this hold you back.”

Dorcas brings a frustrated hand to her face. “Look, Lily, I appreciate the advice, but that’s not going to happen.”

“But you like her,” Lily insists. “I know it’s not that simple, but–it sort of is, in the end.”

“Just–please, fuck off. I mean that in the nicest way possible, but I don’t want to do this with you.”

“Dorcas, I get it, come on, just talk to me.”

“No, Lily, you don’t get it,” she snaps. “You really don’t, so stop pretending.”

Lily cringes at the words. “Right, because I’m totally able to talk about my two boyfriends with other people.”

“ Lily. It. Is. Not. The. Same. I am a lesbian. That’s–you are never going to understand that and–fuck, I’m glad that you won’t get this part, because it fucking sucks, but just–stop pretending that you get it just to–to influence my love life.”

The other girl places her hands on her forehead, visibly frustrated. “Then stop sabotaging your happiness!”

Dorcas fucking explodes. “No, Lily, this is not my fucking happiness, you’re talking about. Its a tiny fucking crush. I–look, my career as a soccer player is my happiness. I refuse to jeopardize that, and you aren’t going to change my mind.”

Lily looks on the verge of tears. “You–that isn’t fucking healthy Dorcas. You have to find an in between, and sue me if I think that your in between should include Marlene.”

“There is no in between. Not for me. There can’t be.”

“Don’t you hear yourself? How awful that is?”

“No, you’re the one who doesn’t hear yourself,” she replies coldly. “Because you know what, Lily? We are not the same. No, because you’re going to play through college, and then you’re going to become a teacher which–that is great, really, I’m happy for you, but–no, let me finish–but that’s not me. Soccer’s my fucking life. I need this to work out, sure I’m going to get out of here with a degree, but–I can’t live a life without it, not like you can. I want more than that.”

Lily really is crying now, tears running down her face, tiny rivulets carving their way past the freckles that adorn her cheeks. “Fuck you, Dorcas. Fuck you.”
And then she walks out the door, leaving Dorcas alone.

“ Fuck ,” she groans into the silence of the room, collapsing onto the floor and leaning against the wall.

Dorcas did not cry when she ran home after the almost kiss.

She did not cry in the shower, or when she laid down in bed.

She cries now though, hot, angry tears. God, she’s so fucking angry. At Lily. At herself. At the whole fucking world. A part of her is even angry at Marlene, who didn’t even do anything wrong.

Sometimes Dorcas thrives on anger. It fuels her, strengthening her resolve, motivating her to do better. Other times it rots at her insides, festering, slowly eating away at her.

Right now? It shatters her.

Maybe that’s what being angry at the entire world will do to a person. Hating the very society that has raised her. But how can she help it, when the world seems to hate her right back for simply being who she is, for loving who she loves?

She knows, logically, that most people in this world don’t feel that way. But then again, she’s so painfully aware that it’s enough. Enough to keep her in the closet, enough to deny herself what she wants, enough for her to be afraid. Enough.

And so she cries. She thinks she deserves it. Or maybe she doesn’t. Fuck, she doesn’t even know anymore. The weight of the world is on her shoulders and she’s the one who picked up this sorry excuse for a planet in the first place.

She lets herself cry, because she doesn’t know if she can stop. And then, when she’s done, Dorcas picks up the shards of herself off the floor, carefully piecing herself back together, because no one else is there to do it, because she has to, because what the fuck else can she do?

Despite this, she doesn’t feel whole. Cracks are left behind, and she’s terrified that at any moment, the anger will burst from inside her, breaking her all over again.

But all she can do is her best to make sure it doesn’t. She just has to hope that it’s enough.

Dorcas wants to fucking run away. And so she does, or at least she tries to, throwing on a T-shirt and shorts and leaving the world behind, her head empty other than the beating of her feet on the pavement and her heart in her chest.

It helps, but it also hurts, because after an hour of running, her head is too clear, and the guilt sets in.

She cries again, in the shower, this time. Lily still isn’t in the room when she gets back. She does her calculus homework, anything to distract her.

Dorcas’s chest hurts. She picks up her phone again for probably the fourth time in the past ten minutes. Nothing from Lily, still, but a text from Regulus.

Regulus

3:09 PM

Come over.

??

I’m busy

No you’re not.

Come on man

I don’t feel like doing anything

I don’t care

Seriously

Fuck did you talk to james too

I talked to Lily.

Ok ill be over in ten

______________________________

And so she heads over to the Salazar dorms, glaring at practically everyone she sees. By the time she makes it to Regulus’s door, she’s probably pissed off a lot of people. She doesn’t care.

Dorcas simply walks into Regulus’s room, not bothering to knock after his rather brusque message.

“Hi!” A boy is sitting cross legged with Evan on the latter’s bed. “Did you kill someone? Is that why Reggie’s acting weird?”
“Hey Dorcas,” Evan waves to her, cringing at the other boy’s question.

She glares at the boys, softening her eyes just barely as they flick to Evan. He isn’t too bad.

“Oh, shit, did you actually kill someone? Cause like–I am totally in if so, I can help hide a body,” the boy nods seriously.

“Fuck off, Barty,” Regulus says acerbically from his own bed. “Both of you, go back to his room, I’m talking to her.” He juts his chin at Dorcas with the last words.

Right, so she’s totally fucked.

“Bye Dorcas,” Barty wiggles his fingers at her as he drags Evan out of the room by his hand, the latter slightly flushed.

“Um. Bye,” she waves, unable to hide a slight smirk.

“Right,” Regulus says decisively as the door shuts behind the boys. “We need to have a talk.”

“Yeah, um, okay,” she sighs, joining the boy on his bed, leaning her head back against the wall, closing her eyes in preparation for the verbal assault that she’s sure is coming.

Except that it never comes.

“Dorcas,” he says softly, “look at me.”

She does. His face is… kind, almost uncharacteristically so.

“You’re my best friend,” he starts, cautiously. “I–but you fucked up. You–look, I get where you’re coming from, but you really upset Lily. And I’m her–fucking boyfriend, or whatever we are but–you need to apologize. And if–if you need to yell at someone, or talk it out–that–” he raises his arms, “that’s what I’m here for, I guess.”

“You’re such a sap,” she rolls her eyes.

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah,” she laughs bitterly. “Yeah. I know. I know I messed up. Big time, but–I mean, you don’t–no, you do get it, that’s the thing. I completely–I lashed out at her, which was really shitty–and I know that, I do, but–she doesn’t understand.”

“Then explain it,” Regulus says, his voice insistent.

“I know, I should have,” she sighs. “But it’s not just that, I love Lily, but she’s trying to meddle, and–like, yeah I like Kin, but that doesn’t–”

“Wait, you like Marlene?” Regulus interrupts, staring at her rather dumbfoundedly.

“I–yeah, wait, what did Lily tell you?”

He hesitates. “She told me that you did something that made Marlene sad and when she confronted you, you yelled so she’s staying at James’s tonight. But she was really upset, and she said that wasn’t the whole story, that she said some bad things too.”

“Okay, that,” Dorcas inhales, “is not really–I mean, technically it’s true, and I appreciate that she didn’t tell you the personal stuff but–that is just not the full story.”

“So tell me.”

She sighs. “The whole thing?”

“The whole thing.”

Dorcas rolls her eyes, but acquiesces. “Well, I met Marlene when we were kids, you know that much. Um, I didn’t really think much of her–she was nice, and everything, but just another teammate. And then there was that party.”

Regulus nods along as she speaks.

“And I sort of re-met her, I guess. I… found her attractive–I have fucking eyes , you know. But it wasn’t anything more than that until… probably around the night that you got together with James and Lily. And even then, it was just barely the beginnings of a crush, you know, I wanted to be her friend, mostly. From there it snowballed a little bit, and–I mean, I knew that I liked her, a little bit, but it felt like the kind of thing that would just come and go, so at the last game night, I made sure that she knew that I didn’t want a relationship with soccer and all, because I was–well, I kind of thought she liked me too. And after that I figured it was over until–” her voice breaks slightly. “Um, at the Halloween thing, I saw her kissing this other girl. So. I realized that I was… well, really fucking jealous, honestly,” she laughs bitterly. “And the–I was sitting on the roof of this shed, like behind the band. And she came up there too, and we flirted, I guess. I gave her my jacket, which–shit, she still has my jacket,” she groans. “Fuck, I’m getting off track here. We were flirting, and then I sort of–I almost kissed her. I wanted to, but then I just–I remembered all the reasons why not to–and I have good ones, okay. And that’s where I fucked up. I just kind of…” she cringes, “ran away, and told her sorry?”

“Dorcas,” Regulus scolds.

“I know,” she groans. “And then–I don’t know, James told Lily, and she was saying that I should at least try to date Marlene, but… I can’t. And that really pisses me off, and Lily doesn’t understand, and then I yelled at her. And here we are,” she ends bitterly, grimacing at Regulus.

“Wow,” he says. “You’re kind of a bitch sometimes.”

“ Regulus ,” she protests.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he lifts his hands in surrender.

“Yeah,” Dorcas sighs.

“So. Marlene, huh?”

“Fuck off,” she rolls her eyes. “But yeah. I guess so.”

“Damn,” he shakes his head. “What’re you going to do about it?”

She covers her face with her hands. “Well, my strategy of completely ignoring was going pretty well until… well, until I couldn’t anymore.”

“Right.”

“Yeah,” she clicks her tongue. “But I think I’m going to go back to that anyway!”

“Dorcas,” Regulus scolds. “You can’t keep doing that.”

She glares at him. “James has ruined you.”

“Oh, fuck you,” he laughs. “I’m serious, though.”

“No,” she says gently, “you’re Regulus.”

“Get the fuck out of my room right now,” he says, clearly trying to sound harsh but failing rather miserably.

“Oh, come on, you should know better,” she smirks.

“I really should–but stop trying to change the subject on me!”

Dorcas groans. “Fine. I don’t know what to do, honestly. I’m just–it’s so fucking frustrating , you know? I like–fuck, yeah I like her, but there are so many fucking reasons not to date her, and I just–” she growls in frustration.

“List them,” Regulus tells her.

“List–”

“I know you’ve already done it,” he rolls his eyes.

“Fuck. Yeah, okay. Well, reason one, I am staying closeted, and having a girlfriend would make that harder.”
“Fair,” Regulus nods.

“Okay, and I don’t want to force her to keep me a secret too. She wouldn’t deserve that. Besides, just because she was going to kiss me doesn’t mean she wants to date me.”

Regulus wrinkles his nose. “Um. She does. Want to date you, that is.”

Dorcas raises her eyebrows, staring him down. “And how would you know that?”

“She told me?” he says hesitantly, shying away from her as he speaks.

She glares at him. “And you didn’t tell me.”

“Sor ry,” he whines. “She told us not to.”

“US?”

“Um. Right. Lily also knows. And… everyone else?”

“Fuck.”

“I’m sorry. Really, I am,” Regulus says honestly.

Fuck. Everyone knew except for her. They were all sitting around while she struggled, and… they knew. They could have done… anything. But they didn’t.

“ Regulus ,” she frowns. “I–I’m really fucking trying to not be angry right now, but–” she rubs her temples. “It’s really, really difficult.”

“I–I know,” he sighs. “Look, you have to–it felt like we’d be outing her or something. I mean, at first, we genuinely would have been. But–I should have said something. I–I really am sorry.”

Dorcas inhales deeply, trying to steady herself. “Okay. I forgive you.”

“You–wait, really?” Regulus looks genuinely surprised.

“I mean, yeah. I’m still fucking mad, so don’t think everything is fixed, because it’s not, but–you’re my friend. And I understand why you did what you did.”

“Oh.” His voice is small.

“Regulus, did you think I wouldn’t?”

“I don’t know,” he shrinks into himself. “I guess maybe?”

“And you still told me?”

Regulus shrugs. “Yeah, I guess I thought you had a right to know.”

“You–oh. Thank you.”

He shrugs again, and they’re quiet for a bit, until the lack of noise starts to feel cloying, itching at Dorcas’s skin.

“So. This is awkward, huh,” she says.

He hums. “Yup. Continue telling me your reasons.”

“Oh, right! Okay, well there’s the fact that I really like the rest of you guys and James and Sirius and–I don’t know, it might make things awkward, if it didn’t work out or whatever.”

Regulus raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, well I hate to break it to you, but that’s this. I don’t know if it can get much worse.”

She bites her lip. “Right, so scratch that, then.”

“Come on, you have more, right?”

Dorcas sighs. “Yeah. Well, the next one is the fact that I need to focus on soccer. It’s… I mean, it’s my life, you know? And if anyone were to find out that I’m gay, I couldn’t do that because… well, unfortunately the women on the team are–they aren’t homophobic, exactly, but it’s the little things that it would fuck up, you know?”

“That’s the same as your first reason,” Regulus points out. “But what little things would that mess up?”

“Why’re you acting like a fucking therapist,” she mutters.

He clears his throat meaningfully. “Because I go to therapy now.”

“Fine,” she replies. “But–and I don’t know if you get what this is like–when I say the little things it’s just–well, one they’ll look at me differently. I don’t need that. And in the locker room, they’ll act like I’m some sort of predator, and be scared to change around me–and I know it’ll happen because of the way they talk–I’m not delusional. And then they won’t talk about guys around me anymore which–fucking–I wish they’d do that on their own sometimes–but if they don’t do that, then they won’t talk to me about other stuff either, and–being captain is about skill, yes, but it’s also about being connected with the team. I need that.”

“That’s shit,” Regulus says dryly.

“Yeah, that about sums it up.”

He snorts. “Right, so you have good reasons not to date Marlene. What’re you going to do instead about this… issue?”

She groans. “I don’t know. Ugh, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“And Lily, you have to talk to Lily too.”

“I know.”

“Do you want help?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn,” he sighs.

Dorcas grins at him. “I know.”

“Okay, let’s start with Lily, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s with James.”

“And Marlene, fuck what has my life come to?” Dorcas asks in disbelief.

“Oh, calm down, now you’re just being dramatic.”

“Yeah, okay, okay,” she breathes. “I’m just–fuck, I’m so tired.”

“I know,” he says sympathetically. “So, you’ll apologize when she gets back, or…?”

“You’re so kind,” Dorcas’s voice drips in sarcasm. “And yes, when she gets back we will have a rational conversation about it. But–I need her to understand that as a lesbian, I’m simply coming from a different place than her, you know?”

“Yeah. That seems like a good idea.”

She feels her lips curl into a scowl. “God, I still really fucked up though, huh?”

“Yup.”

“You’re the worst.”

“I know. How about Marlene?”

Dorcas’s heart drops even at the thought of dealing with the other girl. “I can’t think about that right now, if I’m being totally honest.”

“Okay,” he shrugs.

“Really? Just ‘okay’?”

“I only have so much energy,” he shakes his head. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“Aww,” she scrunches up her nose, prodding at one of his cheeks. “You’re so sweet.”

He frowns. “Fuck off.”

Dorcas simply laughs, feeling as if a slight weight has been lifted off of her shoulders.

“Okay,” he sighs, honestly sounding as if he feels the same way, “I’m going to go tell Barty and Evan that they can come back if they want, you–stay or go, I don’t care.”

“Wow, way to make a girl feel welcome,” she calls after him as he walks out the door, settling even more into his bed.

He comes back a minute later, the two other boys trailing behind him.

“So,” Barty addresses her immediately. “You’re on Reggie’s bed. You his girlfriend?”

Dorcas coughs, “Oh, um, I–”

“Stop it,” Evan slaps his friend (boyfriend?). “Dorcas, we both know he’s gay, he’s just fucking with you.”

“Oh, thank God,” she laughs. “I couldn’t imagine having to pretend to be this fucker’s boyfriend.”

“Hey,” Regulus complains, not really looking all that offended at the comment.

Barty, though, finds it quite funny apparently. “I like you, Dorcas,” he says decisively. “You should come around here more often.”

Regulus and Evan both sputter. “I–you cannot just invite people over to our room,” the latter protests.

Barty rolls his eyes. “Sorry then, I rescind my invitation.”

“You assume I even want to spend time with any of you,” Dorcas replies.

Barty appears quite delighted by this. “I’ve decided that we’re friends now.”

“Fucking hell,” Regulus sighs. “I should have known better than to let you guys meet.”

“You really should have,” Barty agrees blithely.

Dorcas chuckles. “Anyway. Reggie, how’s the physics going?”

The boy groans. “Bad.”

Evan wrinkles his nose. “Have you gone to office hours or anything?”

Regulus looks positively disgusted by the idea. “ God no.”

“Why not?” Evan asks.

Barty backhands him on the shoulder. “Because, dumbass. That’s basically admitting that you’re stupid.”

“Exactly!” Regulus exclaims.

Evan groans. “You guys are fucking idiots.”

“You’re the idiot,” Barty says back to him, leaning in closer.

“Ew, stop that,” Regulus rolls his eyes. “I’m done with your flirty shit, Barty.”

That makes the other boy stutter. “Oh–I–I’m not flirt–I mean–”

Dorcas cuts him off with a laugh. “Oh yeah, you guys are fun.”

————

Lily’s face sours as she walks in the door to see Dorcas there, waiting for her. Dorcas can’t even blame her.

“I’m sorry,” she starts.

“I know,” Lily says softly, setting down her bag.

“I–I shouldn’t have yelled and–I just–I’m not mad at you, Lily, I’m–fuck, I’m mad at the entire world, but not you, and I took it out on you. And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry .”

The other girl’s frown has softened slightly. “I know. I–for what it’s worth, I didn’t respond the best to it either. I–for all the troubles I have, you still have your own, and they aren’t the same. I guess–I guess I was just trying to empathize, but I didn’t do a great job.”

“That still didn’t mean I should have yelled,” Dorcas sighs, patting the futon next to her.

Lily comes and sits down, leaving a foot or so of space between them. “No, you shouldn’t have.”

“Lily, I don’t know what to do.”
“With me? Or Marlene?”

“Both?” Dorcas knows that Lily can hear the pain in her voice, and she hates it. “I just–I don’t know.”
Lily nods, her face screwed up in thought. “Well I think you have to figure out the Marlene stuff on your own. I–I can’t be helping you, because I think it’ll only hurt. I shouldn’t have tried in the first place.”

“Yes you should have,” Dorcas soothes her. “I–you’re one of my best friends. You were just trying to look out for me, it’s just–you did it in the wrong way, and I responded really badly. I’m not–God, this sounds like such a pity grab, but I didn’t really have a lot of close friends in high school. I’m not… the most socially apt, I guess. I’m trying, but sometimes I’m just really shit at this stuff–and I know it’s no excuse but–I’m just sorry, I guess.”

“It really is okay,” Lily says carefully. “I’m… I mean, it upset me, and it still does a little bit, but… it’s okay. I promise.”

Dorcas feels like she’s on the verge of tears, so much so that she doesn’t even respond, scared that if she opens her mouth only a sob will come out. So instead, she just reaches out her arms in offering, pulling Lily close in a hug.

“You know I love you, right?” Lily asks softly, her voice barely audible.

“Even though I yelled at you?” Dorcas asks teasingly after a beat.

“Even though,” Lily confirms sweetly.

“I love you too,” Dorcas whispers, her voice close to breaking.

Eventually, they pull away, Lily wiping at her eyes a bit.

“So. Did you see her?” Dorcas asks tentatively, twisting one of the rings on her finger.

Lily frowns. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“Right. And–um, how was she?”

“Dorcas,” the other girl says softly, shaking her head. “Are you sure you want to ask me that?”

She swallows. “Yes.”

Lily chuckles slightly, no humor in the sound. “Not good.”

“She kissed someone else,” Dorcas blurts. “I–did you know that? Not an hour before, she kissed someone else.”

“Oh,” Lily’s face falls slightly. “No, I didn’t.”

“Right,” Dorcas nods bitterly. “That’s–I don’t know, it feels relevant, doesn’t it? I don’t know if I would have done anything differently if that didn’t happen, but–it did, you know?”

Lily nods sympathetically. “Yeah, that–that really sucks, Dorcas. I’m sorry. For all of this shit.”

“Is she mad at me?” Dorcas asks, not sure if she’s ready to hear the answer.

“No,” Lily shakes her head, a sad smile on her face. “No, from what I can tell she’s just sad.”

“Oh,” Dorcas’s voice cracks. That’s even worse, somehow. Because she hurt Marlene. She never wanted that of all things. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispers, for what must be the hundredth time in the past few days.

“Well,” Lily clicks her tongue. “For one, you have to come to board game night on Friday, because Sirius’s birthday is Thursday and we’re celebrating.”

Dorcas groans. “Great, so I have to figure it out in the next four days.”

“Yup!” Lily says brightly.

“Stop sounding so happy,” she mopes.

“Eh,” Lily shrugs, “I don’t think you’d do anything if there wasn’t a time pressure here.”

Dorcas glares back, but then her gaze softens. “Ugh, you’re right.”

“I usually am,” the redhead grins.

“You don’t have to rub it in.”

“I so do,” Lily laughs.

“Oh, fuck off,” Dorcas replies, secretly glad that they’re back to their regular banter.

————

Marlene’s hair is blue and Dorcas hasn’t apologized. Yet. She hasn’t apologized yet, she reminds herself.

It’s just. Her hair looks so soft, and she isn’t making eye contact and Dorcas didn’t realize just how much she missed that.

But it’s Sirius’s birthday, and so she’s trying so Goddamn hard to ignore Marlene’s stupid soft blue hair.

It’s only even been half an hour since she arrived, following Lily around like a toddler follows their parent. Everyone has been civil to her, but Sirius and James seem rather reserved, and Marlene has managed to entirely avoid her, although to her credit, Dorcas hasn’t made much of an effort to seek her out.

“F–excuse you,” Regulus pushes past her (rather rudely), to reach into the bowl of chips on the table.

“Rude,” Dorcas comments dryly.

“Are you avoiding her?” Regulus asks without preamble, jutting his chin to gesture at Marlene, Sirius, Mary, James and Peter in the living room.

She glares back. “Obviously.”

“You should probably stop staring at her then,” he muses.

“Probably.”

“You’re fun tonight.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

She feels like she’s been saying that a lot recently.

Regulus sighs. “It’s fine. Just–either talk to her or enjoy yourself, don’t sit over here wallowing.”

“I don’t like it when you’re the emotionally intelligent one,” she complains, but nonetheless she follows him to sit with the others in the other room.

“Reg, back me up here,” James says as they sit down on the couch.

Regulus sighs. “On what?”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” the older boy says affectionately. “Sirius is getting a tattoo for his birthday tomorrow, and I think that he should get something meaningful, but he wants to get a goldfish.”

“Like… the cracker?”

“It’s the snack that smiles back!” Sirius protests with a grin.

“For fuck’s sake,” Regulus sighs, but his lips tilt up slightly at the corners.

“Well, what do you think he should get, James?” Dorcas asks.

“I am glad you asked,” he beams. “I think he should get Bea’s name somewhere. Or a little pawprint, something for her.”

Sirius sighs. “Well if you had just said that in the first place–”

“YOU WOULDN’T LET ME!”

“I–shut up, it’s my birthday.”

“Your birthday was yesterday,” James replies petulantly.

“Bitch.”

“You’re the bitch.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Marlene butts in with a snort of laughter and very blue hair.

Fuck, her hair looks so soft. Dorcas isn’t quite sure why she’s so caught up on that.

“Here,” the other girl continues, “let’s play a card game or something.” She reaches out behind her, and sets a deck of cards on the coffee table between them.

Her nails are blue. They match her hair.

“Fine, but only if you let me win, because it’s my fucking birthday,” Sirius announces, grinning.

“I–fuck, I give up,” Marlene tosses her hands up in surrender.

Peter laughs at them all, clearly used to the present dynamic. “Oh, I love you guys.”
That quickly turns Sirius into a bit of an idiot, pouting as he says in a sappy voice, “Peter, you can’t just say things like that.”

Peter looks rather proud of himself.

“Right, let’s just play cards before I get any more disgusted,” Regulus says, making a face.

“Hey,” James berates his boyfriend with a soft frown. “Be nice.”

Regulus sighs dramatically. “Fine. But only for you.”

“That–fuck you,” Sirius sneers at him, prompting uproarious laughter from his younger brother.

“I can grab Remus and Lily,” Dorcas offers mildly, standing up.

“Right, I’ll shuffle,” Sirius grabs the cards.

His fingernails are painted to perfectly match Marlene’s. Dorcas barely catches herself from smiling widely at this as she steps away towards Sirius’s room where Lily and Remus escaped to.

At her knock, Remus tells her to come in.

She opens the door to see that Lily and he have set up a gorgeously romantic scene, complete with unlit candles and roses in a vase.

“Oh, this is–oh Remus,” Dorcas coos as she steps inside, closing the door behind her.

They look rather bashful at the praise. “You really–yeah? You think so?”

She nods. “It’s wonderful.”

“See, I fucking told you,” Lily says, the words harsh, but something beneath it incredibly sweet.

Dorcas can’t help but to laugh a little at that. “I–um, we’re playing cards out there. I wasn’t sure how long this would take.”

Remus shrugs. “Yeah, we’re done. I just have to light the candles and everything when it gets… closer.”

“Tactful,” Dorcas raises an eyebrow. “We all know what you mean by ‘it’.”

They roll their eyes. “Fine, I need to come in here and light the candles before I fuck my boyfriend.”

“There you go,” Lily drawls. “Thanks for that, Meadowes, I really needed that clarifier.”

“Anytime,” Dorcas winks, blowing her a kiss as she walks back to the rest of the group, announcing to them that Lily and Remus will be joining them shortly.

Dorcas has a good time, if she’s being honest. It’s… hard, seeing Marlene, ignoring her. But she plays dumb games with her friends and takes a shot with Sirius (who ends up quite drunk by the end of the night) and teases Regulus mercilessly. He lets her call him Reggie now, which she takes deep satisfaction in and Sirius resents a little bit for some reason. She’s fairly certain that it’s half the reason Regulus allows it in the first place.

It’s almost 11:00 when things start settling down. Mary and Peter have only just left when Remus excuses himself, clearly going into Sirius’s room to light the candles.

Dorcas takes this as her cue. “Alright, I should probably get going soon here.”

“Right, me too,” Regulus nods amiably.

“I’m gonna stay,” Lily announces, draped over James’s lap on the couch.

“Right, couldn’t have called that one,” Dorcas smirks, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, fuck off,” Lily replies good naturedly.

“Okay, we can walk together then,” Regulus shrugs, directing his words at Dorcas.

“I can drive you guys,” Marlene offers.

Sirius’s head snaps towards her. “Are you… sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I haven’t had anything to drink,” she nods.

Well. This could turn awkward fast.

Sirius raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure you’re sure?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dorcas rolls her eyes, fed up with the tiptoing. “Everyone knows, you can just say it out loud.”

He blushes. “Right, sorry I just–”

“I’m fine,” Marlene says rather harshly. “Look, it’s either this or they walk home alone, and I’m not letting them do that.”